Uninvited
by luabunny
Summary: Bella Swan has always spent her summer vacations with the Cullen family since her mother died, even though she despises their younger son, Edward. What happens when they're forced to live alone and their feelings start to get mixed up? AU, AH. ExB
1. Chapter 1

A/N: I own nothing.

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I was usually a very responsible person. I considered myself to be sensible, calm... someone who weights the pros and the cons before she makes any important decision. I don't drink, I don't skip school, and I've never had a boyfriend. I don't have many friends – I have no friends to speak of, really – but I always find it in me to be polite for as long as it's needed. Then I'll quickly make myself invisible again and enter my own personal, private world where things as trivial as other people, or even their opinion of me, don't matter. In truth I know I can be a little cold and I know I'm perceived as being a bit of an outsider, but overall I think of myself as a good person. I do. I want nothing but the best for every person out there and I never had a negative thought about anyone in my life.

That was, obviously, until I met the bane of my existence, Edward Cullen.

I honestly don't even know why this animosity between us came to be. It had all started innocently enough. I moved to Forks after my mom died to live with my father, Charlie. I was only 12 when it happened, and my relationship with Charlie had always been cordial and pleasant enough, but we had never really bonded like a father and daughter should. Looking back I sort of feel bad for him, for being suddenly forced to raise a pre-teen girl who had just lost the most important person in her world and who had no intention of letting anyone else into her life.

But that's not really my point. Right after I arrived Charlie let me know it was customary for him to spend a few weeks hunting with Billy and other friends in Alberta, Canada. He tried to tell me it was no big deal, and that they would just have to go without him, but of course I insisted he should go.

Now, clearly even then I knew he wouldn't leave a 12 year old alone, but I doubted whoever would substitute Charlie could ever be worse than the awkward silences between us or the uncomfortable hugs he gave me every time I accidentally broke my personal vow not to mention my mother.

I think deep down he was as happy as I was to be able to leave for a few weeks and not have to worry constantly if I was eating properly or about why I wasn't crying. Which is why right after I assured him for the hundredth time that I would be fine living with someone else for a while he let me know he'd talked to Dr. Carlisle and Esme Cullen, who told him they were more than willing to have me spend those weeks with them.

Back then I never really understood why he liked Dr. Cullen so much, or why the fact that he had children around my age appealed to him, but, to be honest, I didn't care. He thought just because Dr. Carlisle was used to troubled children he would be able to help me? I'd prove him wrong in no time. I had no intention to make friends or heal. I was perfectly content basking in my grief, and it would take more than a maternal figure and living in a simulated family life for thirty days to make me forget I had lost my mom.

But I remember thinking at the time that it didn't matter. And really, it didn't matter at all. I had everything I needed with me and as long as I had a room to hide in, a pen and a notepad to write down my thoughts and my iPod close enough, I would be able to wallow in my misery anywhere Charlie wanted me to.

I had assumed the summer would go well enough, and I wasn't worried at all. My father kept reminding me that anytime I wanted all I had to do was call and he'd be right there next to me again in no time. I wondered why he assumed I'd feel better once he was with me, but I could never say that out loud. Not when he was trying so hard to be what he thought I needed. I remember packing my things and getting in Charlie's police car, and I remember Esme's hopeful expression when she took me in her arms as soon as she saw me, caressing my hair affectionately. Through the years I had begun to think about Esme like a mother, or at least a strong maternal figure, and I think I loved her as much I was able to love anyone at that point. I felt bad to disappoint her, but the hope I saw in her eyes that she would somehow be able to fix me would be gone by the end of that month, and I wouldn't see her until the next year, when her and Carlisle would open their arms to me once again, and I could see they prayed and wondered if that would be the year where I would get better and finally showed some progress.

But I digress again. Because spending time with Esme and Carlisle isn't necessarily a bad thing, and they're not the reason I'm dreading entering this God forsaken house right now. The problem is that from the very first year I set foot in that house, I have been in the presence of my very own personal nemesis.

Edward.

I have no idea what I did to him, but he has hated me from the very first time he saw me. He never even spoke to me, other than a few caveman-like grunts I was sure Esme forced out of him when she introduced us, and then, when I tried talking to him, he either ignored me or answered me monosyllabically. It's not like I care, really. But the first time I ever felt mildly relaxed in the Cullen house was two summers ago when he was nowhere around. I pretended to be interested when Rosalie explained how he had conveniently decided to spend those weeks with friends, but inside I was jumping up and down, just glad to know his face would be nowhere near me that year. Secretly I considered maybe he had left because I was going to be there, which made me feel a little guilty. Until I remembered who I was talking about. That self centered, spoiled little asshole who made me the only teenager in the world who hated summer vacations.

Everyone else in that house was either extremely friendly (case in point being Alice and Rosalie) or they pretty much stayed out of my way, which I honestly preferred. I think I made Jasper and Emmett uncomfortable because of my mother, but they were always absolutely polite and even nice to me. I knew they were troubled, like me, because they had all been adopted by Dr and Mrs Cullen, but they never spoke of why they were there and when I asked they always changed the subject. It didn't take a genius to figure out someone had told them not to speak about their previous lives. Something which only upset me because it was one less thing to make small talk about.

I secretly hoped this year Edward would make a spur of the moment decision to go backpacking through Europe or fall off a cliff or something. Anything but having his constant annoying non-presence in the house I will have to survive in for the next weeks.

And this leaves me here now, at 16, with a suitcase filled with jeans and t-shirts and even some swimsuits I know I won't wear in one hand and the key to their house in the other, ready to spend my yearly torture session in the form of four weeks with Edward Cullen. And this year it was a special type of torture as well. Because as if bumping accidentally into that bastard once or twice a day when I wasn't careful wasn't enough, this year Esme and Carlisle wouldn't even arrive until the next weekend, and in the meantime, according to Charlie, I should listen closely to what "that nice boy" says.

That nice boy.

I shuddered in disgust at the thought and opened the door quickly, deciding not to prolong the moment any longer.

As I closed the door behind me and set my suitcase down, I wondered if the house was empty or if that was just some of my wishful thinking. I knew why Carlisle was so at ease with leaving me alone with him. At our age most parents would worry about us hooking up and letting our hormones get the best of us, but with the animosity between us, they knew if we managed to speak four sentences a day without killing each other it would be a miracle.

I sighed and wondered why Jasper, Emmett and Alice were not back from college yet. Or why Rosalie had decided to join Emmet at the last minute, leaving me alone with the one person in the world I had absolutely no interest in seeing. And I just knew he would try to have parties and alcohol and girls in the house while his parents were away, because the few times Alice managed to drag me to a party he had always been there, more than a little drunk, and with some of the more popular girls under each arm.

I climbed the stairs slowly, making sure there was no one home, and carefully entered my room. Or what I thought of as my room the time I spent there.

Everything was exactly as I had left it last year, down to the desk cleaned out to make room for my notepad and a half used bottle of shampoo I had forgotten last year. _I guess the Cullens don't have that many guests over._

I threw out the shampoo, just to be sure I wouldn't by mistake use it and have my hair falling off to add to my woe, and opened my suitcase to start placing my toiletries in the bathroom.

As soon as I was done, I looked out my window and realized it was already dark outside. I knew no one had arrived yet, but for a moment I considered if maybe Edward had been in the house all along. I should probably have gone looking for him, but I couldn't be bothered. So instead I removed my shoes I hopped down on the bed, reaching for my bag to get my iPod and I let Debussy lull me to sleep while I waited for Edward to arrive.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: I own nothing.**

**Thanks so much for the reviews!**

**BPOV**

A loud bang startled me awake. It took me a few seconds to identify where the noise was coming from, probably far more than should have been necessary, but as I hit the pause button in my iPod I realized it had to be the front door closing. A quick peek out the curtains told me it was still dark outside, and I breathed out in frustration when I thought I heard footsteps downstairs. Irrationally, my heart sped up in fear, but I forced myself out of it immediately.

Hiding behind the door frame, I waited to see whether I should wait for Edward to seek me out or if I should go out there myself.

It didn't take long.

"Isabella?"

My fists closed automatically in reaction. He _knew_ I hated that name. I had told him so myself at least once when we first met. With a newfound confidence, I threw the door open and headed downstairs, finding Edward taking off his jacket and throwing it on the couch. I noticed for the first time he was soaking wet, and his jacket was leaving a big wet stain on the fabric of the couch. I hadn't even noticed it had been raining. Instinctively, I awkwardly picked up the jacket and set it tidily on the coat hanger.

As I turned around I thought I heard him snicker, but any sign of friendliness was gone from his features by the time I looked at him.

"Just Bella."

"Right."

I could see a hint of a smirk in his lips, which gave me the uncomfortable feeling that he was making fun of me, but I wasn't going to let that bother me. I would be the bigger person here.

Clumsily, I held my hand out for him to shake it, which was my own personal way of showing him I wanted no trouble with him and was willing to let bygones be bygones.

I saw him eye my extended hand dubiously before taking it and giving it a light shake. Clearly I was the only one who was willing to let our hostility in the past.

"So," I continued "Apparently we're going to be alone until next weekend."

He didn't answer me. In fact, he didn't even show any signs he'd heard what I told him. Instead, he strode by me, heading to the kitchen. For the first time I noticed water wasn't the only thing dropping off his body. His boots were dripping mud and he was leaving footprints everywhere he stepped.

Following him into the kitchen, I saw him reach for a pizza leftovers that were sitting on the sink and put one slice, which already had a noticeable bite mark on it, to his mouth.

I quivered in disgust and let my eyes fall down to his boots once again. "You should really get yourself cleaned up."

"Why?"

I snickered. That much at least was obvious. He was so wet his hair was sticking to his face and his nose was so reddened I thought I could start calling him Rudolph. He was obviously well on his way to catch at least a serious cold.

I could tell him that, sure, but I had no intention of hinting I cared anything about his well being. "Well, for one you're making the house a mess"

I saw him hesitate before he took another bite to finish off the cold pizza. Smirking, he picked up a paper napkin and cleaned his hands. "It's my house, what do you care if it's a mess?"

My breath caught in my throat. "Esme wouldn't-"

"Leave Esme out of it."

Surprised, I turned around, deciding it would be best if I headed out to my room. We obviously didn't get off on the right foot, and it was best for me to leave before matters got any worse.

Before I could leave the kitchen, his voice made me stop again.

"Look, I have no intention of making new friends, specially with you. I'm fine the way I am and it's going to take more than a fucking handshake or a shitty dinner conversation to make me enjoy spending time with you. Just stay the fuck out of my way and we'll be fine."

Stunned, I turned around to face him. "What the hell is your problem? I didn't ask to spend time with you, you know."

"Everyone else is gone, so now I'm stuck here with you. Believe me, as soon as they're back I'll leave and won't be graced with your presence until next year."

I felt my hands fist again at my sides and reminded myself to breathe deeply before answering. I wouldn't give him the pleasure of seeing how much his words had bothered me. "You don't have to be stuck with me, you know. I don't need you or anyone to take care of me."

"Oh really?" I nodded promptly in response.

"And what do you suggest I do? Leave you here, alone? So when Esme or Charlie call and ask about me you'll lie to protect me?"

I paused to consider it before giving him a decided nod. "Sure. I'll lie. It's not a problem."

"And why the fuck would I believe you?"

I sat on the dining table and sighed. "Why wouldn't you? What could I have possibly done to make you hate me so much when you hardly even know me?" I met his gaze defiantly, daring him to tell me what I did that made him hate me so much.

He shook his head, "Just forget it." He stood quiet for a few seconds, looking at anywhere and everywhere in that freaking kitchen but me. When I finally opened my mouth to call him a prick, he spoke first.

"As if I could leave you alone, you're like a freaking walking accident."

"I'm a what?" Before he could answer, I continued screaming. "What the hell do you think you would do anyway? You're my age. How exactly are you more fitting to take care of me?"

"I'm older than you."

I furrowed my eyes in doubt. I knew Esme kept saying we were the same age, so it had to be a matter of a few months difference. Of course, that would be enough to have him throw it in my face that I'm younger. I tried to remember when was his birthday, and then realized it didn't matter.

Running a hand through my long brown hair, I looked sideways at him. "Fine. I'll make things really easy for you."

I treaded past him and headed to my room, slamming the door on my way in. I could hear him call for me behind me, but I wasn't going to answer him. I hated that every time I got angry I got close to tears, and I wasn't going to let that asshole think he had made me cry.

Furiously, I made my way to the bathroom and started throwing my things back into my suitcase. I wasn't going to stay in this house one minute longer than necessary.

**EPOV**

Okay, now I felt pretty shitty. I told Esme I shouldn't be the one to stay with Bella because we just never really got along and something would happen that would make one of us leave. And I felt pretty damn arrogant that I had been right, but I never thought it would happen five minutes after she arrived. And I had tried to make things go well too, I even shook her hand and everything.

But now, as I called her, I just felt like an asshole. Because I could hear her moving in there and there was a distinct possibility I had made her angry.

It wasn't even my fault. She just kept looking at me like she was so freaking superior, and then she says I'm messing up my own house, like she freaking owns the place?

I don't really know why me and Bella don't get along. That first year she came to Forks I remembered seeing her at school with the boys from La Push, which had always hated my family and made no pretense of hiding it either, and I heard them saying me and my brothers were freaks. I didn't give a fuck what they said, but seeing her standing there, with them, and then a few weeks later spending the summer with my parents, being welcomed into our family like she's one of us. I hated her from that first moment.

At the time I was much younger, but even then I didn't say anything to my brothers because I didn't want to put Esme or Carlisle in that position, but if she thought I would welcome her she had another thing coming. And she didn't even stop going out with Jacob, Sam and Leah either. I saw them together every once in a while having dinner or going to movies in Port Angeles, in what I could only assume was a double date.

If you asked me, the least she could have done was defend my foster parents. They were doing their best to make her leave that zombie state she had arrived in Forks in, even though I wouldn't say they were successful. I heard a conversation between Charlie and Esme where he told her Bella had never cried or truly mourned the loss of her mother after the car accident. Well boo-freaking-hoo. My parents never wanted me and I didn't treat anyone else like they were inferior. Which she did to me, every year.

Before my hatred for her started growing again, I knocked on the door, hoping the guilt I was still feeling would allow me to treat her nicely for a few minutes.

"Bella?"

I knew she heard me, and I could hear her moving in there back and forth, but she didn't say anything for a while. She was probably wondering if she should answer me.

I knocked again and waited a beat.

"What?" There was no question about the anger in her voice.

I leaned on the door as I spoke, trying to make out what was going on in there. It would be pretty freaking rude to just enter her bedroom, right? "I didn't mean to make you sad-"

Before I could apologize, she swung the door open, nearly making me fall on top of her. I straightened myself and took a step back to study her face. Yep. She was pretty much fuming.

"I'm _not_ sad."

I could see that. I figured since she had been the bigger person earlier, the least I could do was try to make things better now.

Mimicking her actions earlier, I held out my hand, giving her my signature crooked smile. "Friends?"

"_Friends_?" I instinctively took a step back, worried she might take a swing at me. "You are the most narcissistic, arrogant, selfish, awful person I have ever met, and I'll be damned if I'm spending another second in a house alone with you."

I was still trying to process her insults when I noticed her suitcase was closed on top of the bed and put two and two together with her last statement. She was leaving.

"You can't leave."

"Watch me." And I did. She picked up her suitcase, and carried it with difficulty down the stairs. I followed closely, still torn between letting her go and enjoying this week or making my parents happy. Sighing, I made my decision. "Charlie is already gone." She barely reacted to my words, and looked for her jacket instead. "Damn it Bella, stop being stubborn."

She shook her head frantically as she put her little arms inside the jacket. "I'm not being stubborn. I can take care of myself for a few days. When Esme is back, you're free to go spend your time with your friends and I'll be able to come back. In the meantime I'll be at my own place alone, and you can go out do whatever you enjoy doing. It's a freaking win-win situation if I've ever seen one." She closed her long jacket button by button. I felt tempted to agree with her, no doubt about that.

As she slammed the door behind her, I heard the rain pouring outside and remembered the piece of garbage Bella called a car she drove. What if the thing broke down on her way home? How the hell would I explain what happened to Charlie?

I thought about Esme and how much she inexplicably cared for this girl, and I forced myself to go after her.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: I own nothing.**

**EPOV**

I thanked all my lucky stars for remembering to grab my jacket before I left the house. Because I was still wet from my previous late night activities, and it was raining like a bitch. I got to Bella's car right, catching the door before she could slam it shut. I noticed how soaked she was, and felt my remorse bubbling back up for driving her away. But how the hell was I supposed to know she was going to react like this?

Stubbornly she held on to it, trying to close the door even. I think most of her strength came from wanting to wedge my fingers. "Let go," she said to me through clutched teeth.

"You let go." I tightened my hold on the door, using my resolve to opening the door all the way, forcing Bella to let go of it.

I saw her eyes get wider and red from the fury, and I braced myself for an attempt at a physical attack. Because I could all but see it in her face as she stared at me. As I saw her start the ignition while I still held the door, I grabbed her arm trying to push her out of the car. When she didn't budge, I reached for the car keys in the ignition and turned around to head back in the direction of the house. Because this was pretty fucking childish and I had no intention of dealing with her if she was going to behave like this. So if she wanted to go home, she would just have to do it on foot, under heavy rain.

I was barely half way back to the house when I heard what could only be described as a grunt coming out of Bella's throat, which I arrogantly took as a sign of victory. I was feeling pretty smug until I hear a loud thud and a wail of pain coming from behind me. Stunned, I turned around to find Bella on the floor with her hands around her left ankle, trying to use the truck as leverage to get up.

Yeah. I felt like a piece of shit. I ran up to her as soon as I was able to react and I held onto Bella from behind, putting my hands underneath her arms. "How bad?" I wanted to ask does it hurt, but I felt it was a pretty stupid question considering the look in her face.

"Get your hands off of me."

I cursed myself again for being an asshole to her. I could have just ignored her when I arrived tonight, but I had to go and fuck things up. And now Bella was injured and I had no clue how bad. I knew if I could get her inside I would be able to tell how bad it was, but I didn't want to move her until I was sure it wasn't broken. "Just tell me how bad" I pleaded, trying to see through the rain.

"Not too bad." I could see by her face that wasn't completely true, but I admired her bravery. So rather than forcing the truth out of her, I nodded and put my arm around her, trying to carry as much of her weight as I could. "Just hold on to me."

She half walked, half hopped back into the house, and I tried sitting her down as gently as possible on the couch in the living room. I removed her shoe and her sock gently, trying not to do more damage than good, and I sighed when I saw her ankle. It had swollen and there was some slight bruising surrounding it. I pressed my fingers to her foot and her leg just above her ankle. "Does this hurt?" She eyed me dubiously, but shook her head. I could tell I wasn't going to get out of that one easily.

I wasn't exactly a doctor, and I didn't have intentions of becoming one. Still, my foster dad was a good doctor and I had grown in a house with athletic men. There had been plenty of sprained ankles in this house over the years, and I felt pretty confident that I would be able to take care of it on my own. I kept telling myself it had nothing to do with having to explain why Bella had gone to the hospital ten minutes after I was supposed to watch her.

I made my way to the kitchen to get an ice pack and on my way back I grabbed a few pillows that I placed underneath her foot. I left for the bathroom, looking everywhere for the first aid kit. When I found it under the sink, I took out some bandages and pain medicine and met Bella in the exact same position lying down on the sofa. When she looked quizzically at me as I placed her hurt foot on my knee to have a better access to bandage it, I stopped. "You sprained your ankle. I'm going to use this to compress the ankle so it doesn't swell anymore."

She didn't look any more confident in what I was doing, but she must have been in enough pain that she nodded. I kept my eyes fixed on her ankle, making sure it was well wrapped. When I was done I placed her foot back on the pillows.

I saw her little arms trying to ease me away and I had to stifle a laugh. I handed her the ice pack and the medicine. "Here. It'll help the pain."

She looked at me up and down, probably considering if I would use this moment to give her medicine for constipation. Either she was in too much pain or she decided I was trustworthy. But she took the pill hesitantly and swallowed it, even without water. It reminded me she probably hadn't even eaten yet. "Are you hungry?"

I saw the look of utter shock in her eyes and I had to bite my tongue not to reply. Because I had been an ass before, but I was taking care of her now, wasn't I? She shook her head fiercely. "No. You don't have to do this. I'm fine."

I rolled my eyes at her. "Just wait here."

**BPOV**

I heard Edward's voice coming from the kitchen and I wondered if he was on the phone or if he was talking to himself. I grimaced in pain when I looked at my ankle. I was officially the clumsiest person alive. Of course I could have told Edward my left ankle was my weak link. Any little thing and it would give out on me, which happened once every few months. But I had been so angry at him when he took my car keys all I could think about was throwing my suitcase at his head and hoping it would be enough to crack it open.

I saw Edward coming back with a plate filled with chicken and pasta with heat coming off of it and I literally heard my stomach growl. Because it had been so long since I had eaten that I was starting to feel sick. I thanked him and took the plate from his hands eagerly. I immediately dug in, eating happily, without noticing anything around me.

By the time I was done I heard a noise behind me and turned around to see Edward holding up a towel in my direction, obviously intended to dry myself off, and placing a cup of what I assumed was tea on the table in front of me.

"Edward, this is already too much." I sighed and pointed at my ankle. "I mean, this isn't even bad according to my standards, I get much, much worse all the time. You really don't need to do this."

I could tell he wasn't convinced. And to make matters worse, I knew he was feeling guilty. In another attempt to be the bigger person, I gestured for him to sit down. He did, far from me.

"Look," I started, moving around on the sofa to pick up my tea. As I warmed my hands with the heat from the cup of hot tea, I continued "So we didn't start the week well. It's not a big deal."

He emitted something like a snort and I knew he was biting back a snide remark again. I could see this was becoming a habit with us. I rolled my eyes at him. "I'm serious. I'm sorry I'm such a freaking klutz. I'm sorry I ruined your vacations. I'll stay out of your way."

He looked serious for a moment, and I feared what might come out of his mouth or if I even really wanted to know. I looked away, embarrassed at his silence, and took a long sip of my tea. I couldn't wait to leave and hide in the sanctuary of my bedroom, but I had no clue when it would be polite to pick up my sprained ankle, my wet clothes and my miserable self and leave.

"You didn't ruin my vacations."

I lifted my eyes to his abruptly. He had spoken so softly I wasn't even sure I had heard him correctly. "What?"

"You didn't ruin my vacations." He met my surprised gaze head-on. "Esme was going to tell Charlie you shouldn't be here until Sunday, and I stopped her. I told her I'd look out for you until they arrived."

I looked at my sprained ankle and thought about telling him _nice job_, but I wasn't about to let this moment of vulnerability pass me by.

"Why?"

Another moment of awkward, long silence filled the room. I tried to persuade him to tell me everything, anything that was going through his mind with my eyes.

"I don't know." He sighed deeply, looking at his hands. "I think I wanted to prove to myself I could do it."

I laughed. "Do what? Spend time with me and not kill me?" My laughs stilled when I realized from the expression in his face told me I wasn't far from the truth. I tried to hide the sadness from my face and my voice when I spoke. "Why? Why do you hate me so much? You never even tried to get to know me before you did."

He moved in his seat uncomfortably and took a long slow sip before he answered me. I knew he was deciding whether to tell me or not. "I don't remember. Why did you?"

He was lying. That much was obvious. This only made my mind wander through all the different possibilities. Did I remind him of his parents? Had I said something I shouldn't? When I arrived I had been in a near catatonic state as far as social interactions were concerned. I had no clue if I had accidentally hurt him. I forced my mind to take me back to the first time I saw him. It had been here, at the Cullen household, and we were both just scarred, damaged children. I remember being shy because I thought he had been the cutest guy I'd ever seen until then, so I blushed when Esme introduced us. But by then he was already rude, and he didn't even say "Hi" or "Nice to meet you". He left without a second look at me and since then, every year, I tried to stay the hell out of his way.

When I remembered the way I blushed when I first met him, I couldn't help but let a small, sad smile escape my mouth. He did have a cute face back them, with his wild hair flying in every direction and his eyes the color of the forests surrounding Forks. "I didn't hate you when I first met you. I started avoiding you because you treated me like crap. The hate part just grew naturally from it."

He smiled at my attempt at a joke, but his eyes narrowed and turned serious again. "I don't think that's true."

I gawked at him. "Believe me, it is." I thought about telling him that I had been attracted to him back then, but then I figured I shouldn't give him too much ammunition. Just because we were friendlier now it didn't mean we weren't going to go back to hating each other's guts.

He didn't look like he believed me yet, but I knew for a fact he was lying, so I didn't feel the need to beat myself up. I stifled a yawn, surprising myself with how tired I felt. I guess having an almost nervous breakdown and spraining your ankle really takes it out of you.

Before I could say anything, Edward had made his way from his seat across the room to me. He had his hand around my waist and was taking hold of my body, lifting me off the couch. I looked at him in question, waiting for an explanation. And I nearly freaking smiled at the look in his eyes. Because it had clearly been a reflex reaction, which he never would have done if he had thought it through. He immediately let go of me and took a step back, thrusting his hands deep into the pockets of his jeans, avoiding looking at my face again. "Do you want help? Getting to your room, I mean?" He pointed at my ankle as he spoke, but I didn't need him to remind me of my disability. The thing still hurt like a bitch.

It was really inviting to say no, but as I turned my head to look at the amount of stairs that led up to the guest room, I sighed. Because I could do it, and I would be able to do it, but not without some major effort on my part. And being the ultimate klutz I would probably end up falling down the stairs and spraining my other ankle. Deciding to take advantage of our truce while it lasted, I nodded. "Just to the top of the stairs, please?"


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: I own nothing.

**BPOV**

I had genuinely surprised myself on the previous night when I fell asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow. Because although I was incredibly tired and falling into a bottomless pit of drowsiness, so many things had just happened that I think my brain didn't even know where to start. So I picked up a few old magazines that I had left on the room last summer, and put them under the feet of the bed to elevate my sore ankle. I was limping and hopping around to brush my teeth, wash my face and put on my pajamas, but overall I think I did a pretty good job. And every time my mind allowed me to think _"What the hell just happened?, _my only response was a half shrug. Because I really had no clue.

But this morning, when I woke up earlier than usual, there was no escaping from the questions that were forming in my brain. Because now I had to go downstairs and face Edward, even though I had no clue where last night's events left us. I raised an eyebrow in reflection. Edward had been pretty considerate, and very helpful. Then again, he was the only reason I had a sprained ankle in the first place. I shook my head and decided I should get dressed. No point in wallowing now.

With a swift movement I jolted off the bed, careful not to put too much weight on my ankle. I tested it once, then twice. And I bit my lip in pain. Because it was still too sore. And it clearly still hurt too much to walk on it. Thinking back to my previous misadventures that had caused me to end up with a sprained ankle, I made a mental note to get an ice pack and rearrange my bandage once I was downstairs.

In the meantime I opened the suitcase Edward had carried back to my room last night and took out the most basic jeans I could find inside and a baggy red t-shirt, finishing off the look with a loose black jacket. I wasn't going to win any Miss America competitions, but since my ankle now meant my day would be spent resting, it seemed being comfortable was the main point.

As I did every day before I left my bedroom, I put my iPod in the pocket and each ear bud in place, and walked down the stairs, pausing momentarily the music to listen attentively for any sounds around the house. Nothing. Figuring Edward was probably still asleep, I walked to the kitchen to prepare my morning coffee. I looked around for the coffee machine and raised an eyebrow when I realized the Cullens had bought a new one since last summer. I eyed the machine hesitantly, unsure of how to operate it. I turned it on and waited until a green light appeared, which I assumed meant it was warm enough. I tried pushing a few buttons before I realized the thing needed coffee beans. I opened every compartment the thing had, wondering where the coffee would go, and nearly dropped my cup when I heard a voice behind me.

"It's the left one."

I turned around, removing the earplugs from my ears. He had just bathed. I knew because he had a towel around his shoulders and his hair was still wet. I could see the outline of his chest because the simple t-shirt he wore was sticking to his soggy skin, and to my utter humiliation I could feel my cheeks heating in reaction. Because that was just my luck. "I didn't hear you come in." Well, _duh_.

To my surprise, Edward smiled and pushed me gently away, taking the cup from my hands. "Sit down, I'll get this for you."

I mumbled something which I hoped was a "Thank you" and used the balcony to help me walk to the kitchen table, using a seat to rest my leg. As I studied him while he battled with that freakish machine, I couldn't help but be stunned. Because I was finding him attractive, beautiful even, when I never ever had before. Edward turned around with two cups of coffee, one in each hand, and handed me one after he sat down next to me.

"So, how's the ankle?"

"Better," I said confidently. Because Edward playing doctor was just a little too freaky for me to handle. As I remembered his behavior on the previous day, I sighed and mustered a small smile. "Thanks again. For yesterday. And for the coffee."

I thought I saw embarrassment flicker through his eyes before he smirked. "It's nothing."

Silence settled again around the room, making me play with the rim of my cup to distract myself.

"What are your plans for today?"

"Oh." I bit my lip, uncomfortable. I could use the ankle as an excuse why I had no plans whatsoever, but even if he hated me, he had known me for years. The man knew I was boring. "No plans. I usually just write or read." I showed him my iPod. "Listen to music. Nothing terribly exciting. What are yours?"

He looked unsure for a moment, and then shook his head. "I was planning on staying home, too."

I didn't know if I was happy or sad that he wouldn't be leaving the house that day. But I rationalized any happiness arising from him staying had nothing to do with wanting him there. Nope. It would only be good in the case I slipped, fell on my ass and broke my already damaged foot. That was my story and I was sticking to it.

I saw him get up to leave and I sighed in relief. But before he left the room he dug into the freezer, removing an ice pack, and throwing it to me with an unattached smirk in his lips and left me alone in the big white kitchen again, pressing the ice to my left foot.

I looked at the ice pack. I really needed to do something to show him I appreciated what he had done for me. Because truth be told, I had not expected it. At all. I got up, and paced back and forth in the kitchen while I considered my options, giving my foot a bit of a workout in the process. We were nowhere near the movie phase. Or going out together. But cooking dinner for us seemed like a good choice. It's not too important, but it would give us an opportunity to talk and try to get over this awkward phase we seemed to be stuck in since we stopped hating each other.

I froze at the thought and held on to the balcony for balance when I nearly stumbled. We had stopped hating each other? I narrowed my eyes in the direction of our bedrooms. I certainly didn't hate him like before, but that wasn't such a big surprise – I would have gladly crossed the street not to run into him two days ago.

Pressing my hands to temples to stop the headache I could feel building behind my eyelids, I forced myself to try to define what was going on with my feelings for Edward. We weren't friendly by any means, and even if I could feel myself warming up to him, I had no clue how he felt. I knew he was guilty. Big deal. I wasn't an old dog you feel bad for hitting with your car and then feel the need to take care of.

A dinner. A nice, casual dinner was fine. Fitting, really, since we had both just admitted to each other we were spending the whole day home, and I always cooked for Charlie and I anyway.

I started opening cabinets to see which ingredients I needed to buy to cook the meal, hoping nothing would go wrong.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: I own nothing!**

**EPOV**

I knew I was being childish. And being seventeen and in charge of a sixteen year old, behaving like a child wasn't the best idea. But I hid out in my room the whole day. I had never been sociable, and I never cared about what anyone thought about me, but eating two weeks old crackers I had stuffed on my bedroom drawer for lunch to avoid someone was a new low for me. I didn't completely ignore her, even though she would never have guessed it, but I stayed on the lookout for any sounds that would indicate she would need help for something, or anything that would give me a hint of what she was doing. So I was pretty fucking surprised when I heard the front door close and saw her getting in her car through the window. Because I had cancelled plans so I would stay home with Bella, in case she needed anything, and she was going out.

But I felt pretty bad when I saw her get back with a groceries bag under her arm half an hour later. I was the asshole who was supposed to go grocery shopping, and I had made an invalid go in my place because I was hiding from her.

I still hated her, of course. My worry for her well being was only a result of the constant reminder in my mind that for some reason Esme wanted me to take care of this girl, and I had managed to drive her away on the first day in record time. And sprain her ankle.

That morning, seeing her jolt when I came up behind her when she couldn't figure out how to use a simple coffee machine, I felt the surprising yearning to tease her. But not in a humiliating way. In a friendly way. Which was bad, because we weren't friends. Not even friendly. We were cordial, and we would remain so until my siblings got back and I would go back to hating her. Or maybe just saying hello to her sometimes.

Nervously, I fisted both hands in my hair before I stopped myself. I had ran a hand through my hair restlessly so many times that day I was sure it looked like something out of a scary movie. I pictured myself as Edward Scissorhands and I chuckled, looking around the room for the next thing to occupy my brain. I had spent most of my day writing. Because I was in the middle of writing a book. A novel. I still wasn't sure what to call it exactly. A book. Yes, a book would keep me busy for a couple of hours.

Before I could stand up from my bed and pick a book out from the bookcase, I heard my stomach growl in hunger. I instinctively threw my hand to my stomach and grimaced. I guess coffee and some crackers can only keep you fed for so much time. Without warning, my mind jumped to Bella's grocery bag. I wondered if she bought anything I liked.

As I saved the progress I had made on my book and was logging off the computer to go search for something to still my hunger, I heard a soft knock on the door.

I stood still for a moment. I didn't remember the last time I'd had a girl in my bedroom. Hell, I'd never had a girl in my bedroom. Unsure of myself, I looked around to make sure there was nothing wrong with anything she could see in there. The nightstand had books, a few old assignments from school, the empty pack of crackers and a few receipts. Nothing sketchy there. The floor was full of old clothes, but nothing too compromising. I heard another knock, a little louder this time. I cleared my throat before speaking.

"Uh, come in."

I saw how she turned the knob in such painful slowness it nearly made me snicker when I saw her head peeking out through a small breach on the door. It made me feel slightly better that she was as uncomfortable for being in my room as I was to have her in there.

"Hey."

"Hey yourself."

Another person may not have noticed it, but I could see she was doing a quick scan of the room, and I saw her eyes rested for a second longer than necessary on my nightstand. It made me feel shitty again, because she was probably looking at the crackers and thought I hadn't gone downstairs for lunch because I wanted to avoid her. Which was only partly true.

She opened the door a bit wider, remaining outside of my bedroom, which allowed me to notice she was wearing a kitchen apron I had seen Esme wear occasionally. I saw her fidgeting the apron's hem, and I wondered how the hell we were both going to get out of this tongue-tied state we were living in. We were only on day two still.

I gave her the warmest smile I could muster, trying to make her more comfortable in talking to me. I saw her exhale in reaction, although her cheeks appeared to have gotten slightly warmer.

"I made dinner. For us. It's ready now. I don't know if you're hungry…" She trailed off, with a hesitant look on her face.

I narrowed my eyes. "You made dinner?" She nodded, wiping her hands on the apron, although her hands seemed clean to me. She probably just didn't know what to do with her hands.

I didn't get why she was so nervous. Why anyone would look hesitant after making dinner for someone else was absolutely beyond my reach. I told myself not to gawk too much in wonderment at her.

"Thanks. I'm famished," I said, in reply to her earlier inquisition on my hunger.

I got up, signaling for her to lead the way as I walked right behind her, heading to the kitchen. I heard my stomach make noises again and I nearly cursed out loud. Because she was discrete, but I distinctively heard what could only be described as a muffled laugh. She kept walking, but looked back at me for a second and smiled. And all the spite inside me vanished, because I realized it was the first honest smile I saw in her mouth, and I wouldn't feel freaking bad about that.

And hell, at least she knew I meant it when I said I was hungry.

Even before I entered the kitchen I could sense the distinct smell of pasta. And I nearly moaned in reaction. Luckily I stopped myself before I caused any further mortification.

I followed the smell into the kitchen and nearly sighed in relief. Because for a moment there I nearly feared she had prepared this flashy romantic dinner thing, which would force me to turn her down at the end with a "Thanks, but I'm just not that into you". But she didn't, of course. I must have forgotten for a second that she knew we weren't friends. This was just a nice gesture, and I would enjoy it.

I saw her pull a chair and sit down, making me raise an eyebrow for a second. Was I supposed to have gotten her chair for her? She looked pretty content, so I pushed the thought away.

She started serving herself happily, and I sat down, wondering if I should turn on the TV to avoid any silences ahead. "It's Chicken Spaghetti." She bit her lip, then looked at me. "You're not allergic to anything, are you?"

I smirked. "Cat hair."

She giggled in an uncharacteristically feminine way and moved her head in agreement confidently. "You should be fine."

I breathed in the smell before I stuck my fork in the pasta and took a full bite. And this time I really did moan. Because it was freaking delicious. When I opened my eyes and saw Bella was staring at me, enjoying my reaction, I swallowed. "This is really good."

Apparently satisfied with my praise, she went back to eating. "Thanks. It's a really simple recipe, but it works well."

I nodded and kept eating nonchalantly. "Do you cook a lot?"

Bella took a second longer than comfortable to answer, which made me look at her face. She had her eyes fixed on her plate when she spoke. "I usually cook at home, for Charlie and myself. But even before that I always helped my around mom, too."

Oh, shit. Bad subject. Unsure of whether I should pursue the topic of her mother or change it swiftly, I waited a second to see if she was going to say anything else.

"Were you very close with your mom?" She lifted her eyes, clearly surprised. They were filled with sadness and I wished I could have kept my mouth shut.

I saw her incline her head to one side while she chewed her food unhurriedly, as if she were thinking about the answer. She probably was pondering if she was going to answer or not.

"I suppose so," she said quietly.

I opened my mouth to change the subject, determined to ask her about her ankle again, but she was quicker than me. "So," she lifted an eyebrow playfully. "You're reading The Shining?"

I furrowed my brows, hoping my mouth wasn't slightly open. "I am. Re-reading, actually. How did you know that?"

"I saw it on your nightstand," she stated matter-of-factly.

Of course she did. I had assumed she was looking at my lunch. It never occurred to me that she would notice which books I was reading. I knew I had other books piled up, but I couldn't for the life of me remember which they were. I prayed they wouldn't be embarrassing.

"I saw the movie," she continued. "Pretty scary stuff. Is it a favorite of yours?"

"Sure, I guess. That's not why I'm reading it though. I'm doing a bit of character research for this other project I'm working on."

"Is it a secret?"

"Not secret, just…Private." I repeated in my head all the reasons I didn't want anyone to know I was writing it. And then decided it didn't really matter. "I'm sort of writing a book."

"What's it about?" I was surprised she seemed genuinely interested, but I was still hesitant about sharing details of my book. It was a pretty personal private experience writing your first book, and she wasn't even my friend. "Sometimes it helps to talk about your ideas with someone else. Different perspective and all that?"

I could see her point, so I started speaking. Slowly. "Well, it's on really early stages" I hoped that was enough to dissuade her interest, but she just kept her big brown eyes fixed on me while she chewed. "There's this detective. Edwin Clark. Someone killed his whole family and he's trying to figure out who it was. His boss lets him try to do it, but he has to work with a new partner, Elizabeth Harriet, who is this bossy, annoying little-"

"Wow." She surprised me by interrupting my speech. "Aren't writers supposed to like all their characters?"

I snickered in response. "Well, she gets on Edwin's nerves. And mine too"

She nodded, taking a last bite. "That sounds pretty good" I realized my plate was already empty and reached for a second eating. "Edwin," she continued. She said the name as a statement, as if she was evaluating it. "That's pretty similar to Edward."

I rolled my eyes. I knew people would say that. "He's not me. I chose it because it's German, and so is my character. Originally."

It surprised me that her eyes were filled with interest as I spoke. So it didn't surprise me when she didn't change the subject. "But why is he a detective? Why are men so fascinated with detectives?" she paused, drinking from her glass of water. "You should make him a cop. They're just as cool and they're working to defend and protect everyone, not just for money."

I shook my head. I had actually considered that and given the subject much thought. "But they have too many rules. Detectives are more ruled by the every man for himself philosophy."

She bit her lip again timidly. "Can I read it?"

Crap. It was bad enough I was talking to her about something not even my brothers, who were my closest friends, knew about me. Having her read it would be way, way too weird. And I didn't even like her, right? This was quite clearly only the result of the interaction that was forced on us by this situation. Uncomfortably, I shook my head in denial. "Oh, it's really just an idea; I only have a couple of chapters done."

I didn't know why, but she seemed a little hurt by my answer. Instead of keeping her interest on me, her eyes shifted to the empty dishes in front of us, and I saw her get up and reach for them. "I'll take care of that" She looked at me apprehensively, as if she couldn't believe I would do the dishes. I knew I shouldn't have let her see my bedroom in its current form. "You cook, I clean. It's only fair, right?"

I saw her eyes shifting from doubt to acceptance and back to uncertainty again. "Okay." She let go of the dirty plates, and turned around, apparently walking out the door.

"Hey," I said, trying to get her attention before she was out of my view. It worked. She was looking at me with a dubious look, waiting for me to say something. And I didn't know why I said it, but I just blurted it out. "Will you stay? While I do the dishes? I could use your opinion on some storylines I'm considering."

She nodded shyly. "Sure."

It might have sounded crazy, but I could've sworn I saw her eyes lit up a bit when I said it. But I lied. I wasn't thinking about any particular future storylines, so I forced my brain to work at upmost speed, fabricating any storylines that didn't make me look stupid so I could have something to tell her. She hopped onto the balcony with a brand new ice pack she got from the freezer and pressed it firmly to her ankle. She remained in that same position, listening carefully to every word, until the dishes were done.

When I finished I had made up my mind. Turning around to face Bella, who was now sitting Indian style on top of the balcony, I sighed. "You want to read what I've got so far?"


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: I own nothing!

**BPOV**

Day two. I had arrived on the previous day, so we were only of day two out of six of our little journey together. And we had managed to have a pretty good fight for which both of us had said in one way or another that we were sorry. And I was truly sorry for yelling, and thankful for his help afterwards, which I think became common knowledge around the house when I cooked him dinner. Even though it was really no big deal, since I always did it for Charlie and I anyway, I was convinced me and Edward sharing a dinner without having the underlying desire to wrap our hands around each other's throat was a pretty big step. For us, anyway.

So I was pretty freaking caught off guard when the dinner not only went smoothly, but I actually found myself enjoying it. I felt captivated by the way Edward spoke, the way he ate and the way he ran hands through his hair when he was nervous, which I was almost certain he was clueless about doing. So captivated in fact that I was astonished that I caught myself accidentally mentioning my mother. Like it was no big deal. Like I talked about it every day. And I nearly scowled at the memory. Because it hadn't felt anywhere close to as weird as it should have. I didn't know if it was because I was talking to Edward or because I was talking about my mother at all, but for some reason I felt better, lighter, freer. I made a mental note to try to talk about my mother with Charlie once he got back, or even mentioning her to Esme.

But that wasn't all. When Edward mentioned the book he was writing I nearly fell off my chair. Because I had always, always wanted to write a book, but I was too chicken to even get started. I listened to him disclose the most basic details of his story, and I nearly rolled my eyes when he mentioned a detective. The fact that he wasn't even a private detective, considering he had been forced by his boss to work with an apparently rude, mean, mean girl, only made it slightly better. At least he wasn't this troubled hero with no rules but his own. Or something. Either way, even though the brief summary he'd given about it hadn't exactly left me on the edge of my seat, his first refusal to let me read it stung. I had no clue why. I was probably more curious about the way Edward wrote than I had thought.

When he finally offered to let me read his book, I almost jumped out of the balcony I had been sitting on while Edward took care of the dishes in anticipation. This was not such a good idea if you're Bella Swan. And it's even a worse idea if you're Bella Swan with an ankle sprain. So, on second thought, I leaped off the balcony slowly, tentatively putting each foot on the ground after nodding a little too enthusiastically at his proposition before I could tell myself to act normal for a minute.

We were on our to Edward's bedroom when I heard my cell phone ring from a distance. I had stupidly left it in my room earlier, even though I knew Charlie always called every night right after dinner.

I looked at Edward to see if he'd heard it too, and when I saw his acknowledgement of the sound I ran to my bedroom as fast as my current condition allowed me to, leaving Edward alone by his door. I was mildly pissed off by the interruption. Because the dinner was going so well and we weren't in our usual states of weirdness around each, and, as stupid as it could sound, I was fearing the interruption would ruin everything again. That's how I saw my relationship with Edward. Fragile, unstable and unpredictable. I picked up my cell phone after I read Charlie's name on the receiver.

"Hey dad," I said, hoping my voice didn't sound as disappointed as I felt for the disruption in my evening with Edward.

"How are you Bells?" His voice sounded so happy and relaxed it made me smile. Because he always felt a little tense when we were home, probably because he was worried about me.

"Everything's fine, dad. How is the hunting going?" So I wasn't really interested in their hunting activities. I actually thought of it as a bit cruel. But it was still something a good daughter would have asked.

"Yeah, yeah, everything's good too. You eating right? The Edward boy treating you okay? Do you want me to come get you?" I scowled at the amount of questions.

"Yes, yes and no thanks, dad" I was sure there were other questions in there I didn't catch because his signal was pretty bad, so I hoped I didn't mess up my answers. The sigh of relief on the other end seemed to indicate whichever questions my answers corresponded to in his mind, he was happier. "The real question, dad, is are you eating right?"

"Not as good as when I'm home" He chuckled and I noticed for the first time there was a typical restaurant noise in the background. How smart and typical of a group of men to go out for dinner when they didn't have females to take care of them. "I'll call you tomorrow Bells"

I burbled out my goodnights and hung up. While it was a cold night outside, I felt a little too warm to feel comfortable, so I took off my jacket and threw it on top of my bed before I headed back to Edward's room.

And I could have freaking cried. Because he closed the door. Which now meant I had to knock. And there was nothing more intimidating than knocking on Edward Cullen's bedroom door. I knew that, because I had done it just a few hours before when I was inviting him to dinner. And I had been so mortified I hadn't been able to set foot in the room. Shaking these thought out of my head I took a deep breath, telling myself I was being stupid. He _knew_ I was coming back, he was _expecting_ me. I mocked myself internally for being such a chicken and, confidently, I knocked and waited for his voice to tell me to come in.

I was so taken aback when he opened the door himself with a nervous smile playing on his lips, I automatically took a step back. He must have noticed my reaction, because I saw the smile turn into a smirk and he grabbed my arm and pulled me inside his room. His smirk made me want to find a hole to sink into. Because now _he_ was mocking me internally as well.

As I made my way in, I could feel my coolness return. Because Edward had freaking cleaned his bedroom while I was on the phone. It was subtle, but it was there. I had seen t-shirts scattered all over the floor and now they were nowhere in sight. I looked at Edward, who was now sitting on his desk looking at a printer which was spilling out paper like there was no tomorrow, and I wondered if I should tease him about it. I really freaking wanted to. But teasing was something friends did, right? And what Edward and I were wasn't exactly classified as friendship. More like previous-enemies-forced-to-cohabit-who-sort-of-enjoy-talking-to-each-other. I rolled my eyes at the thought and jumped onto Edward's bed for lack of a better. Which I discovered was just a little too hard for my taste. I gave it a couple of additional bounces to test the bed's response. Good enough, I supposed.

I saw Edward had turned around and was gazing at me with the newly printed papers in his hand. He had probably caught me mind-bounce. Damn. He had the mocking smirk on his lips again, which to my absolute disdain caused me to blush. So I resorted to under the belt tactics. "You cleaned up"

I saw a hint of shame waver through his face, but he hid it by throwing the papers in my direction. "Here," he said simply. Was that angst in his voice? That was just too cute. I held my hand out for them and smiled reassuringly. He had to have given me at least fifty pages. Edward looked more uncertain than ever about this, probably not really wanting for me to read it, but I wasn't going to give him the chance to back out now. So I turned around to arrange a few pillows to support my back, and tried to support my foot on the edge of the bed so I could have the necessary support without planting my feet on Edward's bed.

I got comfy, ready to start reading the first pages, when I noticed Edward was still standing, staring at me uneasily. "You should sit down. This might take a while."

**EPOV**

Of course she was a slow reader. It was just my luck that the first person I let read my story would take forever just to get through the first few pages. I had sat down on my computer, pretending to be busy reading e-mails and not really caring what she was doing, but every ten minutes, when she wasn't looking, I would steal a glance at her face to see if I could figure out what she was thinking. But I didn't get anything from her face. She was so focused on the pages, her eyes darting from one line to the next, but I couldn't tell if she was enjoying it or not. My biggest fear would be that, when she was done, she would laugh or just tell me it plainly sucked. I realized I was touching my hair again and sighed. It had been almost an hour since she started reading, and I grew more agitated by the second. I began playing a game of solitaire, because it seemed pretty fucking fitting that I would play the game everyone plays when they're bored. I was about to lose my third game in a row when I heard a voice behind me. "Wow"

I froze. Good wow or bad wow? "I really like it," she said, looking pretty shocked at the pages in her hands.

I rolled my eyes, unsure if I was about to speak for true or false modesty. But she interrupted me before any sound could come out of my mouth. "No, I mean, I really, _really _like it."

I felt a little smug. She could've been lying for all I knew, but it was still pretty good for the ego when someone tells you they like your work. "You don't have to sound so surprised"

"I am. A little. I wasn't expecting-" I saw her pause, probably searching for the right words. "It's just…Edwin. He's so…real. His thoughts are so clear it's almost like you're there and you can feel his pain. And Elizabeth-" she flickered through the pages again, probably searching for a specific passage. "What's going to happen? Are they going to fall in love?"

I nearly grimaced at her question. Love? I was tempted to make fun of her for being so…girly, but her question had made the most adorable color rise to her cheeks again, so I thought I would spare her. Besides, I didn't want her to remind me I cleaned up for her. Again.

"They hate each other."

"No, they don't," she said quickly, rummaging through the pages again. And I chuckled because she was going to try to tell me what _my_ characters thought, justifying it with _my_ own words. "See?" She held out a page for me to read. "They don't get along, but he still wanted her opinion before going after Ford. And he listened to her, too. He didn't go in."

"Just because he wants her opinion it doesn't mean he likes her. He respects her, she has been working as a detective for a long time." That statement left her thoughtful for a second. Before she could look for any other signs of love between two characters I knew hated each other, I continued "Anyway, it's not a love story"

"I know it's not a love story, but you have these two characters who hate each other for no good reason, who are getting to know each other and they work well together…I still think they could be falling in love" I raised an eyebrow, looking at the pages Bella still held in her hands like it was the most precious thing she had ever touched. I still didn't like the romance angle, and I had my reasons. The first one was that the characters in my mind clearly couldn't stand each other. They were partners and that was that. The second reason was because I had no clue how to write a proper love story. I knew how to write despair, and hate and a search for revenge. Love? That was a completely alien feeling to me. I supposed I could try to look at it as sibling love, which I believed I had in one form or the other for Alice and Rosalie. But a romance wasn't in my plans. At all.

Bella's voice interrupted my thoughts. "So, what's going to happen? Is he going to find the guys who killed his family?"

I smiled at her eagerness. It made me feel pretty satisfied that she was excited about the story, even if she wanted to turn my vengeful detective into a love puppy. "Still too early to tell, Bella."

I looked at the clock in my nightstand when I saw her yawn. How could it already be past midnight? I saw her shift on the bed, bouncing off of it until her feet were resting on the floor. "I'm going to bed." She gave me back the story with such a sweet smile I nearly told her to stay for a few more minutes. I had no clue where that had come from, but it was obviously the tiredness that was making me act stupid. Instead, I whispered "Good night" and saw on the bed while I saw her walking carefully to the door.

She hesitated, resting her hand on the frame of the door. "Edward?"

"Hmm?"

She bit her lip again. And I felt the uncharacteristic desire to tell her to cut it out. There was no need to be nervous around me. "Will you let me continue reading it when you have more?"

I smiled. "Of course. I'm going to need your opinion." I don't know why I said it, but I was pretty freaking sure I meant it.

A/N: I just want to thank everyone who is reading/reviewing _so much. _You guys truly rock. Happy New Year everyone, I hope 2009 is filled with love and happiness and Edwards and everything you want the most!


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: I own nothing!**

**BPOV**

Last night I had respected my usual going-to-bed routine. I put on my nightshirt, brushed my teeth and hair, put my iPod on shuffle and went to bed, knowing the sounds would loosen me into sleep. But something was different. Because as much as I tried to relax and focus on the soothing songs I was listening to, my brain kept taking me back to Edward's story, remembering different questions I should have asked or things I wanted to comment on. Besides, I had been so happy when he said he wanted to know my opinion about the rest of the story. Probably because it had been so long since anyone asked me what I wanted or thought I could have thoughts of my own that mattered. It was always 'You should really see a psychiatrist' or 'You should spend a summer with the Cullens because they are used to troubled children'. Whatever. After my third attempt to refocus on the music, I turned my iPod off and resorted to thinking about the story itself.

The main question that I kept coming back to was the title. Because the first page was left completely blank with the exception of a few black letters on the right corner saying _Uninvited_. So I decided that should be the title, although it still made no sense to me, story wise. I supposed it would be related to some plans about the future of the story he hadn't told me about, but I couldn't stop thinking about what that could mean.

I shifted on the bed so I was l lying on my back. I made a mental note to ask Edward if that was the title and why, and also to tell him his story had kept me up at night thinking about its characters. And Edwin Clark and Elizabeth Harriet were equally important to the storyline, as far as I was concerned. A partnership. A duo. If Edward wanted to pretend the story was about solely about a detective which is strained into spending time with his partner that was fine. He was obviously writing the story differently. I didn't understand why Edward was so hell-bent on having no love story between those two. They were difficult with each other, but they had chemistry. Besides, what love story is easy? If Romeo and Juliet's family had blessed the union that wouldn't have been much of a story, would it? They would have been nothing more than two horny teenagers who got carried away with their feelings of infatuation at first sight. Plenty of that in every high school, I mused internally. I picked up a lock of my hair and started playing with it, as my eyes drifted thoughtfully to each contour of the room. I could probably talk to Alice about convincing Edward to give Harriet and Clark a chance if she read it. She would have to agree with me, because it was so obvious. I didn't want to push the romantic angle too much. It would make Edward think I was shallow, or girly. And maybe it was a little bit.

Rearranging my position on the bed so I was on my side, I shut off for the day and went to sleep.

***

My late night thoughts were killing me. That was pretty much the only conclusion I was able to reach in the first half hour I was awake. I was on vacation and I had nothing to do, so it didn't really matter. But I had created the habit of getting up early since I was young, so it seemed to be pretty built-in characteristic of my body.

I had taken a long, cool shower in a futile crack at waking myself up and I had gotten dressed in the jeans from the day before and a baggy emerald t-shirt I was sure had been given as a promotion to something. I had considered an alternative shirt which was peacock blue, but was just a little too tight-fitted for my taste. I would wear it some other day. I stole a glance at the full body mirror before I left the room and I frowned at the sight of myself. I looked like I had no shape whatsoever. My eyes ran from my feet, to my skinny, unskilled legs, to my stomach, arms and breasts. But it wasn't like showing off my shape would be preferable, I thought, saddened. I wasn't curvy. Or firm. I was just…Plain. My eyes kept travelling upwards to my face, and I scowled at the expression of sadness I had all over my eyes. Since when did I care? I didn't, never had, and wouldn't start feeling self conscious about my body now. I sighed deeply and tucked my hair in a ponytail at the top of my head. This had to be a result of my time alone with Edward, although I had no clue why I even cared. Either way, I pondered, it didn't matter. It was Wednesday, day three. In no time we wouldn't be alone and these thoughts would go back to the corner of my mind I never let myself venture into.

Instead of mulling over things I couldn't fix, I headed straight to the kitchen where I got my usual morning coffee. This time I was perfectly capable of using the machine on my own, and as I heard Edward moving around in the living room, I thought of bragging about it while I drank my coffee. The lack of sleep was still affecting me, so I strode into the living room slowly, lazily, and I saw Edward's eyes lift to watch me. "Good morning," I said sluggishly.

But he was wide awake. And looking pretty damn serious. "I was looking for you. Do you have a minute? We need to talk."

I could nearly see the conversation about my coffee making skills go down the drain. "What?"

"Do you have plans for today?" I felt the urge to hide, or blush, or roll my eyes. Was he going to ask me these questions every day? I had no plans yesterday, or today, or tomorrow, or next week. No plans for Bella, period.

But for some unknown reason, the fact he wanted or needed to do something with me crossed my mind, and stupidly it made me happy. "No, why?"

"I wanted to go somewhere tonight."

My mouth unconsciously turned into a grin. Because I was so excited to leave the house and continuing getting to know Edward. Maybe talking about his story, discussing some of the things that had been bugging me since I read it. "Sure," I nodded happily. "Where?"

"Some friends of mine are having a party tonight. I was thinking about going. You can come too, if you want."

I felt my face fall against my will. I didn't want it to be that obvious that I had thought he meant he wanted to go out with me. Bringing the coffee mug to my lips I forced myself to act aloof. "Anyone I know?"

"Hmm. Do you remember Tanya, from school?"

I narrowed my eyes. "I do." I did. And it took all the willpower in me not to scowl or spit in reaction to her name. Without warning, I remembered one of the reasons I used to hate Edward. At school he hung out with two groups: his siblings' and Tanya's. At the time I had never given it much thought because every time he was with Tanya it meant I could speak to Alice or Rosalie without fear of a grumble in my direction coming from Edward's mouth. Now I wasn't so pleased. Because Edward really wasn't such a bad guy and Tanya was the world's biggest slut. My stupid brain was dying to know if he had ever slept with her, and I shut it up promptly. Not my freaking business.

"I'll pass on that."

The look in his face almost made me say yes. Almost. "Please Bella. I don't want to leave you here alone all night."

All night? Well, that pretty much answered my questions. Forcing a mocking smile, I pretended to be busy searching through my iPod. "Edward believe it or not I can stay alone for an evening and survive."

"I'm not so sure." He lifted an eyebrow cynically, looking back and forth between my face and my ankle. I didn't even remember it was sprained anymore.

"Trust me. I have your number, I'll call you if anything comes up." By if anything comes up, of course I meant I could be feeling the life drain out of me while I was lying in a pool of my own blood with a man ready to torture me for hours and I still would have hesitated to pick up the phone and asking him for help. But he didn't need to know that.

He still looked unsure, but he smiled. "Thanks. You want to grab lunch with me today?"

My head started flashing with excuses I could give him so I wouldn't have to spend lunch with him. My favorite one was 'Sorry, I'm buying you a new brain', but I figured the sarcasm might not be my best option in this case. So I settled for some half-truth instead. "Sorry, I have some errands to run. Charlie's stuff, you know?"

It wasn't a complete lie. I did have a bunch of stuff to do, even though they weren't due for two weeks. But who would mind? People would probably appreciate being paid on advance for a change. And I would have free time away from the Cullen house, which was evidently driving me nuts if I had thought Edward was changing.

"I thought you said you had no plans for today?" If he saw the shame in my eyes, he didn't say anything. So as soon as I recovered, I rolled my eyes.

"I meant tonight. That I was free…tonight" Which I would still be. Because he would be out with _Tanya_.

"Okay. Take care of that ankle, then."

And he walked away. As childish as it was, I felt like grabbing his shoulders and shaking some sense into him. Why Tanya? He was attractive, he was smart. I wouldn't say he was nice per se, but he could absolutely be charming when he wanted. He didn't need to turn to those types of women to date, get laid or whatever the hell it was he wanted.

I went back into my room to get my backpack and my jacket and headed out the door. I wouldn't return until I was sure Edward would be gone.

***

I had kept myself busy that day. I paid all of Charlie's bills, I cleaned Charlie's house from top to bottom on a sprained ankle and I even bought groceries. For both houses. That kept me busy until about 7:00 p.m. Because I wasn't sure he would still be gone by then, I went to the post office, which was on the exact opposite side of town, and bought stamps. I couldn't remember the last time I had written a letter, but that was beside the point. He wasn't home when I got back, and I thanked every entity I could think of for it. Because there was so much I wanted to say to him that I couldn't because I still wasn't friendly enough with him that I wanted to explode. Or hit him. Or both.

I had made soup for dinner to settle my stomach, and I had been in bed since 10 p.m, after I told myself it would be better to just forget this day existed. I would go to sleep and then we could just act as if it never happened. It was a nice plan, but it fell apart. Because I wasn't able to close my eyes without picturing Tanya. She was blonde, of course, and gorgeous. But I wasn't the type of girl who hated other girls because they were beautiful. She just rubbed me the wrong way, I guess. She had never done anything to me directly, although one time she did call me a virgin when she was with her friends, and they all giggled a lot about it afterwards. It didn't offend me that much, though. Probably because it was true. It wouldn't have hurt my feelings me if she called me a brunette, or right handed, right? I knew she had probably meant I was a virgin because no one would want me, but that wasn't too far from reality either. I had had men interested in me before. Mike and Jacob especially came to mind, but I never took that seriously enough to assume they wanted me. They were friends and they would remain that way. Either way, Tanya had never liked me, and Edward leaving to be with her felt a little like a slap in the face.

Then a horrible thought crossed my mind. What if Edward wanted to bring her back home so they could have sex? The notion of spending a night hearing Edward and that slut was too much to bear. I remembered I always slept with my iPod anyway, but even the possibility of them being naked and filthy and sweaty nearby made me sick. I tried to tell myself Edward wouldn't do that, that he was considerate enough not to put me through that, but I wasn't so sure anymore.

And to make matters worse, I had hurt my ankle again. Bella Swan, attempting to clean two houses without any injuries? That would be a new one. It was the same ankle, which I was sure was going to make the recovery a much slower process, but there were bigger issues on the table at the moment. I just had to remember not to let Edward know what had happened, or I would have to listen to him saying he was right and that I couldn't be left alone. Asshole.

I looked at my alarm clock. It was 11:47p.m. A little voice inside me told me everything would be okay. It was nearly day four. Out of six. I could totally pull this off. But there was that other voice that told me it was nearly midnight and Edward still wasn't home.

I put my iPod in place, begging my brain to shut off and stop haunting me until morning, when I heard a loud bang downstairs. I unwillingly remembered the story about lying in a pool of my own blood and not calling Edward, and I wondered how serious I had been about that. I heard another door open and close and I picked up my cell phone, deciding I hadn't meant it at all. I was dialing Edward's number when I heard a familiar curse coming from downstairs.

"Son of a bitch!"

I rolled my eyes, tempted to turn around and go back to sleep. So it had been a quickie. How very nice for both of them.

When I thought I heard someone whimper, I narrowed my eyes in suspicion. I got up and literally ran down the stairs on my bruised ankle, praying my legs wouldn't fail me once in my life. "Edward?"

I gasped when I saw him come out of the bathroom. And my mouth literally hit the floor. Because his entire right side was purple and rapidly turning a deep blue, and I could still see blood coming out of his nose, even though he was holding a towel to his face to stop the bleeding. There was dry blood on his face and his knuckles were bruised.

When he noticed I had seen him, his eyes grew impossibly angrier, literally storming away from me. "Just get the fuck away, Bella."

I followed him.


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: I own nothing!**

**BPOV**

"Answer me. Edward! What happened?"

"Nothing, Bella. Just go back to bed." His patronizing tone made me want to punch the other side of his face. I figured he was already in enough pain, so I kept running after him until he knelt on the floor of the bathroom, rummaging through the medicine cabinet.

His head was inclined back, I assumed to stop the bleeding, so his search for the medicine couldn't be easy. My eyes drifted to his nose again. I cursed myself for not remembering exactly what it usually looked like to be able to tell how swollen it was now. I was pretty sure noses weren't supposed to bleed profusely unless they were broken, but I hadn't been blessed with such an accident yet. It didn't look crooked, but I couldn't really tell at this angle and I really didn't have a clue what I was doing. "Is it broken?" I asked, sympathetically.

"Nah." He took out a package of aspirin, which I quickly stole from his hands. What was he thinking, taking aspirin while he's bleeding? He gave me a look, probably questioning my sanity, but I pushed him out of the way and started searching for Tylenol instead.

"Nah? That's all you have to say?" I asked resentfully. Throwing the package of Tylenol at him, I saw him take two and roll his eyes at me.

"Look, I don't answer to you, Bella. I don't owe you any explanations, so just leave me the fuck alone."

Offended, I recoiled automatically. "I know you don't." But I was much more than offended. I was mortified. The reason for that being that I noticed I was still wearing my nightshirt. Which had sleeves and was so long I was covered pretty much to my knees, but it still made me want to turn around and run. Because Edward had never seen me in my pajamas. That I recalled, anyway. Angry at myself and at him and embarrassed beyond words, I decided I could just leave him alone. I would leave him alone. If he was fooling around with Tanya and some other guy she was doing got violent, then on some level Edward had it coming. Heck, as far as I was concerned he had it coming in every level.

My stupid conscience kicked in when I was about to leave, presenting me with a million different scenarios where Edward was the victim and I was the bitch who left him to tend to his injuries by himself.

"You told me you were going out with Tanya," I said, following into the living room. He kept the towel stuck to his nose, and I was wondering if it was still bleeding or how long it had been. Or if he had gotten a clean towel before he used it to put pressure on open wounds.

"I did," he said annoyingly. "With her friends."

"So your friends did this." I stated matter-of-factly.

He wasn't looking at me, and my very presence seemed to be disturbing him beyond words. Which was just another reason for me to go away and not deal with this problem at all. "They're not my friends."

But Tanya is, I thought bitterly. And they were Tanya's friends. Gotcha. "So those guys beat you up?"

"They didn't beat me up." I shrunk back. Obviously I had forgotten to take the whole male ego thing into account. "_Their_ noses were broken," he said smugly.

And I felt like giving Edward a reality check. Some girls might enjoy guys who break each others' noses, but I didn't. And he didn't look any more attractive in my eyes because he freaking won a fist fight. Since I didn't want to lose all the respect I had acquired for Edward in the past days, I pushed the subject again. "Why did you do it?"

He shook his head, as if it didn't matter. "They were saying some shit."

My heart sank. Had they called Tanya a slut? They were her friends, but it was nothing but the truth. Hell, I thought she was one, too. Did he care enough about her that he would get into a fight because some guys were stating obvious facts about this girl to his face? "They said some _shit_ about what?" I stressed the word shit on purpose.

I saw drops of blood falling on the couch and I grimaced. I would have to figure out a way to get that cleaned out of before everybody arrived. "Nothing," he said callously, in answer to my question.

Hurt, I got up. He might not have said anything, but I got the message loud and clear. His buddies, his fight, his girlfriend, his damn problem. Again I wanted to leave and call it a night, but somewhere in my head screaming at me for even considering it. Edward had taken care of me and worried about me when I was hurt. So I needed to make us even, and now I had the perfect opportunity.

When Edward saw me get up he must have assumed I was leaving, because he tried to grab my wrist and was opening his mouth to speak. I stopped him and gestured for him to wait. I went into the kitchen and washed my hands abundantly. Then I got a couple of clean cloths, dabbed them in some water just so they would become moist, and went back into the living room to find Edward sitting in the exact same position I had left him in.

I knelt down in front of him on the floor and grabbed his hand. I could see his hesitant gaze alternating between my face and our hands, but I didn't care. It needed to be done, and I didn't trust his mental health enough at the moment to know he would make sure he wouldn't get unnecessary infections or scars because he didn't bother to clean up his wounds properly. "What are you doing?"

Clearing my throat, I did my best to sound distant. "Cleaning your knuckles. I'll take care of your face in a second."

"You don't need to do that," he said firmly.

"Will you do it?" He looked at me grimly, without uttering a word. I waited another beat, and then I shrugged, jokily. "Then I do need to do it."

I started cleaning his hands like I had told him, trying not to put too much pressure into the wounds so I wouldn't hurt him. I knew bruised knuckles hurt like hell, since one of the unfortunate accidents in my past included a car door being closed on my hand, leaving my knuckles so battered I was hardly able to move my hand. So I was surprised at Edward's bravery as I cleaned his hand, because he never cringed. Not even once. When I moved to his face, his head automatically lowered so we were on a level, face to face. I stirred a little because my knees were getting sore from the carpet beneath my bare skin, but picked up a new, clean cloth and started tending to the bruised side of his face. His face was so gloomy and so close I could literally see every color of his contusions. And smell the alcohol on his breath. Apparently whatever had happened has occurred late into the night enough for them to get something to drink beforehand. My eyes automatically fell to his lips at the thought. I wondered if he also had time to be with Tanya. "You're mad at me," he whispered so softly I wouldn't have listened if we had been sitting next to each other having a regular conversation.

Sarcastically, I angled my head and raised an eyebrow. "Am I?" It didn't take a freaking genius to realize I was mad at him. "What do you care if I'm angry?"

He gave me a small, confident affirmative nod. "I care."

"How drunk are you, Edward?"

I felt him flinch when I touched an especially sore spot on his face. "Evidently not drunk enough. Why are you mad?"

Exasperated at him and his damn brain thickness, I groaned. "Why is it okay for you to take care of me but I can't take care of you when your face looks like something out of Fight Club?"

He mumbled something I thought resembled 'You should see the other guys', but I attributed that to my poor hearing. Edward couldn't possibly be that dense.

I saw him mouth open and close, while Edward narrowed his eyes at me. "What the hell happened to you?"

I raised an eyebrow. What had happened to _me_? "What?"

"Your ankle."

Damn it. I had been trying so hard for him not to notice anything, and I was damn sure I was making a good job. I looked down at it, to see if the swelling was obvious, but if I didn't know it was there I wouldn't have seen it for sure, and I considered myself a professional in those kinds of injuries. "Nothing happened to it, it's getting better," I lied.

"And now you're lying to me. You're in more pain again, I can tell." We were way too close for comfort, so I moved slightly back. I was still close enough that I could take care of him, but it didn't feel nearly as personal as before.

"You're one to talk," I whispered sourly, unsure of whether I wanted him to hear it or not.

His hand reached out and grabbed my wrist, stopping me from taking care of his wounds. "Seriously, what happened?"

Defeated, I sighed. "Cleaning. It's nothing, I just twisted it in a weird way and it started to swell up a bit again."

"Ah. I see." If he thought I couldn't tell he was stifling a laugh, he must have thought I was completely stupid. Because the only way it could be more obvious would be if he held a sign over his head. "It's funny how something as simple as a household chore can become a life threatening job with you."

I rolled my eyes and set my wrist free so I could keep taking care of his face. It made me sigh in relief that most of the blood wasn't his. He probably hadn't been kidding when he said the other guys had broken noses. "You're talking like it's my fault, and it's not like is. Do you think I woke up one day and decided I would be a klutz?" He smirked at me with such honesty I had to smile back. "Why don't you just tell me who it was?"

"Jack and Hugh." My jaw hit the floor. When he meant Tanya's friends he had meant her best friends. The guys I occasionally saw Edward hung out with at school.

"Why?"

"Bella. I'm asking you to let this go."

I wouldn't agree to let it go, so he would just have to deal with it. Maybe there was too much adrenaline running through his head now, but I would get to the bottom of this, even if I had to go around Forks and look for Jack and Hugh and ask them directly what had caused this. Or I would ask Rosalie to find out for me. "How are we going to explain that," I gestured to the area of his face "to Esme?"

"By telling her the truth." I felt compelled to ask him what exactly that truth was, again. He got into a fight. Okay. That part was loud and clear in my head. The why was more complicated, as far as I was concerned. And I doubted Esme would be very understanding either. Edward was not a violent person or one prone to getting into trouble. He's anti-social, and closed off from the world, and an asshole to me occasionally. But never violent. I heard him starting to speak and I refocused on his words while I cleaned the blood from his nose.

"I wrote a new chapter today," he whispered, clearly trying to allure me. And I nearly freaking sneered. If he was going to behave like an ass and then pretend like whatever happened that night didn't really happen then maybe I didn't even want to keep reading it. Maybe. It was unlikely, but totally possible. Okay, fine, I thought. I wanted to read it. But only because I liked the story and wanted to know how it would turn out. No extras would be included; no talking about it, no discussing characters or plots. Nothing. Unless it was something I really needed to know. I wanted to slap myself mentally for being so stupid. My first impressions were right. Edward was a bad guy, and I was becoming too attached to him anyway, against my best judgement.

Defeated in my internal battle of trying to stay away from Edward, I spoke softly. "Are you sure I can read it?" I knew he could spot the sarcasm in my voice, and I was damn glad when I saw his eyes react to it.

But he didn't take the bait. "I'm sure. I wrote it this afternoon, while you were out trying to get your ankle broken."

I could have argued over his last statement, but I knew that was what he wanted, so I pretended he didn't say it. "I'm all done." I smiled proudly. Because if I could say so, I had done a pretty great job. His wounds looked clean, and the bruising, after the removal of the dried blood, was really just on the right side of his face right by his eye. He had a goofy smirk on his face, probably in reaction to my expression. And I decided to go for one last attempt at getting the truth out of him. "Why did you do this?"

His lips thinned and his head gave me a short, negative shake. Meaning, _no I won't tell you so stop asking_. "You should probably get some sleep," I said hastily.

Relaxing his face, he smiled again. Not wanting to drag the conversation any longer, I stood up, picking up the dirty cloths and the towel he had used, and getting ready for bed.

"Thanks," he said tenderly. "I owe you one."

My body stopped, hearing those words. "No Edward. We're even now. You took care of me, I took care of you. So let's end the tiptoeing around each other and feeling guilty or being coerced into being nice to each other."

His face contorted in shock, much to my surprise. Although the only reason for that was because he never thought I would say those words out loud, especially to him. But he didn't deny it. "Is that what this was?"

The lump in my throat was threatening me enough that I didn't want to try to speak with fear my words would fail me. So instead I gazed into his eyes and nodded. And I could have sworn this time he didn't even react to it.

Before I disappeared, I saw him nod back. So I turned around, climbing the stairs with obvious difficulty, not bothering to pretend my foot didn't hurt anymore. And while I was waiting for Edward to say something, anything that would indicate this was more than an obligation to take care of a girl he had always hated, it never came. I was listening for it, but as far as I could tell Edward hadn't even breathed properly since I left. Pretending to be happy of how things had turned out was pointless. I knew I wasn't happy, and being relieved for getting the truth out in the open would have to be enough.

I picked up my iPod, set it to shuffle and sat on the bed to pull the covers over my body. And the warmness the bed still had was a wonderful, ironic contrast to Edward's cold attitude.

I was drifting off to sleep when I thought I heard something downstairs. I removed the ear buds from my ears and tried to make out the sound. But it wasn't downstairs. There was a knock on the door. I sprang up, sitting on the bed, listening for it again. Edward couldn't possibly be knocking, could he? I had to be imagining things.

He knocked again, and I jumped back immediately. Not wanting to be caught again wearing only a nightshirt, I picked up some old green plaid pajama pants I had lying around the room, and put them on quickly. Edward Cullen would not be seeing my skinny, bruised legs again, and that was final.

The third knock was firmed, louder and more insistent. I was more than a little tempted to not say anything and pretend I didn't hear it, but the sun hadn't even risen on day four yet. And I would not be hiding in my room from Edward Cullen.

So I grabbed my robe and put it on, just to make sure there was nothing he could be seeing, and opened the door, forcing my face to put on a serious, angry expression. Because I was feeling pretty serious and angry. And _hurt_.

The look on his face made me feel like a bitch. He was standing there looking miserable, beat, worn-out, and the light in my room somehow made the wounds seem much worse, and to top it all off I wasn't exactly treating him very nicely.

I gulped. "What, Edward?" I cringed back. Because my voice had sounded much more sad and sweet than I had intended.

He leaned his back against the door frame and sighed. Then, looking at me brazenly, he whispered. "Can I come in?"


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: I own nothing!**

**EPOV**

The night had been hell for me, in every possible way. I thought my bad luck had run out when I nearly got pulled over on my way home after kicking those little pieces of shit's ass, but alas, I was wrong. As soon as I got in the door, Bella came running down looking the stairs, which nearly gave a heart attack on its own for two reasons. The first one was that she should never run down any stairs. She should never run, period. The second was that she looked so damn cute and worried and all confused, and I couldn't even take pleasure in it because my nose had blood coming out of it like there was no tomorrow.

I had sent her away, and been an ass about it. I knew that. There are many ways to deal with the situation, but the most important thing to me was that Bella could never find out I had lost my head because those pieces of shit had dissed her. It wasn't the first time they did it, or even the first time they did it in front of me. Hell, I had been part of their conversations about her before. And that was exactly why I didn't want her to know.

And I had been so close to going home, too. When I told them I needed to go home because Bella was alone I expected them to understand it. But when they started calling her a cold frigid bitch, I felt my annoyance starting to increase. And, although I had no clue why, when Jack asked if I'd already popped her cherry my fury made me squeeze the tiny plastic cup filled with beer in my hand until the whole liquid poured down my hand. Or why when Hugh agreed and they started discussing the things they'd like to do with her when they got her into bed, in excruciating detail, I unchained Tanya's hands from my arm and nearly bashed both of their heads in. Unfortunately for them, I had grown up with two older brothers, so being outnumbered didn't matter that much. The only reason my nose was even bleeding was because my current intoxicated state made me not defend my face properly.

Honestly, I couldn't tell what the hell had come over me. Bella probably knew they didn't like her, and she obviously knew I didn't either. Besides, wasn't it a normal conversation for seventeen year olds to have? On some level I knew they didn't mean it; they were into girls which were much more flamboyant than Bella. Bella was just…simple and different and Bella. What stung the most, besides my nose, of course, was that if I hadn't been drinking I wouldn't have done it. Never. Most likely I would have laughed and said something in agreement and gone back home to ease my mind about Bella. And as soon as I got in the car I knew it wasn't their faces I wanted to hit. It was mine. What truly disturbed me was that I had treated her like crap for no good reason for years, and now on some level of my brain I believed I had to apologize. Which I didn't want to do because she didn't like me either.

By the time I got home I had decided not to tell Bella anything or make something up, depending on how my bruises looked in the morning when I saw her. Mostly because I didn't want her to know I felt protective enough about her to get into a fight for it. But also because I was ashamed for having behaved exactly like Hugh and Jack in the past, and I didn't want Bella to know exactly the type of person I was.

A monkey would have been able to tell Bella was pissed at me for not telling her what happened. At least I thought that was why she was angry, I didn't know her well enough. But she took care of me anyway, and she did it patiently, carefully, attentively. And when she knelt in the ground in front of me to fix my face, my eyes dropped for a second to her mouth, wondering if she ever had a first kiss.

Right now, standing in front of Bella's door, I had to get my priorities straight. I needed to focus on more important things – like making sure Bella didn't hate me, and trying to regain my dignity, as much as possible.

I knocked a few times before she came to the door, although I kept hearing her moving around in the room. When she opened the door after I knocked for a third time, it didn't escape my attention that she was now wearing a robe that covered her from her neck to her feet.

She spoke, and the way her voice lingered painfully on my name hurt me more than my freaking nose. I made a vow right then and there to myself that I would find out what was making me react so differently to Bella this year, and quickly. Everything was new and uncomfortable and out of place.

"Can I come in?" I asked, keeping my eyes on Bella's. I wanted her to see how sorry I was for what I had done, and I would give her the one thing she'd asked me: the truth.

She bit her lip, in a gesture that was becoming so familiar I wanted to smile, and turned around. I hoped that was a silent invitation to enter the bedroom. That's how I took it, anyway. Bella sat on the bed, with her legs crossed comfortably in front of her in Indian style, and I sat on her desk chair, which left me at a good distance from Bella, in case she got violent with me. I had had enough for one evening.

Bella was looking at me in anticipation, and I didn't blame her. She would have to be surprised I came to her room because even I was surprised that I'd done it. I tried to remember how much I had drunk, just so I would know how many of my actions were my own and how many had to do with the alcohol. But I couldn't remember. The whole freaking night was a blur.

Seeing Bella still staring at me, I sighed. "I'm sorry, Bella." Her eyes didn't change. She didn't fucking believe me. "I really am sorry for treating you the way I did"

"How do I know that's true?"

I exhaled deeply, to gain courage. I knew what I had to do, but it didn't make it any easier. "I got into a fight with Hugh and Jack because they said things about you that I didn't like. I lost my head for a second, and that was all it took."

Bella furrowed her forehead in thought for a second, and then spoke softly. "What were they saying about me?"

I ran a hand through my head. This would not be a pleasant conversation if we went down that road. "Guy things, Bella. Nothing I would repeat here, for sure." I hoped that was enough to satisfy her. Seeing her face fall, I remembered girls were emotional and insecure and shit. "Nothing bad about your appearance or something." I thought about how she would take that sentence, and opened my stupid mouth again. "Not that there would be anything bad for them to say."

Bella looked sad for a second, but I saw a hint of a smile on her lips. I didn't care that she was probably laughing at my inability to talk with another human being properly, but it made me feel so good to see that quick grin again, I couldn't have cared less.

"Wow, you're really bad at this," she said with a giggle.

Jokingly I shook my head. "I'm marginally better when I'm sober." Her eyes lifted to me, teasingly, making me instinctively lick my lips.

Bella brushed her hand through her hair, pondering about something. She stood silent for a few minutes before she spoke, so my mind started drifting. I wondered if Bella had played with her hair on purpose. Or if she bit her lip on purpose. I remembered my private inquisition previously on the night on whether Bella had been kissed before, and reached no conclusions.

"I want more answers," she said finally.

Thankful that she was able to take my mind off of her lips and kissing virginity status, I nodded happily. "Go for it."

She hummed for another second. "What are you thinking about?"

SHIT. Searching for anything, anything else that could have been occupying my mind at the time, I realized I was a complete loser. There was absolutely nothing in my head. I mentally punched myself for drinking, because now all I could think about was my mental obsession with her lips. "I was wondering if you've never been kissed."

It was unfair to Bella that I would ask it at a time where she would feel an obligation to answer me, but I had to satisfy my curiosity. "Is it true? That you've never been kissed?"

Her cheeks blushed so furiously in such an adorable way I didn't know whether I wanted to take it back or repeat the question. I wanted to protect her from whatever had upset her, but she looked so damn cute blushing I couldn't help but smirk at her.

She looked down, playing with the fabric of her robe. "I don't know," she whispered.

I let out a laugh. Yes or no seemed to be the only possible answers to the question , so I had become damn curious about how she would explain that statement. When I saw her face, I could tell she didn't find it amusing. In fact if looks could kill, I would have been dead. Not looking forward to the possibility of having to apologize again, I put on my serious face. "How do you not know if you've ever been kissed, Bella?"

She rolled her eyes, and picked up her pillow, which was behind her on the bed. Putting the pillow in her lap, she sighed. I wondered if she noticed she had just put an object between us to be able to tell me something private.

"I have…kissed someone," she started, prolonging the moment. "Just not…" she hesitated, looking for the word to complete that sentence. "Completely."

I laughed again. "Completely?"

"You know…" She said, accusingly. As if it was my fault she was inarticulate.

My blank face must have told her that no, I didn't get it. How did you not kiss completely? It's not like there is a minimum time limit. "With tongue, Edward."

My first instinct told me to laugh at her fragility, and the second one was to give her a friendly hug. I ignored both of them, and raised my eyebrow questioningly. "Why not?"

I was pretty interested in finding out who had been the loser who had kissed Bella but didn't have enough intelligence or ability to sneak his tongue in her mouth.

She sighed, exasperated. "I don't know why." She said it so bitterly, so angry, my mouth automatically turned into a grin. "Why do you want to know?" She asked me with an accusing glare. I wanted to remind her she was the one who had asked what I was thinking. Of course, I knew I wouldn't. Bella was already too uneasy about the evening's events.

"Just curious, Bella" I paused, looking around her room. "Anything else?"

I knew she was going to speak, but it took so freaking long I began thinking about slapping her back to get the words out faster.

"Did you sleep with her?"

Stupidly, I felt like telling her to be more specific. She saved me from the embarrassment when she mouthed 'Tanya' with so much hate in her face I nearly recoiled in the interest of self preservation.

"What? Tonight?" I asked in reaction, without thinking. And I cursed out loud at my idiocy after I saw the look on her face. There were plenty of better ways to let her know I had been stupid enough to sleep with her before, but not tonight.

She got that look on her face that told me she was trying to act like she didn't care either way, and nodded.

"No, I didn't. Not tonight." She nodded again, and brought her legs to her chest, hugging her legs impossibly closer to her body. I hoped she was just cold and not nervous.

My head was full of excuses to tell Bella. She threw herself at me; I was drunk; it didn't mean anything. They were all true, but this conversation was already too personal, too intimate. Why did I have to justify to Bella why I had slept with someone else. And I didn't even know her properly when I did it.

I knew she wanted to ask me more questions. That much was written on her face. But I didn't want to push her into talking about something she wasn't ready for.

"So, what happens in this new chapter?" That move had a clear motivation: change the subject and lighten up the conversation. I let myself go with it.

Rolling my eyes, I shook my head. "You're going to have to read it if you want to find out."

"Why are you calling it Uninvited?"

"It's just a temporary title."

"You should keep it, I like it." She looked like she was about to say something, but stopped herself. I felt like throwing her something. She didn't have to hold back with me, not anymore.

"What, Bella? Say whatever you want."

She gulped before speaking. "I know it's probably not referring to that, but I thought it was pretty fitting with Harriet and Clark's relationship. How he didn't want her there at the beginning but she tagged along anyway."

While I was pondering on that, I wondered if I should tell her that Harriet and Clark had grown a bit closer, friendlier in the new chapter. I didn't. I'd rather hear her unbiased reactions later. "Maybe." I smiled. "We'll see."

Earlier I hadn't given much thought to why Elizabeth and Edwin were growing closer. It seemed natural for them to evolve that way now, after Bella had pointed out how fitting they were for each other. It was just a temporary thing, anyway, and it wasn't the freaking point of the story.

"I should go now. Sorry I disturbed your evening."

She got up, and shook her head to dismiss my words. I wouldn't let myself off the hook, though. I had thrown her out of bed twice that night.

Before I left, I decided there was one more thing I needed to do before leaving. I held out my hand for Bella to shake it and smirked playfully at her confused expression. "Friends?"

She rolled her eyes, laughing skeptically. But she took my hand and she shook it. "Friends."


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: I own nothing!**

**BPOV**

The sun was starting to rise, so it was officially day four. Much to my dismay, however, I had not gotten a single minute of sleep since Edward left. And I had tried to sleep. Every technique I had personally developed since the death of my mother had been employed, but no success had been achieved.

Edward was either already up or he hadn't slept either, because I could hear him move around in his bedroom and his printer had been going crazy for ten minutes. Before I got any more stressed about not sleeping, I decided to embrace it. Who needed sleep, anyway? Feeling much too lazy to take a shower or get dressed before having something to eat, and noticing I still had my nightshirt and the pants on, I decided to go see what was keeping Edward up.

Because not having slept I felt pretty under the weather, I made a detour in the kitchen to get coffee, to wake me up properly, and brand new ice packs for Edward. His face would probably be burning up by now.

Once I got to his room the door was open and I could clearly hear him inside, so knocked only to make my presence known and went right in. Edward was at the computer, typing away like there was no tomorrow, and still wearing the same clothes as last night.

"Good morning." He turned around at the knock and smiled at me. "Did you sleep well?"

Discretely I studied Edward's face to evaluate the bruises, which looked much better than I'd expected. If Edward wanted to hide what had happened from Esme and Carlisle it would be no problem at all. I threw the ice pack at him and shook my head, pointing at the coffee.

"I'm going to be drinking a lot of coffee today. No sleep whatsoever." I made a mental note to eat something before I had my second coffee, or my stomach would be bothering me for days.

He nodded, sympathetically. "The lack of sleep is haunting this house."

"You haven't slept yet, either?"

"I got a few hours. Then I had a surge of inspiration and started writing." He wasn't kidding. He was even typing as he spoke, and I was distracting him from his job.

"Should I leave you to it?"

"Don't be absurd, Bella. Get comfortable. Yesterday's chapter is printed out for you on the desk in case you want to read it."

I did. So I picked it up and lay back on the bed, in a very similar position that I'd taken a couple of days before when I started reading the story and I flipped through the new chapter. The previous two chapters had laid out the story. Edwin Clark was a 26 year old detective, who had entered the police academy when he was only eighteen, and had served as a police officer for two years. Soon after, in a drug traffic related case nicknamed 'The Sapphire', he had been accused of asking too much questions by his coworkers and his Captain, but he hadn't backed down. When he had gotten close to the truth, his parents were mysteriously killed in their home, and all the leads he had developed proved to be dead-ends, or the evidence ended up disappearing. Since then, because Edwin hadn't found help in the system, he quit and started working independently as a private detective, using his free time to find the men who had killed his family. When he realized he couldn't do it by himself, he joined an agency of private detectives, which let him use their resources and manpower, if he'd agree to work with Elizabeth Harriet. Edwin did not like Elizabeth. Hate at first sight, apparently, because there was nothing wrong with her that I could tell. Edwin described her as hard-headed, introverted and tough. I didn't consider any of those things necessarily bad. Hell, I was most certainly shy and stubborn as well.

Anyway, most of chapter two had dealt with him wanting to leave the agency because he didn't want to share his story with her, didn't want her near, and he didn't think she was capable enough to take care of herself on the field. Which I thought was completely unjustified, but it was Edward's story.

Clark had been convinced in a dream to take the job, which he ended up doing, and him and Harriet were now working on an anonymous tip Edwin received while working the Sapphire case, which told him to follow a man named Dibbs. Chapter two had ended with Harriet and Clark on a stake out outside this Dibbs character's house, arguing about which type of coffee they would buy to get them through the night. Harriet only drank decaf. Edwin thought it was bullshit, because the point of drinking coffee while on a stake out was to stay awake. She thought he shouldn't have a say in it, as long as she didn't fall asleep on him. Highly entertaining conversation.

So now the main characters were thrust in Edwin's car in a bad neighborhood, on a stake out in the middle of the night, holding a cup of decaf and regular coffee (Harriet clearly won the argument before).

I loved the way Edward wrote. Because as far as I was concerned, when you read his words you felt like you weren't only there living and breathing with the characters – you were them. And you could tell he had thought out exactly how he wanted each of them to sound. Edwin was cold and distant. Bitter, even. Harriet was put off by Clark's behavior, but you could tell in every move she made that she cared about his well being. And more importantly, especially to Clark, she cared about finding out the truth about who had hurt his family and bringing them down just as much as he did.

I sighed dreamily when Edwin said something I found incredibly romantic about how tiny Harriet's hands were, and when I felt a burning sensation in my ears, I looked up to see Edward looking at me with a raised eyebrow like I was crazy.

Apologetically, I spoke softly. "He said her hands are small."

Edward narrowed his eyes. "He said he should carry the loaded gun because her hands are too small."

I rolled my eyes at how unromantic he made it sound. "Po-ta-to, Po-tah-to."

It was his turn to roll his eyes, but I saw the glint in his eyes. He was making fun of me and my romantic ways. I threw one of the pillows that were supporting my back at his head, laughing when it caught him off guard and he nearly fell off his chair, and went back to reading. And I made sure I stayed quiet as a rat, too. No sighing, no moaning, no nothing.

That was, until the end of the chapter. Because they were taking a walk to stretch their legs after a few hours closed up in the car, and while they were coming back Clark had recognized one of the people who was passing them on the street as someone he had interviewed when he was investigating the case as a police officer, he was afraid the man would identify him as well, he had grabbed Harriet by the shoulders, thrown her against a wall and kissed her passionately.

I nearly freaking shrieked. Who was I kidding? I did shriek.

"Edward! They kissed! You didn't tell me they kissed!"

"They didn't kiss, it was a technique to distract the man and Harriet, in case she said something she shouldn't in front of a guy who might be involved. Harriet had never met the man, so she could have easily commented on their stake out and blown their cover."

Determined to look at his through his eyes, I re-read the scene quietly. When I was done I nearly yelped again. "Whatever Edward, they kissed. Is this why you asked me last night about if I'd been kissed."

Noticing he'd become embarrassed by my question, I raised an eyebrow at him. "Well?" I asked again when no answer came.

"It was more the other way around actually." He said, turning around to face me again. "I only wrote that scene last night. It wasn't in the chapter I wrote yesterday, I just added it in."

I couldn't see why that made him embarrassed, but I figured it was just a guy thing. "Well, I'm glad my humiliation was good for something."

When he only smiled innocently at me, my brain started throwing questions at me. Questions only Edward could answer.

"So what happens next? What is Harriet going to say to him? I mean, she just got kissed by a guy she thought hated her…"

"She knows he doesn't hate her anymore…"

I thought about the scene again, dreamily. "Seriously, though, that was a hell of a kiss."

I heard his full laugh taunting me from across the room and my eyes left the pages and threw darts at him. If only I would have been able to. "How would you know?" He asked with a playful tone to his voice, throwing a pillow back at me.

I had to swallow my pride to answer that one. "Just because I haven't been kissed like that it doesn't mean I can't appreciate. I read. I watch TV."

Seeing the laughter fall from his eyes, I tried to question him with my eyes. "Yeah, well," he said nervously, running a hand through his hair, messing it up impossibly more. "I'm not even sure it's going to make the cut. I can't tell how Harriet would react."

When he started walking around back and forth around the room, I figured it was just something he did to get the creative juices flowing. I wouldn't dare disturb him.

"See, this is why I had planned his partner to be a man. I can't get inside a woman's head." He was still restlessly moving around the room, until his eyes set on me and he froze, as if he had just had a brilliant idea. "Will you help me out?"

Heat filled my face as if I were about to explode. I wanted to point out I was not Harriet by any means, or even a woman yet. If he ever had a character who was this clumsy, insecure girl, he could count on me for any advice. Harriet was way out of my league. My head started to shake to say no, but he looked so hopeful, I sighed. "Sure, what can I do?"

Thrilled, Edward sat next to be on the bed, nearly bouncing up and down in excitement. "Okay. What would you say after Edwin kissed you like that?"

My eyes slitted at his question. "I don't know Edward. And you know I don't know!" I stated accusingly, reminding him again of our conversation last night.

He shrugged. "Play along."

"You can't play along with something like this. I don't know what it's like to be kissed like that, as you've so kindly pointed out."

"Be creative, imagine I did kiss you like that. What would you say?"

"Okay." I paused, closing my eyes to picture myself as Harriet and Edward as Clark. And a million questions started to fill my mind. "Did I like it?"

"You were surprised. But yes, I suppose," he answered quickly.

I added that little information to the scenario in my head."Am I pursing a romantic relationship with him?"

"No," he stated firmly and I grimaced in reaction. Edward was so freaking stubborn.

Ignoring the last question, I kept exploring my doubts. "Do I like him? Do I care about his feelings?"

"You don't want him to know you like him."

My eyes fluttered open and I instinctively grabbed Edward's hands. "Oh! Harriet likes him?"

I saw the reprehension in his face. "As a colleague. Focus, Bella."

"Fine," I sighed. "I guess I would say something like…'Are you crazy?' and I'd slap him."

I saw him glare at me with humor in his eyes. "This isn't a soap opera, Bella. Besides, the man would see Edwin and they would be discovered." Maybe it should have hurt my feelings, but as I pictured it in my head it did look silly. Maybe I was spending too much time watching television lately. I needed to go out more.

Crossing my arms in front of my body protectively, I tilted my head to one side. "I told you I suck at this, Edward."

"You don't suck Bella, you're just new at this. I think it's good you're waiting for someone special," he said, caressing my hand gently, obviously talking about the kiss.

He sounded patronizing and viciously sweet to my ears, and I didn't believe it for one second. "Why didn't you, then?"

Realizing our conversation had shifted smoothly from his characters to us, and I automatically leaned closer to his body next to me on the bed. For a second I questioned my judgment in asking something so private of him, but he had said he wanted us to be friendly. And friends talked. Besides, I wanted to know the answer, and if he was going to give me that crap about it being good for waiting for someone special, then he damn well would have to tell me private stuff as well.

"I didn't care much at the time. Didn't think I'd ever find that person." The way he spoke was so cold I wondered if someone had broken his heart.

Curiously, I leaned even closer to Edward. "And you do now?"

He mimicked my motions, leaning into me on the bed, with a tender look in his eyes. And I would have backed down, but his eyes were so intense and hurt and beautiful I felt completely sucked in. From the corner of my eye I saw his hand reach out to grab a lock of my hair and tuck it safely behind my ear, like it had fallen out of place. I froze, unsure of what he was doing.

He must have caught the shock in my face because he sprang back, looking awkwardly at his hands. "I'm starting to"´

I wondered if I would have to be the one to come up with something to change the subject. I really hoped not, because the only thing that was going through my head at the time was 'Did Edward Cullen just try to kiss me?'

After a million years and a few seconds, Edward spoke with his voice filled with cockiness. Apparently, we were going to ignore what had just happened. Which was more than fine with me. It was peachy. "Who gave you your first _chaste_ kiss?" I rolled my eyes at the way he emphasized the word chaste.

"Jake," I said simply, not wanting to delve too much into that particular moment of my life.

"As in Black? Jacob Black?" Apparently we were taking turns in being shocked. His eyes widened so much I wondered if it was possible for them to pop out of his head.

I nodded. "Only one I know."

"Oh, right," I bit my lip nervously. "I forgot your families don't get along."

"That's the understatement of the year, Bella. They have hated our family since we moved in here. The paranoid little freaks don't get that it's fine for Jasper and Alice and Emmett and Rosalie to date because they were never brought up as siblings anyway. I guess they find it weird Esme and Carlisle took us in, and they're together."

Both families were important to me, so I didn't want to speak because I didn't want to take sides. But it did make me wonder if that was all there was to it, wasn't it time to be friendly and forget the problems of the past? Edward and I had done it, so why couldn't they?

My thoughts were interrupted by Edward's voice. "You know they were the reason I didn't like you, right? I saw you with Jacob Black while they were talking about Esme and us" He paused, clearing his throat. "You didn't defend us, and it burned a little. I was pretty pissed at you."

Surprised at his admission, I tried to play back all the times Jacob had talked about the Cullens, but none came to mind. They had occasionally mentioned to Charlie I should spend the summer with them while he was away, but I never saw that as insulting to the Cullens. "When?"

"Right after you arrived."

Though I was trying as hard as I could, I still had no recollection of anything like what he was describing. It didn't matter though. I knew Edward wouldn't make it up, so it had to have happened. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"Didn't really go very well with the self-hating twelve-year-old boy, Bella. I wanted to take it out on someone, so I did it on you."

For emphasis, I grabbed Edward's hand. "I don't remember that Edward, but I never would have let them say something bad about Esme or Carlisle. You don't have to believe me, but it's true Edward. Esme is like a mother to me, and Carlisle, he's a good friend. And a good doctor too, and you know how often those come in handy for me." I went for the quick joke, and it worked. Edward smirked at my words and nodded.

"I know. It must have been a huge misunderstanding. It's a shame we lost all those years, but we're good now. Right?"

"Right."

"Well, I sincerely hope Jacob Black doesn't get your first dirty kiss."

I wouldn't say it to Edward, but I secretly thought 'Me too…'.


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: I own nothing!**

**First of all I want to give you all chocolates for the reviews. Everyone who is reviewing, and even the ones who are too lazy to review but still read, you truly rock. But the ones reviewing rock just a little bit harder. **

**And I just want to say that I know it's getting pretty frustrating that they haven't even freaking kissed yet, but it's coming. And it's not ten chapters away. Soon. I promise. Hold your horses, people. The story isn't M rated for nothing ;). **

**EPOV**

Bella left me alone after our conversation, claiming I should be alone for inspiration to come. Actually what she meant was that she needed to go get dressed and she would be back later, so we could go have lunch together.

I felt pretty shitty. Because while she was reading the new chapter I found a stain of blood on the sleeves of Bella's nightshirt, which had been probably been put there by me on the previous night, and she probably didn't notice. When I was about to tell her, something inside me stopped me. Because, in a crazy, psycho, weird way, it felt like she had part of me with her, and I didn't want her to throw it out. I figured that made me a weirdo, but I shrugged it off. I was honestly more worried about other things that had been said.

Even after Bella and I became friends, I had never ever intended to tell her why I didn't like her – or that I didn't like Jacob. Somehow I was slowly losing control when it came to Bella, and I didn't enjoy it. Why had I told her I was starting to believe there was someone special out there? At first I thought I was only saying it to comfort her, make her feel good about not having had a real kiss yet, but I wasn't so sure anymore.

And being the dickhead I was, right after telling her it was good she was waiting for someone special, I lost my head and leaned into her to kiss her. _I leaned in_! What kind of sick ass was I? She must have thought I was the world's biggest hypocrite. Come to think of it, by the look on her face after I did it, she did think that. I couldn't honestly say what had come over me. It was all the talk about kissing and the lack of sleep and the newfound friendship between us, because I wasn't attracted to Bella. Bella wasn't attracted to me, either. Absently, I scratched my head, unsure of who I was trying to convince of what I was saying. I was attracted to Bella. I mean, of course I was. I had been attracted to Bella when I thought she was a backstabbing bitch – but at that point I thought it was part of her charm. It wasn't a big deal. Every man found Bella attractive, I was sure. I'd seen Jacob leering, and Mike and, hell, even Hugh and Jack thought she was hot. They were mistaken, though. I had been mistaken for a long time, as well. Because she wasn't hot, or attractive. She was _beautiful_. Exquisite. The little things she did playing with her hands when she was nervous, the way she blushed so easily, her smile, her eyes, her hair. Everything about her was hitting me like a brick wall since she had arrived, and it was becoming harder and harder to not act upon it. Particularly when she touched me, accidentally or on purpose. Or when she was close. Or just when she breathed, in general.

Sighing, I ran a frustrated hand through my hair again. It would be sticking out pretty badly by now, and I needed a freaking shower. I was glad we just moved on to another subject like I hadn't just been about to kiss her, and not dwelled on it.

Remembering Jacob, I winced involuntarily. That had been the sad asshole who had kissed Bella and not even tried to sneak his freaking tongue in. I had wanted more details, especially dealing with how it happened, who started it and who ended it, but Bella's face clearly signaled it wasn't a conversation she was looking forward to, so I let it go. Plenty of time to find out about that later.

Trying to concentrate on chapter four of my story was useless. I just couldn't get Bella out of my head. It infuriated me. I wasn't a guy who got caught up in his head or who you would expect would get imprisoned by his feelings for a girl. There was no doubt in my mind why this was happening, either. It was all the closeness. Me and Bella were being practically thrown in each other's direction. We spent most part of everyday together. And we found something new to fight about every day. First day was because we didn't like each other, then yesterday it was because Bella was worried about me and I didn't want to tell her the reason I got into a fight was her. How very heroic of me, to get into a fight because someone was saying things about Bella, things that could have come out of my mouth not even a week before it happened. I rolled my eyes in annoyance at my behavior. I deserved to have gotten my nose broken, and my ass kicked for good measure. Remembering my nose, I pressed on it softly, tentatively with my fingers, to test the damage. Painful, but not nearly as much as the previous night.

I didn't know how Bella felt about me, but I was certain of something: I wasn't fucking good enough for her. I had managed to mess up in one way or another every relationship in my life, even the non-romantic ones. I firmly believed myself to be incapable of love, and Bella was pure and innocent and beautiful. I didn't freaking deserve her, and I wouldn't make a move in spite of being attracted. I wouldn't make her into one of my afternoon fucks, even though I knew that was what would be expected of me by some people. I valued her, and our friendship enough to know she deserved a lot more than someone who was just attracted to her. She needed someone who put her on a freaking pedestal and protected her. And loved her. A description which pretty much put me out of the picture.

My thoughts were interrupted by Bella's beaming smile behind me, calling me to lunch. She did look heavenly sometimes, I mused. Right off the shower her hair was still wet and a much darker shade of brown than her natural color, and it fell neatly almost at the middle of her back, making me want to play with it for hours. But that wasn't the only thing different. Here's the thing about Bella: she's pretty low-key. So her clothes consisted of baggy things which don't show off a lot, and – trust me on that – left much to the imagination. Not today. She was wearing a blue fitted shirt which was showing off just a hint of cleavage, with her usual blue jeans. On anyone else it would have been common. Even demure, maybe. But on her, it had made me gawk at her for seconds before I trusted myself enough to pronounce a sentence.

I wondered if she had dressed up for our lunch, and cursed at myself for not having showered yet. I was officially a pig. Wondering if it would be proper to tell her she looked beautiful, Bella interrupted my thoughts while we headed for the kitchen.

"Guess what?" She asked excitedly, nearly bouncing up and down in the kitchen. She didn't give me time to ask "I'm going to the movies tonight. You're fine with heating some pre-cooked food, right?"

I nodded, distracted. Well, there went the theory that she had dressed up for me. That was a huge pride crush. Certifying my face showed nothing but excitement for her, I started setting the table for two. "You're going alone?"

She was standing by the microwave, setting the timer with our food inside and I saw her shake her head inattentively. "With the guys from La Push." She turned around to look at me and bit her lip adorably. "It's not a problem, is it?"

I muttered a 'of course not' which made Bella go back to her lively state. I liked to see her happy, I just had no idea she was so eager to leave the house. I could have taken her to see a movie in Port Angeles if she wanted. "So everyone from La Push is going?"

"Just Sam and Jacob. And Leah."

The word double date filled my head and I had to bite my tongue not to ask. I wondered if she would even tell me the truth if I did. Deciding not to give up too easily, I decided to give something a shot.

"Mind if I tag along?" When she nearly stumbled from turning around so fast, I almost laughed. "I don't have any plans for tonight. Besides, how can you drive to Port Angeles on that ankle?" I was prepared to use all my weapons on this. I did not want Bella going on a double date with people who hated me. I had done something similar and ended up home bleeding. Also, I didn't know how recent this chaste kiss was. What if he invited her to try again? What if he was already her boyfriend and he just didn't know how to kiss Bella properly? The scenarios only worsened in my head as she remained quiet, probably wondering why the hell I wanted to go. To be completely honest, I wasn't that certain myself. Stubbornly, I kept my eyes stayed fixated on Bella, waiting for her reaction.

"But…" she said finally, "you don't like them."

"I didn't like you three days ago, either." I shrugged. "What you mean is, _they_ don't like _me_. Now that we're friends shouldn't we make an effort to hang out with each others' friends as well?"

She narrowed her eyes, but she didn't deny it. "Well…I just don't think it's a very good idea."

***

I won. After half an hour discussing the pros and the cons, and of Bella suggesting I call my own friends, the ones I had just beat up, to have a friendly get together, or write or listen to music , I finally made her see, by making her drive around the block, that she was in no condition to drive. Besides, with me there, she could come back whenever he wanted. Or, if things went badly, I would leave and she'd catch a ride with Sam.

The thing was, I was not going to let Bella go out with Jacob. Not in the blue tight sweater. I knew it was shallow of me, and way too controlling, but this was Bella we were talking about. There were probably a million things that could happen to her on a night out in Port Angeles.

After I convinced her, she called Jacob. Who, after long moments of silence, I heard claim 'he was fine with it if I was'. Asshole. I had told Bella I wanted to get along with them, but that had been quite obviously a lie. There was the distinct possibility I hated him even more now, after I found out he had Bella's first kiss.

I wasn't looking for trouble, though, in any way. But really, we were going to the movies, so most of the time would be spend quietly in the dark. And with Bella right by my side so I could make sure that asshole's mouth stayed well away from hers.

Bella reluctantly agreed to let me go, and I convinced her to go in my car and we'd meet them there, so I would have the chance to assure her I wasn't planning on ruining her night, or theirs, by any means. Honestly, I just wanted some time spent with Bella outside of the house and to keep Jacob away from her. It seemed innocent enough in my mind. I excused myself to have a shower and get properly ready for going out.

It wasn't like I paid much attention to what I wore. Actually I never did. And it was pretty stupid to start now because there was still bruising in my nose and the side of my face, so it's not like I would ever look great. But in tribute to Bella's sweater, I picked up a shirt of the same color and some jeans, threw them on, and went downstairs where Bella was already ready and waiting for me.

"Ready?"

She gave me a nervous nod and I nearly felt bad for putting her in this situation. Nearly. I walked in front of her to my Volvo, running to her side to open her door for her and smirked at the reaction in her face. Clearly the chaste kisser had never opened the door for her. Striding calmly to my side, I caught a glimpse of Bella's anxious face before I entered my car.

Worried that maybe she didn't really want me to go and I was intruding on something private, I entered the car swiftly, and stared at her until Bella looked back at me. "Do you want me to stay?" I saw the glint of doubt in her eyes. "Just say yes and I'll go back inside and I'll see you when you get back, Bella. No hard feelings. It's probably not too late to call Sam and have them swing by to pick you up. Or I can drive you there."

She thought about my words for a while. For too long, actually. But when she spoke again, she spoke firmly. "No. You're my friend now, Edward. You're coming out with me tonight."

I nodded, happier with her answer than I thought I would have been. Starting the ignition, we headed to Port Angeles to meet Sam, Leah and Jacob Black.

When we had spent about five minutes in a comfortable silence, I decided it was time to start prying for answers.

"Bella," I said, keeping my eyes on the road. "I just want you to know I won't do anything to ruin your night. It's not why I came."

"Why did you? To watch my ankle?"

"I've been a little…curious about your relationship with Jacob since you told me about it."

"You knew we were friends. You told me that's partially why you didn't like me"

"I knew you were friends, I didn't know you were friends with benefits." I saw from the corner of her eye that she was opening her mouth to protest, so I corrected my wording before she got mad at me. "I meant that I didn't know you kissed him, Bella, nothing offensive."

"We don't. It was just that one time," she said quietly.

"When was that one time?"

Bella kept answering me quickly, unemotionally, to the point. I had a feeling she was behaving like she was testifying in court or something. "Last time I saw him, about two weeks ago."

My mouth felt suddenly too dry to speak. Two weeks ago. And Leah and Sam were dating, or at least they were sucking on each other's face every time I saw them together. The word double date haunted me again, even though I was trying to push it to the back of my mind.

"Wow," I exclaimed after too much time for it to sound natural. "Is that going to be weird? You two going out again so soon?" _We could always go back home and catch a movie by ourselves._

She smiled sweetly. "I don't think so. We talked about it and it's not going to happen again."

I gulped, preparing myself for my next question. "Do you like him?"

When she nodded, I wondered if she would be able to hear my heart beating. "I do. Just not like…that," she concluded sadly.

Wincing, I realized I was gripping the wheel so tightly in my hands my knuckles were screaming in pain. Probably not smart to grip something that hard within twenty four hours of beating someone up. When Bella answered, I let out a breath I hadn't realized I'd been holding and smiled.

"Yeah, I know what you mean."

"Look," she said, sitting up on her seat. "We're here"

I took notice of where the exit was and went to park the car, and suddenly I noticed the La Push people were all already there. Taking a long, deep breath and patting her arm lightly, I got out of the car and braced myself for what was about to happen.


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: I own nothing!**

**BPOV**

I knew that by now Edward and I were on good terms. I didn't know just how good, though. Because he had actually told me he wanted to go out with me and the La Push guys, and that was a pretty big deal. For me and Edward, anyway. Tentatively, I tried to picture myself in the middle of Tanya's friends with Edward and I had to force myself not to make a face. I wouldn't do it, not even if Edward asked. As soon as I saw Tanya's shining blonde hair all I would be able to see is Edward having sex with her, and I could just picture the accusing glares I would receive for getting him into a fight because of me. No, thank you very much.

During the evening it had crossed my mind that Edward only wanted to go with us to cause trouble. To get into a whole new fight, or to control me a little bit. But how could I say no to him, when he might have been only doing something for my own good, to make our friendship stronger? I couldn't. I wouldn't.

The coward side of me was brimming with happiness, too. Because my next encounter with Jacob would be weird, to say the least. It had been painfully awkward to have to tell him that while I did love him, I wasn't in love with him. And still all he said at the end of it was that I was wrong, and I'd come to understand my feelings for him were love. My inexperience didn't allow me to deny it. Because how would I know? My love life had always been as exciting as watching paint dry, and I had never experienced love, at least not romantic love. I had never experienced butterflies in my stomach or an unbearable desire to be with someone forever. But what if that never happened to me? What if I was too cynical to experience that love?

I had a vision of myself with 70 years, living with three cats which I'd call Romeo, Samson and Mr. Darcy. And those would be the true loves of my life.

By the time we arrived at the movies, I was feeling a lot more relaxed about Edward's presence. I mean, what really could go wrong? An occasional nasty remark from either side was, as far as I could tell, the worst case scenario. That was until I stepped out of Edward's Volvo and saw Jacob's face. He looked at Edward with so much hatred, I considered for a moment stepping in front of Edward. But Jacob's face wasn't serious – he was smirking. It was very easy to see the 'bring it on' message in his eyes when he looked at Edward.

We were still a few feet away when I heard Sam's voice from behind Jacob. "What the hell is he doing here?"

I looked at Leah for support, but she just clung to Sam's chest. No help there for Bella. "I invited him. I told Jacob." Technically, Edward had invited himself. But they didn't need to know that.

"She did," Jacob acknowledged, with a short nod, heading in my direction.

When I saw Jake meet me and Edward mid-way and hold out his hand for Edward to shake, I felt a gasp get caught in my throat. My head started imagining them starting to fight in the middle of a parking lot in front of a movie theatre, with tons of people walking past us, and I clearly saw myself having to bail out two of my friends from jail tonight.

To my surprise, Edward truly was on his best behavior. He took Jacob's hand and shook it, holding their hands in place, locked together aggressively.

Once they got closer Jacob's smirk intensified. "What happened? Did you invite yourself for another date?"

Edward was still next to me, on my left side, so I had to look at him to see what Jacob meant. And I wanted to slap myself for forgetting he had been in a fight recently, and his bruises, although they were healing, they were still very noticeable.

Jacob and Edward still had their hands locked and their eyes were fixed in each other, obviously just waiting for a provocation form the other part to attack. In an attempt to lighten the mood, I spoke for Edward. "Some lady friends probably got jealous. Right Edward?"

They finally broke their defiant stare when Edward narrowed his eyes at me. I didn't know what the hell I had done to deserve that, so I just shrugged innocently and grasped his arm tightly, hopefully conveying the message I desperately wanted to scream at him. _Stop this!_

We must have been more in synch than I thought, because he got what I was saying immediately. His questioning glare turned into a small forced smile when he looked at Jacob again and he nodded. "That's right."

Jake took a step back and their hands finally disconnected, settling his eyes on me. I smiled tentatively and whispered "Hi, Jake," hoping he would leave the introductions at that.

Without warning Jacob walked up to me and encircled me in his arms, holding me for a second longer than comfortable. While he held me I noticed Sam and Leah were still looking at Edward like he was the devil's spawn and I had to bite my tongue not to speak up in his defense. Edward wasn't _that_ bad. I patted Jacob's back, gawkily willing him to let me go, but when I felt his grip on me ease, he kissed my cheek and whispered in my right ear "You owe me for this, Bella" in such a sweet way I knew he would never charge me.

Jacob patted Edward's back and brought him to Sam and Leah, using his boyish charms to introduce them pretending they were long time friends. As if Edward had never seen Sam and Leah before, or as if they all didn't hate each other already. I didn't care. No one would be fooled, but at least it would set the tone for the evening.

I had stayed back, silently thanking Jacob for making this so much easier on me, when Edward looked back at me with so many questions in his eyes I had no idea what to say to him. I shivered in reaction and saw Jacob smirking at me. "You're cold, Bella"

Before I could say it wasn't the cold, it was the tension, Jacob had placed his hands around my waist, holding me firmly to his body possessively. In my head the different ways this could play out were becoming worse by the second.

I squirmed a little, trying to give Jacob the hint that I didn't want him to have his arm around my waist, but he just gave me a little graze in return. Edward's eyes were now fixed on me, and I prayed to God I wasn't blushing for once in my life. Once I thought about it I felt my cheeks heating up even more and I looked at Leah, pleading for some help.

She looked around, probably wondering what you could possibly say in a situation like this. "So, what are we going to watch?"

I nearly sighed. I had to get her a good Christmas present this year. Like a really good one. She handled me the pamphlet with the time schedule for the movies, and I stole a glance at my clock before even seeing which movies were playing. Because the movie I wanted to see was the one which started first.

***

It would be just my luck to watch a romantic comedy in a day like this. The seats had been a problem, but because I didn't want to risk any problems during the movie, Sam and Leah had been at the far right, followed by Edward, then me, then Jacob.

The tension around us was palpable. We were halfway through the movie and I had no clue what it was about. I was focusing on the sounds of Sam and Leah's tongues, which seemed to be in the middle of a fierce battle for nearly an hour, and I had evaded from two attempts from Jacob to hold my hand. It wasn't going to happen. And I knew what he was doing, too. He wanted to provoke Edward into starting a fight. It was the male ego thing again. I sighed deeply and heard my stomach grunt.

I covered my tummy quickly, dying from embarrassment, when I heard Edward's laugh and I threw him an annoyed glance. It wasn't the time for him to make fun of _me. _He mouthed an 'I'm sorry', and I rolled my eyes, pretending to focus on the movie. There seemed to be a woman. And a man. They were in love but someone else didn't approve. I rolled my eyes, apologizing to my brain for the brain cells I was about to kill just for watching this.

I felt Edward shifting in his seat, leaning slightly into me. "Do you want me to get you some popcorn?"

Looking around, he had to go through either Jacob or Sam to get up now. I shook my head slowly, trying to be as silent as possible. "Dinner. Later."

I saw him nod from the corner of my eye and got comfortable again, until I felt Jacob, on my left side, leaning into me too.

"What got into you, Bells?"

I wondered if Edward was hearing the conversation. I tried to say "_Stop provoking him_", but I could find the right volume to make sure Edward wouldn't listen to my words, so I gestured discretely for him to wait. I absentmindedly thought my life at the moment would be a better comedy than the piece of crappy cinema we were watching.

When I saw the credits rolling, I let out such a long breath I was sure everyone in the movies knew how relieved I was that it was over. I got up immediately, receiving a few grunts from people behind me who apparently liked to see a black screen with white words, I ducked and half-walked half-ran outside to the cold night air.

I felt someone behind me and before I could turn around I felt the warmth of a jacket on my back. I didn't need to turn around to see who it was. I would recognize Edward's smell anywhere.

"Here," he whispered as he helped me tuck my hands clumsily into the sleeves of his jacket.

I tried to object and pretend I wasn't cold, but my chattering teeth would probably give me away. "Aren't you cold?"

He shook his head with a smile and was starting to button me up when I saw Jacob Leah and Sam walking up to us. They were smiling, probably talking about the movie, but I impulsively took a step back from Edward when I saw Jacob's face when he noticed us.

"You got out of there fast," Jacob said, placing himself so he was standing between me and Edward. I narrowed my eyes at him. It was time to cut it off, they weren't two kids in kindergarten.

"It got a bit claustrophobic in there," I answered honestly. I probably could have said it was getting claustrophobic outside as well, but I figured they already knew that too.

"Do you want to grab something to eat before we go home?" Leah asked, quite clearly no longer bothered by Edward's presence. A good make out session tended to have that effect on people.

Not wanting to go through another hour of sideway glances and whisperings in my ear, I shook my head quickly at her question. "I'm not hungry. We…uh," I hesitated, looking at Edward, "we had a big lunch."

I saw Edward's grin and I felt myself blushing. I sucked at lying. Really, really sucked at lying. Especially when I was aware someone else knew I was lying. And Edward had heard my stomach signal hunger nearly an hour ago. Maybe the others had, too.

To my surprise, I saw Edward nodding. "Yeah, I'm still pretty full from lunch, too."

I gave Edward such a wide smile I wondered if my face was about to be split in two. When Leah agreed with me and Edward, the dinner was off the table. Sam and Leah said something about going to search for a gift for someone, and my worst nightmares became reality. They were about to leave me alone with Edward and Jacob. Trying to see things with optimism, I tried to remember relaxation techniques that might make them get along better, or at least make me not have a heart attack.

My thoughts were interrupted when I felt someone grab my hand and Jacob pulled me a bit aside. "Can I talk to you for a while?"

I think I might have gulped. There were a number of subjects I wasn't prepared to go into with Jacob, not right now. And definitely not with Edward around. I hesitantly looked at Edward, whose face I couldn't read if my life had depended on it.

Before I answered, Edward interrupted me. "It's okay. I have something to do, as well. I'll see you in 15 minutes by the car?"

I bit my lip and nodded slowly, watching Edward walk away at a quick pace and standing alone with a very smug Jacob. I guessed in the male ego battles, getting alone time was a big deal.

"Now that we're alone…" Jacob started, with a hand carefully placed in my hips guiding me to a set of pillars we both used as a bench. I wrapped Edward's jacket around myself tightly and waited for him to continued. "Are you going to tell me what got into you?"

Wondering if I should go for the truth or play dumb and avoid a fight, I looked around cautiously before answering. "I don't see what the big deal is, Jacob. He's a friend-"

"A friend," he said, not letting me finish. It wasn't even a question. More like a _you're kidding me_. I nodded hurriedly in response, although I could see the disbelief in his eyes. "Two weeks ago you said you were hoping you got an infectious disease so you didn't have to be alone with him for a week, and now you're friends. _Friends_."

"We've changed. He's changed. He's nice, Jacob."

"I'm sorry, Bella. I'm having a hard time believing that. And guys like him don't change."

"That sounds very condescending, Jake," I said, meeting his gaze.

Patiently, sweetly, Jacob grabbed my hands in his, trying to warm me up. I felt like telling him the jacket was warm enough, but I figured that would interfere with the male ego thing. "What happened to your ankle?"

I hesitated. What did that have to do with anything? I didn't want to tell him I got it in a fight with Edward, and I didn't want to lie. So I stood quiet. "It just…bended when I was cleaning."

He stared at me intently, thinking about our words. "Are you in love with him?"

My body hardened in its place, shocked at his words. Unsure of whether to be offended or to laugh, I gasped audibly. "Because the only reason to defend someone is because you're in love with them?"

"No." He paused, standing up. "He's back."

Turning around I followed Jacob's eyes to find a very cold Edward by his Volvo. I got up and started walking, with Jacob by my side, in Edward's direction. I wondered how long he'd been back because I didn't see anything he could have gotten in his hands. I tried to smile at Edward to gauge his reaction, but his face was unreadable again.

As I approached him, his eyes hopped between me and Jacob, and I decided to speak first. "Ready to go?"

When he only nodded in reaction, I heard my stomach grunt again. _Damn it, I was hungry_. I thought I saw Edward smirk when he opened the door for me and gestured for me to get inside, but I ignored it. I was clearly going crazy. I gave Jacob a one-sided hug and waved at Leah and Sam, who had just arrived with two bags in Leah's arms and were standing by Sam's car.

Edward waited until I got in the car to close the door for me, and I waited until he got in the driver's seat to evaluate how mad he was or why he was mad. When he started the car and pulled off without saying a word, I looked out the window and made a mental note never to take Edward out with Jacob again.


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: *gives chocolates to everyone who reads/reviews* I love you all! This chapter has a little bit of cursing (as you can see by the first lines, but hey, Edward's a guy and he's angry. He's going to curse like a sailor, at least in his thoughts. Hope it doesn't offend anyone. :)**

**I own nothing!**

**EPOV**

That son of a bitch. That sick, twisted, son of a whore. I hoped on some level he knew how close he was to having his face bashed in and how much I would have enjoyed it. He was damn lucky I didn't want to make Bella any more uncomfortable than she already was, and the last thing I wanted was putting her in a position where she would have to take sides. But he fucking provoked me, and not just once. The way he hugged Bella and held her as if she would want it, as if she was his – that alone was enough to make my skin crawl. But then he started whispering shit in her ear, making sure I didn't make out what it was, and pretended to be oh so nice to me. I could tell him where to shove his niceness.

And to top it all off, he dismisses me saying he wants to speak with Bella alone. Just the thought made me grip the wheel as tightly as I could in anger. I didn't lie, I did have some things to do. First of all, I wanted to get something for Bella to eat, because she was clearly famished and didn't eat because of the awkwardness that my presence caused. And I wanted to get her a new nightshirt, since I'd stained hers with my blood. Which I did, although I had no clue what her size was or her taste – I went with the closest thing to what she had been wearing, figuring it was best not to get creative. It was a little more like a nightgown, I supposed, but she could always exchange it if it didn't fit or if she didn't like it.

When I came back, with a bag filled with MacDonald's take away and another with her nightgown, I saw them immediately, sitting alone, intimately, deeply enthralled in conversation. I wouldn't interrupt them, unless interrupting them meant I could kill the bastard, so I put the gift in the trunk of the car and the food in the backseat, figuring we could probably stop somewhere so she could eat on our way home.

I knew Jacob had seen me return, but he apparently didn't say anything to Bella, since she didn't even flinch in my direction when Jacob started talking again. I didn't care. I would wait quietly and keep my thoughts of that asshole to myself for as long as needed. At least I could see Bella closing my jacket around her body, and in some stupid, sick way it felt like I was there with her as well. But I wouldn't listen to their conversation, not if I could help it. I considered entering the car and waiting inside, but for some reason I needed to see their behavior, especially Bella's. My biggest worry was that they would kiss goodbye, but Jacob didn't look nearly as arrogant as he had when I left, so I hoped the conversation didn't go as well as he had planned.

My fingers stirred and I realized I desperately wanted and needed to write. It was like a million little pieces I previously couldn't figure out were slowly falling into place. I saw Jacob nod in my direction and Bella turning her head to look at me, standing alone by the car as we'd agreed.

"Ready to go?" Bella asked, looking awfully uncomfortable to me. Reminding myself it wasn't Bella's fault I had came along, I nodded and went to reach for the door to open it for her when I heard her stomach grunt again and I felt the corners of my lips tilting against my will. How freaking cute. Bella hesitantly looked at me and at the door, but turned around to give another hug to Jacob, which could have easily made me throw up if I wasn't as hungry as Bella, and hopped inside the car.

I saw Jacob's eyes once we were outside of Bella's view, and I had never seen such a clear message in anyone's face. _You're not fucking good enough for her._ And I felt like telling him I already knew that. I wasn't worthy of her, but fuck it, neither was he. I shoved my way past him to get to the driver's side of the car and hoped to accidentally run Jacob over while we were leaving.

Trying to organize my thoughts, I kept quiet after we were in the car. I didn't want to say something about Jacob that would hurt Bella in any way because I knew that he was important to her. Hell, I knew he was more important to her than I was. They'd been friends for ages, and I was this guy who had treated her like shit for years and who now was becoming a little too fixated on her. I considered the possibility that Bella was driving me crazy. Or witchcraft. Because my feelings for her weren't natural, weren't normal.

I heard Bella's stomach again and decided to look for somewhere to park the freaking car. "I'm sorry, Bella," I started, unsure of what her reaction to me would be now. "I didn't mean to ruin your night."

I wasn't even looking at her, but her face shifted so quickly from looking outside the window to me that I felt she might hurt her neck. It wouldn't have surprised me if she said it had already happened in the past.

"You didn't," she said, and I nearly laughed. "Hey," she placed her hand in top of mine in the wheel, "you didn't."

I looked at her expression, trying to see her eyes. They would tell me if she was being honest or not. She wasn't. "You're lying," I accused coldly, keeping my eyes fixed on the road. Getting us both killed would certainly make the evening even worse.

I heard her sighing. "Look, this wasn't the best evening ever. But it's not your fault. Things with Jake were already awkward, and we need some time to make things better again. It has nothing to do with you."

She said it tenderly, trying to comfort me, but it had the opposite effect. Her and Jacob had nothing to do with me. I would have to repeat that in my head tonight like a mantra to make sure it entered my stupid, thick brain.

I saw an empty parking space in the middle of nowhere, and pulled in. Bella looked at me, then at the car, then at me again always with that same curious look on her face. "Why are we stopping?"

Stupidly happy that Bella didn't seem scared or apprehensive about stopping somewhere with me, I reached in the back seat, feeling blindly for the bag of food. And I got even cockier when I remembered her face at the prospect of being alone with Jacob. She had been worried, uncomfortable, scared. Right now I could see a glint of curiosity and excitement in her eyes. "I'm getting my alone time with you," I said with a raised eyebrow, after I finally caught the bag. She must have smelled it right away, because I saw her face lit up like I had just given her the cutest little puppy you've ever seen. "I hope you like MacDonald's."

"Thank you!" She said, taking a Big Mac in her hands and giving a little moan of pleasure at the sight of food. I had to tell my hormones to settle down. Because of course that was all it was. My hormones were making me mistake friendliness for romantic interest, and I had to stop this shit now. Bella deserved me to be completely honest in our friendship, and I'd give her that. It was the least I could do to make up for treating her badly for so long.

If I had had any doubts about how hungry she was, the fact that she was already chewing before I had time to unwrap my Big Mac was a good indication. I smirked in spite of myself, happy to be able to put that wide smile in her face.

She shook her head looking at her half eaten burger, gulping to force down her last bite so she could take another one. "I don't think food has ever tasted this good."

"If you were that hungry why didn't you let me get popcorn for you? Or we could have gone out to dinner." She rolled her eyes at me, chewing while she shook her head. "Are you trying to tell me you were so uncomfortable with me there you would rather starve than handle it for a few more minutes?"

Bella shrugged and kept chewing. I waited patiently for her to swallow the remaining food in her mouth so she could answer me properly. "I guess I didn't realize I was this hungry. Besides, you were on your last nerve since we arrived, I didn't want you to be uncomfortable either. Or get your nose broken this time."

I sat up. My nose broken? What the hell made her think I would lose against a kid? Maybe I was outnumbered, but I had been outnumbered before. "That wouldn't have happened," I said, hoping my anger and bitterness weren't very noticeable to her. She gave me a mocking glare, so I supposed I failed miserably.

When we were both done with our food, I threw every paper in the plastic bag, and went outside to dispose of it. I didn't enjoy the smell of MacDonald's food in my car. "So is this what you had to do when you left? Buying us food?"

I thought about the nightshirt on my trunk, and realized I wasn't even sure if it was a proper gift you gave your girl friend. "Yeah, this was what I was doing."

I saw Bella lean into me, and I felt the warnings starting to go off in my head. Not because she was close and coming even closer. That felt right. The problem was that Bella's mouth was clearly headed for my cheek, and I had the strangest desire to turn my face so I could kiss her. Just once. No harm done, right? It would be a good way to test these feelings I kept mixing up, and when it was over we would be done and I could honestly say I was only her friend, without second intentions, without my hormones getting in the way. But it wouldn't be that way. What guarantee did I have that once I tasted her lips I wouldn't want to have all of her? Or that she wanted me to kiss her at all? Hadn't I told her recently she should wait for that one special person, and that it was good she was waiting? Bella hadn't given me any indications of feelings beyond friendship for me, and I knew she deserved more. And that was great for her, because she shouldn't like me. I had fucked up every relationship in the past. Actually, I had fucked them up before they became relationships because I was unable to care for anyone but myself.

Incredibly I was able to keep my face still as Bella gave me a quick peck on the cheek and I sighed in relief when she got back in her seat. It took everything in me not to kiss her at that moment, and I wished she knew just how much I wanted her without me having to tell her.

"Thank you," she whispered softly and put her seat belt on, and I frowned, trying to remember what she was thanking me for.

The food. Right.

Using Bella putting her seat belt back on as a sign she was done with the night's adventures, I started the ignition again and we headed home.

***

Bella fell asleep in the ride home, so I didn't have the opportunity to ask what the hell Jacob had wanted of her. Just because I didn't want to listen in on the conversation it didn't mean I didn't want to know. And for some reason I believed Bella would tell me. I looked at her peaceful sleeping face and my hand instinctively reached out to remove a piece of hair that was falling on her face and seemed to be tickling her. I wondered if she knew how beautiful she was. I had clearly paid attention to tonight's outfit because it was so untypical for Bella, but she was by far the most beautiful girl I had ever seen. I thought I remembered some years ago when Alice mentioned Bella talked in her sleep. She was pretty quiet now, unfortunately. I wondered what I would do if she said Jacob's name, and silently thanked her for her quietness.

I cursed under my breath at my thoughts. These were my hormones speaking, not me. I did _not_ like Bella.

When I saw my house I started thinking of ways to wake up Bella, or studying for a way to put her in bed without waking her up. It would be possible; at least if I managed to go inside first and open every door we had to go through. Not really enjoying the thought of waking her up, since she had had a hard time falling asleep on the previous night, I opened the door to devise my technique of picking her up.

While I was reaching for her door, Bella started stirring, making me stop dead in my tracks.

"Edward?"

Angry at myself for not being able to pull this off, I opened her door and knelt on the floor so we were face to face. "You fell asleep on the ride home. You want me to carry you inside?"

Bella looked slowly at me, her brain clearly not functioning properly while she yawned and looked around confused. Then, after a minute of processing the information, she shook her head. "Thanks, I can walk."

Of course she could. I held her door open and locked the car, pausing momentarily to look at the trunk of my car, where Bella's new nightshirt was. Maybe instead of giving it to her I could just exchange them. They were similar enough that she wouldn't tell the difference, and I didn't want to make a big deal out of this.

Leaving the trunk alone, I followed Bella inside the house and we stood in the kitchen, far away from each other, while Bella drank a glass of water. Looking in her eyes broke me. Because Bella looked so sad that I couldn't stop thinking about what the hell Jacob had told her about me.

Deciding going for the truth was the best way to deal with things, I spoke. "You look sad, Bella."

She nodded, slowly, looking at her hands. I didn't need her to tell me she was upset, but she confirmed it anyway. "I am."

"I ruined your night, right?" She looked at me like I was insane, which made me breathe a little easier. Softening my voice, I spoke again. "Then why?"

She remained quiet for ages. For eras. Almost like she didn't want to tell me what was bothering her. I was about to lure her to speak when I heard her voice. "It's almost over. Tomorrow is day five."

I narrowed my eyes. "Day five."

"Of six," she said, as if that would make it easier for me to understand what the hell she was talking about.

This conversation was evidently going completely over my head. "Tomorrow is day five of six. Of what-" I stopped. Of course it was day five of six. She was counting the freaking days until the rest of the family came home and she wouldn't have to be alone with me anymore. I knew a lot about suffering and pain, but this was a brand new type of ache. "Oh. Day six is Saturday, huh? The day Esme and Carlisle return?"

She started to nod, but when she lifted her head to look at me something must have changed. Because I could see the surprise in her eyes. "No. Edward. It's not like that." She bit her lip, clearly unsure of her words. "It's not like that anymore. It started as the countdown to something good and now…It seems like our time is running out. I mean, it's Thursday. They will all be here Saturday. It's more like day five of five and a half."

My eyes were still narrowed while I was trying to figure out what the hell she meant by that. Did she want to be with me alone? And why the hell was our time running out because my family was coming back?

"And you don't want them to come back?" I asked, waiting anxiously for her answer. When she shook her head, I literally almost felt my heart on my throat. "Because you want to stay with me." It was another question, it was just hiding behind a statement, and she knew it. Taking her time to torture me, she bit her lip, looking at the floor. Finally, she looked into my eyes again and nodded.

I hoped all the vulnerability I was feeling at the moment wasn't visible in my eyes. Did Bella really like me? Before I could dwell on those thoughts, she spoke. "I just like being your friend, Edward. I'm afraid we'll go back to our old ways once they are back."

"We'll be fine Bella. We really are friends now." She gave me such a sad smile I felt like taking her into my arms. "I like you Bella. I really like you." I could tell she wasn't sure of what I was saying, so I tried to find something that would show her I meant the truth. "What do you say we spend the entire day together? Day five will officially be ours. We'll make it count."

I loved the way Bella reacted to things. It was very similar to a child, really. "What are we going to do?" Her eyes were filled with excitement and curiosity when she spoke, and I felt the desire to kick myself for saying it without planning anything.

Trying to pull something out of my ass, I began brainstorming. What did girls like doing with their guy friends? Shopping was completely out of the question. It would be a waste of time to go to Port Angeles again. "I don't know. A picnic outside?" Reminding myself that she was probably thinking that meant she had to prepare the food, I kept speaking. "I'll cook. Or I'll buy pre-cooked food? Then we can go out or watch a movie alone? When you're fed and your stomach isn't constantly distracting you?"

She smirked at my teasing, and I could tell the idea appealed to her. Without warning she threw herself in my arms, hugging me tightly. I felt like pulling away. Her hair smelled like strawberries and coconut and it make me want to keep holding her for hours. I pushed her away gently with my hands in her shoulders, hoping she wouldn't feel rejected because that really wasn't the case. At all. And I smiled at her beaming face. "What do you say we're ready at noon tomorrow?"


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: I own nothing!**

**BPOV**

Day five was officially on full-on mode. I had spent a hell of a long time the previous night trying to plan my actions for today as well. I would get up late, around ten, and avoid the early morning conversation in the kitchen. I would stay in my room, have a nice, long shower, get dressed, check my e-mail, and then I would call Charlie to let him know everything was OK.

Of course my plan didn't work. I was so excited about having a day with Edward, a day he'd called _ours_, that I woke up early. So early in fact that by the time it was ten I had already done everything I wanted to do, and I still had two hours to kill before I left my room. But I wasn't bored. Not at all. Because if there was one thing that could entertain me for hours, it would have to be the sounds that I could hear coming from the kitchen.

Poor Edward was actually trying to cook.

Among curses and frustrated sighs I could hear cupboard and drawers opening and closing, the fridge beeping, signaling it had been left open for too long and other mysterious sounds of utensils being thrown against each other. On one hand it made me sort of guilty for letting Edward be in charge of the food, but on the other hand? It was freaking hilarious. I stood crunched with my ear pressed to the door, trying not to make any sound that would make Edward stop. And it went on for quite a while, as well. After about an hour of constant cussing, when I was starting to wonder if it wasn't best for me to give him a hand with the food so he wouldn't start a fire or something, I heard him pacing the hallways. Worried about being called out on being eavesdropping, I tiptoed away from the door and onto my desk, where I figured I could spend the rest of the morning surfing the internet.

I had devised a plan for a reason. I didn't want to have any free time on my hands, as that would allow my stupid brain to free itself and think about how the movies had gone last night. All the awkwardness, the half-hugs that went on for far too long, the sound of Sam and Leah making out, and everything else made my head hurt. I was proud of Edward and Jacob though. To their credit, they didn't start a scene.

And Edward. When he said he needed to do something, I figured it was either for himself or for the section of his life I have no partaking in. So when he stopped the car and gave me the food I could have kissed him. I really could. Maybe he was hungry himself, but it was still a really sweet gesture.

Hovering my hand on top of the mouse, I hesitated. For a second there I considered browsing through some help communities and posting my problems for someone, somewhere in the world to aid me. Pretty pathetic, but an impartial view might be vital at this point, and no one I knew was truly objective in this matter. Still, for some reason, "My best friend is in love with me, I think I may be attracted to a guy who used to hate me but now is my friend too, and by the way they also hate each other with a passion" sounded a little too shallow and didn't quite capture my issues with both of them. So instead I re-checked my e-mail and noted down some books I wanted to buy when I got the chance.

I heard my cell phone ring, and I ran to turn it off quickly. I had set my alarm for noon so I wouldn't get lost in thought or too distracted and left Edward waiting.

Throwing my cell phone in my backpack and my backpack over my shoulder, I noticed Edward's jacket from last night was still resting on the edge of my bed, since I had accidentally brought it to my room on the previous night. Pausing for a moment to look outside the window, I picked up my own jacket as well. The weather wasn't as nice as I had hoped. It had rained all through the night, and although the sun was starting to peek through the many clouds in the sky, in Ford you never really knew what to expect.

I anxiously strode downstairs, where Edward was already waiting for me with a huge grin on his face. I was glad that he dressed casual, because my moment of hesitation of whether or not I should wear something a little different was shot to hell when I noticed the only semi-decent item of clothing I owned had been used on the previous day.

Edward looked nice, though, in a button-down collar black shirt and black denim jeans. And he had been writing for sure. Because his hair was sticking out like he had been pulling it for hours, and I'd heard him shower since the kitchen incident/war. Which I guessed he won, since he looked pretty smug with a couple of picnic baskets resting at his feet. I wondered why the hell the Cullen's had picnic baskets at all, but I guessed they had enough money to indulge themselves in things like that, even if no one ever used them.

"Wow," I said as I stepped down the stairs, trying to remain with a straight face for as long as possible. "What are we having?" I noticed for the first time my ankle didn't hurt at all anymore. Maybe my body was getting used to being beat up so often it just healed a lot quicker. I handed him his jacket, whispering a thank you.

"That's a surprise."

A surprise? I nearly snickered. Because he looked so full of himself for being able to pull off this picnic lunch thing that I was just waiting for him to brag. And if the smell coming from the kitchen was any indication, there was a lot of burnt food in those baskets. He obviously had no clue I was listening in on his cooking attempts, but I had to give him credit for trying. Still, in an attempt to tease a bit more, I kept poking him. "So you actually cooked? I had no idea you could cook."

I saw diffidence hit his features, making me bite my lip to stop from laughing. "It was a challenge," he said with a dismissive shrug, as he placed his hand on my back to guide me to the front door. "You look beautiful."

It wasn't that I wanted to stop and make a big deal out of what he said, but my feet stopped moving. It was like my brain simply could not communicate to my legs that they were supposed to put one feet in front of the other. Because my feet were clearly not helping me in this one, I must have misheard him. I was 99% sure that was the case, but I wasn't going to ask him to repeat himself. What if that 1% was the reality and suddenly my brain gave away for good?

I paused to look at Edward, feeling terrible for creating the first awkward pause of the day. His hand was still on my back to guide me outside, but we both stopped when my feet stopped moving. Quickly willing my brain to come up with any excuse why I may have stopped other than his words.

"Did you leave the stove on?" I asked out of nowhere, hoping my being worried about it would be plausible enough.

His serious face turned into a smirk. "I didn't use the stove, Bella."

Well, at least it explained why there were no fires. But it really made me wonder about that burning smell. "Did you have toast for breakfast?"

When he nodded, surprised and a little dubious at how I had known that, I sighed. The freaking toaster always burnt the food. Every freaking day. Which is why at the Cullen's I had cereal or just plain old coffee in the morning.

While we walked out the door there was only one thing in my head: if he had indeed called me beautiful, shouldn't I have said thank you? It was at least the most polite thing to do. Still amazed at what I thought I heard, I stole a quick glance at my clothes, wondering if I was missing something. Loose flared jeans, a t-shirt and a baggy jacket. And my blue backpack to complete the outfit, of course. I raised a questionable eyebrow at my clothes. Had my style somehow become hip overnight? Or was Edward lying to make me feel better? And if he was lying to make me feel better, did that mean he thought I had dressed up? There were way too many questions going through my mind at the time, but he couldn't possibly think I had dressed up.

Edward reached for the door handle to open it for me, and I muttered another thank you, figuring maybe he would assume it was for both things. I wasn't very comfortable, yet. He was stealing a look at the rearview mirror to back down the driveway into the street, while I absently played with the heater to make us more comfortable.

"So where are we going? Or is it a surprise as well?" I asked with a mocking smile.

He poked me playfully with a finger, pretending to be hurt, but answered me without hesitation. "We're going to this little place on the back of my house. It's usually empty, and it has some picnic tables so we don't have to eat on the floor. "

I meant to point out that for someone like me being on the floor was probably the best situation. At least it eliminated the possibilities of falling on my ass, which so often occurred, Instead, I nodded and played with the car radio to put on some music. When I found an indie rock station, I left it there, figuring he was probably into heavier stuff, but this way we would probably both be happier. I was very curious about what Edward had managed to prepare for our lunch without using the stove. I could have sworn I had heard pans earlier, but maybe he was just going through everything in the kitchen in a wave of panic. Remembering his words in the kitchen earlier made me smile and I looked at him sideways, hoping for a clue about what he was thinking.

He always looked so intense when he was driving. Even now, that he was slightly bobbing his head to the music on the radio, he still had a serious, sober look on his face.

The drive didn't take long. In fact it was so short I wondered why we didn't just walk there. Not even five minutes later Edward was parking in front of what appeared to be a camping site with three picnic tables on each side, which were, as he had predicted, completely empty. I was getting tired of having to say thank you every time Edward did something chivalrous, so I pushed the door open myself and headed for the trunk to get our food, each of us picking up a basket. I furrowed my brow when I heard glass clinking around in the basket. I should have told Edward people usually brought plastic cups and utensils to a picnic.

Stifling a giggle, I trudged with over to the site with a basket in my arm while Edward closed the trunk behind me. Used to being an outsider, I headed straight for the table in the far right, and sat down.

Anxious to see what he brought I hovered over the basked I had carried and peeked inside. Two bags of chips, napkins, a plastic tablecloth, plastic cups and a few cans of soda. Not too bad for a newbie. I had a bet going with myself that he'd forget the tablecloth. Wondering where the clinking sound I had heard came from, I dug deeper into the basket, my hands feeling blindly for anything made of glass. And there it was. Two bottles of vodka.

Pulling one of them out, I raised an eyebrow at Edward. "Booze?"

Unaffected by my defensiveness, he gave me his signature smirk. "I didn't know how long we'd be here."

I didn't know what he meant by that, but things were going well enough so far that I didn't ask. It wouldn't be the first time I drank, although the fact that he brought two bottles for just the two of us worried me a little. I was sure about half of one bottle would be enough to send me into an alcoholic coma.

I saw him unwrapping a meat sandwich and offering it to me, which I took gladly. After all I didn't have breakfast. "You were writing," I started after I finished swallowing my first bite.

"I was," he nodded, with a confused expression on his face. "How can you always tell?"

"Your hair looks all messy. " I stated matter-of-factly, tilting my head to one side. "It always does when you write."

He ran a hair through his hair again, which I was sure he did unconsciously. He looked embarrassed, but I couldn't tell why.

"Tell me everything. What happens after Clark kisses Harriet? Have you figured out what she says?"

Shaking his head slowly, he remained quiet for a while. "I wish I could say yes, but I left that part blank. Harriet is fucking killing me here. It's so hard to figure out how a woman would react to certain things."

I bit my lip, embarrassed. He only had a problem because I couldn't tell him the way a normal, confident, tough woman would react. I'm sure if he would ask Tanya she would come up with a thousand comebacks for a sudden, surprising kiss. And they would be funny, and smart and perfect, too. Maybe not smart. I thought crossly to myself, but still. For a second I thought about suggesting he should ask Tanya, but I realized I was a little too selfish for that. I would think about it for a while again before I suggested something that drastic.

"I'll think about it again, Edward. I'm sorry I couldn't help."

He raised a doubtful eyebrow at me as his body tensed up. "I have no fucking clue what you're apologizing for, Bella. It's my story." The cussing had begun again, I noted. This subject clearly bothered him. Before I could tell him it would come to him eventually, I felt the tension leaving his shoulders and he started speaking again. "It feels a little bit ironic that I created a woman to drive Clark mad and now she's driving _me_ mad."

My first thought was that it was about time a woman had an effect on Edward, but as a friend I shouldn't say that. So I laughed instead. "And what type of effect is she having on Clark?"

He ran a hand through his face, clearly frustrated by the subject. "I'm not sure yet. I've given it much thought, but I'm not completely sold on the romance angle, to be honest."

"Well, it's not like things can stay the same. A kiss changes things."

He narrowed his eyes playfully. "You would know. Jacob seems really pushy."

Damn it. Damn _him_ for bringing Jacob and the previous night's events into the conversation. "That's different." I hoped my face didn't look as flustered as I thought it did.

"How so?" He asked quickly with an amused grin on his face.

I gulped, and sighed and shrugged. And I would have done anything else if it had bought me more time. Why was it different? It didn't really seem like the same situation in my head, and it wasn't only because Harriet and Clark were fictional. There was something else, I just couldn't quite put my finger on it. Finally, it came to me. "Harriet and Clark liked the kiss," I said quietly. "I…didn't. It only made our friendship…uncomfortable. Awkward. It didn't make me feel anything else for him." I uttered my words slowly; pausing to make sure I was saying what I really felt.

"Are you saying that if Edwin and Elizabeth kiss and she feels awkward about it then it shouldn't change anything? They should just pretend it never happened?"

"They pretty much live together now. Making things awkward between them could compromise his case…" I trailed off in thought. "Of course they were already awkward to begin with anyway, Edward."

He looked surprised. I wondered how he perceived his own characters. "Really?"

"Sure. They never know what to say around each other, like there are a ton of unspoken feelings or something. You can't tell me that wasn't on purpose, Edward."

His blank face answered me for him. "It's not awkward. It's angry. They don't like each other. Or they didn't. Fuck!" He was so stressed and jumpy I let out a huge chuckle in spite of his distressed state. He tried to pinch me from across the table, but even in my hysterical state I was able to move away in time.

Eventually he gave up and started laughing with me. "This is exactly why I wanted a male partner. If you like him you talk about chicks. If you don't you punch him in the face. There are no in-between subtle eye movements and touches or any shit like that."

I was literally in tears, and his words just made it worse. "That sounds very bitter for a seventeen year old, Edward"

He rolled his eyes and stood up. "OK, that's it." I saw him walking around the table to my side, but the laughter made my reflexes even slower than they usually were. By the time I saw he was about to tickle me, I started to struggle to get away. It was too late.

I had no clue I was ticklish. In fact I didn't remember the last time anyone tickled me, although I was sure someone must have done it at some point. Everybody apparently loves to tickle kids. Still, apparently I liked it. Because I was laughing so hard I was afraid the soda I'd been drinking would come flying through my nose.

While I was kicking and jolting around trying to get free and stop laughing so hard, I heard Edward's voice. "Say I'm not bitter." I wanted to make fun of him for being so authoritative, but I couldn't speak. He was laughing too, or at least trying hard not to and failing miserably. I could tell by the way he spoke. Unfortunately I was too far gone to do anything but what he "demanded", so I fought to find the strength to speak.

"Fine, fine," I said between gurgles of laughter "you're not bitter!"

He didn't stop. "That didn't sound very convincing, Bella."

"You're not! You're the opposite of bitter. You're sweet and sugary and bubbly!"

"I'm still not-" he interrupted himself and stopped tickling me. Trying to catch my breath, I sat up to see what was going on. He must have noticed the confusion on my face because he only said one word. "Rain."

I held my hand out suspiciously. It wasn't raining. I would have noticed. I always noticed. Sure enough, a few seconds I felt a couple of raindrops on my hand. I rolled my eyes at Edward. He was worried about _that_?

And then the rain started coming heavier and heavier. I turned around to look at Edward who was already cleaning up the table, and I started helping him quickly, realizing my mistake. In Forks , as cliché as that sounded, when it rained, it poured. By the time we took off, the rain was pouring down on us so hard I felt chilly in my bones. We both entered Edward's car quickly, and stood inside, breathing hard, looking at the rain hitting the windshield.

"Shit," Edward said, quite obviously in shock. "Shit, are you OK?"

Seeing his face made me want to laugh again, although I didn't know why. I chuckled and nodded, turning up the heater. "I'm fine," I said, laughing, as I fiddled with the buttons. I felt the first whoosh of hot hair and I shivered in reaction. I was soaked to my bones. I successfully took my jacket off in the passenger seat and threw it to the backseats and tried to remove the water from my hair. "Are you?"

There were drops of water all over his face, not to mention how his shirt was sticking to his body. I saw him nodding while I tried to dry my hair with my hands and I heard him stirring in his seat and starting the ignition.

"I better get you home before we both catch pneumonia."

***

"Here."

I clumsily caught the towel Edward threw in my direction and started drying my hair again. I was silently praying my hair would behave itself and not dry in any weird shapes. It's not like I usually took very good care of it, but I didn't want to be embarrassed by it either.

We were both in the living room trying to dry ourselves and I wondered if maybe I should go change. I saw Edward hesitantly picking up a bag that was next to the picnic baskets.

"Did you bring this inside?" I looked at the bag he was holding, clueless about what he meant. Once we had gotten home Edward and I had both run to the trunk of the car to get the things inside, but the rain was still so heavy I had just grabbed for whatever was in there and gotten my butt in the house.

Unsure of what to say, I shrugged. "I don't know. Maybe. I didn't really notice what I was carrying…"

His face looked unreadable to me again, which made me worry I had ruined the evening with something as mundane as this. "I can just go put it back if you want."

He held the bag in his hands for a few seconds and then finally handed it to me. "It's yours."

I grasped the bag in my hands, studying it carefully. I was sure I had never seen that bag in my life. "No it's not."

He snickered. "I meant it's for you."

I narrowed my eyes. Were we supposed to get gifts for each other because it was our day? "I…hm…I didn't get you anything"

His frown turned into a smile and I had to admit that made me breathe a little easier. "I didn't either, not technically." While he spoke, I started unwrapping the package. "See, when you fixed my face a few days ago I stained your nightshirt. With my blood. I figured I should get you a new one. It's pretty much like the other one, but you can exchange it if you want, it's not a big deal."

I had a vision of Edward trying to buy a nightgown and I had to bite my tongue not to laugh. Still, in spite of the hilarious imagine it gave me, I was so touched by his gesture I felt I couldn't speak coherently at the moment, I held the nightie in front of me to examine it. It wasn't like the last one. The other had long sleeves, this one had caved ones, which pretty much exposed all of my arms. And it was a little bit shorter.

I lifted my eyes to him and felt so sympathetic. He was blushing. And looking around the room, pretending like he didn't care.

"Edward…Did you get this last night?" He shook his head affirmatively and I sighed. "That's so..." I didn't have the words. Sweet? It had been sweet when he got me food. This was way beyond food, this was…Edwardly. But I wouldn't say that, not to his face. "This is great. But you didn't have to, I could have probably just washed the other one."

When he didn't say anything, I felt it was the time for a gesture. I walked up to him slowly, trying my best not to scare him off, and wrapped my arms around his neck, holding him tightly in my arms. He was stunned, and I couldn't blame me. I was surprised by it as well. Even so, I held on, trying to lure him into hugging me back properly.

And he did. A few seconds after I had crazily fallen into his arms, I felt his hands creeping up my back slowly, ending up covering my back with his large hands and holding me firmly in his arms. We were both still wet and tired and really, really cold, but it didn't matter. I needed to show him how much I appreciated everything. Not the pyjamas, necessarily, just…everything. Everything he was doing to make me feel better. I felt one of his hands lift to my head as he buried his face in my hair and I sighed when I realized I didn't want to let go.

Stunned once again, I loosened my hold on him. Damn it, I didn't want to let go. I pulled back suddenly, as if our contact had burned me, and tried desperately to look like nothing at all had happened. I was being so stupid. So freaking stupid. I wasn't in love with Edward, or anything like that. Of course I wasn't. Because it was too fast and I didn't even freaking believe you could fall in love that quickly. And I couldn't read his face. I didn't know why every time I got confused about my feelings for Edward his became a mystery to me, but there he was again. We were standing, looking at each other, and I had no idea what he was thinking. I felt like yelling at him, shoving him until he said what he was thinking. Maybe my needy girl act had just scared him off.

In an attempt to calm myself, I remembered it was day five. This close proximity thing would come to an end tomorrow. Freaking tomorrow. My mind went from considering the Cullen's coming back as something good to something back and back and forth again that I was sure my poor little brain was losing brain cells by the second at the fickleness.

Remembering I was still wet, I took a couple of steps back and smiled. Denial was always the best way to go. "I'm just going to change real quick, OK?"

I was turning around to go into my room, when, in a sudden move, Edward gripped my wrist to stop me. "Are we still on for movies and booze?"

Well, what the hell. Why not? Grinning, I nodded. "Give me five minutes."

***

Half an hour later we were both sitting in front of the TV looking much warmer. At least I was. Edward and I had both changed clothes, and I was wearing what you'd call sweat pants and a white t-shirt. Not particularly sexy by any means, but it was still better than putting on my nightshirt on in the middle of the freaking day. I desperately needed to do my laundry. Edward had changed into another pair of jeans and a t-shirt.

The movie was Scarface, which I had never watched, but Edward guaranteed it was "freaking awesome". I let him have his way because at the movies we had seen a typically female movie, so I guess he was due for some action. And since every other word pronounced in the movie was "fuck", I guessed it must be a pretty badass movie, and something Edward would like. That was the idea, anyway.

I didn't know the reason, but we had both started the movie each sitting on the edge of the couch. I blamed myself for getting carried away with the hug and didn't say anything. Still, as the movie progressed, Edward and I must have involuntarily changed our positions because he was right next to me. And when I wasn't able to get into the movie, I turned to Edward, opening my mouth to ask what the hell it was about anyway, I saw it.

He was asleep. He had actually fallen asleep. So much for it being the best movie ever, I mused, looking at his face. I shifted softly, very slowly, so I could reach for the remote to turn off the TV. Clicking the button I settled back on the couch on the couch and looked at Edward's face.

We were so close he was practically resting on my shoulder, so I could see every little detail of his face. I thanked God that he was asleep and couldn't say the same thing about me, though. Every little imperfection he had made him look so beautiful, so tortured, and so attractive, I felt my face turn into a frown. It didn't matter whether I was in love with him or not. It didn't even matter if it was a stupid crush. Because I would never be good enough for someone like him. Messed up, anti-social, Bella Swan.

I was going to wake him up. I was. But there was something irresistible about the way he looked when he slept. Figuring it wouldn't hurt anyone I ran a hand timidly over his face, studying the way every contour felt under my fingertips. I really thought he was asleep. Without warning I saw his eyes flutter open for a second, probably just long enough to see my terrorized face, and then he closed them again, tilting his head so he was leaving only an inch between our lips.

The kiss hovered there for a moment, and I knew I should be the one to stop this. And if he was even aware of what he was doing, this was the moment he was giving me to pull back. The ball was definitely in my court now. I could see his expression through my half-closed eyelids, and all I could think was that once we kissed he was going to tell me I sucked at this.

But I didn't have time to react. Or that would at least be my excuse when I replayed this moment in my head. Once I felt his lips tentatively touching mine, Edward's taste clouded my senses completely. Our lips were barely touching, and I knew for sure I wasn't doing anything. I was completely frozen. Edward just kept leaving light kisses on the corner of my mouth, on my bottom lip while I stood there, breathlessly panting and hoping that, if he was asleep, he wouldn't wake up. Shutting my eyes, I figured since this might be the only kiss we were going to have, we might as well make the most of it. I felt Edward brush the pad of his thumb in my chin tenderly, moving upwards to my cheek and finally to the crook of my neck. Pulling my lips to his, he finally started kissing me more passionately, more like I had imagined he would. I could feel his breath quicken as he dug his other hand into my hair, but he didn't push forward. He didn't go beyond a very clear line. No tongue.

As Edward nibbled teasingly on my bottom lip, I nearly lost myself. Everything was so unhurried it felt like we were in slow motion. I moaned Edward's name, and I realized his kiss wasn't possessive as I'd imagined it would be. It was persuasive, tempting me into wanting more, needing more.

And it worked, too. Because the light suction he was doing to my lips while he kissed me was driving me crazy, and I needed for him to kiss me. And beyond anything else, I needed for him to want to kiss me. With newfound confidence, I prodded my tongue out to meet his lips, hesitantly parting his lips with my tongue. I heard him gasp at the feel of my tongue on his lips, but I was too far gone to care. I cautiously ran my tongue over his lips, willing him to part them for me.

Suddenly, I felt him pull away from me and a wave of panic ran through my body. I had no clue how I was going to explain this to him. I mean he had been sleeping. It was all my fault. When I was about to open my eyes to face him I felt his lips on mine again. But it wasn't like the previous kiss. It was hot and needy and demanding a response I didn't know I had in me. Wrapping my arms around his neck to bring his body closer to mine I felt his tongue caressing mine gently, warmly and yet so intensely I let out another moan. I had been clearly missing out on a lot.

I don't know which one of us pulled back first. I know in one second I was so completely lost in our kiss I could have been hit by lightning and not feel a thing, and the next we were both standing on either side of the couch gasping, our eyes impossibly widened staring at each other, waiting for the other one to speak first.

What the hell had we done?


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N: I own nothing!**

**EPOV**

I had no one to blame but myself.

Nobody likes doing stupid shit. But it's when you do something stupid and you can't point to someone else to say 'It was their fault!' that it really, really irks you. And this one was totally on me.

And it hadn't even been my intention. The long nights I spent writing lately were catching up with me and I fell asleep on the freaking couch. Sue me.

Logically when I woke up feeling Bella touching me, caressing me, taking care of me…I was so blow away that I just kissed her. Because it was the only thing I could have done at the time. It was easy, and natural, and meant to be. And somewhere inside me a little voice told me that if I just did it, if I just kissed her then I might just get over this little obsession that had been progressively growing for her for the past days.

In hindsight I think I was pretty considerate while I was kissing Bella. I didn't force her into it, I didn't even want to touch her at first. We both just sat there, with the room completely silent, with the exception of our harsh breaths, sitting side by side, with only our lips touching. Barely. The thing is, once I'd had her, I just wanted more. I kept pausing, even through my haze wanting subconsciously to give Bella an option to stay away from me, to stop. But she didn't. Probably because she was so shocked that I would actually do that to her.

To be completely honest, I wasn't about to question her motives. Because once I felt her little wet tongue tentatively exploring my mouth, it undid me. At that point there was no longer wrong or right, or even any friendship to consider. And that was Bella's fault as well. I might have initiated the whole process, but she surely intensified it.

It was somewhat funny that I had accused Bella of never having had a dirty kiss before. That had to have been the dirtiest fucking kiss of all time. And by the way my body had reacted to it, to her, you'd think I was the freaking inexperienced one.

Bella's throat made the sexiest sounds while I kissed her. I knew I had probably been humiliating myself with similar, albeit much more desperate sounds, but there was no way to avoid thinking about hers. I had honestly never realized the way someone breathed could be so erotic. But it was. Everything about our kiss was erotic and sexual and raw and primitive and just so motherfucking right I had alarms going off in my head telling me to get the fuck away. Quickly.

I didn't, though. Because even though I was loyal to Bella and our friendship, I was also ready to take her then and there. And lust totally beats loyalty. It embarrassed me very much that if she had pushed me I wouldn't have been able to stop. And Bella deserved so much better than this.

But I wasn't worried about that. Even if I was too fucking tempted to stop, Bella wasn't. While I was battling with my brain to find the quickest way to rip Bella's clothes off, I felt Bella's little hands pushing me away at my shoulders and standing up, nearly tripping over the couch.

I had told Bella to wait for her first real kiss with someone that was important to her, and I blew it. I just blew it.

Bella was standing there, panting, looking at me with her big brown eyes asking me all the questions I had no answers for, with her hands on either side of her body, and her lips parted in surprise.

Foolishly, I left my gaze travel to her lips and nearly groaned, even in my current state. Her lips looked so delicious and perfectly swollen from our kiss that just the sight nearly made me want to feel her taste again. Shit. I already couldn't remember what the fuck she tasted like. Strawberries, candy, cherries, mint? No. I was pretty sure her taste was unique. At least it was unlike anything I'd ever tasted before. I cursed under my breath. How fucking corny of me.

"I'm so sorry, Bella." And it burned me a lot that I wanted to apologize just as much as I wanted to do it again. "Fuck. I'm so sorry."

"It's OK." The way her voice cracked in the middle of a two word sentence and the look on her face told me very clearly it wasn't OK. And it wasn't.

"No, I really, really am sorry. I didn't mean to. I didn't want to. Bella…"

It's hard to tell someone who you've just French kissed that you didn't mean to do it, especially when I was pretty darn sure she had felt how much I wanted to do it and more when we she wrapped her arms around me and pushed her little body against mine. But I just wanted Bella to take a swing at me, call me names, throw things. Anything would be better than this cold act she was putting up that wasn't fooling either one of us, and really just made me want to shake her by the shoulders to provoke a real reaction from her.

"It's too late for that," she stated so simply, taking another step back away from me and in the direction of the door.

I felt my jaw tighten. "Don't say that." I didn't even know what that meant. "Let's talk about this."

It occurred to me somewhat briefly before I spoke that I didn't want to discuss this at all. I had no idea how to get out of this conversation without appearing to be a sick fuck with no control over his own hormones.

I saw her cheeks scorch for some unknown reason, although at the time I couldn't even find that endearing. Everything about her made me want to throw her down on the couch and do it again and again until she stopped looking at me like I was a freaking lunatic.

Bella gave me a half shrug. "Is there anything else to say?"

"We haven't said anything yet"

"I think you've said plenty," she said with a small, sad smile.

"What?" I forced my stupid brain to recount everything I had said since we kissed, and for the life of me I couldn't remember a thing. I was pretty sure I had said sorry and I knew I had just offered to talk about it. I had no clue what was wrong with that.

Bella sat down on the edge of the couch again and buried her face in her hands. "Can we just forget this?"

I recoiled as if she'd slapped me. I was glad her face was still hidden and she didn't see my reaction to her words.

I remembered exactly what she had said earlier when she was talking about Jacob. He wanted more and she didn't, so it was her opinion the solution was to move on and forget it happened. And that was exactly what she was doing to me. To _us_. Maybe she didn't like the kiss, although it was more likely that it was the circumstances surrounding it that bothered her. I couldn't blame her. She saw me as someone who partied with people who hated her, who had hated her for most of her life and who slept around with people like Tanya. It hadn't been exactly a fairytale first kiss for her.

I cleared my throat, nodding slowly. "If that's what you want…"

She lifted her eyes, searching for mine. I was trying as hard as I could to show her that, at least for me, that wasn't the solution. It changed things, but it wasn't necessarily a bad change for me.

Bella either didn't get my message or had already decided what we'd done was a mistake because she gave me her best fake smile and stood up.

"Bella, wait." I strode to her quickly, trying to catch her before she left. She stopped walking, turned around. Searching for anything that wouldn't make her hide out in her bedroom the rest of the day, I pointed to the DVD case. "Don't you want to watch the rest of the movie?"

Confusion hit her face before she masked it with a smile. I knew she didn't want to watch the movie, she didn't want to watch it the first time, either. But it was a good excuse as any to make her stay. "I'm kind of beat. We'll talk tomorrow?"

She had run off before I could answer her, and I looked exasperatedly looked at my wrist watch. Was she kidding? It wasn't even five p.m. yet.

Angry, I looked around the living room to the couch where we'd kissed with as much rancor as I could muster. My eyes spotted the two bottles of vodka on the coffee table and I had the sudden desire of throwing them at something. Both bottles were still completely full, so there was no disguising this as a drunken accident, either. It was just a very real, very sober one.

I heard Bella's bedroom door close, then lock. I wanted to scream at her and tell her to get her ass down here so we could clear this up. This was supposed to be our day. I had tried hard to make it our day, to make our last day fun and memorable for her. It sure was memorable, I mused. Just not in the way I had planned it.

Remembering it was our last day together I ran a furious hand through my hair. Damn it. I knew exactly how things were going to go once everybody came back. It would be over for us. She never wandered around the house when there were too many people running around. They bothered her. She would hide in her room, much like she was doing now, and come out maybe once or twice a day for a stupid meal, and it's not like I could just go into her room and stay with her.

Everybody would look at us like we were crazy if I even tried it. And I couldn't exactly tell Esme "Yeah, we sort of became friends and made out while you were away." I would be locked up in the basement until I was eighteen.

So I had to either get her to talk to me now while everybody's feelings were still fresh, or lure her out of her room in some way when my family arrived.

Even after Bella asked me to forget about our kiss I wanted to talk to her. To just explain that I hadn't done it solely out of hormones. I cared about her. I knew she deserved everything I couldn't give her, but sometimes, even when you know something's wrong, your feelings are stronger than your brain. This was everything I couldn't tell her. Because how could I? How could I tell Bella, after what happened with Jacob, that our relationship had followed the exact same path?

But if she wanted to forget it, then nothing I felt would matter. I would push every feeling aside and pretend it never happened. It was better to have Bella as my friend than not having her in my life at all.

I shamefully walked to Bella's door and tried to listen in for anything that would suggest she was sad. I supposed crying would have been the only indicator I would have recognized, but there was nothing. Complete silence.

Maybe she had been speaking the truth. Maybe she was tired and wanted to rest. I knew all the things going on inside my head were giving me a headache so strong I kept closing my eyes firmly, hoping it would ease the pain. Maybe she was feeling the same thing.

So I went into my bedroom and fucking buried myself in my story. Just like old times, it was the perfect escape from my sick excuse of a life. There were no pretenses when I wrote. I didn't have to worry about Bella's reactions or my feelings getting in the way. It was simple, straightforward, and everything went exactly the way I wanted.

Maybe kissing Bella wasn't the best idea in the world. But it wasn't like a well thought out plan that didn't work. It was instinct, damn it. When you have the girl you sort of have a crush on, sort of find attractive, sort of have feelings for so close to you when you open your eyes you could smell her fucking hair, you kiss her. You don't listen to that part of your brain that is somewhere inside you yelling "Maybe you shouldn't do this."

Of course the matter was much more serious than just our friendship, although I had come to value it dearly as well. Bella's first dirty kiss had sucked as much as her chaste one. I couldn't even fucking believe Bella would include me in the group of her friends who tried to kiss her but for whom she didn't have feelings for.

I stopped my hand mid-hair when I noted I was running a hand through it again. It made me remember how earlier that day she had said a messy hair meant I'd been writing. She was wrong. It meant I was frustrated, although often those two things went hand in hand.

Being tormented was great for my writing. I knew that for a fact since most of my best ideas in the past had come when I was particularly down. Today there was nothing good coming out of my head. And I had been trying for quite awhile. For some reason I kept picturing Clark and Harriet kissing again, which just didn't make any sense at all in my story. It just didn't make any sense.

Looking at the time, I noticed I had been doing this for two hours. It was nearly time for dinner. I knew Bella was going to try to stay in her room sleeping or whatever it was she was doing in there, but I wasn't going to let her skip meals to avoid me. We were both grownups and we could totally deal with this shit so it wouldn't harm our friendship.

I slammed the door of my room shut as I made my way to Bella's room again. And this time I wasn't going to eavesdrop. I knocked firmly on the door, twice.

Nothing.

I knocked again, shamelessly pressing my ear to the door to try to listen to her movements.

Nothing again.

I started to get worried. It had been maybe two hours since I checked on Bella and I hadn't heart one single sound coming from her side of the house. Unconsciously my mind began fabricating the worst possible scenarios. Maybe she went into the bathroom and hit her head. Maybe she tripped on something and was knocked unconscious. Or maybe she was just sleeping, and I was disturbing her rest.

I didn't care.

I knocked on the door furiously again with the palm of my hand. "Bella, open the door."

The door was locked and I knew that. But I still reached for the doorknob and turned it, surprised when the door started to open.

It was wrong, of course. I couldn't enter her room without her permission, and certainly not while she was inside. But I needed to see her to know everything was OK.

"Bella, I'm coming in," I said, praying she wouldn't be as mad as I thought she was going to be.

I opened the door slowly, hiding behind it so I didn't immediately see what was going on inside. But when I heard no one yelling at me I got pretty suspicious, so I peeked inside.

It was fucking empty.

I stupidly searched around the room for Bella, but I knew she wasn't there. The bathroom door was spread open and her bed was made, with the clothes she had worn to our picnic still wet on a chair.

Angrily I strode to her window and cursed when I saw her truck wasn't in the driveway.

She was fucking gone.


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N: Hey guys! Thank you all so much for the reviews and all the sweet, sweet comments you've sent to me. I read them all and will definitely reply to them all (I'm a little behind, I know, I know). Just wanted to apologize, I know not everybody likes dramaaa, but don't worry, this is totally going somewhere you're going to like (hopefully?). **

**As usual, I own nothing and blah, blah, blah.**

**EPOV**

As Bella would say, it was day six. Also known as the day my family came home. Or the day I would die. By my own hand.

It's not like I didn't enjoy living. But here I was, sitting quietly on my living room with bloodshot eyes and still freezing from the midnight cold, resting my face in my hands. I had my cell phone and house phone on a table right in front of me and I was sitting on the exact same couch where this whole drama had begun. And I had wanted to shoot myself for nearly an hour now.

Bella hadn't come home yet. It was now exactly 7:23 a.m., and Bella was nowhere to be found. I didn't think I did something that deserved this kind of behavior from Bella. I made a mistake, true. But I had made so many worse mistaken when it came to our relationship that I just didn't get why she would disappear. Without even a fucking note.

And when I said Bella was nowhere to be found I actually meant that literally. I had gone to every place I thought she might have visited, called every friend of hers I could think of, and called every hospital or health clinic in a twenty mile radius. No one had seen or heard from her. I even went to her house, using Esme's spare key, even though I already knew she wasn't home – her truck wasn't there – and still no sign of her anywhere.

Well, technically there was one guy at a coffee shop who claimed he had seen her having a picnic lunch with a 'strange dude'. That strange dude comment would have cost him quite a few ounces of blood if I hadn't been so fucking worried about Bella.

Then I figured I'd broaden the search area. I wanted to look for her outside of Forks, figuring maybe she had run away. I mean how far could she go with her truck? I didn't think she even had that much money with her. If I looked around here I could ask more people if they had seen her around. But for that I needed a picture of her, and I didn't even have a recent picture of Bella with me. So I returned home and went madly digging through family albums so I could go out again and ask if anyone had seen her. It shouldn't be that hard. Bella had spent the summer with us for years, and Alice loved to take pictures. I was pretty sure I would find a ton of material to pick from.

Because today was one of those days that the world was against me and every little thing that could possibly go wrong happened, it didn't really surprise me there were only a handful of pictures with Bella in them, and most had her hiding her face or looking away.

I wanted to yell at Alice. Couldn't she have taken a decent close-up of Bella's face for situations just like this? You keep a troubled kid in the house for a month every year, and you don't have a picture of them in case they go missing? In case they're kidnapped? In case they die and you need it for a memorial service?

I shook my head, knowing I was letting my imagination get the best of me. I was clearly going too far. I went through the pictures in my hand again, taking the time to notice Bella's clothes, her poses, her hair. I should probably cut Alice some slack. Bella clearly wasn't enjoying being photographed. And granted, these pictures were all from the first year, when she had just lost her mom. But still – all I needed was a half decent picture of Bella's face – she didn't have to be beaming. She just had to be recognizable. She looked so lifeless, though, so absent from everything around her. I immediately wished I hadn't been an ass to her at the time and had just taken her in my arms and forced her to get all the negative emotions out.

I didn't remember seeing her cry. Not even back then. Suddenly, I remembered Alice kept a picture of the entire family with Bella on the desk in her bedroom. I hurriedly got in there, removed it from its frame and thrust it in my pocket.

After that I had gone out in the freezing cold, riding around nearly empty streets stopping at every gas station, coffee house, bar or motel I saw to show the damned picture at anyone around.

I gave up after two hours. And now I was here, at home, waiting for Bella to carve some sense into her brain by herself and come back home to me.

Bella wouldn't do anything stupid, I knew that much. But she didn't need to. Stupid things happened to her all the time. I didn't even want to think that my family was coming back. How the hell was I supposed to explain to them that I had made Bella run away after five days with her?

Esme had called earlier that night when I was driving around, asking me why she couldn't reach Bella. I was stupid enough to lie and told her Bella was asleep. Probably because I still hoped I could find her before they arrived.

I didn't anymore.

As I was picking up the phone to call Esme and tell her to get back as soon as possible, I heard a set of keys outside the front door.

I got up so quickly I don't even remember getting to the door. I just remember the feeling of opening it and seeing Bella open the front door and seeing me standing there waiting for her with a look of astonishment on her face. She narrowed her eyes questioningly at the sight.

The shadows of weariness under her eyes nearly stopped me from bothering her, but there was too much at stake to back down now. "Where the hell have you been?"

The surprise wore out quickly. She stepped inside, no longer careful about not making noise, and closed the door behind her. "Out, Edward," she answered plainly.

"Out? Are you kidding, Bella?" She took off, walking in the direction of the kitchen, ignoring me. Following her, I grabbed her by the arm and spun her around."I've been up all night searching for you, calling every fucking hospital in the area, wondering if something's happened to you, and you say you've been out?"

Bella shrug her arm free of my grip, and I was pretty damn sure I saw a hint of irritation in her face. "I told you I would see you tomorrow when I left," she said as she turned around and kept walking.

"Yeah and you clearly meant it. Do you have any idea what could have happened?"

Once she was in the kitchen Bella washed an apple and took a bite, keeping her hands on the counter and her back to me. "Yes," she sighed. "I know exactly what could have happened. Nothing. I can take care of myself." She paused to take another bite, narrowed her eyes at me over her shoulder. "How the hell did you even know I was gone? I left my door closed."

Fuck. She had me there. "I went into your room to look for you."

I saw her back straighten up with and Bella turned around to look at me. She spoke very slowly, in a very low and nearly threatening voice. "You went into my room without my permission?"

I rolled my eyes at her outrage. It's not like I had gone through her stuff, I went in there to make sure she was fine. "Oh, cut the bullshit Bella. It's my fucking house." I knew I was way out of line. I didn't care anymore.

She cocked her head to one side and gave me an arrogant smile. "Yes. Yes it is. Do you want me to leave?"

Bella was driving me insane. Literally. It was like she was on a mission to make me lose my freaking mind. Even the way she was eating that apple was annoying me. I was sure she was doing it to provoke me. So I got it out of her hand and threw it in the trash, ignoring her cries of protest.

"I have waited the whole night for you; you can damn well wait for food as well. Do you have any idea what would happen if you didn't come back? How the hell do I explain to Esme that you took off and I have no clue where you are when she comes back?" I tried to reason with her.

Her face softened in the slightest way when I mentioned Esme. "I told you, Edward. I can take care of myself. I don't need you, or Esme, or Carlisle, or Alice watching over me." She tried to leave again and I put myself in front of her to stop her. "Who the hell put you in charge, anyway? You're a couple of months older than me."

"In case you've forgotten Esme put me in charge. She told me to make sure you were OK until she came back. Fuck, Bella, I've been worried sick." I ran a hand through my hair again, knowing it was probably sticking out again. And, damn her, she could probably tell how worried I had been by my hair's condition.

"You're just worried because you feel guilty," she said with accusation in her eyes. And she fucking had me there as well. And I couldn't believe she was about to throw it in my face that I took her semi-first kiss away from her to win this fight.

Trying to look as convincing as possible, I shook my head. "I don't feel guilty."

She smiled again, probably wondering whether to remind me of what I had done or not. I was pretty damn relieved when she didn't. "If I had known this was waiting for me I wouldn't have come here in the first place. I'm going out again," she said with a weak voice.

"No, Bella. You're not. That you're not. You're staying and we'll talk about this until we figure this out."

Crossing her arms in front of her, Bella rested her hip on the counter and raised an eyebrow. "Fine. What do you want to say?"

"Fuck, Bella. I'm sorry. OK? I'm sorry for what I did."

"You meant the kiss," she said stubbornly, hopping onto the counter and crossing her legs.

I nodded, miserable that I had been able to fuck up things so quickly. We didn't even make it through "our" day.

"I didn't leave because you kissed me, Edward. I didn't want to punish you, either, if that's what you're thinking." I was trying as hard as possible to see if she was lying. But I didn't recognize this Bella. She was cold and so far away from me that I couldn't tell who she was anymore.

My forehead creased slightly between my eyes. "You're lying."

"Edward. I'm sure this hurts your feelings, but if you think that kiss hurt me, you're wrong. It didn't mean anything to me. So you can cut the crap about being sorry every ten seconds. It's fine. It's not like I'm going to fall madly in love with you, if that's making you feel at fault or something."

Well, that sure settled our conversation about the kiss. It meant nothing to her. Check. She felt nothing for me. Check. I shouldn't feel as void as I did, I mused to myself. I guessed the only person this situation truly hurt was me, and that was a million times better than the alternative of hurting Bella. But I supposed on some level, on some incredibly insane and idealistic level, I had put forth the possibility that maybe if Bella kissed me back it was because she liked me as well. Just a little bit. Maybe. This conversation pretty much settled that.

I saw Bella trying to sneak out again and I rolled my eyes. Standing in front of her again, I held Bella's arms in my hands. "Where did you go, Bella?"

I didn't need to search for her eyes. They were already burning a hole into mine. "Out."

I took a deep breath. And another one. And a third one, just to be sure. "That's not funny."

"I'm not laughing, Edward."

In this case, I believed an aggressive tactic was the best solution. Bella had limited friends, and she wasn't much of a daredevil. And the one person who when I called didn't seem as surprised as they should have been was Jacob's dad, Billy Black. So I went with my gut feeling. "You went out with Jacob."

I saw her eyes widen in surprise. "How did you know?"

I let go of her arms immediately and took two steps back, completely stunned. Of course she had gone to see Jacob. Of course. And I had been the stupid fuck who was naïve enough to spend my night driving around, calling everyone to see if they had seen Bella. She was with Jacob the entire time.

I tried to replay our kiss in my head. How could our kiss have been so awful to her that she would run to the arms of a guy she openly claimed she didn't even like romantically? Had our kiss made her realize she liked him after all?

My gaze dropped to her lips. Had he kissed her tonight?

"I hope you had fun."

I thought I heard Bella calling after me as I stormed out, but I wouldn't stop. I couldn't stop. It hurt me to think and know that I had feelings for Bella and she didn't feel the same.

**BPOV**

I felt my throat closing as I watched as Edward left the kitchen with the most hateful look I'd ever seen on his face.

Well, that was settled, then. It was final and done and over with and it hadn't even lasted a freaking week. How pathetic could we get? I knew I was not acting like myself – in truth I was acting like a total bitch – but I had never meant to be found. I had a perfectly executed plan of pretending to go to sleep and then sneak out while he was resting so I could get out of the house without Edward and think.

His words after our kiss had crushed me. I didn't think he'd be thrilled with the way it happened, but to flat out tell me he didn't mean to do it? That he didn't want to do it?

And just the way he kept apologizing, like there was something to forgive. There wasn't. He kissed me, but I was holding him intimately in my arms, and whether he knew it or not, that was probably what caused his reaction.

I didn't want or need to forgive him. I needed to forgive myself for being stupid enough to be attracted to freaking Edward Cullen. It served me right, in the end, to get my heart broken and my pride shattered. Hadn't Alice told me a million times about the girls he had done and thrown out like garbage? What had possibly made me think I was any different from them?

I should be thankful things didn't go any further and that someone had stopped that kiss.

But I didn't mean to make him stay up all night. I just needed fresh air, desperately needed it. So I went out, drove around for a bit and ended up in La Push, where I asked Jacob to spend a couple of hours with me. Innocent. Friendly. On both sides. One thing led to another and I ended up at the La Push beach and spent the night there, in my truck, alone, thinking.

I don't think I slept, although it was entirely possible that I nodded off for a couple of minutes, but the saddest part was that in all those hours I still didn't know what to think. I didn't worry about Edward – I had specifically told him I would see him today so he wouldn't go looking for me, and I really didn't think he was comfortable with going into my room by himself. And even though I wanted to kill him for invading my privacy like that, I did feel bad about him looking around for me all night. It had absolutely not been my intent.

I just wanted a little freedom. I even headed home early, knowing beforehand there was no way Edward would be up on a Saturday before 10 a.m., so I would sneak back in, crept up the stairs, enter my room and in a few hours I'd get out, we'd talk, and he'd be none the wiser.

That had been the original plan. The new plan included me yelling and bitching at Edward, and Edward being an asshole to me. Strangely, this was our most comfortable behavior around each other. Sadly, we were so used to it, it was as easy as breathing.

The thing is, Edward was pretty controlled until I knew I was with Jacob. How freaking ironic. It's fine if I'm gone, just not if I'm with people he doesn't like. I wondered if he'd have sighed in relief if I had been with Tanya or one of his whores?

I wouldn't tell him I had only been with Jacob for a few hours, which we had spent mostly discussing trivial things to get my mind off of Edward. Let him seethe with fury and think we were dissing him or whatever it was he was thinking.

Walking into the living room, I wondered if maybe I should go talk to Edward. I scowled in the direction of his room. His music was blaring and his door was shut. Somehow that did not seem as inviting as I would have liked.

Giving up on that idea, I walked away. He probably needed some time alone.

The only problem was that our time alone was over.


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N: Sorry it took so long. Real life got in the way, big time!**

**As usual, I own nothing!**

**BPOV**

I wouldn't lie. I felt pretty freaking lost. I had never been what you'd call a social butterfly - far from it - and I had always been comfortable with that. But it was hard when you needed a shoulder to cry on and you feel like you don't have anyone by your side.

It wasn't the first time I felt this. But it was the first time I cared.

I knew there was only one solution when you wanted to avoid thinking about unpleasant things. Keep busy. So that's what I decided to do until I heard someone, anyone, walking through that front door and ending my week with Edward. So, Trying to pass the time, I did everything I could that morning. I tried reading a book first. It wasn't the best idea I had ever had. It's not like I could focus at a moment like this, and specially not with the noise coming from Edward's room. That would be my reasoning, anyway. I suspected it could also have something to do with my constant comparisons with Edward's novel, which made me think about Edward, which made me want to talk to him to try to fix this.

To stop thinking about him, I started watching crappy morning TV, which only made me feel worse about how decadent I'd become. I was about to shut off the TV when I noticed DVD Edward and I were supposed to have watched together the night before, and I felt my fingers twitching to pick it up. After miserably trying to resist it for a second, I grabbed the case, running my fingers through it slowly, wondering why I had an odd mixture of tenderness and regret inside of me.

Of course I knew why. Because it still represented what Edward had put together for us just the past day, and I had been able to ruin it again so that the only thing he'd remember in our day was that he spent the night looking for me. Even if he kissed me, I initiated it. I let him. I enticed him, even, in hope he would, somehow, in the middle of our kiss, discover he had feelings for me. Which was stupid, impossible and irrational. But how could I blame him when he didn't feel it? He deserved better than me attacking him for something like this.

My eyes drifted to the bottle of vodka on the coffee table, and I had to bite my lip to keep from smiling.

It was not even eight in the morning, so it was completely wrong. But technically neither of us had slept, so it could be our day until we did.

I grabbed the plastic cups that were still inside our picnic basket, and decided it was my turn to try to do something nice for us.

Once I was in front of Edward's room, I didn't bother knocking. I didn't need to. The door was slightly open, and the noise from the music was still so loud he wouldn't hear me anyway. I could see him from the breach on the door. He was inside, as usual at the computer, and completely unaware of my presence. And his hair, God bless it, was such a delicious mess I wondered how he managed to brush it. If he ever brushed it.I pushed the door open with my foot, awkwardly trying to keep the bottles the cups and the DVD in my hands. Edward swung around at the sound, and the expression in his eyes and the crease between his eyebrows when he looked at me nearly made me turn around and forget everything I had planned. I knew I was a little bitchy before. But he didn't need to look at me like I was a little bug that needs to be killed quickly before it annoys you again.

His grimace remained in his face, but Edward turned off the music and got up, standing a few inches away from me, waiting for me to speak.

"It's still our day," I said hesitantly. I noticed for the first time the bruises on his face were gone – he was a quick healer. He was lucky enough that Esme would never know about his fight. My ankle, on the other hand, was still bothering me from time to time, and right now was one of those times.

I didn't want to blush – I was trying as hard as I could to tell my brain there was no sensible reason to do so – but even as I thought this I could feel my face boiling from the humiliation of having to be the one to say 'I'm sorry', or 'I was wrong'. I wouldn't technically say it, but my presence spoke for me.

Edward was looking at me intently, but I knew that while he stared at me he wasn't seeing me. He was so far away, so lost in thoughts with such a gloomy shine in his eyes.

It nearly killed me when he shook his head. "It's not our day, Bella."

Shocked at his clear dismissal of my attempt to fix whatever was wrong with us, I gazed into his eyes, hoping something there would tell me he didn't mean those words, or that he was willing to fix this. I couldn't find it. His eyes were still hard as steel and they didn't show any intention of forgiving me easily.

I wanted to keep talking, but I had no more words to say to him. I thought I felt tears forming behind me eyes, but I held them back. I would not start crying. I would not be one of those girls that used tears to make other people feel guilty. Giving myself a second to get my eyes back to normal, I turned around, decided to stride out with the little shreds of self respect I still had. I felt Edward's body move behind me, probably to stop me, but I didn't want him to be the one to speak now. I couldn't walk away and leave things like this, not when we had been so close. I would be the one to fix this, even if it did cost me the last bits of self respect I desperately wanted to hold on to.

Meeting his eyes again, I spoke with tenacity. "I saw Jacob tonight because I felt lost. Because I felt rejected. I spent the night in my car, by the beach, trying to understand what the hell was going on in my head without any luck."

His eyes didn't leave mine, but his dubious expression turned into a sour one. "I don't believe you."

"What?"

He gave me a quick sardonic laugh and sighed, shaking his head. "I don't believe you spent the night alone. I don't believe you saw Jacob because you felt lost. I don't believe you."

I knew immediately I had made a mistake by speaking. Now I had no respect and no Edward. Deeply hurt and angry at the tone of his voice, I crossed my arms defensively in front of my body. "What business is it of yours?"

"You're right. It's not, Bella. And it's best that it remains that way. Let's face it, we're never going to be friends. There are too many obstacles in our way. Your friends don't like me. My friends don't like you. We can't get through a day together without a fight or without one of us getting hurt. Maybe we should just accept you and I aren't meant to be close. Let's just pretend this week didn't happen."

I didn't say anything. I couldn't answer him, not while I was waiting for a 'but' in his speech. It didn't come. Edward kept staring me down, obviously uncomfortable with my presence in his room and not trying in the slightest bit to conceal it. "So that's how it's going to be?" I asked, kicking myself mentally for the way my voice sounded in my ears. It was weak and hopeful and everything it shouldn't be while I was talking to someone who had just deliberately hurt me.

He only gave me a sharp, firm nod in reply.

"Sure," I nodded back in his direction, in a failed attempt to settle myself. "Fine. Perfect."

I half expected him to stop me and say he was kidding, that it was all a joke. My heart nearly skipped a beat when, after I turned around and took a few steps outside I heard him move behind me. It nearly gave me hope. Hope that he would change his mind, that what we had shared in these few days would be enough to ignore everything else he felt, – until I heard his door close behind me and seconds later the music started blasting again.

I leaned my body against the wall and closed my eyes, forcing myself to gather my composure. I desperately wanted this, whatever it was, to be over. He must have been more upset with me than I had thought if he wasn't going to even talk to me for the next few weeks.

I needed a shower, desperately, and I needed to change. My body felt like I had been up for weeks from the lack of sleep in the past days, and I was sure as soon as Edward's family arrived they would see in my face how shitty I felt. So I went back into my room and washed myself quickly, throwing on some oversized jeans and a warm sweatshirt. Only after I was fully dressed did I realize I was wearing clothes that were uncannily similar to what I had on before. I shrugged, realizing my clothes made me more boring than even I fully grasped. But hey, at least now the clothes were clean.

Tired, sleepy, and absolutely overwhelmed by the events in the past day, I admitted my defeat. Perhaps Edward was right – perhaps our relationship just wasn't meant to be. My thoughts on what to do next to pass the time wavered between cooking something for my breakfast/dinner/whatever, and going out to do something, anything that would get me out of the house. I had nowhere to go, but I wasn't sure my stomach would be able to hold anything at the moment, either.

Luckily, before I had to decide or find anything else to do to keep me busy, I heard the front door open and close with a loud thud.

"Edward? Bella?!"

In spite of my humor, my lips twitched involuntarily. It was Alice's unmistakable, lovable, bubbly voice.

I walked in her direction, meeting her half way between Edward's room and the entrance of the house, nearly being projected backwards when she threw herself at my arms. Still struggling for balance, I diffidently held her back, a quiet laugh escaping my lips.

"Bella!" She took a couple of steps back to examine me, which made me automatically try to cover myself with my arms. "You look so pretty. Doesn't she look pretty?" She asked to someone behind her, who I then noticed was Jasper, who obediently nodded. If I knew they wouldn't notice I would have rolled my eyes. Here was Alice, so petite and so pretty, with perfectly applied make up and a little top and short skirt that showed off her best assets, and she was saying I looked pretty. Me. In my jeans which were two sizes too big and a baggy dark blue sweatshirt which hid perfectly my non-existent curves. I gave Jasper and Alice a small smile as a way of saying thanks, but inside I wondered if anyone in the world would ever say no when asked if someone present looked pretty.

I hadn't even noticed everyone else was arriving as well, but Jasper and Emmett took turns in hugging me and asking me how I was, and I saw a bunch of feminine suitcases by the door, indicating Rosalie wouldn't be too far behind.

I sighed deeply. It was really over.

Rosalie, the picture of perfection and everything that I wasn't entered the house with a scowl, which quickly turned into a smile when her eyes set on me. She didn't say anything, but strode to me quickly, her heels digging into the floor with each step, and gave me another hug. "Bella. How's everything going?"

I was a bit taken back by Rosalie's reaction to seeing me, since she was never particularly affectionate with me. But I was so deprived of affection at the time I pretended it was common. "I'm fine. Everything's fine," I said, nodding to everyone.

"Really? I hope Edward treated you well," Rose said, her voice filled with both worry and playfulness. Silly me, I had forgotten to prepare how to answer these types of questions. It was normal for them to ask – everyone knew Edward and I didn't get along, and us spending a week alone probably had all of them talking to each other, gossiping about how we were doing.

The truth about our pseudo friendship nearly escaped my lips before I caught myself. But as soon as the words formed in my mouth I heard Edward's voice in my head. We should pretend this week didn't happen. Fighting a grimace with all my strength, I shook my head. "It was fine. I barely saw him this week. He's in his room, I think."

The interested look in everyone's face turned into one of boredom quickly as soon as the words left my mouth, and I felt a little relieved at no longer being in the spotlight.

And it's not like I really needed to tell them where Edward was – his car was outside and the noise clearly indicated his location. Still, my words had the desired effect. Jasper and Emmett excused themselves, carrying their suitcases upstairs and saying something about talking to Edward.

I looked around, realizing Edward and I had forgotten to clean the house. Well, technically we didn't forget it; we just didn't bother to do it. I saw glasses sitting around the house, as well as food leftovers lying around, and I felt guilty about having Esme and Carlisle's house this way when they arrived.

Noticing for the first time they weren't around, I turned to Alice, who had already unzipped one of her bags and was kneeled in front of it, digging inside in search for something unknown. "Where's Esme?"

"Oh. She didn't tell you?" She looked from me to Rosalie, whose face turned guilty in milliseconds. Getting up, Alice pointed a guilty finger in her direction. "You were supposed to tell her, Rose!"

Rosalie placed her hands on her hips and was about to answer when I interrupted. "She was supposed to tell me what?" I asked, suddenly not enjoying the direction of this conversation.

"Esme and Carlisle. They're not coming back." I raised my eyebrows completely shocked. "No, no," Alice said as soon as she saw my face. "They're coming back, just not right away. They're going to stay for a few more days. Second honeymoon, you know?"

"I told Edward," Rose grumbled angrily. "It's not my fault they can't be civil enough around each other to disclose such a trivial piece of information."

Embarrassed at the veracity of her words, I shifted my eyes. Edward and I really did have a lot of communication problems, and not sharing the date of Carlisle's arrival wasn't even on the top ten list of our worst miscommunications.

Seeing they were expecting a reaction from me, I shrugged. "Yeah, he didn't tell me," I said softly, pulling timidly at the sleeves of my jacket, hoping the conversation would end there.

"I'm sorry, Bella," Alice said as she wrapped an arm around me and patted my back affectionately. "We came back as soon as we could."

I felt like telling her I wasn't as sure as I probably should be that I was happy they were already home. I would start spending days alone, Edward would start going out every night again, and I had no clue when I would have an opportunity to talk to him again without someone listening. "Thanks," I answered, knowing gratitude was the expected reaction from me at the moment. I held Alice back again, and then awkwardly moved away from her. I wasn't big on so much friendliness.

Alice didn't care, though. She knew me well enough to know it was nothing personal. Bouncing around the room, she turned around to her suitcase again and took out a small bright pink dress and held it in front of my body. "Here, hold this in place," she said, taking a few steps back and holding her hand to her chin, looking at me up and down. I furrowed my brows, suspiciously. "What is this?"

"Oh, Bella, it's the best part. We're having a party tonight!"

My body stilled hearing those words, panic filling me as soon as I took in that she probably wanted me to wear this little piece of clothing to a party. I handed the dress back to her, shaking my head, studying Rose's and Alice's excited expressions.

"What?"

"Tonight. A sort of welcome home party, which we're throwing for ourselves. Don't worry. We came home early so we could prepare everything, so you just have to show up, in this," to my dismay, she pointed to the dress again, "and have fun."

Fighting for a reason to hide for the night, I decided to use my lack of sleep as of late. "Alice. I'm really tired. I haven't been sleeping well-"

Rose shot me a smile. "Don't worry, Bella! We can hide that, no problem."

I self consciously brought my hands to my face, wondering if I looked as bad as they made it sound.

"Please, Bella?" Alice asked, giving me the pleading eyes. She knew exactly the kind of effect those eyes had on people. As soon as she used them on someone, anyone would give her anything she wanted. _Anything_. "We can't have a party without you being there, we just got here. It's really intimate, just close friends. And you can invite Jacob if you want."

The idea of inviting Jacob wasn't as attractive as I'd expected, but I knew I couldn't be the one to ruin their party. I tilted my head and narrowed my eyes, and pointed to the bright pink dress, trying to be as assertive as possible. "I'm not wearing _that_."


	18. Chapter 18

**A/N: I own nothing!**

**BPOV**

I had never been completely comfortable with my body. I wasn't nearly as developed as most of the girls that I saw everyday around me, and as a result of my clumsiness it's not like I ever really played a lot of sports or was a very active person. Which made me skinny, with almost no curves and my legs were full of bruises and scratches from my countless accidents. These all seemed like perfectly good reasons why I shouldn't wear a frilly, pink, knee-length strapless summer dress Alice claimed she had bought specifically for me, specifically for this party.

After much pleading and begging and threatening on her part, I was standing in Alice's room, looking at a body length mirror, wondering how the hell I managed to let her talk me into this and why I didn't put up more of a fight for my dignity.

It's not that the dress was ugly, or even that it wasn't flattering – though I was sure it would look much better on someone like Rosalie, who had the body to pull it off – but it was just so…feminine. So girly and happy and bouncy and so Alice I wanted to kill myself and hide in a baggy tracksuit and forget this had even been suggested in the first place. I wasn't even sure I had enough breasts to hold the dress up.

Alice, however, was on cloud nine. She left me alone, staring at the image of someone who looked nothing like me, to go raid Rose's closet for shoes, waving a dismissive hand at my request for flats. I exhaled slowly, deeply, reminding myself Alice knew me – so she knew anything more than a couple of inches in heels and I would spend the next couple of days at the hospital with both of my ankles elevated, strapped to a pole to avoid blood retention.

I heard a voice behind me, interruption my vision. "Oh. You look so cute!"

Turning around, I winced when I saw Alice with five boxes of shoes stacked up in her tiny little arms, peeking through the sides at my image. Before I could complain, she placed all the boxes on the floor next to me and knelt at my feet, removing my tennis shoes eagerly.

I peeped inside the first boxes and scowled. They were all sandals, and by my estimates had the most conservative ones were at least 4 inch stilettos. "Alice. Those are too…fancy."

They were also too expensive, by the looks of them. And if I managed to escape the evening unscratched, the shoes would surely suffer in my place. Alice didn't seem to hear me. She gripped my first foot, pushing my foot inside the first sandals, and backing away a couple of steps from the mirror to evaluate the situation, like an art lover examining a new painting. I didn't think it was the best time to tell her I was having difficulty standing already, and only one shoe was on.

After a few seconds she shook her head and handed me another shoe, this one with an ankle wrap and, to my eyes, a bigger heel than the previous ones. "Too fancy?" I said again, hoping she would agree.

But I'd already seen the glint in her eye, and I knew it was a long shot. Swiftly, she took off my other tennis shoe to put on the set.

"What happened?" Alice asked, running her hand over my ankle. Confused I shifted a bit to see my ankle in the mirror to figure out what she was talking about.

Seeing the bruising from this week's adventures was still there, I shrugged. "Yeah, I twisted my ankle a few days ago. You know me."

I was glad she just threw the other shoe on my foot and left the conversation alone. I didn't want to have to explain what had happened exactly. And I really didn't want to have to lie to Alice.

"Tell me again why I can't wear my tennis with this dress?" I asked, feeling awfully unsteady again.

"Because you're not twelve, Bella." She said, with such a friendly smile I couldn't find any offense in her words.

"What if I fall? Or if I ruin them? Or the dress?" I held on to Alice's back for balance while she strapped the shoe in, and placed my foot firmly on the floor, too afraid that if I moved the whole house would hear the thud of me falling on my ass. I knew one thing for sure. There was no way I would be able to dance in this; but then again, I had no plans for dancing. Or for staying long.

Alice grabbed my hands and spun me around, forcing me to take a few steps forward. I stayed in the middle of the room, feeling my fingers pushing and touching at every bit of material that was clinging to my body, while Alice sat down on the bed, looking at me.

"You look different," Alice narrowed her eyes, crossing her legs.

Frightened of the direction of the conversation, I gave her a small nod. "I think I may have lost a little weight."

Immersed in thought, Alice shook her head. "Yeah. But that's not it. Did something happen while I was gone?"

My head automatically moved from side to side. "Nothing. At all."

Visibly unconvinced of the sincerity of my words, she kept talking in the same suspicious voice. "I told Jacob to come"

My eyes nearly bounced out of my head and, seeing my reaction, Alice chuckled triumphantly. "So it's Jacob?" She got up, shook me a little by the arms. "Tell me everything, what happened?"

Realizing it was better that she thought the differences she saw in me were because of Jacob than Edward, I tried to remain as close to the truth as possible when I told her what happened. "We kissed. A few weeks ago. He kissed me," I corrected embarrassed. "He's been a little weird since then."

"You kissed? That's all you have to say?" She asked incredulously. Pulling me to the bed next to her, she spurred me on. "Details, please."

I just shrugged. She wouldn't have been nearly as excited if she had been there. "There isn't much to say. He just sort of…leaned in. And then it was over."

"Tongue?" She asked with a devious expression in her eyes.

An image of Edward's tongue playfully provoking mine immediately came to my head. I could feel my face became hotter and hotter in reaction, so much that I wanted to run away. Or run to him. If I only hadn't been wearing four inch stilettos I would have. "No. No tongue," I said, forcing myself to remember this was about _Jacob_. I let myself fall on the bed and stared at the ceiling. "It was a mistake. And it's going to cost me, I'm sure."

"If you don't want to be with him why don't you just tell him that?" Alice asked leaning down next to me, using her hands to support her face.

"I did. It's just…hard, you know? When you care about the person." I sighed again. "Why would you invite him here, though?"

She gave me a look that she understood I was no longer talking about my relationship with Jacob. "I know he doesn't like us, Bella. But he likes you, and I want you to be comfortable here. And I figured you'd have had enough drama from spending the week with Edward."

I turned my head when I heard heels clicking at the door. "What are we going to do with her hair?"

Defensively I sat back up and began brushing my hair with my fingers, praying someone would stop Alice and Rose from double teaming me. Wasn't it enough that I wouldn't be able to walk or recognize my face, now I had to do my hair as well?

I was about to speak when Rose interrupted me. "You look gorgeous, Bella."

I pointed at the mirror. "That's not me. The real Bella is wearing the clothes Alice is threatening to burn."

"I won't burn them." Alice said, attacking Rose's make up bag, hopefully looking for something for herself. "I'll just give them to some homeless guy."

I scowled at her playfully, silently praying she was kidding. I liked my clothes. They might not be fashionable, but they were comfortable and they were all mine.

***

I would never understand why Rose and Alice were so keen on doing my makeup and my hair. On one hand, I understood the need to make me look better; but as I looked at myself carefully once they were done, it was hard to point out what exactly it was they did. They spent two hours doing my hair, and in the end it ended up looking pretty much the same to how it naturally was. Just a little more…wavy. I admitted in some angles it almost looked nice. But I couldn't even really tell what was so different at all.

The same thing happened with my makeup. I went through layers and layers of products, and in the end the only place where it was obvious there was something different were my lips, which were just a little shiny from the gloss. Everything else was hard to spot. My eyes looked more defined, and I didn't look nearly as pale as I usually did. And, true to her word, Rose made the evidence of my lack of sleep disappear. But overall, it still looked like me with shiny lips.

Rose warned me the lipstick had something in it that made your lips _puff. _I couldn't express in words how anxious that made me. I didn't want my lips to puff. I wanted them to stay still and be normal. The only thing I felt was a little tingling sensation while it was applied, which Alice swore vehemently was perfectly natural, so I pushed the thought of my lips swelling to the size of my face away.

As I gazed into the girls' beaming faces I realized I had to pretend I wasn't dreading this party as much as I truly was. They had been going crazy trying to dress me and prepare the party and getting ready all during one freaking afternoon. "All done?" I asked with my best fake smile.

"Put the shoes back on and you're done. All the better, too, because people are going to start arriving soon."

I sat in a chair to put the shoes back on. Then I stood up and took a few tentative steps. I really didn't understand what women complained about all the time. I could totally handle this.

Rose gave me a crash course in how to walk in heels, of which only two instructions were kept in my brain. Keep your shoulders back and don't fall down. It sounded easy enough, in theory.

I saw Jasper entering the room and Alice gave him the most heartfelt smile I had ever seen as soon as she laid her eyes on him. Turning his head, to look at me, I saw the acknowledgement of who I was hit him. "Bella?" He asked, dumbfounded. "Wow, Bells, you look…"

"Different?" Alice completed, coming to his aid, and smiling when he nodded, his eyes still fixated on me.

I mouthed a small thank you, analyzing my reflection again in the mirror. How could Jasper have difficulty recognizing me? It had to be the clothes, because I didn't feel like the rest was as different as they made it sound.

But my main concern was that I didn't want to look different to anyone else, either. Edward would have to be at this so called party. And by the looks of it, so would Jacob. I didn't want either of them thinking I had dressed up for their enjoyment.

"What's up?" Alice asked with a hand wrapped around Jasper's waist.

"Tanya and the guys are on their way. We should get this thing going."

I literally felt my knees weaken in reaction to her name. Tanya was going to be here? At this so called party? With Edward. So I not only had to deal with Edward, who had made perfectly clear he didn't want to be my friend, I also had to deal with him being with Tanya, and I had to stay away from Jacob, all trying to make sure the dress stayed up and I didn't ruin the freaking shoes.

The problems kept piling up, and I had the urge to say to hell with it all. I leaned to the side to take off the shoes and shook my head. "You know, I'm really beat. Maybe I should sit this one out and see you guys in the morning."

Rose turned pale in fury. "What?"

Alice, didn't give me a second to turn away. She walked to me without warning, and was holding me in her tiny arms. "Bella! You don't have to pull an all-nighter, just stay for a while. It's going to be fun, Jacob will be here," she added, pushing back to wink at me.

I wanted to win this one – I needed to win a fight soon – but I was too tired to keep arguing. Besides, how hard could it be? Edward would make sure to stay away from me, and if he didn't, I was sure Tanya would get right on that. Jacob was my friend, and the previous day on the beach hadn't been as weird as I'd expected. Maybe I could hide out with Jacob for a couple of songs to avoid any fights that might arise, and then wave him goodnight and head off to bed. I didn't even have to see Tanya with Edward.

As soon as I gave them a confirming nod that I would go, all three of us turned our heads to the sound of music blasting. The party was beginning.


	19. Chapter 19

**A/N: OK, so how many of you wanted to kill me when last chapter wasn't the party? Totally wasn't trying to be an evil bitch, but the party got way out of hand and it needed a whole chapter dedicated to it. **

**The usual warnings apply to EPOV: a lot of cussing, etc, etc. Consider yourselves warned. ;)**

**Thank you so much for every review, they mean a lot!**

**And, as usual, I own nothing!**

**EPOV**

It felt like the hundredth time I yawned that day. Thanks to Bella I had not been able to get a wink of sleep the whole night, and to be honest I hadn't slept properly the entire week. I was cranky, tired, and just so motherfucking sick of all the issues and drama this house had witnessed in the past days. So it's obvious that the prospect of a party where Jacob Black and friends I beat up the last time I saw them would attend was not high on my list of favorite things to do.

And then there was Bella. I was an ass to her when I sent her away, I knew that. But what I had realized was that we had been forcing this so called friendship to happen in spite of all the things that were happening against it, when the only thing that solved them was us being apart. I was aware that the kiss had been the last straw; it ruined everything. I ruined everything. I hurt her, and the sad part was that, had we remained friends, it was only a matter of time until I did it again. So I pushed all my feelings aside, told her I didn't want to be friends anymore, and sent her away. And then I fucking wanted to run after her and tell her to forget it. That we absolutely could try again. And again, and again until we got it right and I got to spend time with her without wondering what the hell I was going to do next to hurt her.

Sadly, the only way I was certain would work was being away from her. So that's what I did.

And then I plunged into my novel, which was bursting with new ideas from the last couple of occurrences in my life. I winced while I typed and I realized I wouldn't be able to ask Bella for her opinion, hear her thoughts about the characters. She had told me the character interactions were awkward – which I had never suspected – and suggested Harriet and Clark being possible romantic interests. Which I was still mulling over, but still. The realization hit me that it wasn't just anyone. I cared what Bella specifically thought about the evolution of this story.

I scowled at the thought, wanting to kick myself and everything else around me in this goddamned room. It was too selfish to consider sending Bella away and then tell her 'Hey, I don't really want you in my life, but could you tell me what you think about this?'.

And now this freaking party. Alice had showed up, nagging me to put on something fancy, that it was a fancy party. I didn't care. I would put on a button-down shirt, but that would be as far as I would go. If they didn't want me there all they had to do was say the word and I would vanish.

My mind raced to Bella. At least I was sure she would look normal, like me. I knew the extent of her fancy clothes would be a t-shirt or pullover that was just a little tighter than an average baggy t-shirts she wore. Which was one of the things I adored about her. She didn't need any of those things to look beautiful.

Remembering Bella would be there made me cringe instinctively. I could almost hear Alice's voice in my head. "Jacob will be here. Don't make a scene," she had said in one of her visits to my room.

And it fucking stung. Badly. Because Bella ran away to Jacob after we kissed, and then she invited him to a party at my house after she told me she only met him because she felt rejected. Well, I felt a little surplus now as well. Maybe after all the things that happened she had finally realized Jacob was the good choice, the one for her. Or maybe he was just a good friend. Either way, he would be succeeding at something I had failed.

I was trying to write something coherent when I heard a soft knock on the door, which I was sure wasn't Bella's from the sound. It was odd how I'd come to know her knocks were more spaced out, more timid, more Bella.

Seeing Rose's head peering from behind the door, I turned around back to my computer and waved a hand at her goodbye. Not in the fucking mood for this.

"Tanya is arriving. You might want to go there and settle her hormones," I heard her say, even though I was pretending to be too absorbed in the work to hear her. But my entire body tensed up at her words. And it fucking annoyed me that I could almost hear her wink before she closed the door.

I had no intention of seeing, talking or – God forbid – put my hands on Tanya. The thought that I had ever been stupid enough – or, more likely, drunk enough – to have sex with her disgusted me. Truly made my stomach turn.

It's not that I regretted it. Going back I wasn't sure I would have acted differently. Still, something inside me made me remember my words to Bella. I wasn't just trying to make her feel better when I said it was good she was waiting for someone she loved. I would never have that experience, not the first nor any after that. I had always been and would always be a damaged good – too tarnished by life to be capable of giving or receiving love.

And yet, even knowing this, the thought of Tanya had somehow in the past week come to repulse me. I didn't want to see her. Or anyone else she brought with her, for that matter. They all knew I had lost it when they dissed Bella, so it was possible they would say something to my family. I knew they hadn't said anything yet. I was sure they would all jump on me, either to congratulate me for defending Bella or smacking me for getting in a fight. But it was the type of action that warranted a reaction from my family, whether positive or negative.

Deciding it was better to face this problem head-on and try to do some damage control before those assholes started telling everyone in the room what had happened, I entered the shower to clean up and pretend that I wasn't feeling half dead at the party. I knew they weren't mad, that wasn't the problem. They had sent me an e-mail asking me what the fuck had gotten over me to act that way, so there wasn't much of a chance that this night would end in a fight as well. Unless they messed with Bella again, and then they could fucking expect another blow to the face. I just had a bad feeling about the whole thing.

I threw on some darker jeans, hoping Alice would note the effort, and a practical checkered light green shirt which was just a little fancier than what I would normally wear, and hoped it would be enough to get me out of trouble with the women in the house.

Sometime during my shower the music had started downstairs, and I was already bobbing my head to the sound. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad. It was an opportunity to be with my siblings again, and more importantly an opportunity to unwind, drink a few beers, be normal again.

Bella and I had gotten so comfortable just living with each other and dealing with our own issues that it was like I had forgotten how to be freaking normal.

I strode downstairs, felling a little more optimistic about the events of the evening and I even managed to give Tanya and her friends a genuine smile, swerving away from them immediately to avoid Tanya's typical clinging techniques. Despite my sudden improvement in mood I was nowhere near the level of happiness required to walk her around all night out of guilt of having fucked her a few months ago.

I looked around, nodding approvingly. Somehow the girls had managed to get their hands on a bunch of alcohol and a couple of irritable bartenders who looked very unimpressed with their surroundings, and the living room had been cleared out to give space for a very sizable dance floor, which was already packed with people who I couldn't recognize at the moment. Still, everything looked pretty slick to me.

Looking around to spot my sisters so I could congratulate them on getting this together so quickly, my gaze stopped when I saw Jacob, Leah and Sam walking in, their faces likely mirroring my own annoyed expression.

"Where is she?"

"I don't know. Haven't seen her," I said apathetically, trying to keep my voice as uninterested as possible when I talked about Bella.

By the look in his eye it appeared he didn't believe me. "Tell me where she is, now."

I wanted to laugh at the thought of this kid's attempt to intimidate me. I was about to tell him just that when I saw his angry gaze flicker from me to something behind him which did a much better job at capturing his attention than me.

I didn't need to turn around to know it was Bella. But the way his eyes widened and were gleaming while looking at her, and the way it was like I suddenly became invisible made my curiosity get the best of me. I scowled, figuring maybe Bella had been crying and there was about to be a completely different type of party in this dance floor when this asshole accused me of hurting her.

I swung around to see Bella walking down the stairs slowly. If I didn't know better I would have sworn the whole thing was in slow motion. I heard a small crash and looked down to see my drink spilled on the floor, but I was too far gone to clean it up.

Bella was wearing this white and pink dress which I had no clue why it looked so good on her. Just the way her arms looked so tiny and her neck looked so long and tempting. I had never seen more erotic shoulders in my life. Or anything as sexy as a vision of Bella in a freaking dress. Her lips had never looked as kissable, and I cursed myself for having that thought. Because it was predictable that I would remember our kiss and her taste, and now all I wanted to do was grab her and push her into a corner and kiss that shiny product off her lips until I saw the color of her mouth.

And her legs. Had they always been that long? She wasn't very tall, not nearly as tall as me, and still her legs looked like they went on forever. Was she wearing _heels_? It was all too much for me to process.

She was smiling in my direction, but she wasn't smiling at me. The shooting pain I felt when I saw she was staring at Jacob made me want to turn around and officially leave. Or pretend I was into someone else so she wouldn't think she had this kind of effect over me. I knew I wouldn't do it, though. Because as much as it hurt me to have her be there, in my own house, with Jacob, and being alone, it hurt me more to have to pretend I was enjoying myself with someone else.

Noticing I was gawking, I tried to pretend I was unaffected by the sight of this new Bella.

"There she is," I said coldly to Jacob, as if he hadn't been with eyes fixed on Bella for nearly two minutes. I wanted to punch him. Kick him. Just release all the tension I felt building inside me as a result of his actions. But I remembered how the best solution was not to attract attention to me or Bella – so I looked away and went to get another drink for myself.

I ran a frustrated hand through my hair, which I had exceptionally brushed semi-carefully for the party, and I wanted to fucking kill myself for thinking she looked so beautiful all made up. She didn't need any of that to look beautiful, and I knew that she didn't, and it was stupid for her to go through all that trouble to look like everyone else around her. Although, knowing Alice, it was probably more a case of being bullied into getting dressed up than an actual personal decision.

I had kept an ear out for their conversation and I could hear Jacob telling Bella she looked beautiful. _Beautiful_. The guy clearly had no clue. _Try stunning, jackass. Try perfect._

I saw Bella greet the whole gang from La Push and grab a colorful drink, which I was pretty sure was alcoholic, and I cringed at the memory of Bella in my room that morning, suggesting we commemorate our day. Well, our day was officially over now. I just hoped it wouldn't be Jacob's turn now.

He was clearly mesmerized by the vision of her. And though I couldn't look away, at least I didn't think I was that obvious. He was making her uncomfortable with the way his gaze travelled all over her body at the skin which was so often covered up, and I fucking wanted to walk up to him and tell him to take a picture, it'd last longer.

I had been waiting since she came down those stairs for Bella to make eye contact with me. To meet my eyes and smile shyly, like I was certain she would, and I was fearing the moment like it was my death bed. Because a smile from her right now would be my undoing. I would go up to her and steal her from Jacob's arms and just make her mine. So it was good when she didn't look at me. Not even once since she'd arrived. She was just staring straight ahead, smiling at everyone but me. And the disappointing feeling in the pit of my stomach was the beer talking. This was exactly what I had wanted when I sent Bella away, right? I wanted Bella to be happy, and she certainly looked it now. So why did I feel so miserable at the fact that she wasn't happy with me?

I cringed at the sight of Jacob touching Bella's bare arms. I swallowed the rest of my beer in one gulp and headed to the bar to get something more colorful and a hell of a lot stronger. I wasn't going to spend the night seeing Bella smiling at Jacob and having to see him putting his hands on her.

I felt Emmett's arms on my shoulder, pushing me into an embrace.

"Pretty awesome, hey bro?"

I tried to come up with a good, appropriate answer, but I was elsewhere. More specifically I was across the room, where I noticed Bella's glass was already half empty. So I just nodded, and drove through the crowd so I could get a better vantage point of Bella. I wasn't going to let her get drunk with Jacob around and without someone else to protect her. If she wanted him she was going to have to come to that decision sober.

I patted Alice on the shoulder, and her little frame turned around to look at me. By the look in her eyes Bella wasn't the only one getting wasted tonight. "Bella's drinking," I yelled over the music.

"What?" She asked, leaning closer to me to hear. I didn't know if she didn't hear me or if she wanted to make sure I was actually telling her that.

"Bella's drinking," I repeated, keeping my voice on the same level. I knew she heard me this time though, because I saw her peeking over my shoulder to where I'd left Bella happily downing her second drink.

"It's a party," Alice said, talking to me as if I were so crazy I couldn't grasp the simple fact that we were at a party.

And damn it, sure, we were at a party, but this was Bella. So I tried again to get through to her so she would be the one to tell Bella to cut it out. Stubbornly, I shook my head. "She doesn't drink. We're responsible for her, she shouldn't be drinking."

Alice chuckled, holding her stomach, finding the situation much more amusing than it actually was. Yeah, she had definitely had her share of colorful drinks for the night. "Would you relax? That's like her second drink. This," she said, pointing to her glass, "is my fourth. She'll be fine, _dad._" I scowled at her stressing of the word dad on purpose, really fucking angry no one but me seemed to care that Bella clearly shouldn't be drinking like that.

Angrily, I walked to the bar again and asked for another glass and swallowed it down before I saw Bella walking up to the bar with an empty glass in her hand.

Seeing her gesture to the bartender for another drink, I rolled my eyes and decided there was no better way to get my message to Bella than to deliver it myself.

"Isn't it enough?" I asked, glowering at her new drink. Bella turned her head at my voice, a confused expression on her face. Her smile faded when she saw me. "What is this, your fourth drink?" Even with her high heels on, I still had to look down to look into her eyes, which made me strangely happy.

"Why do you care, Edward?" Bella asked with exhaustion in her voice.

"I don't," I tried to say convincingly. But I hadn't been careful enough. Instead of certain of my feelings, my words had come out with longing, and desire and everything I felt for Bella. It was obvious they weren't true, that I did care.

Even through the realization of my lie, Bella shook her head slowly from side to side in response. "Stop spying on me, controlling what I drink. I'm a big girl, Edward. I'm pretty good at taking care of myself. I've been doing it for a while now," she added with a soft, sad smile.

The admission took me by surprise. It wasn't common for Bella to be so outspoken about her feelings, about her life, about coping with the hand life had dealt her. Which was another indication she was already a little tipsy, but I didn't think I would make her see it by pointing that out now. So I gave her a nod instead, and watched her walk away, putting one foot in front of the other slowly.

She walked back to Jacob, and I was left alone again, wishing she had found an excuse to stay with me a little longer, or even had made an attempt to find one, like I desperately wanted to stay and talk to her a little bit more.

I saw Bella laughing hysterically with Jacob from the corner of my eye and it felt like a part of me died inside. With me all she ever did was smile, or yell or give me that disappointed look that made me feel like the piece of shit I was. I sighed, taking a sip from a new screwdriver that had somehow shown up in my hands. This was all for the best.

I saw Jack and Hugh drinking, sitting on one of the sofas, and I knew I had to go up to them and pretend I valued their friendship. It was the least I could do after my behavior the other night.

As I walked to them, I felt Tanya show up out of nowhere and spun me around, dragging me to a corner of the living room and throw me not so gently against a wall. "Hey, Eddie. This party is so dead…," she said, twisting her hair between her fingers and chewing gum. I thought to myself she couldn't have looked more like a hooker if she tried. Hard. Oblivious to my thoughts, she leaned into me and whispered in my ear. "I borrowed my dad's car. You want to go for a ride?" If her intentions hadn't been clear enough, she also winked at me to add to the effect. I couldn't tell her enough how much I did not want to go for a ride with her, but the possibility of spending the next few hours seeing Bella getting drunk and making out with Jacob somehow seemed like an impossibly worse evening. It was either going outside or leaving, and I didn't want to create problems with my sisters the first day they were back.

"Sure. Just for a couple of minutes," I added, realizing too late my statement didn't put my stamina on the best light, considering she thought we were going outside for sex. I didn't really care, though.

She held my hand, leading the way, and kept pushing people rudely out of the way as we left. And as we got to the front of my house which was filled with cars parked in every possible direction I spotted a shiny 2008 BMW M3 which managed to instantly lift my spirits. I looked at Tanya and back at the car for confirmation that that was her father's car, and her smug smile answered for her.

I ran up to it, with Tanya close behind me, examining every angle closely and appreciating the feel of the car against my feelings. I was totally going to write this freaking car into my story.

"Do you want to drive it?" Tanya asked, holding out the keys in front of my face. I had to do a double take to make sure I heard her properly. Did I want to drive it? Was she kidding?

I snatched the key from her and I slid into the driver's seat, feeling as excited as I supposed regular kids felt on a Christmas morning when I heard the roar of the motor. I knew Carlisle would never get me a car like this, not even with all our money. But the thing was a beauty, no question about it. Tanya grinned at me, probably enjoying immensely the fool I was making of myself, but she opened the passenger door and sat down next to me.

I drove for about thirty minutes around town, feeling like a fucking king, and for a second there I forgot why I had blamed Tanya for anything that had happened. She didn't like Bella, but she probably didn't like her because before I didn't like her either. And maybe she was a little easy, probably too easy, but it wasn't my problem or my business. At times like this she seemed genuinely nice.

Once I had driven back to my house the spot where the BMW had been parked was already taken, so I drove to the back of the house and stopped the car. I was feeling more than a little regretful to leave it and go inside.

"It's amazing. This car is brutal," I said, looking around, touching everything from the seats to the dashboard.

Tanya nodded, readjusting herself in her chair so she could look at me. "Pretty comfortable, too, aren't they? These lateral supports on the seats make them very comfy." I nodded distractedly, studying every detail around me. "And…," she whispered seductively, lifting her leg and throwing it over me so she was straddling me, "there's plenty of space, too."

I stopped examining the car when I saw her chest in front of my eyes, automatically recoiling in my seat. Before I could speak and ask what she was doing, her hands travelled to her thighs where she pulled her mini-skirt up, exposing her g-string. If there were still any questions in my mind about what she was doing, they vanished in that second. I looked up to see her face, but we were at an angle where I couldn't really look into her eyes. That hadn't bothered me at all in our previous encounter but for some reason it really annoyed me now.

My chest was heaving, and not from excitement. I was freaking anxious and worried about the way the evening was going. I could have actually sworn there were beads of sweat coming down my face. Of course, I didn't know why I was such a fucking coward. I could do this. There was absolutely nothing stopping me and it would probably release some of the tension I had accumulated in the past days. I had done it before, would probably do it again in the future. So why couldn't I just take what she was offering and give her what she so clearly wanted and send everything else to hell?

I felt her hands travelling down my body, obviously headed for my dick, and I felt my heartbeat quicken ridiculously more. I was getting impossibly closer to the point of no return, and I wasn't sure if I was still able to stop this. I didn't even know why I wanted to stop this.

Without thinking I grabbed her wrists, keeping her hands away from her body. I pressed my eyes firmly shut. "No."

"What?"

I opened my eyes to see Tanya still on top of me, panting and with her chest exposed to me – which had to have been her doing because I didn't remember taking her clothes off – with one of the most stunned looks I had seen on anyone's face to date.

I grabbed her thigh to push her off me and back into the passenger seat, trying to come up with an excuse, any excuse, why I didn't want this to happen. "I'm sorry, Tanya. I'm really sorry," I repeated, looking into her eyes and covering up her body with my jacket. "This isn't going to happen, I'm sorry."

"Why not?," she asked obstinately, like a child who had just been denied her favorite candy.

Running both of my hands through my hair and sighing, I started going through excuses in my head. _I'm not in the mood_? I guessed that wasn't final enough. She would probably try to get me in the mood, and the evening was already traumatic enough as it was. The _It's not you, it's me_ seemed a little overused to be able to get away with it. I could go with the truth. That I wanted more, I wanted to deserve more, than a quick fuck in the car. That she wasn't the one. Which was all true, but I didn't deserve _the one_, and I certainly wasn't going to tell Tanya about my conflicting feelings for Bella.

So I lied. "I think Jack's in love with you." Pretty low blow, considering the guy was probably as much a player as she was; but still, the bros over hoes mentality appeared to be the perfect excused to get out of this situation.

As soon as I saw her reaction I knew she had bought it. "Jack?" She repeated, whispering his name as if she was seeing if it fit. "Jack? Oh my God," she yelled, holding her hands to her still exposed chest. I wanted to laugh when she covered herself with her arms, considering she had just thrown herself in my face, but I tried to be a gentleman and looked away.

"Yeah, he's pretty far gone," I continued, biting back a chuckle.

"I should have known," she said, her voice muffled from the top she was throwing back on, and I felt significantly relieved she had reversed her actions and was now putting clothes _on_. "He always looked at me a certain way, but I…" she interrupted herself, and looked at me pleadingly. "Could you go get him?"

Shocked by her request, I gave her a small smile and nodded. Sure I could go get him. If he was true to his form he would be so wasted by now he would profess his undying love for her without even blinking. I waved goodbye at her, who was now readjusting her skirt, and walked back inside in the direction of the music. I patted Jack on the shoulder and signaled for him to go outside and meet Tanya . When he asked me who the fuck I was I knew he was just drunk enough for the two of them to be very happy together. For one night, at least.

**BPOV**

I couldn't believe Edward. I truly couldn't believe that he had the nerve to tell me I was drinking too much and then he goes outside with Tanya and is gone for almost an hour. Forty seven minutes, to be exact. That's right, I was counting. I was that much of a loser that I was counting the time it took the two of them to have sex while I had to pretend to be having a good time.

Oh, but I had found a way to fix that. After my second drink I was having a good time. After my third drink the shooting pain in my feet had begun to disappear. Now, halfway through my fifth I was having a wonderful time. No, correction: a motherfucking wonderful time. I had never felt better. Ever. Nothing bothered me. I hoped Edward was having a wonderful time doing that slut and he had the best freaking orgasm of his life.

And Jacob. He was so nice. He looked cute, too. And his smile was so sweet. He always smiled at me, Jacob. He was always perfect. I staggered around, trying to find my balance, but for some reason I couldn't. I tried to look down without diving head-on to the ground, which in itself was a challenge, when I noticed one of my shoes was missing. Which was so hilarious I had to sit down to be capable of laughing properly.

Jacob was next to me, holding me so I wouldn't fall down. Because he was a gentleman like that. "You look so pretty, Bella."

"Really?" I asked, my voice sounding groggy even to my drunken ears. I was pretty sure he had already said that before that night, multiple times. But nobody ever said I was pretty. And I knew it would be over as soon as I took the make-up and the dress off.

Jacob nodded and held me closer, nearly suffocating me in his chest. I was feeling more dizzy every second that passed, and for some reason it was getting harder and harder to focus the things around me. I blinked repeatedly to see Jacob's hand lifting my chin for me to look at him and I felt my heart panic when I saw his lips leaning into mine.

Then everything went black.

***

I had the weirdest feeling that I was being carried. I was warm and comfortable and I was pretty sure I was moving. I tried to open my eyes, but the movement made my stomach twist, so instead I closed them firmly and decided it was better to go along with it. I was pretty sure I wasn't being kidnapped or anything like that.

I felt whoever was carrying me caressing my back in circular motions, trying to soothe me, and I could feel myself dozing off again.

"You're fine. You're safe." The voice kicked me out of my hazy state. I knew that voice.

"Edward?" I tried to raise my head so I could look at him, but my head felt so heavy I dug it back into the crook of Edward's neck. I felt his lips in my cheek shushing me and I felt my body go limp again. I knew it was wrong, and I was finding new ways to get hurt, but it felt so good I told myself to just enjoy it for a little while longer.

Edward seemed to kick a door open and I felt him laying me on a soft mattress, which I assumed was my bed. I felt him move around, heard a shoe fall to the floor and a blanket being thrown over me.

There was no sound for so long it was getting harder and harder not to fall asleep again. Suddenly I felt the bed depress by my side.

"You were with Tanya," I whispered, secretly hoping he wouldn't hear me.

But he did. I felt his hands caressing my hair, running from my cheeks to my lips, his touch so soft I could barely feel it, and I absentmindedly wondered if he thought my lips looked puffy. I hadn't checked on them for hours.

Just as I was about to pass out again, I heard him speaking in my ear. "I was right here. I'm always right here."


	20. Chapter 20

**A/N: Hey everyone! Thanks for all the reviews, I'm truly touched that anyone would take time to read, let alone leaving me such wonderful comments. You're all great.**

**But because you're so great and I can be pretty blind at times when it comes to searching for grammatical errors, I wanted to know if anyone is interested is beta-ing this fic, or if you know anyone who could be interested? If so, just PM me and I'll get back to you :) By my estimates this fic should have around 30-35 chapters, if I don't get too carried away with it. Thank you! **

**And as usual, I own nothing!**

**EPOV**

The night was pretty much over for me. I had managed to get away from Tanya successfully and I knew I had been seen around by people enough not to get attacked the next day for being an asshole who couldn't make an effort for his family. My work was done.

As I was bumping into drunken people who seemed fond of getting in my way, I was getting gradually more pissed off at everything around me. Since when did people stop understanding the phrase get the hell out of my way? More than a little frustrated, I decided to go around the dance floor, passing instead through small corridors which were less crowded. I was climbing the stairs in the direction of my room, almost free for the evening, when I saw Bella on the opposite corner of the room.

Even though I knew it made me pitiful, I stopped to look at her. To stare at her, to see her again. She looked…perfect, like always. But for some reason I wanted to remember her like this, even though she looked so different. I narrowed my eyes, stopping mid-thought when I saw Bella stumble and Jacob wrapped an arm around her waist to hold her up.

And I wanted to fucking yell at her, and tell her how stupid she was. Didn't I tell her she was drinking too much? Who was she trying to impress by drinking this way? It wasn't my business or my concern, though. I let my head fall realizing how pathetic I'd become, and was turning back around when I saw Jacob sitting Bella on a couch and holding her to his chest. That son of a bitch was taking it too far. He didn't look nearly as drunk as her, and he was one breath away from taking advantage of her condition.

Trying to walk across the room in her direction, being faced again with the people in the middle of the room who wouldn't budge even when I shoved them, I kept my eyes on Bella's face. Her eyelids were insufferably heavy and she was visibly having a hard time staying awake. I turned around to look for anyone I knew cared enough about Bella to get her out of there and safely to her room when I saw Jacob's hand lifting Bella's chin. And I knew just what the fucker had in mind as soon as I saw it.

With newfound determination I shoved everyone away so I could reach her quickly and pushed Jacob off the sofa by the shoulders, punching him right in the mouth for even having the thought of taking advantage of Bella in a situation like this.

He swayed around a few times until he turned around to face me and I could see his lip was bleeding. I hoped it stung like I fucking bitch.

"What the fuck?" He asked, holding a hand to his mouth.

I had the sudden urge to bash his fucking face in until he was unrecognizable for even asking, but I couldn't. Bella wouldn't want that. So, out of consideration for her, I took a step back and pointed to the door. "Get the fuck out."

"I know what you did," he yelled spitefully, wiping the blood from his lip.

I withdrew automatically, abruptly remembering Bella had been with Jacob after she ran away. Was he talking about me kissing Bella? Had she told him? I wanted to ask him what he knew, but I was too afraid of someone else hearing what I'd done, so I took a step to stand between Bella, who was now passed out on the couch, and Jacob. "You're not putting your hands on Bella. Not on my house. Not anywhere."

I saw the guys from La Push closing in on us, and I braced myself for a fight. Luckily, Jacob hadn't seen us.

"This isn't over," he threatened, probably thinking he could intimidate me. As if.

But I was glad it was over. So as soon as he turned around I sighed, feeling relieved that I could take care of Bella. I knelt beside her on the floor, trying to wake her up slowly.

"Bella?" I gave her a harder shake, starting to feel pretty scared. I felt like searching for Alice to ask her if anyone made sure Bella ate before she came to this fucking party and got wasted.

Deciding the corner of my former living room wasn't the right place to take care of her, I slid my arms underneath her body, making sure the dress was covering up everything it should, and lifted her into my arms, nearly smiling when Bella rearranged her position so her arms were around my neck.

And it didn't make me happy only because she was clinging to me when she was rejecting Jacob's hold on her just a minute ago. It also meant she hadn't slipped into an alcoholic coma or anything like that. She was just drunk and tired, and nothing took care of that like a good night's sleep.

I managed to get to the stairs without attracting too much attention and I involuntarily headed to my room, pausing in front of my door to ponder whether I should let her sleep in my bed. It was wrong on so many levels, but mostly because I didn't think Bella wanted to wake up in an unknown place after a night like this.

I felt Bella stir in my arms, sniffing my neck. I felt her mouth open and she said my name so softly, so weakly, I wished I could have brought her impossibly closer to me. What the hell had I been thinking leaving her alone when she was noticeably upset, and probably all because of me?

Feeling in desperate need of guidance in how to soothe a drunken girl, I sighed and followed my instinct, starting to rub small circles on her back. "You're fine. You're safe," I assured her, desperately wishing I was right. She repeated my name and I sighed in relief when after a few seconds she started to settle down. I held her closer to me to try to absorb the pressure from kicking my bedroom door open.

I had no personal gain in having Bella in my bed. I didn't. But in spite of my good intentions my arms were getting sore from carrying Bella from the party to the safety of my room, so I decided it was best to just let her sleep and I would deal with it later.

So I set her on the bed, trying to take care of her as well as I knew how. She was down, that part was settled. What came next? I remembered that I should probably take off her shoes, so I turned around to remove them and nearly cursed out loud. She only had one shoe on. What the fuck had happened? What could she have possibly been doing to have taken off her shoes? Not even her shoes; one shoe?

I furiously shook my head while I managed to operate the weapon her shoe was, and heard it fall down in the flood with a small thud. Bella stirred a little again at the sound and I stood up quickly, trying to make her go back to sleep without freaking out about being in my room.

I waited a few minutes to give her an opportunity to fall asleep again, and when I was satisfied on her breathing rhythm, I pushed the covers over her body and took sat next to her on the bed, trying not to disturb her.

As I saw Bella opening her mouth I forced my body to stay still and held my breath, hoping she was dreaming.

"You were with Tanya;" she moaned so softly it was hard for me to hear. But I heard it. And I didn't know if I was happy that she had been keeping an eye on me like I'd been looking out for her or if I was sad that Bella thought that after what had happened between us I would leave her alone with Jacob to go fuck Tanya outside.

Bella had immediately closed her eyes again after speaking, her fatigue visibly making it harder and harder for her to stay awake. I started caressing her face, taking a sick amount of pleasure in the way her face was starting to show through the make-up she had applied earlier. Her lips were bare again, they were clean, and begged me to kiss them just once, just one last time. My fingertips hovered over her lips and I felt my body respond when she moaned at my gesture, inclining her head forward to meet my touch.

And I felt like a prick for being so close to doing exactly what Jacob had done. Bella wasn't conscious and she certainly had no clue what she wanted right now.

I was pretty sure, again, that she had fallen asleep. And consequently, it was the perfect time to answer her.

I dipped my head so I could more easily whisper into her ear, hoping somehow Bella would hear me and believe it. "I was right here," I said, feeling a kick in my gut once I realized how true those words truly were. "I'm always right here."

Knowing I was pushing my own personal limits of how teasing much my teenage hormones would be able to take without ravishing Bella, I switched off the lights and pushed the chair of my computer to the middle of the room so I could watch Bella sleep for a few minutes.

I was paying attention to her every movement, every breath that I felt was just a little different from the previous one. Once I was satisfied that she was down for the night, I grabbed a pillow Bella wasn't using and resigned myself to sleeping on the floor next to the bed.

**BPOV**

I felt uncharacteristically sick. My mouth felt like I hadn't drunk water for years, and every time I tried to open my eyes the light that shone outside made me cower under the sheets again. And this is all not to mention the shooting pain I felt in my head which made it difficult even to think.

It was official: I had drunk too much. And the worst part was that I hardly remembered anything that happened last night. I was pretty sure Edward had come up to me to tell me to stop drinking and then he left with Tanya. And at that point I stopped caring about being sick the next day; I just wanted to forget what was happening.

Ironically, I had a hangover and I still remembered that Edward had gone off to do Tanya. It was just my luck.

I tried to open one eye again, flinching when the light hurt my eyes again. Apparently I was going to be in bed all day, and that didn't bother me in the slightest. It's not like I was looking forward to seeing a post-coital Edward beaming everywhere around me. As a matter of fact, as far as I was concerned, he could die and go to hell before I willingly spoke another word to him. I was right to wait for someone special, he'd said. Yeah, right.

Even though the thought of getting up and facing this day wasn't the most attractive one at the time, it was still marginally better in my than dying of dehydration. So I turned around, rubbing my eyes furiously to force the tiredness out of them and slowly, leisurely, forced the covers off my body to provoke enough discomfort so I would have an incentive to get up. After a last moment spent yawning, I sat up on the bed and started opening my eyes.

And then my eyes were wide open, looking around for any reference point. It hit me suddenly, and completely out of the blue. I wasn't in my room. But there was something familiar about it…

_Damn it_. Edward. I was in Edward's room. I blinked a couple of times, completely certain my eyes were playing tricks on me. Then tried pinching myself to make sure I wasn't in the middle of a dream. Well, technically not a dream. A huge, sick, disturbing nightmare. I heard the flush of a toilet behind me, and I turned around, completely aghast.

Swiftly I got up, pushing the rest of the cover off of the bed, and ran to the door before Edward or whoever was in that bathroom could see me there.

I smacked my forehead. If he was awake and he hadn't slept in the bathroom then of course he knew I was there. The point was how, when, why? More precisely how did I get there, when did it happen and why did God hate me so damn much?

I tried to run quietly to my room, perfectly aware I wasn't doing a good job and slammed the door behind me, letting myself lean on it for a minute so I could catch my breath. I noticed my cell phone was ringing on my desk and I went to pick it up, noting I had a couple of new unread messages.

All from Jacob. Saying Edward had hit him and to call him as soon as I got this message.

Hit him? Where the hell had I been when that happened? I sat on the edge of my bed, burying my head in one pillow and let out an infuriated scream, hoping to muffle the sound.

Who the hell did Edward think he was? Beating people I cared about when they were the ones who invited them on the first place was not cool. My breaths became more annoyed by the second. I wouldn't let him treat Jacob that way.

I turned around, repeating the walk I had just taken, no longer caring about making noise and ventured back into Edward's room, where he stood, apparently doing nothing.

I crossed my hands in front of me, hoping he could see every bit of hatred I had for him at that moment. "Who the hell do you think you are?" He turned around at the sound of my voice. There was so much unhappiness in his eyes. Any other man would be jumping up and down after getting laid, I thought bitterly to myself.

"Good morning to you too," he answered with a raised eyebrow. I could have killed him for his cockiness in this situation.

"You hit Jacob," I repeated, walking in his direction. "What kind of person are you?"

"What?"

"Oh, stop pretending. He told me," I yelled, thrusting the cell phone in his face. So he hadn't technically told me, he'd written it to me. Big freaking deal. I still got the message. Literally.

I saw him trying to read the text message, his eyes unreadable. Finally, he shook his head. "It was his fault. He was going too far, Bella."

"That is none of your business. That was between me and him."

He shrugged arrogantly. "And it would have been, if you had listened to me and hadn't decided to get drunk. I thought you needed help and I stepped up. I apologize if that upsets you, but I couldn't stand back and watch."

Before I entered the room I had promised myself I wouldn't give him the satisfaction of letting him know I had noticed him leaving with Tanya. He didn't even deserve to know I had enough feelings for him to care that he was outside doing that slut while I had to pretend everything was fine and I was having a great time. But the accusation in his tone did it for me. How dare he, how dare he talk to me like I was a troubled teen who gets drunk every night when he was known around town for doing exactly that and much worse?

"Was that before or after you left with Tanya?"

His back to me, I saw the outline of his face when he turned his head to answer me. "After."

I took a couple of steps back, which was probably what triggered Edward to come after me. The hunter and the prey and all that. Dodging his hands, I gritted my teeth at him. "Don't touch me."

Persistently, stubbornly, he continued to make a grab for me and I continued to avoid his grip. Until he finally caught my forearm and pushed me in, holding my body involuntarily close to his. "He was going to kiss you," he whispered, looking into my eyes. And I felt too close to him and much too emotional for this conversation. "Is that what you wanted? To have your third kiss be a disappointment as well?"

The fact he talked about our kiss like a disappointment upset me. Probably in any other moment it would have made me want to curl up in a ball and close my eyes until the world disappeared from around me, but right now it just annoyed me. Irritated me. Made me want to scream at him and tell him that maybe, just maybe, he should take into account that for me it hadn't been that bad. It had been really freaking amazing. Until it ended.

Besides, I didn't believe him, not for one second. Jacob wouldn't try to kiss me again and he would never, ever take advantage of me. But Edward's eyes, which were impossibly close to mine, told me otherwise. And for some unknown reason I had never felt more compelled to believe anyone.

Why would Edward lie? He had nothing to gain; he had come right out and said he didn't even want us to be friends. But I didn't care for the way he was talking about Jacob, or the way he was holding me against my will.

Scornfully, I whispered back to him. "Why would it be a disappointment? You're supposed to be a follower of sex without feelings."

Edward let me go at once, putting a safe distance between us. The thing that annoyed me the most about him was that even in moments like this, where his eyes were gazing right into and through mine, I had absolutely no clue what he was thinking. What hurt him, what wound him deeply or what simply just pissed him off?

Which is why I was surprised when his impassive face showed me a sad smile. "I wasn't with Tanya. I mean, I was, but…not like you're thinking," he sighed. I wondered to myself if he knew I thought they had sex; but really, what else could not like you're thinking mean? I realized I was smiling at his confession and tried to hide my reaction again, coughing into my fist.

"I really think it will mean more, it will be more special, if you're with someone you care about Bella. Maybe third time's a charm for you," he added with a smirk.

I blinked rapidly trying to decipher his words, before I noted he hadn't said he was going to give me that third kiss. With more emotion in my voice than I would have liked. "You really think so?"

He nodded. "Yes."

"How did I end up in your bed? We didn't…"

"I carried you"

"You carried me," I repeated, dumbfounded. "You couldn't have carried me to my room?"

He shrugged it off, obviously embarrassed for having brought me here. As a weird silence installed itself among us again, I looked around the room, noticing Alice's shoe at the foot of the bed. And shit. Where the hell was the other shoe?

Edward interrupted my thoughts. "It's in your room. I went to look for it this morning while you were asleep. I thought it was weird yesterday when you were only wearing one, so I looked around. It was under a couch," he added, raising an eyebrow.

And if he was looking for an explanation, he wouldn't get it from me.

As he pretended to tidy up the room to keep himself busy, I felt absurdly moved at his gesture. I probably would never know who was right or wrong in the apparent fight, although Edward seemed to be involved in a weird amount of fights lately, but the fact that he had not only carried me, but taken off my shoes and-

I turned around, speechless. "Where did you sleep?"

"That's not important," he murmured, sitting on his bed. On the bed I had just been sleeping in. I noticed the pillowcase was full of smudges, most likely from my make-up. I didn't even want to think about the state of my face at that particular moment.

With a sigh, and wanting to end the conversation right then and there, I bent over until my back was against the wall, still facing Edward. "Did Jacob really try to kiss me?"

"I think so. I think he was about to."

"You think?"

When Edward only shook his head in agreement I let out a sarcastic laugh. "Don't you think you should be sure before you go around hitting people?"

Looking at me sideways, he snickered. "I don't blame him."

My back straightened immediately. "What the hell does that mean?" I demanded, talking slowly. Because I was very, very calm and his provocations wouldn't get to me.

He only pointed in the direction of my body and, looking down, I saw I was still in Alice's dress; although it had fallen to the point where my breasts were almost hanging out.

Once I saw it, I quickly turned around and shoved the top up hastily with my hands, feeling the redness in my cheeks expand to my whole face. I couldn't even look at him. "It's too big. It falls sometimes-," I turned around, my previous shyness gone. "It didn't…fall…yesterday…Did it?"

He rolled his eyes. "Not that I saw, Bella." His voice was angrier than empathetic or even comprehending.

"Because you were with Tanya most of the night."

"Because you were with Jacob most of the night," he shot back.

Letting out a fake snicker, I crossed my arms. "That didn't stop you when you were stalking me to see how much I was drinking or to hit Jacob when you thought _he was about to kiss me_," I mimicked, fully aware I was pushing him to his limits. I was done with tiptoeing around the truth.

His chest visibly going up and down, with his face filled with rage, he stood up, taking slow, steady steps in my direction. "I saw him when I was about to leave. You were pissed drunk and he was taking advantage of that for his own gain. I thought I should help you, Bella, but right now I'm thinking maybe I shouldn't have. Maybe that was what you wanted. To have your decision made for you when you can claim unconsciousness later."

Finding a way to make my voice more certain than it truly was, I shook my head. "You were the one who said we shouldn't be friends."

He laughed, snappily. "And clearly I was right."

Injured and fuming beyond belief, I felt my eyes literally start to glaze over. There were no rational thoughts still left in my brain, and everything about him seemed it had been custom made to drive me mad.

Knowing there was nothing either of us could possibly say or do that would fix this, I opted for the worst thing I could have done.

In one quick move, I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him. Furiously. Persistently. Deep down I was secretly hoping, and fully aware that this was just another perfect opportunity for Edward to reject me. To tell me again that I wasn't good enough, that our first kiss had been a disappointment, that we shouldn't be friends. It was the perfect moment for him to hurt me. Again.

Which only made me more surprised when he wrapped his large hands around my arms, pushing me in, instead of away. And when I felt his tongue expertly coaxing me, teasing me, playing me until I was so lost in my emotions, I knew this wasn't a mistake anymore. It was the only possible way to a happy ending.

The kiss started rough, nearly brutal, probably because of my actions. But with every flicker of his tongue, or every time his hands travelled through my bare skin up and down and in circular motions until his hands were in my shoulders and in my hair and cupping my neck, the kiss grew softer, more affectionate and more perfect. He was toying so delicately with my feelings, with every single nerve in my body, I unconsciously moaned into his mouth. Desperate to feel more of him, more of every part of him, I forced my hands from his neck so I could grab his shirt and easily brought him with me until we both fell back on the bed, our lips still miraculously connected.

I felt Edward's tongue retracting, and I almost protested before I felt his teeth gently nibbling my upper lip, alternating this with caresses of his tongue wheedling mine again to deepen the kiss again. At any other point I would have probably felt embarrassed, too promiscuous for my own good. But it wasn't the time for thoughts. Using my hand to capture the back of his head, I brought his lips to me once again, loving the way all the previous hesitation I'd felt before was gone. And that was perfect; I wasn't going to be holding back either.

Breathless, his hands on my cheek, Edward pulled away. We were both panting like we'd run a mile, and there were so many questions in his green eyes when he met mine that I just shook my head. It wasn't the time for questions.

His lips parted while his gaze wavered between my eyes and my lips. "What was that for?…"

I didn't answer him. This was my third kiss and I'd be damned if I was going to let him screw it up as well. I wondered if he was aware of his body still on top of me. It was a completely different sensation to me, having the weight of a man on top of me. I couldn't say I didn't like this. Sensing he wasn't convinced, I gave him a reassuring smile. "Just do this for me, okay?"

Our lips met again, our tongues eagerly crashing against each other at the same time, in perfect synch. I could hear an attempt to muffle a moan after I sucked softly on his bottom lip, and I conceitedly thrust my body forward to his in an attempt to lure him into stopping treating me like I was a freaking doll.

Because I knew he wanted it, I could feel the evidence of his desire for me against my leg – so if he had in the past acted on it with Tanya, then why didn't he do it with me? Ever since we crashed on the bed I had been waiting for him to do something…I had expected to feel a hand sliding up my leg, or any other attempt to go for the jackpot. It irked me to no end that, just because he was with me, he wouldn't even try.

Our bodies were pressed so close together I could easily feel the strong pulsing of his heart against me until I wasn't sure whose heartbeat it was. Which made it all more erotic as far as I was concerned.

I kissed him until I felt dizzy. Until my lips were becoming sore and feeling so used I felt like it was probably the time to end it and face reality again. In our first kiss I'd had no idea who pulled away; this time I knew. I knew the way we had left the kiss slow down until we were only leaving small pecks in each other's mouths, pulling away and desperately going back for one last taste of each others' lips, until we both pulled back.

"Bella…"

"I think that was pretty damn good." His forehead creased while he looked at me like I had gone completely insane. He sat back, regrettably removing his body from mine, and I could see the moment his head started to rationalize it. To screw everything up because he was trying to find reason and consequences in something that wasn't meant to be rational.

I placed my fingertips on his lips to silence him. "Just don't say anything, okay? We can't ruin it if we don't say anything."

His gaze studied my every word, visibly astonished. To be honest I felt pretty surprised that I'd handled that so well. I wanted to have an experience of a good kiss and he was experienced enough to give it to me. What was so wrong in taking advantage of that?

I got up, leaving him on the bed and rearranged my dress again.

"We really should talk about this, Bella"

"Nothing to talk about." I grimaced. That wasn't completely true. Squatting down next to him on the bed so we were eye to eye, I placed my hand on top of his. "I want to be your friend. There's no possible reason why we shouldn't be friends."

"Friends?" He asked, raising an eyebrow.

I nodded confirmatively. "Just friends."

I felt a little hurt that his frown turned quickly into a smile at those words. I knew I would never be his first choice, but in my opinion the kiss had been pretty freaking amazing. And I knew I wouldn't know what a good kiss was, at least not by comparison, but if his erection was to be taken into account as well, then hadn't found it the least bit unpleasant.

Knowing it was up to me to keep this relationship going, I decided to sate my curiosity. "Have you been writing?"

With a scowl, Edward shook his head. "I think I'm at a bit of a crossroads. I just don't know why. Or how to get out of it."

For a second I thought he was talking about us, but I knew the way he looked when he was talking about his book. And this had nothing to do with us.

"By the way…that thing you said. During our kiss? 'What was that for?'…That would be a pretty good answer for Harriet. After Clark kissed her."

His face changed immediately, and I could tell he was in writer mode. It fascinated me how quickly he shifted from the teenage boy to the writer and back again so slickly, yet they were so different from one another.

"Maybe. Yeah, maybe." He paused for a second longer than necessary before nodding, and I knew he wasn't convinced yet. It made me smile in spite of myself at how protective he felt over his characters.

Seeing his fingers twitching and his hands running through his disheveled hair, I recognized all the symptoms easily. He wanted to write. He needed to write.

"Did the inspiration just come back?" I asked with a grin plastered on my face, adoring the way his expression turned into one of surprise at my words.

"How did you know?"

"Blind luck," I lied, chuckling to myself.

"You don't have to go, Bella. You can stay-"

"I should probably go before they start waking up," I improvised, although it wasn't far from the truth. As far as everyone was concerned I wouldn't be caught dead in Edward's room if he was the last man on earth. And for some reason I wasn't too keen on letting them know it wasn't the truth.

He was at his desk again, opening his work in progress before I reached the door. With a grin still on my face, I paused.

"Edward?" He swirled in his chair to face me. "Thanks for giving me my first good dirty kiss."

Edward smirked in response. "Anytime."

And as I was leaving, I wondered if he meant it.


	21. Chapter 21

**A/N: I want to give a big hug to** **amgglekim****, who is now the beta for this story! She is doing a wonderful job, so make sure you go read her stories and leave her heaps of reviews! Thanks again babe! **

**Everyone else who offered to beta the story, you're all amazing and you deserve chocolates as well.**

**As usual, I own nothing!**

**EPOV**

The sun had barely risen, and I was already waking up. Which was ridiculous; we were in the middle of our summer vacations and if there was one thing I loved doing was sleeping in. But today, just today, my body was completely justified in its decision to wake me up.

It was different today, though. I wasn't alone in bed. I turned around, desperately trying to disentangle my feet from the rumpled sheets, doing my best not to wake up the woman next to me. Just looking at her face, gazing at her delicate, perfect nose, with her thick eyelashes gently sprayed on her cheekbones and her lips slightly parted to enhance her steady breathing, I wanted to call her name. To shake her, wake her up and repeat our previous night until we both fell asleep exhausted again. Even more than that, I wanted to enjoy this moment when Bella lay peaceful next to me, with her arm still covering my waist. So that was precisely what I did. I ran one hand lazily up and down her arms, feeling the soft texture of her skin underneath my fingertips, until I was sure I had memorized every inch of her skin. Then I let my fingers lazily travel to her shoulders, her neck and down to her chest, keeping my touch light so she wouldn't wake up. It wouldn't be the end of the world if she did; she would probably just smile and do the same to me, albeit much more intensely. There was just something so intensely erotic about touching Bella's naked body while she slept in my bed with her skin still glowing from our making love.

I was trying very carefully to avoid her main erogenous zones; mainly because I was damn certain if anyone touched my dick I would wake up in a second; but also because the buildup, the sluggishness of my movements, was turning out to be an incredible turn on for me as well. My hands carefully avoided her breasts, running over the middle of them to her stomach, where my hands played with her belly button, my gaze never leaving my hands or Bella's body. I was simply entranced at the way she looked and the way she felt and I couldn't miss a second of it if my life depended on it.

I sensed Bella squirming. I had probably tickled her by accident. But as my touch traveled to her ass I was beginning to lose my control; seeing her perfect little body being caressed by my fingers was heavenly, but I was damn close to assaulting her and ready to lose myself in her when I heard the sweetest sound coming from Bella's lips; she was moaning. Those sweet sounds were all a result of _my_ touch. It never ceased to amaze me the way she reacted to me, even after last night. Everything felt brand new.

I squeezed her flesh a little harder, infinitely more turned on after I heard a gasp escape her lips, and unconsciously my hands traveled downward to her thighs. Bella threw one leg over mine in reaction, literally opening herself to me. I looked up at her face to see her eyes boring into mine, and my gaze faltered for a second before I saw she wasn't upset. She had a lazy, teasing smile on her lips, and her eyes still had evidence of the night of sleep she had just woken from.

Bella used her tongue to wet her lips and she wriggled her hips around a bit, slightly thrusting herself in the direction of my touch. "What are you waiting for?"

Life didn't get much better than this. Looking down at my hands again, I noticed they continued stroking her thigh affectionately unbeknownst to me, and it didn't take a genius to figure out what she wanted me to do next. A little startled at her forwardness, I brought my lips to Bella's and rolled over on top of her, burying my face deep in her hair so I could smell her properly; and just as I remembered, it was strawberry and coconut and something new I couldn't recognize. As my body pressed on top of hers I knew she would feel just how much I wanted her; how much I needed to have her this very second. And it made me unbelievably happy that she only seemed more excited once she felt me.

Bella turned us around again until she was the one on top and as she did so I lost balance and I fell with a loud thud on the floor of my bedroom.

I was dressed. I was alone. And I was too mother-fucking horny for my own good.

I awkwardly looked at my bed again just to make sure Bella wasn't in it and it had only been a dream; a wonderful, amazingly life-like, perfectly frustrating dream. Which incidentally was becoming a regular occurrence; ever since the damned party where Bella ended up sleeping in my bed I had been waking up believing I was just about to make love with Bella. Which of course created yet another problem for me; we never _actually_ did it in my dreams. We had done it before, and were about to do it again. The act itself was always banned from my head, as if my own mind was punishing me for even having these dreams. A fact which made me impossibly more sexually frustrated.

Even her body, which I knew came so easily to me in dreams, appeared to be blurred within my memory every time I tried to remember it later.

I blamed her smell for all of this. I distinctively smelled her shampoo on my pillow and sheets, even after I washed them. _Twice_. It had gotten to the point where, when Bella was around me, I avoided touching her so she wouldn't leave her scent around me. I knew where it would lead: me, in the bathroom jerking off just to get the edge off.

I picked up my watch from the desk to see the time. It was not even 9 p.m. yet, and I was already up and alert. I stole a glance at the bulge in my pants.

Clearly my plan to get a nap that would hopefully last until morning didn't work. I frustratingly ran a hand through my hair, striding angrily to the bathroom and closing the door behind me with a loud bang. The sound didn't bother me. I hoped everyone else in the house had as much trouble sleeping as me. Especially Bella and her stupid strawberry & coconut shampoo.

I pressed two fingers to my eyes, urgently begging my brain to remember anything, _anything_ from my dream-Bella to help make this quick. It was too fuzzy and it kept getting fuzzier by the second; apparently the more I wanted to remember it the more the memory wanted to run away from me. I leaned on the sink and splashed cold water on my face, giving it a couple of rough scrubs before I caught my reflection in the mirror. I looked like crap. Not even crap. I was a few steps below crap. I looked like shit.

I threw water in the mirror in an attempt to deform my reflection, and started running the cold water in the shower. I didn't even feel like jerking off. What did that say about me?

As I stood beneath the freezing water I knew I had to do something about Bella's shampoo. I could buy her a new one, claim it was an advanced birthday present; a very weird and cheap birthday present. Or I could just be an ass and sneak into her room and empty her bottle without her noticing. That had to work as well, unless she had a million bottles of shampoo lying around the house. The point was what I did was irrelevant; I just had to solve this so I could get a good night's sleep again.

I turned off the water and wrapped a towel around my waist, and checked the time again. 8:54 p.m. Fuck. Everybody was probably still downstairs laughing and giggling at stupid shit and I didn't even want to go there and pretend to be interested in anything they had to say.

It was times like this it was nice to have a distraction from reality. And when I say times like this, I meant times when Bella did a one-eighty on me and changed everything I was positive about. Again. I wasn't very normal by any definition of the word, but Bella certainly wasn't either. A few days ago Bella had left my room precisely while I was in the bathroom and ran away, only to come back two minutes later shoving her cell phone in my face with a message from Jacob where he whined about how I hit him. He had no fucking clue. I did want to hit him, my fists were dying to smash his face for what he was about to do, and he better be well aware that what I did was a tiny, minute demonstration of what I truly wanted to do to him.

Just the fact that Bella had his number under Jake peeved me. With no reason, of course, because I'd seen her call him that right in front of my eyes and it didn't seem to bother me that much at the time. For some reason it was too informal, too friendly for my taste. Hell, Jacob Black would have been too informal for my taste.

Don't even go there, I told myself firmly.

I had hardly seen Bella after that, except of course when we all ate together. After the awkwardness of our first lunch I avoided those as much as possible, bringing the food to my room instead and eating alone. Nobody but Bella found that weird, since I had always avoided Bella during the time she spent there. Even though we had both agreed to be friends I knew we had both made a conscious decision to stay away from each other while other people were around. I, for one, had no intentions of explaining to anyone what was going on, and I doubted Bella wanted to be the one to do it.

But as much as I kept my distance, my brain was making sure I didn't forget her, or how much I'd come to desire Bella. She insisted I not say anything after she kissed me and it was probably for the best. I would likely have fucked it up and made Bella run in the opposite direction again.

While her statement that she wanted to be friends hurt me, deep down it was the only rational solution, and she had probably realized that as well. I had never been able to be in a decent relationship; I had never been capable of caring too much about anyone else, and certainly not in the way Bella deserved. And if there was one thing I learned with that kiss was that she had been designed to taunt me senseless.

There was nothing, absolutely _nothing_ I would have denied her when we were lying in my bed kissing like the world was about to end and our only possible salvation was in each other. She kept thrusting her little body in my direction, with small moans and groans which mocked my self control until there was none left. I wondered if at the time she had noticed how close I was to ripping her clothes off.

Probably not, I mused, massaging my forehead vigorously. She never pulled back, never told me to stop it. On the contrary; it felt like she didn't want me to end it. Or maybe I was just assuming she wanted what I wanted as well.

But Bella referring to our kiss as her first good dirty kiss irked me. I thought the first one was pretty fucking awesome as well – even if it ended badly. Apparently she didn't share that opinion.

Walking downstairs in the direction of the kitchen, I put my thoughts about Bella in the corner of my mind. There was no point in thinking about her anymore, mostly because my brain would take care of that tonight once my head hit the freaking pillow.

That was until I entered the kitchen and saw Bella and Alice deeply in conversation about something. Bella had her back to me, so she hadn't noticed me. But Alice's head shot up as soon as my head peeked inside and gave me her typical vibrant smile.

"Good evening."

I saw Bella's neck swinging around to look at me, and the emotions in her eyes were crystal clear as soon as she laid her eyes on me. She was happy to see me there, but also a little confused, and it made me feel like a prick again. I had been ignoring her on purpose for the past days, but really only because of my dreams. It had nothing to do with her particularly.

I managed to give them both a small smile accompanied by a very unenthusiastic "Good evening," and headed for the coffee maker, desperately needing something to take the edge off. As I turned to face them both, I saw Alice giving Bella a discreet pat on the hands, probably reassuring her that my presence wasn't going to be a problem.

I rolled my eyes at the situation and decided it was time to end this freaking charade.

"It's okay, Alice," I said with just a hint of annoyance in my voice. It was hard to care when you were sleep deprived.

"Oh?" She kept looking back and forth between me and Bella, awkwardly checking us both for our reactions. Bella gave her a quick nod and smiled at Alice.

"Yeah; Edward and I…" I straightened up, nearly dying of anticipation. How the hell was she going to finish that sentence? "It's not a problem anymore," she concluded.

I snorted loudly, which warranted me two raised eyebrows from the kitchen table. I had probably sounded just a little bit like a dick. But what the fuck did _not a problem anymore_ mean? Was that how she saw me? A problem?

I was about to ask her just that when I saw Bella's uncomfortable expression and I remembered that I didn't want people to know about us, either. Of course that was mostly because even I didn't know what we were yet. I nodded at Alice who kept the suspicion in her eyes in spite of Bella's words.

"Good. Great," she creased her brows in thought. "It's about time," she finished after a minute.

Bella turned around and gave me a restrained smile. "So…how's the book?"

Sensing this was more an effort to keep the conversation rolling than genuine interest in the story, I decided to be helpful. It wasn't only her fault I was having sex dreams with her. "It's pretty much the same. I printed out the stuff I have so far in case you wanted to read it though. You haven't read it for a while," I said, more accusingly than she deserved. She hadn't read it because I hadn't given it to her.

"I can read it now, I'm pretty bored." Alice's head shot up filled with a wounded expression, making Bella laugh. "I didn't mean it like that. I just have a few minutes now…"

"What book is this and why am I not reading it?"

"You hate reading, Alice," I retorted.

"I do not! I just like doing other stuff better, that's all. Besides, if it got you two talking it has to be some sort of masterpiece."

"It's Edward's. It's Edward's story." At Alice's confused expression, Bella continued. "He's writing it; and it's _SO_ good. There's Edwin Clark and Elizabeth Harriet, who are these two detectives who hate each other but then fall in love-"

"They do _not_ fall in love," I cut Bella off, the frustration in my voice making me sound harsher than I meant to. "They are investigating something. They do not fall in love."

Bella threw her tongue out at me playfully, something which caught me deeply off guard for its lightheartedness, and shook her head at Alice. "They fall in love."

Alice laughed at our bickering, and got up. "I'd love to read it sometime, too. Just not today; Jasper and I are going out."

I nodded in her direction, shrugging. If she wanted to read it I wouldn't be an ass about it. Alice was one of the few people I cared about enough that she would absolutely be invited to read it if she wanted. Bella remained sitting in the same place, and I sighed. It was time we talked about what was going on.

I crossed the kitchen to the table, sitting right in front of her. "I'm sorry I've been distant." I said, placing my hand on top of hers. "It's just different with people around us, you know?"

A little voice in my brain told me that sounded like I was ashamed of Bella, but she surely wouldn't think anything stupid like that about me. I was relieved when she gave me a sweet smile and nodded. Her eyes looked tired and there were shadows under her eyes, like she hadn't been sleeping well. In her case it surely had nothing to do with having dirty dreams about yours truly.

"Sure," she whispered while she waved a hand like it was no big deal. But it was bothering her. I could tell. Hell, it was even bothering me, and I wasn't known for my sensitivity.

Sighing, I let go of Bella's hand. I had been avoiding getting Bella in my room. Desperately and urgently avoiding it. I knew what would happen. Her aroma would infiltrate my room again and I would be tortured for another night. Then she looked at me through those eyelashes, shyly acting as if everything was okay when anyone who knew her could tell she was upset.

"You want to come upstairs, read it right now?"

***

Bella agreed, of course. Cutely enough, she actually paused to pretend she was considering my offer, as if she wasn't sure. I never had a doubt in my mind she would say yes. We both walked quietly, with Bella right behind me, and we entered my room quietly. She went and settled into her usual spot on the bed while I went to my printer, picking up the chapters I'd already printed out and handed them to her.

I stole a glance at my bed and scowled. Bella's hair was resting on my freaking pillow. Grimacing, I shook my head and turned to my computer again, my back to Bella. Could she possibly make this any harder for me?

Suddenly, I heard a couple of small bumps and I turned around again. She was taking off her shoes to make herself more comfortable. How lovely. In the meantime she could get under the covers and rub herself against my bed to make sure if somehow tonight, at least in my sleep, we went all the way. Bella placed one leg under the other and went back to reading, carefully studying each page intently before she moved on to the next one.

I sighed remembering Alice's words. That it had to be a good book to get me and Bella to speak. Had we been that bad? Sure, we hardly talked, but Bella hardly talked to anyone anyway. Sure, maybe I did hate her, or at least I had thought I did, but somehow I knew the novel wasn't the reason for us to become friends. If anything, it was an excuse.

I shifted a bit in my seat so I could take another quick glimpse at her. She sat there in her usual jeans and large shirt, and the intense look in her eyes made the corners of my mouth tilt in a smile.

"Hey," I spoke softly to get her attention. Bella lifted one finger, gesturing for me to wait. She kept her eyes on the pages for another second and then lifted her eyes to me.

"Why did we hate each other?"

Her expression went from blank to hesitant. I saw her setting the pages down beside her on my bed and grab my pillow, hugging it to her chest.

"Because you didn't like me. You thought I didn't appreciate Esme and Carlisle," she bit her lip nervously at the silence that had been set between us. "Right?"

"You didn't like me either," I replied quickly, upset that she was placing all the blame on me.

"Yes I did," Bella said firmly, widening her eyes at me. "I…I thought you were cute," she finished, giving me a sidelong glance.

The faintest color was rising to Bella's cheeks, and I was enough of a prick to take advantage of the moment.

"What? When?"

Giving me a resigned sigh, Bella let her shoulders sag and leaned back against the wall beside my bed.

"Seriously, I did. That first summer, when I was twelve; I saw you and I thought you were really cute. I even almost had a crush on you. Then you spoke; or rather, you grunted at me; for no apparent reason, at the time. So I just started thinking of you as that cute asshole who hated me. Not in those terms, of course; but you get the gist of it."

I forced my lips to remain still, even though somewhere inside me there was a little voice telling me this was the perfect moment to grin. Shaking my head to oblige myself to stick to the subject, I continued.

"I meant after that. How did we not get out shit together in the next four summers?"

"Well. You spent a summer away, which I'm fairly sure was to avoid me." I didn't correct her. "So it's only really only the next two summers. This is the third. And we've never been alone before. When other people are around its different, we had no reason to really get to know each other. I mean, look at us! Since they arrived I've barely seen you."

I felt guilty again, but I wouldn't find excuses this time. It wasn't my fault Bella french-kissed me and then claimed she just wanted a friendship with me. I was allowed a few days to get my thoughts together.

"Maybe it was meant to be," she murmured. I raised a questioning eyebrow at her, but she only shrugged. "Maybe if we hadn't hated each other we never would have had this."

I wondered what she meant by this. Was this supposed to be a fucked up, rollercoaster ride of a friendship slash occasional make out buddy? It somehow didn't sound that valuable to me, at least to someone outside looking in. Still, the way she worded it made it unbearable for me to deny it.

I could have told her that if our friendship had evolved naturally through the years there certainly wouldn't have been as many issues right now that dealt with my sudden overbearing desire for Bella. Bella and I would behave differently, more comfortably around each other. She would not look at me waiting for the moment I would say something wrong or hurt her because she'd know I would rather cut off my own hand than cause her any kind of pain.

As it was, all I could do was agree. "Yeah, maybe you're right."

Satisfied with my reply, Bella picked up the printed pages, picking them up where she'd left off and I went back to pretending I was doing anything but staring at her.

I was getting pretty good at finding random things to do while Bella read my story. I checked e-mails, researched whatever I felt needed a little more information for the novel, which at the moment included data on Saudi Arabia and Russia, and randomly listened to music on my headphones to give Bella as much discretion as possible..

Sensing a noise around me, I turned around to see Bella bending in my direction with an annoyed expression in her face. Removing the headphones quickly I quirked an eyebrow at her, as if to say 'what?'.

"An ex-lover," she asked bitterly, nearly seething at me. "Are you serious?"

"Really, Bella, it's a more than common plot device."

"I don't like it. You're just doing this to make Clark jealous."

I rolled my eyes at the direction of the conversation. Why was it that Bella and I kept fighting about Harriet and Clark's feelings, or rather lack thereof, for each other? I bristled in my chair and tilted my head. "What did you expect? That they would look at each other, fall in love and live happily ever after?"

Bella nodded her head quickly. "Yes!... No. I meant there's more to the story than that; why can't you just let them be happy while they run through the case?"

"Because they're not in love," I pointed out matter-of-factly.

"Yes they are," she replied vehemently, pointing at a particular piece of dialogue which I couldn't make out.

I only shook my head at her and turned around, pretending I was ignoring her words. They were my fucking characters. Why did she continue to insist that they were in love when I had told her over and over again it wasn't like that? I was so close to turning Harriet into a man, even if I did enjoy the dynamic in having both the male and female point of view in the story.

"Is she going to have sex with him?" She asked quietly, almost sulkily.

I turned my head to look at Bella over my shoulder. "No."

"Why not? If Harriet doesn't love Clark she might as well have fun with…Yakov." She stared resentfully at the pages and then back at me. "I hate that name, by the way."

"It's Russian. Get over yourself. She's not having sex with him because I don't want her to. It's not like her. Besides, I needed someone close to one of them who had connections to the case, and it's a perfect device to find out more about Harriet's past."

Which was all true, but the main reason I wanted to do it now was because it was a matter of pride. I wanted to prove to Bella this was a perfectly acceptable evolution in the story and it would make sense down the line.

"I don't get it. I don't get how you could write this and not see it. Be oblivious of their attraction to be point that you don't even realize you're writing it. It's right in front of you, Edward. Why won't you let things develop naturally between them?"

I tried to ease the tension with a laugh, but Bella's eyes remained cold on mine, and she crossed her arms stubbornly. "I'll think about it. I promise."

I could see she was still somehow mad at me for the way the characters were behaving. Seeing her throwing her feet of the bed and putting on her shoes hurriedly, I got up and caught Bella by her wrist before she reached the door and held her body to me. "Hey… You can't be serious. I do what feels right to me at the moment; it's not like I know exactly how their relationship will develop."

I felt ridiculously happier when I saw Bella smirking. Playfully, she used her free hand to slap my arms. "I'm not mad at you, I'm frustrated! I don't get it. It's right in front of you!"

We both turned around at the sound of a knock on the door. Since we were looking at each other completely clueless, I stood, frozen, with Bella still in my hands. Before I could say anything, or even figure out what I wanted to ask at the person behind the door, it swung open and let go of Bella's wrist in a reflex reaction.

But I knew Emmett had seen my hands on Bella – he was looking at me like he was about to crucify me. I wanted to tell him it wasn't what it looked like, but then I didn't know what had surprised him more: that I was holding Bella's wrist or that she was in my room at all.

"Is there something going on here?" He asked; his eyes fixed on Bella.

I just wanted to know when the hell my family had decided I was too much of an asshole to be around Bella. Maybe I needed to fill out a form detailing my intentions every time I wanted to talk to a freaking friend.

"No, everything's fine," Bella replied, taking a couple of steps back from both of us, which warranted a questioning look from me. It didn't put me in the best light to walk away from me right now. But she wasn't looking at me or at Emmett for that matter. Her eyes were fixed on the floor again, and she had involuntarily withdrawn to her usual shy, private self in the presence of Emmett.

Wanting this to be over as soon as possible, I called Emmett's attention to me again. "What's up?"

"We're going out. You want to come?" His gaze shifted to Bella and he gave her an atypically sweet smile. "Sorry Bella, I would invite you as well, but it's a boy's night out. Alice and Rose were looking for you, though."

I nearly chuckled at the panic in Bella's face at his last statement, but held myself back when I pictured myself in the middle of Alice's makeovers. _Yikes_.

This could be the perfect opportunity for me and Bella to be alone together, though. If everyone else was leaving for the night it would be almost like we were alone again, and we would probably be able to just hang out again, which we were both clearly missing.

I was about to deny the request when Emmett spoke again. "Rose said if both of you don't come we can't come either."

Narrowing my eyes, I snorted. "And why the fuck not?"

He cocked his head looking at me and Bella through thin eyes. "Maybe she doesn't like the idea of you and Bella staying alone here?"

I was about to point out they had all left us alone here, but I knew it was useless. This sounded nothing like Rose or even Alice for that matter. They weren't the ones who had included this clause in the boys/girls night out. It was Emmett, who after seeing me with Bella apparently didn't want to leave me alone with her. I breathed deeply to keep my thoughts about where he could shove his concern, and knew I had to talk to him quickly before he went and told Esme I was getting violent with Bella. In my fucking room, as if.

"Sure, it sounds like fun," I said, discretely nudging Bella, who was looking at me like I'd just sold her to the devil himself. Poor thing.

All three of us walked out of my room, and Emmett turned around before I could say anything to Bella. I saw him place one of his oversized hands in her tiny little shoulders and I wanted to shove it away. "I need to talk to you later, Bella. Okay?"

She gave him a quick hesitant nod, and I had no doubt in my mind about how that conversation was going to go. Hopefully, though, before he had an opportunity to talk to her I would be able to convince him I wasn't as much as an ass as he was thinking right now.


	22. Chapter 22

**BPOV**

Nobody in this house had ever been this protective of me, at least so blatantly. Every time Edward appeared in the past days they all would look at me with sympathetic looks in their eyes, occasionally offering to do anything to take me out of the room Edward and I now shared.

Thus I had hardly seen Edward. I sometimes dropped by his room early in the morning when I heard him moving around in there, or late at night when I was sure no one would go looking for me, but none of those occasions had turned out to be longer than a couple of minutes.

I didn't know why Edward and I decided we wouldn't talk to his family, but it became a sort of unspoken rule between us. I wasn't looking forward to telling Alice I kissed Edward or that I had conflicting feelings for him any more than I wanted _the_ conversation from Esme, Carlisle or even – God forbid – from Charlie.

We'd been pretty lucky that, even with the supposed scene Edward and Jacob created at the party, no one had connected those events to me. I heard a conversation between Rose and Alice where they attacked Edward for hitting Jacob at the party, but my name was never mentioned. They actually apologized to me and asked me to tell them they were sorry for what had happened. All I said was "sure," even though I knew I would be avoiding Jacob like the plague in the next days.

A fact was that I couldn't believe both of them. Edward told me one thing and Jacob told me the other; and by talking to Jacob I would have to pretty much pick a side and stick to it. But while my head told me Jacob would never take advantage of me, my heart was absolutely confident Edward wouldn't lie.

But some things were beginning to annoy me. The fact that Emmett had been do quick to assume Edward was hurting me on purpose in his own bedroom vexed me. Deeply. He was their brother and if there was one thing I could say for the old Edward, it was that he never got violent with me. He had never once lifted a finger towards me, in all our years of animosity. Yet they were so quick to jump to conclusions when the tiniest little bit of incriminating evidence popped up in front of them. The notion that they could only go out if Edward and I did too was upsetting, to say the least. I was looking forward to having a night alone with Edward again, and from the look of things it wasn't going to happen anytime soon.

It wasn't only Emmett either; Alice kept shielding me from Edward too, even after we _both_ had told her it was not a problem anymore.

I tried to remember if they had done anything like this in previous years, but as far as I could tell, this was a new development. Probably because before Edward had always gone out of his way to make sure we didn't cross paths, something I greatly appreciated back then.

If someone had told me two weeks ago I would be upset because I couldn't spent time alone with Edward I'd laugh. Then giggle uncontrollably. Then tell whoever had spoken they were too hilarious for their own good. But unfortunately it was the reality I was facing now.

I bit back a bad-tempered response at Emmett's request to talk to me later, and gave Edward a look I hoped resembled something like an apology. He didn't deserve the things he was getting, and he hadn't even spoken up in his defense.

Resolutely, I left Emmett and Edward behind to meet Rose and Alice in the living room, knowing I would be the one to end this charade once and for all. I'd be damned if I let his own family treat Edward like a leper because of me.

Entering the room I saw Rose's wild blonde head looking at me, nudging Alice as soon as she saw me.

Tired of pretenses, I went right to the subject. "Emmett said you wanted to talk to me?"

"Yeah; sit down Bella," Alice said, making space in the couch between the two of them.

Wavering a bit before I started moving, I finally made my way to their side, alternating between looking at one or the other.

"We just want you to know it's going to be okay. He's not going to bother you."

Even though I already knew their answer, I pretended their subject was surprising to me.

"Who?"

"Edward. You're fine as long as we're here; he's not going to be a problem anymore," Rose said sternly, patting my hand too affectionately for me to feel comfortable with it.

"Did you not listen to me? We're fine. We were alone together for six days and we were fine. He took care of me. I took care of him."

They remained skeptical. Exasperated, I threw my hands in the air. "What?"

"We saw the bruising on his face and we thought…" Rose added hesitantly.

I honestly didn't know whether to be amused, bothered, irritated or absolutely pissed off out of my mind at their suggestion.

"So you automatically thought I hit Edward?"

"Well…he's been avoiding you a lot lately. Not that that's new. But something's off. Maybe he said something or-"

"Wait a second. You actually think I punched Edward?" My head fell back in laughter, feeling the muscles in my stomach straining with the intensity of my chuckle. Me, scrawny Bella Swan, hit Edward Cullen? In the face, no less?

"No…no! He got into a fight a few days ago! I had nothing to do with it," my laugh stopped when I realized that wasn't the precise truth; still, in the way they meant I really didn't have anything to do with it.

They exchanged looks between them, which I ignored.

Tugging her blonde hair behind her ear, Rose spoke. "Well…Fine! It doesn't matter, anyway."

Alice interrupted, excitedly clapping her hands together. "We're having a party tonight. Sort of a pajama party so we have a chance to bond!"

On the inside I was rolling my eyes. How perfect. I didn't remember any attempts to make us bond in all the years I had spent with them and now it seemed everyone was watching me, guarding me. Everyone that is, except the one person I wanted to actually do it.

After a long pause, I gave them the best smile I could muster. "Sure, for a while. Might even be fun."

**EPOV**

"What the fuck was that about, man?" Emmett didn't even give me a chance to speak. As soon as we were out of the house, he smacked my arm, pushing me against my own fucking car. "You were hurting Bella. Are you fucking insane?"

Straightening myself, I took a few steps back, using my hands to tell him to back the fuck away. It shouldn't infuriate me this much that people were meddling into this. I should be happy Bella had someone who cared enough for her that they were suspicious of their own family; but the other voice in my head kept repeating this was something they had no right to be poking their noses into without invitation.

"Just let it go, Emmett."

"Fuck that, I saw you," he screamed in my direction, following me when I started to get into my car. "What the hell was she doing in your room anyway?"

I saw Jasper, who had just arrived, take a few tentative steps in my direction and I groaned inwardly. If one more person today accused me of hurting Bella I could just lose it for real.

Lowering my voice until it was barely above an angry whisper, I spoke to Emmett. "She went into my room because she wanted to; I didn't force her in there… and I wasn't fucking hurting her. Ask her if you don't believe me."

His face softened at the offer, but his eyes stayed narrowed on mine. "Don't you fucking touch her, man. I don't know what she did to you and I don't care. Stay away."

In all honesty I would never want to get in a fight against Emmett. He was the guy you wanted on _your_ side; but I wouldn't back down. Raising my chin like a petulant child, I snickered.

"Or else?"

He didn't answer me.

We all sulkily got in the car, with Jasper trying to improve the mood by telling me we were all going to a bar. _Great_. And they invited my friends. _Even better_.

The drive was short, and soon we were in a bar just out of Forks which only had around ten lone drinkers sitting by themselves, downing their beers miserably as they waited for the moment they were just drunk enough to go home. To be fair, Forks wasn't filled with fun night clubs, and in places like this I would probably be able to order a drink without any problems. But I had no intention of drinking tonight.

Sitting down, I waited until the waitress came around to ask what we wanted to drink. Emmett was still looking at me like he wanted to kill me. I wanted to tell him he could go fuck himself for all I cared. I had no intentions of staying away from Bella. Somehow everything was wrong and getting worse by the minute since my family came home. The time we spend alone was a joke and miscommunications were a daily problem for us now. I blamed them.

The waitress brought back beers for both of them and a Pepsi for me, and I ran a hand through my head when their expression didn't ease up.

On the other hand, I had nothing to gain if Emmett truly thought I was a danger to Bella. If he wanted he could get me away from her, or at least make my communication with Bella a lot harder. I had to do what I could to make this shit better. If that meant kissing Emmett's ass and explaining things, I would have to do that.

Sighing into my drink, I rolled my eyes. "We're getting along better now; Bella and I. We're sort of friends now. I wouldn't hurt her."

His jaw slough down a little in surprise, while Jasper, in his natural good nature, gave me a faltering grin.

"That's great, Edward."

"She looked scared," Emmett said, looking grumpily at his beer, speaking to no one in particular.

Even though I knew he was wrong, I flinched in reaction to his words. "She was not scared. She was surprised. She knows I wouldn't harm her, Emmett."

Both of their gazes lifted to something behind me and I turned around to see Tanya behind me, walking up to us with a large smile on her face. I wanted to ask Emmett since when did _my friends_ become Tanya?

"Hi, Eddie!"

I flinched in pain. It was unbelievable that the things this girl did had gone from normal, even almost endearing, to making me want to poke my fingers in my eyes to have an excuse to leave. Every time she called me _Eddie_ I felt like I should be asking her for a bone.

"Hi Tanya," I said, looking at her over my beer. "How are you?"

She sat down next to me and greeted my brothers.

Of course I could already tell how she was. Her face was noticeably covered in makeup and she had her come-do-me outfit on. I just hoped she had a late dinner with someone after this; I did not want to be the object of her efforts.

"I'm great," she said seductively; or at least what she thought was seductive.

My face fell when I felt her hand on my thigh under the table. Hadn't we just gone through a similar situation just a few days ago?

I grabbed her hand, putting it on the table, where I could keep an eye on it. Son of a bitch. _Son of a bitch_!

Tanya gave me a quizzical look while I pretended to ignore what was going on, looking around the room.

We spent the rest of the night with Emmett and Jasper telling their funniest college stories while they drank too much beer and were starting to get just a little too tipsy. When I told them so Jasper stood up, holding him-self up by leaning on the table, and walked away; which made us all follow him.

As I was walking a straight line to my car, looking forward to bring the night to an end, Tanya grabbed my arm and pulled me away from my destination.

"Eddie?" Tanya questioned. I sat down on a bench and prepared myself for the attack. "See, apparently Hugh doesn't like me. You were probably mistaken, baby."

_Damn it._ I should have known that excuse wouldn't last forever, but I was still disappointed it had imploded so quickly. "Wow. That sucks."

The corners of her mouth curved slightly. "Not really. Now it means you and I can finally get together."

Yeah, I mused to myself, that's exactly what sucks.

"I like someone else," I told her without thinking about it first.

"A girlfriend?" Her eyes widened as she said the word, but I didn't correct her. "Who?"

Deciding to keep my mouth shut, I shook my head. "That's not important. But this – you and me – it's not going to happen again."

Her eyes seemed to show a little hurt before she began her act again. Twiddling a lock of hair between her fingers, she winked at me. "Why shouldn't it? I don't mind, Eddie."

"I do," I stated firmly. She needed to understand this was fucking final. I was not going to have this conversation with her again ten days from now.

"Could we at least go out for a walk?"

She was doing that creepy thing again where she pushed her boobs out in my direction and I felt like grimacing. If it had been as innocent as she was making it out to be I probably would have – gladly. She had once been a good friend of mine, after all.

As it was, it looked like she was about to pounce me. "I really should get them home," I said looking over at Emmett and Jasper who were waiting for me in the car.

"Edward…please. I could use a friend," Tanya said, closing the distance between us. And I wanted to fucking curse at her. She was hitting way below the belt. How the fuck was I supposed to say no when a friend asked for help?

Her eyes watered and, once again, I felt like a prick. Nodding, I tried to push her away from me gently. "I'll just tell them to go back inside for a while."

***

I felt bad when Tanya told me she'd been having problems at home. I had no clue it was the case and as a friend I should have known. I should have been there. It gave me the distinct feeling I sucked as a friend as well.

We walked in the cold night air for a while, and we both sat down on a log where I let her cry on my shoulder, trying awkwardly to find a balance between comforting a friend and comforting a girl I once did. It wasn't easy.

Still, to my surprise, she made absolutely no moves on me. When I got back and saw my brothers already sitting in my car, waiting for me to arrive, I gave Tanya a kiss on the cheek goodnight and told her I hoped things worked out for the best. I surprised myself once I realized that I was being sincere.

The drive home was made in silence, probably because Jasper and Emmett were already half drunk and ready for bed. But as soon as I parked the car, Emmett and Jasper burst in the house screaming for Rose and Alice. It seemed the night wasn't over quite yet.

By the time we all entered the living room; my eyes were fixed on Bella. She was wearing the nightie I had given her just a few days ago; and it looked so feminine and erotic on her the vision went straight to my dick in spite of my efforts to keep myself cool.

Only then did I realize everyone was in their pajamas. Poor Bella. They had forced her to participate in a pajama party. I almost laughed out loud at the thought, but Bella's eyes met mine and she uncomfortably tried to cover her legs from my eyes.

"Truth or dare?" Emmett asked with mock surprise, cocking his brow. "Jesus, girls. Cue the pillow fight and this is just a regular male fantasy."

I didn't need the pillow fight. Bella's nightie was just a little see-through, and she wasn't wearing a bra; that in itself created a whole new array of fantasies in my mind.

I rolled my eyes when Rosalie jumped up from the floor and crashed enthusiastically against Emmett, his hands doing too much exploring in front of me. She was my fucking sister. Luckily, Jasper and Alice were much more guarded in their feelings, only giving each other gooey glances I'm sure they assumed no one would see.

They were wrong. Not only did their tame display of affection bother me, it was bothering Bella as well, as much as she tried to hide it. I tried to give her an encouraging smile, but her eyes never met mine again. She seemed a lot more sober than Rose and Alice, though, and I knew she didn't handle any amount of alcohol that well. Maybe she had finally gotten some sense into her head and hadn't been drinking.

Faking a yawn, Bella stood up. "I think I'm going to bed."

"Already? Come on, Bella! We want to play, too," Jasper said in his best inviting voice. I wondered if I should step in and ask her to stay, but secretly I was hoping she would go upstairs so I could follow her while everyone was playing and trying to get drunk once again.

With a quick shake of her head, Bella fidgeted with the hem of her nightie. I groaned when it got caught in her fingers, exposing just a little bit more of her thigh. This girl was either very good at tempting me or she was just completely clueless about my attraction to her. "You can play without me. Trust me; I'm not the best person to play this game."

Emmet chuckled, grabbing her by the wrist and pulling her down on the floor again. "Are you telling me you don't have any juicy secrets to be discovered?"

"Really, I don't," she answered pertly.

"But we want you to stay. Don't we _Edward_?" Emmet gave me a pointed glance.

Called back to reality I was met with four pairs of critical eyes on me, clearly all telling me what an ass I was for even taking a moment to think about it. My fists clenched before I could control myself. I was getting pretty fucking tired of people, especially my family, just assuming I was the bad guy. Giving the benefit of the doubt really wasn't their strong suit.

"Sure we do, Bella," I said sarcastically before I saw Bella's hurt reaction. Trying desperately to get the foot off of my mouth, I sighed. "Just stay with us for a few minutes more." _And then we can both be free of this freaking conspiracy_.

Bella didn't agree. But she didn't leave either, which we all took to assume she was staying.

"Alright; we weren't playing Truth or Dare. We were playing 'Never have I ever'." Alice said giddily. At the clueless expression in all our faces, she continued. "Basically each and every one of us takes turns at completing the sentence 'Never have I ever…' Then everyone in the room for whom that statement is false has to drink. For instance, if I said Never have I ever been drunk, then you would all have to drink because we're all a bunch of alcoholics," Alice said eyeing me, although she herself was a lot drunker than she might have thought. "Clear?"

We all said we were, although Emmett looked confused. I considered running the rules through him again, but I figured he would probably have a drink every time anyway.

The mystery of why Bella was so sober was cleared up, though. She probably didn't do any of the things Alice and Rose mentioned.

"I think Bella should go first," Jasper said, probably trying to get Bella in the game before she tried to sneak away again.

I looked sympathetically to Bella, whose day I was pretty sure had just gotten much worse.

"Never have I ever…" I met Bella's eyes to try to give her any ideas. Any freaking think would do. "Been arrested?"

Discontent moans were heard around the room before Jasper, Emmett and I took a sip of our beers. Hey, sometimes you just can't avoid getting into trouble. Bella raised her brow at me discreetly, but I pretended I didn't see it.

Jasper was next. "Never have I ever sung in the shower."

Everyone but Emmett took tentative sips of their drinks. Which was bullshit because I'd heard him a bunch of times rocking it to the latest band in the shower. I was about to call him out on it when I noticed everyone was looking at me expectantly.

It was my turn.

Scratching my head, I shrugged. "Never have I ever had sex with a teacher." I gave a pointed look at Emmett, whose eyes first widened and then squinted at me in anger. He would have probably preferred to keep that information private, but what the hell. They all deserved it for what they were doing to me.

After a few shocked exclamations and inquisitions on details, Alice was next. Straightening up her tiny self into, she remained in silence for a few minutes before speaking. Then, with a wicked grin directed at someone other than me, she spoke.

"Never have I ever had sex in a public bathroom."

Alice started giggling uncontrollably. Suddenly I felt like I was caught between a joke I didn't understand, until my eyes saw Rose's and Emmett's scarlet faces. The image was so foreign to me I had to pause to conclude they were blushing. _Nice going, Alice_, I thought to myself, regretful that I couldn't go over there and congratulate her. It was almost as if, like me, Alice had taken the opportunity to humiliate another family member beyond their wildest expectations. She surely wouldn't disappoint me.

Both Emmett and Rose reluctantly drank, under the suspicious gazes of Jasper who had never heard of this story either. My eyes drifted to Bella, who was now way over her head. I knew this wasn't her favorite topic of conversation and all they were doing was making her feel like a weirdo for not having sex with inappropriate people in inappropriate places.

With her cheeks still colored, Rose eyed Alice angrily. "Just you wait," she warned between clenched teeth. I had serious doubts either of them would remember this conversation, but for the moment their little fight it was highly amusing.

Rose was up next, staring straight at Alice. "I've never tossed out Bella's clothes because I thought they were hideous and told her I accidentally lost them."

I wanted to fucking slap her. It was fine for her to say whatever the fuck she wanted, but she just had to bring Bella into the conversation. What the hell was the big deal, anyway?

I eyed Bella, hoping I was discreet enough that she wouldn't think I was judging her or anything like that. She looked so fucking beautiful I wanted to tell Alice and Rose that even with all their work their beauty combined didn't hold a candle to Bella's. Sometimes they could be completely egoistic in their behavior.

Alice was mouthing excuses in Bella's direction, whose only reaction was shaking her head and politely telling her not to worry about it.

Jasper, Emmett and I exchanged a knowing look, hoping to change the conversation as soon as possible. Drunkenly, Emmett raised his glass and drank before he said his sentence. I was pretty sure he didn't absolutely grasp the objective of the game. "Never have I ever gotten a blow job in a moving vehicle. Sadly, may I add," he continued, winking at Rose.

I grunted and closed my eyes, hoping the sex talk would end. Details about my family's sex life were not in any way of interest to me. In fact they were creating freakishly vivid images I was desperate to keep out of my subconscious.

I sat back, setting my beer far away from me; far, far away. I was very noticeably not drinking; or at least I hoped I was. I was doing everything in my power to catch Bella's attention right now. I wanted to fucking bask in it… sex in a moving vehicle? Never have I _**ever**_ done that.

Seriously though, I had almost had a heart attack when Emmett spoke. I was glad he added the word 'moving' to that statement, otherwise I would have been admitting secrets of my past sex life to Bella again, and for some reason I felt she wouldn't find anything funny about it. Although it was my past and there was nothing I could do to change it, it still felt slightly dirty to mention such things in front of someone as pure as Bella.

Bella excused herself to go to the bathroom, even though what she truly went looking for was breathing room. It was getting claustrophobic in here for her, and I knew if she had her way she would go running to her bedroom and get herself in bed with her IPod. Soon, Bella, I silently promised her.

I was so focused on waiting for her return several other people had their turns without me listening to them. I had chosen to drink every time Emmett did and consequently avoiding suffering from their wrath for not giving a fuck about this game. By the time Bella turned a corner and came into my view, it was Alice's turn again. Bella assumed her previous cross-legged position in her previous spot and grabbed her drink again, preparing for the next statement. I mirrored her actions.

"Never have I ever been kissed," Alice chuckled while Rose threw her tongue out at her.

I drank immediately to get it over with. Moans of annoyance were heard around the room as they all lifted the drinks to their lips. "What are you trying to do, g-get us all drunk?" Emmett asked, stuttering through his words. If that was indeed Alice's objective, she was well on her way.

Then room went dead silent. I looked at Bella as she swallowed the liquid down her throat, and everyone in the room had their shocked faces fixed on hers. It hadn't even occurred to me that her answer to that question had changed recently; because of me. But most of all I couldn't believe she'd been honest.

"Bella!" Alice shrieked, delighted at the newfound gossip. Lifting herself off the couch and dragging Bella behind her, she moved away from us.

"Time out! Sorry, but this is brand new information, people."

Rose followed them, lowering her voice to ask. "Who was it…Jacob?"

My teeth clenched at the mention of his name, again, in my fucking house.

Emmett stood up, absently mentioning something about getting more drinking supplies, which I assumed he meant beer, leaving me alone with Jasper, able to finally and sadly temporarily enjoy the quietness of the room before all the giggling and shouting came back.

Distractedly I got up from the table and got comfortable on the couch before I noticed Jasper's face. There was such intensity there I didn't need to ask what was wrong. What was wrong was that he knew. Somehow he had just figured it out.

Still, in the unlikely chance I was wrong and there was something else he could be possibly thinking about, I gave him a light shrug, hidden behind a scowl. "What?"

His body retracted, but his face remained firmly on mine. After a pause too long to be comfortable he spoke, his voice too dark and low for my taste. "Here's a new one for you. Never have I ever kissed Bella."

Well, fuck me. He knew, of course he knew. I just wasn't ready for everyone to know yet. Too many unanswered questions would arise, and I wasn't prepared to find those answers yet.

But I wasn't a coward; and I'd be damned if I was going to lie to my own brother. Somberly, I met his grim face and brought my now nearly empty beer to my lips and chugged down the rest of the liquid down.

There was an instant where the amount of anger in his eyes shone through, but his expression quickly turned frustrated and more worried than critical. Slamming his cup down loudly on the table, he sighed heavily, shaking his head in disapproval. "Damn it, Edward," he complained, his hands pressing against his face.

He stood still while he processed the thought and I could see the precise moment when disbelief hit him. Exasperated, he stood up. "Bella?!"

I couldn't exactly tell whether it was a question or an exclamation, but it didn't make much of a difference in the big picture. In a vague attempt to calm him down I held my hands out, lowering my voice. This was not a conversation I wanted people to know about. Even if Bella was out there saying the exact same thing to Rosalie and Alice, at least there wouldn't need to be a discussion with everyone about Bella and me.

"She's not like the rest, man," I assured him, hoping with every fiber of my being he would believe me. That somehow he would see I meant it.

It must have worked because his shoulders drooped a bit and I could see the tension leaving his body. Still, he raised an eyebrow in defiance. "Do you love her?"

"No!" It was out of my mouth before I could stop to think about it. I heaved out a breath, urging my brain to think about it.

Edward Cullen. Incapable of love. Right. Maybe my mouth didn't even need me to think about it. More calmly, I repeated myself. "No; but she's different. I care about her. Things got way out of hand when we were alone and now it's like we're caught in the middle. She says she wants us to be friends but there's this spark between us that I can't shake off."

I closed my mouth when I noticed I was rambling and I was sharing more than I wanted to.

"What the hell were you doing with Tanya then?" Jasper asked accusingly.

_What?_ I really didn't care for the tone of his voice, but the thing that pissed me off the most was that the only thing I wanted was for people to stop referring to me and Tanya as if there was anything of importance there and I couldn't seem to shake her off. I knew being a friend was going to come around and bite me in the ass. "Nothing! We're friends. That's it."

He raised an eyebrow. "What about Bella?"

"We're friends too," I said, although my voice didn't sound nearly as convincing as I had hoped it would. Well, fuck me, Bella and I were different and there was no point in denying that.

"Does she know that?"

Just as I was about to tell him it was her decision in the first place, the girls came waltzing back into the room stumbling and tripping on the way. The alcohol was going to their heads.

In spite of my fear Bella had either lied or just withheld information about us; if Alice or Rose knew I'd defiled Bella I wouldn't hear the end of it for centuries, let alone having them being so giggly and girly and shit.

I didn't know whose turn it was, but Jasper spoke before anyone had a chance to speak. "Never have I ever been in love."

My hands wanted desperately to wrap themselves around that little stupid neck of his. He was looking at Alice and drinking, probably because he was pretending this was his romantic way of telling Alice he loved her. I knew why he said it though.

I could see him look at Bella and me, waiting for our reactions. Out of the corner of my eyes I saw Bella's unsure expression as she gripped her drink. I didn't know if I wanted her to drink or not, everything was getting too confusing for me. On one hand if she didn't then it meant she didn't love Jacob, which was definitely a good thing; but if she _did_ there was an infinitesimal possibility that she could be talking about me.

The moment Bella let go of her drink with a short shake of her head, I sighed. Of course she didn't. Letting go of my drink as well, I wanted to smack myself for even considering she might drink. She had told me herself she'd never had those sorts of feelings before.

I let my eyes wander around the room and I wanted to give Jasper a bloody nose for the way he was looking at Bella; all protective and shit. As if that girl would ever need protection from me. I gave him a look that clearly said 'cut it the fuck out' and he stood up.

"I'm going to bed."

He walked in front of me, looking into my eyes. "Our conversation isn't over," he murmured so that I was the only one who'd heard him.

Before I could argue Bella was standing up as well, picking up a few empty bottles of beer. "I'm really tired, too."

I narrowed my eyes. She wasn't tired, I knew that. It wasn't the best idea for her to go to bed yet, I desperately needed to warn her about Emmett, who I was sure was going to confirm my version of the story with her soon, and above everything else I needed to tell her Jasper already knew.

The good thing about it being Jasper was that I knew he wouldn't say anything unless he felt it was absolutely necessary; not even to Alice. I did know that my time was running out. I needed to convince everyone I wasn't a bad influence for Bella or a bad person to begin with.

Annoyed at everything and everyone, I went straight into my room and I was in the shower in under a minute, trying to wash the hellish day off of me. I knew I wasn't nearly as bad as they were trying to pretend I was, and they knew it too.

I heard a soft knock on the door and I threw on my pajama pants, not bothering to dry my hair or throw in a t-shirt. It was probably Jasper wanting to prolong the earlier conversation, and I was definitely not anticipating that in any way.

Opening the door I saw Bella's crying face in front of me. Taken back by the sight, I opened the door wider and took a few steps back, giving her space to walk in.

With small steps, she sniffed and closed the door behind her while I stood there, desperate to hear her say anything.

Leaning against the door, Bella wiped a tear that had escaped her eyes. "I lied."

I was so shocked I couldn't even make myself walk to her and comfort her. She lied? What about? To Alice and Rose when they took her away? When I was out with Jasper?

As if she could hear my thoughts, she continued between sobs. "The last question… I lied."

* * *

**Beta's Note**: Sorry for the delay peeps! I'm usually better than this, I promise. I loved this chapter, and it was such a pivotal moment in the story, I wanted to make sure it was perfection (not that it wasn't already). Forgive the delay, this one is on me.

**Author's Note**: I'm sorry for the delay too guys, but feel free to ignore **amgglekim**'s note above. It's been a busy time and she still worked her butt off in this chapter. Thanks babe. Please take the time to check out her stories as well, she's insanely talented and she's helping me out a lot. To those who asked, yes, it's fine to ask me anything by PM. Go ahead, I don't bite. Not a lot, anyway. :)


	23. Chapter 23

**EPOV**

_Fuck. Me. Now._

I was trying to concentrate on Bella's shaking figure in front of me, but my mind kept drifting against my will.

She had been in love before – well, technically, she was in love now. Which, I knew was all perfectly normal and cool for a girl her age. Perfectly-fucking-natural. I wished for a second my brain was a lot faster in processing a quick scenario analysis, as I desperately needed to evaluate every possibility.

What if she was in love with Jacob? Fuck. What if she was in love with _me_?!

With a deep, long sigh, I rose to my feet and ran a hand through my hair.

"What the fuck do you mean?" I asked, feeling like an ass for staying far away from her, but really having no clues about what to do in a situation like this.

I had never, ever, seen Bella cry. It never even occurred to me before seeing her do it so unreservedly, but I couldn't remember an occasion when I'd seen Bella shed a tear, in all the years I'd known her.

Sadly the situation appeared to be foreign to her, as well. Her shoulders were shaking with the intensity of her sobs, her lips pressed together tightly, trying to hold the feelings in. Any decent man would have taken her in his arms in a second, but I was frozen. She had never looked more delicate, more honest or more beautiful.

"I lied. I'm just a big, fat liar," Bella exclaimed, her voice pitching because of the tears.

The experience of growing up with two girls made me instinctively open my mouth to tell her she wasn't fat. That she was positively fat-free; for some reason, I was sure that wasn't her point. Luckily, I caught myself before any words came out and was able to contain my reaction to a frustrated growl.

I didn't want her to speak: at all. I wanted to comfort her, stop her wobbling sobs and make everything perfect for her. But the evil side of me needed to keep probing into her until she told me exactly what she meant by those words. She had lied. Ok, fine. What the _hell_ did that mean?

"So," I started, looking into her big brown eyes, "you mean you have been in love before?"

I had hoped for a hint, but Bella's eyes didn't give anything away. Her head gave a sharp nod, avoiding my gaze. I noticed for the first time the toilet paper she held in her hand, which she now used to dab her tears.

"With whom?" I asked, trying to appear as distant as possible, although my heart was beating in my throat. The possibility that her answer would be me was enough to knock the air out my lungs. It could possibly kill me if I wasn't careful.

But all the hopefulness I had in me was useless when I saw Bella's tortured, defeated face.

"Edward…Please," she begged, shaking her head.

I didn't even know what she was asking me for… to stop questioning her; to stop talking to her; to console her? WHAT???

_She_ was the one who came into my room to talk. She wouldn't have done that if she subconsciously didn't want to tell me what was going through her crazy mind, right?

"Just say it," I insisted, determined to end this quickly.

Another tear fell down her cheek and my hand instinctively wiped it away. "Please…," she whispered, "please don't make me."

We both turned our heads when we heard a door slamming right outside. I placed my hand in Bella's mouth to keep her from making any noise and pressed my ear to the door.

I nearly scoffed when I heard Alice's giggling right outside. She and Jasper were up to no good and they were right next door. Raising a finger to my mouth to ask Bella to remain silent, I opened the door to peek outside. They were right next door and they were leaving the door half open? Oh, happy day. I shut the door firmly and locked the door. No one was going to barge in there and stop this conversation, not if I could help it. I was pretty sure it would take Emmett or Jasper a solid minute before they knocked the door down.

Wanting to return to our previous conversation, I looked around to find Bella, who had quickly retreated back to her standard position of looking outside my window and sniffling.

Once she noticed my eyes on her she headed straight for my bed, not even giving me a second look. I saw her sink into my mattress, sitting on my bed Indian style and grabbing my pillow so she could wrap it around her body. Which I supposed was useful to cover her breasts, but her legs were still bare in front of me, and it wasn't helping my focus.

When I was about to start our rational conversation, she broke down in tears again.

This time I was prepared. With two wide steps I was by her side, sitting next to her on her bed, with an arm around her shoulder, pushing her face to my chest. Hesitantly I wrapped my fingers in my hair; creating a circular motion I hoped she found consoling in whatever was hurting her so much.

"You didn't drink," she whispered hoarsely while my hands moved to her face and wiped the tears she was shedding.

When she shifted her body so she could look at me I smirked. "You didn't drink either."

"I didn't drink because you didn't drink."

I wanted to tell her I didn't drink because she didn't drink. I knew it was probably what she would want to hear. But in reality there were other, more important reasons why I did it. The most important one was that it was the simple, purest truth. I had never been in love, and I probably would never be in love. It wasn't something I believed for myself, or necessarily for other people either. What they did with their lives was up to them. If they wanted to get hurt and suffer like everyone else who had put their happiness in the hands of someone else, then that was their problem. Me, I had created a defense mechanism so well entrenched in me that I knew even if I wanted to turn it off there was no way to do it. I was simply incapable of being vulnerable enough to fall in love with someone else and openly offer my life on a plate for a girl to do as she pleases with it.

Previous conversations with Alice about this made her think this was about my parents abandoning me when I was little more than a baby – although it was her impression that seeing Esme and Carlisle's love, or even on a more relatable way Rosalie and Emmett or her and Jasper, should have convinced me true love did occasionally happen.

It didn't faze me, though. There had to have been some point, for a significant amount of time, when even my parents were happy. I knew very well how that particular story ended.

I didn't want to sound conceited; and I was fully conscious I was the most undeserving motherfucker of Bella's love out there. But I wasn't stupid either, and her accusations didn't leave me much room for thoughts.

"Were you talking about me?"

"Edward…"

_Please_, I begged her silently. _Please just say yes or no. _I hated that I was asking her to do something she despised as well and which clearly hurt her deeply; but how could I consider this, how could I let myself entertain the thought when I had no definitive confirmation?

Probably reading all this and a lot more in my face, Bella nodded.

At that moment I finally realized what it was to be completely mind-fucked. Because that was exactly how I felt. My flickered between having a million thoughts and emptiness and I felt like I was caught between pure adrenaline and a deep-rooted depression.

So I didn't say anything. There were probably hundreds of things I should have told her at that point, and about another hundred I should never say. I had probably had had my share of both groups when faced with this same situation before. But this was Bella, and the only coherent recurring thought I had was that I needed to help her; I needed to comfort her and I needed to be there for her. Because fuck me if I was going to fail her as a friend as well.

I didn't know how long we stood there, sitting in my bed, with Bella's head on my chest and my arms tightly wrapped around her. I knew it was long enough that her desperate sobs had slowed down until they disappeared, and the only evidence of their existence was the wet stain on my shirt.

"Are you feeling better?" I whispered into Bella's hair. That strawberry shit was still there and the smell itself was driving me crazy again.

Bella sat up, straightening her body while she sniffled and readjusted her nightie again uncomfortably. It was sick of me to notice, but she wasn't wearing a freaking bra. And she was cold. And obviously seeing this I got unbelievably hard.

In a futile attempt to feel a little less like a dickhead I gave Bella my best curved smile. "It looks good on you."

Tilting her head so she could look at herself, Bella pulled at the bottom of the dress. She looked almost ashamed of herself, which was something I couldn't grasp, as much as I tried.

"It's a little small, but I like it. Thanks," Bella said wrapping her arms around herself again. She had added that last part almost like an afterthought. Like she knew she should say it so she got it over with.

But I wasn't fooling anyone, and she wasn't fooling me, either. We were both cautious, selective in the words we were using. Neither one of us wanted to be the one to bring up why she came into my room; or the words she had spoken just a few minutes ago. I didn't want to do it because there would be no easy way to turn Bella down. And I supposed she was looking at it like a momentary moment of craziness where her feelings got the best of her, making her say things she didn't mean, and mentioning them would be humiliating.

Maybe she had her period and she was the type of woman who got emotional and overreacted a lot during that time. I knew better than to mention that to a woman, though. There had been one time where Rose was crying over a stupid silly movie on television and I playfully asked her if it was that time of the month. She knocked me out cold. In my defense, though, I was twelve and she had a mean left hook. And according to Emmett, she still does.

When Bella sighed I realized where I was and what I was doing. Refocusing my attention on the situation at hand, I looked at Bella, fully conscious that I would have to say something about her words. There was an enormous, massive elephant in the room and we were both scared shitless. Because Bella was…well, Bella, I had to be a man and take care of shit. Because that's what men do.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

I wanted to fucking curse because my voice nearly pleaded for her answer to be no. But it was hard to hide my desperation when I asked Bella if she wanted to talk about what she thought she felt for me.

That's right, _thought_.

Maybe Bella liked me a bit right now. It was natural that when you bond with someone new to have confusing feelings. And, in particular, when it's with someone you are sharing new sexual experiences with. The fact that we made out and that people seemed to want to keep her away from me was making Bella see me as the forbidden fruit and that was making her assume she had developed feelings for me.

As if.

Just when my brain was trying to come up with the best way to tell her exactly that, in the most caring and supportive way I could find, Bella lifted her head to look at me, her eyes suddenly completely dried, without sign of her tears. "Can we forget this conversation?"

My jaw hit the floor. Forgetting it was the last thing on my mind, and I wasn't sure she was sure she would ever be able to do it either. How could we possibly just ignore something like what she had just told me?

Unless she didn't mean it and she really didn't love me. I couldn't figure out why that thought bothered me so much, but it suddenly felt like there was a heavy weight on my chest. I had come to that conclusion myself, so why did it bother me when she confirmed it?

I scratched my head, and then shrugged. "Sure. Of course, yes."

Before I could see what was happening, Bella and her reddened nose were right in front of me. I half expected her to punch me, just for the hell of it, even if I couldn't really know where our conversation had gone awry. To my surprise, Bella pressed her tiny hand to my chest and angled her body until she was pressing her lips to mine. My eyes fluttered until they closed in reaction, letting myself enjoy the feeling of Bella's lips for a second, but fortunately there was no effort on either side to deepen the kiss. It was only two seconds before she pulled back, and for those two seconds I questioned what kind of pussy would ignore a girl like Bella when she told you she's in love with you.

Bella smiled sadly while she pulled away, leaving her right hand still on my chest while her body got farther and farther away from me. "Goodnight, Edward."

I watched motionless as Bella closed the door quietly behind her, and buried my face in my hands. For some reason, and I wasn't sure why, but that didn't seem to go very well.

* * *

I was gone for as long as I could manage on the next day. I woke up early, trying to catch everyone out of the house, and drove for hours until I found a coffee shop where I could charge my laptop and just wrote until my fingers were sore. It was sad that I was behaving like a child, hiding from my problems which would certainly still be there when I got back home and looked into Bella's eyes. But if I had to be a coward to get a few moments of peace then I would be one.

When the sun started to set outside and the only thing I had fed myself all day were cups after cups of coffee, I shut down the laptop, somewhat happy with the development of the case, and sat in my car, swiftly setting my laptop case next to me on the driver's seat.

I cursed under my breath when some papers fell out because of my sudden movement and bent to pick up those papers and settle them back in their place. I narrowed my eyes, moving my fingers around a smallish object until I pulled it out from under the seat.

I cursed again, this time out loud. My fucking cell phone; no wonder my day had gone so well.

I turned it on and waited a beat, preparing for the onslaught of missed calls and text messages calling me a son of a bitch from my family. I didn't even hope they weren't there; I just embraced them.

My finger kept clicking delete without bothering to read the text messages, until I saw one from Bella which made me stop and read it. _Where are you?_, it read. The first blast of guilt hit me when I thought Bella might have been worried or, worse, blaming her-self and our conversation last night for my disappearance. When I was about to text her back telling her I was on my way home, the light in my cell phone started to flash with an incoming call.

_Charlie Swan?_

Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck. Who called him? Who was the motherfucker who called Charlie and told him about Bella and me? I had a vision of Jasper in a moment of desperation picking up the phone, but it couldn't possibly be true.

I gulped before I picked it up and brought the phone to my ears. "Hello?"

"Edward? How are you boy?"

I cleared my throat before speaking. At least it didn't seem like he was going to kill me. "I'm fine Mr. Swan, and you?"

"I think everything's fine. Look, kid. Bella has been sounding weird lately when I talk to her. I think there's something going on, but she tells me everything's normal."

"Weird how?" I asked, suddenly finding myself very fucking interested in the conversation.

"She sounds very upset to me, even more so than usual Edward. I know you were with her last week and I heard things went well, but…I guess I was just wondering if you knew of a reason why she would…act…more…distant," he completed, clearly struggling to get each word out.

And man, did I know a reason for Bella to be more distant. I was already fucking up. She always came to my house to interact and improve her situation and I had managed to make her feel worse. What kind of a fucker does that?

I let a sigh escape my lips, holding my cell phone firmly to my ear.

"Yes, Mr. Swan. I think I may know why she's more distant," I said, nodding my head to add emphasis, although he had no clue I was doing it. "I don't think staying with us is helping her anymore. Maybe she should go home."

* * *

The drive home was fun. If one considers wanting to drive yourself into every tree you saw in the area as _fun_. Which I didn't; not at first, not until I started getting this weird pleasure when I imagined the different kinds of sick, disturbing, painful deaths I could suffer.

In fact I was enjoying it so much it didn't even occur to me that I hadn't sent Bella her text message telling her I was coming home until I was in my car in the front of the house and I saw Emmett come outside to meet me.

At the expression of death in his face I reluctantly reached for the keys and opened the door to get out of the car when I saw his gesture, telling me to stay in the car. I closed the door with a curse and waited for him to make his way to me.

It would probably be easier for him to dispose of my body if I was already in the car when he killed me.

He entered and closed the door with a bang, yelling before he even looked at me. "Where the fuck were you?"

But, unfortunately or not, it wasn't the best time for me. I was having a shitty day and I wasn't going to feel like a fucker for taking a little time off for the fucking circus my house had become.

"Around," I replied without emotion.

He huffed out quite a few breaths in anger, but I ignored him obvious attempts at riling me up. We were silent for a minute, each of us looking outside our windows. I turned my head when he tentatively spoke again.

"I talked to Bella. Your story seems to check out," he admitted reluctantly.

I could see in his face he was a little regretful that it was the case. In some way he wished I was hurting Bella, just so he'd be right.

Not wanting to give the subject more importance than it had, and especially not now, I nodded. "Good."

Emmett laughed in disbelief. "Boy, you really got her, huh? Hook, line and sinker."

I narrowed my eyes. Emmett was my brother, but he was going way over the line. "What the fuck does that mean?"

"It means I don't like this one bit, Edward. She's got a million stars in her eyes when she talks about you, do you know that? What happens when you fuck it up?"

"I won't," I said firmly.

"You can't know that."

Feeling my emotions start to boil inside, I nodded, trying to push away the thought of punching Emmett. "Yes, I can. Bella isn't going to stay long. Charlie called and I told him it was better for her to leave."

His eyes widened as my words hit him. "You did what?"

"Emmett…Look. You're right. You're so mother-fucking spot on that I don't even know what to tell you. If she stays for two more weeks with us, I'm going to hurt her and then she won't ever want to see me or you or Alice and Rose and Jasper again. I don't want that. I wanted to leave myself and leave her here…but it didn't work out. It came out of my mouth before I knew it and he agreed. He said he'd talk to her." I ran a hand through my hair, wondering where the fuck did everything start going wrong. "It's easier if she just goes home. I think she'd want to go home," I added, seeing Emmett's face softening at these words.

I looked over at the entrance of the house and saw Jasper standing there, probably just waiting for his chance to fuck with my head.

Annoyed and pissed off once again at my family I got out of the car, slamming the door to signal my anger at Emmett and Jasper and anyone else that had any thoughts of getting in my fucking way.

I walked past Alice, and headed straight into my room, closing the door behind me before I noticed I had company.

Bella stood there, dressed in the most common blue t-shirt I'd ever seen and in light blue jeans, her eyes red and blurry.

It occurred to me that two days ago I'd never seen her crying and now was the second time in two days. I wondered if she had even talked to Charlie yet.

"Let me see if I got this right," Bella hissed, as I did my best to not appear as guilty as I felt, "I told you I'm in love with you and you ignore it. Then you were acting funny so I told you to forget it. You tell me that's what you want. Then you ignore me anyway and you go out for hours without telling anyone where you're going or how to reach you? What the hell is wrong with you?"

I had so many answers to that question I didn't even know where to start.

"I needed to be alone," I answered as honestly as I could. I looked at Bella's figure again and I started to understand what Charlie meant. She had lost weight. You could see her bones more easily in her face, and her arms looked so breakable to me I was a little afraid to even touch her.

I repeated her words in my brain, wincing at her assumption that I had been eager to ignore what she claimed to feel for me.

That wasn't exactly it; the point was that I knew she didn't mean her words, so it had been easy to assume they were nothing but a drunken, stupid mistake.

Searching for the best way to tell her about my conversation with Charlie, I remembered there was one very important thing we needed to get out of the way before talking about my conversation with her father.

Bella was still standing, her chest heaving. Taking a deep breath, I looked straight into her eyes, knowing it was going to be a hard conversation. "You're not in love with me, Bella. You don't even know me."

**BPOV**

I hated Edward Cullen. I hated him so much I wished I could kill him and dump his body in La Push beach because I knew he hated it there and that way he would have to stay there for eternity.

It wasn't all his fault, I knew that; but I had spent the day worrying about his whereabouts, letting my head create the worst possible scenarios, and to top it all off my father had just called me and told me I had to leave the Cullen's house. Well, he didn't say I had to, but the way he was talking told me there wasn't much room for my choice in the matter.

I knew why, too. One of them had called Charlie and told them about me and Edward. That was the only possible logical explanation for him to call, and tell me to go home. Even though the thought that Jacob could have done it crossed my mind, I had quickly called him and asked him about it.

And Jacob swore he had nothing to do with it. And I believed him. Because Emmett was the one who kept asking shit about me and Edward and Alice and Rose did the same. Either they did it, or they talked to Carlisle or Esme and they took care of it for them.

And now, to top it all off, Edward was standing in front of me telling me what I feel or don't feel? How dare he try to tell me what my thoughts are? It was one thing to deny that he felt something for me – that was fine, even expected. But saying I don't love him? That I don't know him?

I gasp, a laugh getting caught in my throat. "Oh, please. Won't you at least try to come up with something believable?"

Edward raised an eyebrow at me and snickered. "What?"

"I don't know you? What kind of lame ass excuse is that? I know you better than I would like. I know you. I know you put up that shield since your parents left you. I know you keep trying to push people away so they won't matter, just like I know you're pushing me away so I won't matter to you. I know right now you wish I would stop talking because I'm hitting too close to home. And I know you care about me."

The small amount of humor his face still had from before fell from his face after I spoke. His face shifted slowly from friendly to edgy, dark and too dangerous. "That's enough," he hissed between clenched teeth.

My instinct told me to recoil, but I stated firm. "No it's not. Why? What is so difficult about letting go? About just forgetting everything you're feeling right now and seeing where this will lead us?"

I angrily wiped away another tear that fell from my eyes. It had been so long since I'd cried that it was like a brand new feeling for me, and now I couldn't stop.

"Because you're wrong… you're a fucking rollercoaster, Bella. I'm not getting in the middle of some shit as complicated as this," he said with his eyes fixed on mine.

"I'm not complicated. You're trying to _make_ me complicated so you can push me aside and forget me. Forget us," I accused, forcing him to look at me.

And then it just came to me. Right there, mid-thought, everything was so clear. The realization hit me like a freaking bus. Emmett didn't call Charlie. He might have been worried, but he would never have called my father to tell him he wanted me out of the house, and certainly not without asking me what _I_ wanted first. None of the others would have done that either. And it wasn't Jacob.

It was Edward. He called Charlie and he somehow convinced him I shouldn't be there; that, for some reason, it would be better for me to be alone rather than spend another day with the Cullen's. Feeling my heart leaping against my will, I sunk into his mattress to refrain from strangling him and I told myself to remain steady. There was a perfectly valid reason for his actions. There had to be.

"You called Charlie," I accused with a thwarted voice, keeping my eyes fixed on his face. His features changed minutely at my words, becoming softer and somehow regretful. For some reason I very much doubted the phone had automatically dialed Charlie's number by itself.

I opened my mouth to ask for an explanation, but I gave myself a few seconds to get my voice back. I was aware my voice would sound too fragile to his ears, and the thought of being damaged, hurt, fragile Bella once again made me want to slap him. Or just slap myself. When you tell someone you're in love with them for the first time in your life and they want you gone the next day, it has to hurt a little. Actually, it hurt a lot… a lot more than I could freaking handle.

Admittedly I knew my confession wasn't the ideal one, or under the best circumstances and everything was likely going too fast for him anyway. Edward either thought I was insane or, for some stupid reason, lying to him.

I wasn't.

My inexperience didn't matter at all, not when Edward was concerned. I knew exactly the way I felt about him and it didn't change because he didn't reciprocate it.

Edward stood in front of me, with his eyes stuck to his shoes and his hands shoved deep into his jeans pockets. A perfect picture of shame; fighting to find the perfect balance between accusation and sympathy, I wrapped my arms around my knees protectively, shielding myself unconsciously from his answer.

"Why would you do that?" His unresponsiveness nearly made me repeat myself, but when I least expected it he looked in my eyes and shook his head.

"It wasn't like that. He called me and asked me how you were doing," he explained, talking too quickly for me to have time to process it. Edward started pacing in his room, walking back and forth while he talked, never once looking at me. "I panicked. All I could think about was how things were getting out of control and I-"

Lifting a hand to stop his speech, I got up so we stood eye to eye and walked him into a corner. I was a little sick of him hiding his eyes from me when we spoke. "You wanted me out of your house that much? Enough to call my father and tell him…what? I'm in your way? I'm getting in trouble? I'm falling in love with you? What?"

The regret returned to his face, and for once I was glad to see it.

"I didn't say anything like that. I thought we both could use some time alone. I think one of us should leave. We need to be apart, Bella," he said, lifting his hand to my face and framing my face with his left hand, rubbing his thumb in circles soothingly. As soon as I became aware I was leaning into his touch I pulled away, happy to see the hurt expression in his face.

How could he caress me while he told me we needed to be apart?

While he did his usual move of running a hand through his wild locks of hair, Edward sighed. "Jasper knows. He guessed it last night while we were playing that fucking game. Emmett thinks I'm hurting you. That was an amazing conversation, let me tell you that. Alice keeps looking at me like I broke her favorite fucking doll and everyone in general is doing their best to keep me far, far away from you. It's like they think I am the type of person who would hurt you just because I could; and at this point I get the feeling if it came down to choosing between you and me, they would rather see me go. So I'm sorry you're upset, Bella. I'm sorry you seem to think you're in love with me. But talking to your father and telling him I thought you'd be happier at home was the best way I could find to make this shit go away."

I took a couple of steps back until I could sit down on Edward's bed again. There was plenty of new information there to explore, but I was going to be selective. First things first.

Searching his eyes, I gave Edward the best smile I could come up with. "That's not true. Your family loves you, Edward."

With a deep, heavy sigh, Edward started pacing again. "I know. But you're like…a dog." I flinched at the word, but he kept going. "Like a puppy that came to our house years ago when it was beaten and miserable. And even though the dog was scarred and sad and lonely I never gave a fuck about the dog; I hated the dog. So they took it upon themselves to fix the dog, to make sure the dog got better, and that I was far away from the puppy so I wouldn't harm it any worse than it was already. And now it's like they don't even know how to let me get close to the puppy, even though it's already healing and I like it and I want to help it…heal, as well."

I remained very still, leaning on my elbows in his bed while I repeated his words in my head over and over trying to figure out what he was telling me, trying to search for the hidden messages he'd thrown in there. But I kept coming around to the same thing.

"I'm a dog?!"

Amusement flickered through his face before he went back to being stressed out and walking around the room. "It's not the best analogy. Christ, it doesn't even fucking matter!"

"It matters to me. Why am I a dog?"

"Fuck me, Bella. It doesn't matter. You can be a…cat, or a bird with a broken wing… or a hamster. Hamster's are sort of antisocial as well," he mused, a little too freaking absorbed in his useless animal knowledge.

If his point was to make me feel better, he completely missed the mark. "Oh, so I'm a rat?! I can be a dog or a rat," I continued, accusingly.

Edward threw his hands in the air. "Forget it."

Pushing what little pride and self-love I still had to a tiny corner of my brain, I managed to do as he asked. For now.

And the best way was moving on to the next item we needed to address. "What did Jasper say?"

He tried to chuckle, but it came out more like a scoff. "He said the conversation wasn't over. He only knows we kissed."

I narrowed my eyes at him. What the hell did that mean? "Is there anything else?"

Quickly hiding the surprise in his eyes, he shook his head. "No. There isn't. There won't be," he added, shaking his head firmly.

My face fell at his words. It was one thing to want to slow things down; but his determination in ending everything was hurtful. "Is that what you really want?" I bit my lip, wanting to shut up for the first time that day. Because there was something he'd said that I hadn't addressed yet, and I had to. Swallowing my fear, I sat up on the bed. "Are you really sorry I fell in love with you?"

I thought I saw hesitation in his eyes before he nodded, but that could have perfectly been wishful thinking on my part. Maybe everything with Edward since we began getting along was just wishful thinking on my part. Maybe I took it for granted that because my feelings were so strong, his would be as well.

The more I thought about it, the harder it became to breathe. Somehow there was nothing about the way Edward acted in the last weeks that could be solely attributed to having feelings for me. He was nice, but that was because he was making an effort. He searched for me when I was gone, but that was because he was responsible for me while we were alone. He kissed me, but I had been pretty much sprawling all over him at the time. Besides, there were the hormones.

Edward was known around town for not being a conservative kid; he'd spent most of his free time with the popular kids in town, although I never particularly thought he looked like he belonged there, and it was common in my previous years there to find him arriving home drunk, only to huff dismissively in my direction and slamming the door of his bedroom.

But all this just made me more confused. I knew he wasn't a virgin, he'd told me himself he had sex with Tanya before and, even if he hadn't, it was common knowledge. Tanya made sure of that, since she pretty much did everything but handing out flyers. I suspected there were others, probably other skanks that hung out with him and Tanya, since I'd once seen a couple of girls in school ogling him and winking at him and, while he usually ignored such desperate attempts, he managed to smile at them.

In fact there had been quite a few more rumors flying around, but Alice had one time in conversation told me they were complete lies, and at the time I believed her. Not that I even cared what Edward was up to, or with whom.

So if he had taken advantage of those girls who thought he was hot and a good candidate for their fifteen minutes of fame, then why not me? I didn't think he considered me terribly unattractive and I'd even felt his erection with my own hand while we made out. They were unerringly more beautiful than me. They were all perfectly groomed and more than ready to seduce men – and older, more developed and more experienced. But still.

I couldn't believe I was mad at Edward for not wanting to use me, but that was precisely what I was. I was revolted and sickened and pissed off that he would take advantage of other girls and not me. I was a little skinny and not all that curvy or feminine, but damn it, I was still a woman! And he had the nerve to tell me to my face that we wouldn't be anything else, that he didn't want us to? _Prick_.

Puffing out a breath of annoyance, I shrugged. "Congratulations, then. I guess you got what you wanted. Charlie wants me gone by tomorrow."

I smiled triumphantly when I noticed this was news to him. I didn't know how much Charlie and he had discussed, but I was glad they didn't come to specifics. Because those were the little weapons I could still use against him.

"Tomorrow?" Edward asked, nearly running to my side. His gaze wandered around for a while until it met mine again. "Where are you going?"

I sighed, bending my body a little away from his. There was no longer any desire on my part to force a relationship if Edward didn't want it. "He told me Billy would be happy to take me in while he comes back. Or I could go home and be alone for a couple of days. Apparently he's cutting his trip short."

His expression became blank midway through my first sentence, which I assumed was because of Jacob, and I congratulated myself for having the strength not to roll my eyes. So he doesn't want me, but nobody else can have me either. That was just perfect.

"And what are you going to do?"

"I don't know yet."

I lied. Of course I was going home, and burying my face in my pillow until summer break was over and I at least had school to think about so Edward and Alice and Jacob and Emmett didn't occupy every one of my thoughts. I had no anticipation whatsoever for repeat performances of the previous week, and even a day living with Jacob, as much as I loved him, could be damaging.

"Are you scared to be home alone?"

Well…I was _now_. "Nah, I'll be fine," I said with a sigh.

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**A/N: Just a quick note to tell everyone I'm sorry for the delay (again, I know, sorry!) and give a million kisses and hugs to amgglekim for being wonderful and being the beta for this story. Thanks babe ;)**

**Sorry for the heartfail, but to make up for it (SPOILER) there's M-rated hotness coming up next. LOL. Thanks for reading!  
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	24. Chapter 24

**A/N: Sorry to disappoint those who are expecting the lemon, but this chapter got way too big, so it's not till the next chapter. I still hope you still enjoy it, though. :) **

**Edit: And I just realized I forgot to thank amgglekim for all her help. I officially suck. Check out her stories, she's an amazing writer and she just updated Matter of Convenience with a great great new chapter. Go read it and you can thank me later ;)**

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**EPOV**

Bella was gone by the next morning. And she didn't even come to say goodbye. Hell, it wasn't like I was expecting a parting gift, but after all we shared the least we could do was acknowledge what we'd come to mean to each other. Or what I thought we did, anyway.

Overall, I was just feeling pretty fucking misunderstood. I mean, it was a shitty thing to do to tell her father she should go home, but I only did it because I believed it was what was best for Bella; and if we'd gotten to the point where even her father noticed there was something different about her, then I was having a pretty negative impact on her and it needed to end right that moment.

Still; was it wrong to want a sweet little "Bye"? A quick "I'll see you later"? A timid "Give me a call sometime?"

_Nothing._I get absolutely nothing. I spent a good half an hour with my ear pressed against my door listening to everyone coaxing Bella to stay, using phrases such as "We will call Charlie and fix this," and "He's a son of a bitch, Bella, I'll kick his ass for even doing this to you." That last one was Emmett and I wasn't exactly dreading it. It might actually feel pretty fucking good to be pounded until there was a different type of pain I could focus in.

But there was no indication whatsoever of an interest in seeming me one last time before she went back home. She didn't even ask if I was already up – which no one would have known, because I made sure I stayed locked up in my room so I didn't have to talk or see anyone. Annoyed that the thickness of the door wasn't allowing me to listen to their conversation properly, I banged my head against the wall a few times. All I could catch were a few incomplete phrases where Bella assured them she would be fine in that voice I knew so well. All she wanted was for them to leave her alone and let her go. I knew her. There was no question the hardest thing for her was trying to settle everyone's temper right now with soothing promises she would be fine.

She damn well would be fine. She is a fucking fighter.

And while in my head I kept repeating to myself that it was wonderful that she wasn't going to say goodbye – because that would be such a painful conversation, filled with weird silences and sentences with double meanings – I couldn't pretend I wasn't disappointed when I heard the front door close, officially bringing our time together to an end.

I couldn't complain, of course. I had been the cause of this, and not only because I'd told her father that she should leave. This had all started to go awry the first time I kissed her, and the times I let her kiss me after that. Still, I couldn't shake the feeling that there was something completely wrong in her leaving, and I couldn't quite grasp why.

"OPEN UP."

_Uh oh. _

The voice was followed by three loud bangs on the door, and it didn't take a genius to figure out Emmett was here to remain true to his word.

Unexpectedly, he shouted again. "I mean it, Edward. We're talking about this and we're talking about it now." I was surprised he was able to form coherent sentences sounding so mad.

With a few shallow breaths and a quick apology to my eyes and nose because I was sure they were in for a less than pleasant surprise I turned the key on the lock and prepared myself for the battle ahead.

Surprisingly, he didn't jump me immediately, which I knew I would have to thank Rosalie for later. Instead, he stood there, wide eyed, waiting for me to speak first.

When I remained mum, he talked in the most astonished voice I'd heard from him. "What the fuck is wrong with you? What did I tell you?"

At any other time I would have laughed that Emmett was more surprised than angry at the situation, but alas there weren't many things I found funny as of now. So I fixed my eyes on him and forced myself to be as honest as I possibly could.

"You told me not to hurt her, which is exactly what I'm doing. Not hurting her," I stated matter-of-factly. "And what the hell is it with you, I told you about all this yesterday."

"You told me she would want to go. She doesn't," he replied, crossing his arms.

"She doesn't know what she wants," I muttered, almost to myself.

"So because you think _you_ know what's best for her, you're sending her away? Alone and against her will?"

_Alone_? I wished she was going to be alone. Hell, I'd volunteer to do a stake-out outside her house every night while she slept if that meant she didn't go to La Push. But this was part of the truth I couldn't share, so I just shrugged at Emmett and faced him head-on.

"Do you think it's better to let her stay here?" I asked, emphasizing the here. It wasn't just staying here that was the problem. It was staying at my place with me.

He huffed out a breath like I was crazy. "Yes! It's better for her to stay here, damn right it is," he grunted, kicking a couple of pillows that were on the floor with so much force they went flying through the room. I was pretty sure at that same time he was imagining doing that to my head, and I wished there was some way I could tell him to go ahead that didn't make me sound suicidal.

I heaved out a breath slowly. Nobody got it and there was no one I could talk to. "I would have hurt her."

Laughing, Emmett started clapping sarcastically. "Good job, Edward. You _would_ have hurt her? Hate to be the one to break the news to you, but you already did."

"I would have hurt her more."

"Really? How?" He asked, pretending he was actually interested in my answer.

"She told me she's in love with me."

Well, at least that seemed to shut him up. With impossibly wider eyes and the most stunned expression yet, Emmett started pacing my room back and forth while I remained still, looking at him. I knew it was coming, I could feel the question brimming.

After a few moments, he turned around, pointing a finger at me. _Ah_, I thought. _There it is._ "You didn't-," he started, with a small shake of his head.

I didn't let him go on; it was better to ease his worries right away. "No. But I wanted to. And I don't know how long…" I ran a hand through my hair, remembering with bitterness the time we went on a picnic and Bella told me it was a sign I was frustrated, or something like that. "Fuck. I know it's a bit selfish, but I needed to do something. She wasn't going to be the one who put an end to it, so I did it for her. I'm not ashamed of it," I said decisively.

Angrily, Emmett turned around; slamming his fists into the wall in what must have been an extremely painful way. I actually winced for him seeing his bloody knuckles. Still, the self infliction did its job; sitting much more calmly in my couch, his voice sounded much cooler.

"I told Bella to go to La Push," he said quietly.

This time I winced just for myself. "Why?"

He shrugged with what I considered an evil smile. "Well, for one I figured you wouldn't want her to and I'm not your biggest fan right now. And she'll be safer there; she shouldn't be home alone, not in a small town like this. News travels fast around here. You wouldn't want to be responsible for something bad happening to Bella would you?"

While he spoke his last sentence I felt my whole body tensing up…_fuck_ him. "Look, whatever you believe, I do care about her. I'm not a monster."

"You don't show it."

I didn't stop him while he left me. I knew he was right and he said nothing but the plain truth. I didn't show Bella that even though she should leave, she mattered… a lot. The problem was that, even if I wanted to, I didn't even know how to show it.

***

Since there was nothing I could do to make myself feel better, I did the one thing that didn't make me feel worse when I felt like shit. I sat in my sturdy, reliable desk, which by now was filled with pieces of paper and pencils and pens I hardly used, but I still wanted to have them near for any emergency. Cringing at the sight in front of me, I made a mental note to take a fucking hour today to clean my room. It wasn't like I had a lot to do now, and the inspiration certainly wasn't flowing.

With a groan I went back to my story, going over the key points in the last few chapters to get in the environment of the case again. When I finished reading, I leaned back in my chair and stayed motionless for a few seconds staring at the screen. Even the damned chapters weren't flowing well. There was something wrong with it but I couldn't quite put my finger on it. Out of the corner of my eye I saw the chapters I had printed a few days earlier so I could give them to Bella for her to read. Grunting, I buried my face in my hands. She would know what was wrong with it, too. She always did. Even if her suggestions always had something to do with making Edwin more of a wuss, they always made things more balanced. Damn her and damn me and damn this whole story.

The computer startled me with an alert for new mail, and the idea came out of nowhere. With a raised eyebrow and a lot of conviction in my actions, I searched frantically around the untidy desk for the piece of paper I knew Bella had given me at one point with her e-mail address.

Nearly shrieking in delight when I found it, I quickly typed it onto the computer and annexed the files she hadn't read yet. Now all I had to do was figure out what to say.

The first time I wrote _'I'm sorry about what happened. Here's something that will hopefully cheer you up,'_ and then I deleted it because it sounded awfully conceited of me. Then I wrote _'I need your help. Can you figure out what's wrong with these?'_ But I deleted that, too, since it sounded like all I cared about was the fucking story. Almost ready to give up on the whole idea, I turned around on my chair and tried to think about what she could possibly want to hear when she got home after all that happened.

I kept going through different versions of the e-mail, but eventually I had to admit defeat. There was nothing she could want more than an apology, and because I meant it, it was best to give it to her.

Quickly typing '_I'm sorry_' into the text box, I prepared to hit send when I noticed a couple of advanced settings for the e-mail. My eyes roamed through all the options, stopping when I saw 'alert me of delivery' and 'alert me when read'. It was terrible to do it, and I had to admit a little stalkerish. Yet, it was easy to rationalize to myself that I was only doing it to make sure she was safe – at the time she opened it she would be home, on her laptop, completely safe from harm.

I wouldn't consider the possibility of her being with Jacob, on her laptop, completely safe from harm just yet. I had a little bit of sanity left and I planned on keeping it.

Hitting the send button, after checking both of those options, I went back to the story. It was weird that just because I had made the smallest effort to communicate with Bella I seemed to feel much happier and relaxed.

I got an alert telling me the e-mail was delivered and I forced the wave of panic back. Now the e-mail was in her inbox and there was nothing to do about it but wait for the alert telling me she read it and hopefully, later, her response.

Without warning, my thoughts shifted to what Bella was doing right now. I checked my watch. It was barely past one in the afternoon. Maybe she was cooking lunch for herself, although I had my doubts. The only time I saw her cook properly was when it was for the both of us. Maybe she was reading; she loved to read.

I felt a surge of pain hit my chest. What if she was lying in bed with her stupid I-Pod in her ears like she did when she was upset or when she wanted to fall asleep?

I refreshed my e-mail in hopes of receiving the alert that told me she had read the e-mail. At least if she did then it would mean she was doing something on her laptop and wasn't feeling alone and miserable because of me.

No new mail. I cursed out loud before I remembered only a few minutes had passed. It was perfectly normal for her to not have read it yet. I was one step too close to paranoia.

Trying to occupy my time until I received a reply, I went into the kitchen looking for my lunch. Actually all I really wanted was to warm up some old shit and eat it alone in my room; I knew exactly what everyone thought of me right now, but that didn't mean I had to listen to it again.

Jumping the stairs two at a time, I turned around to see my family eating together. I ignored the fact that they didn't even call me so I could join them. I sighed when I realized none of them had noticed me yet, and I nearly smiled when I saw Alice bending over, discreetly whispering to Jasper.

"What do you mean she left?" She asked him while he wrapped his arm around her shoulders and comforted her. I guess Alice hadn't been here in the morning.

Jasper was the first to notice me, quickly clearing his throat to signal my presence to the others who were whispering among themselves.

"Hey Edward," Jasper said joyfully. And he must have known how false he sounded, because his face fell immediately.

But it served its purpose. My whole family turned around to look at me, all of them quietly repeating Jaspers greeting, and I forced myself to mumble something in return while I reached for the fridge and opened the first container I found in there that didn't smell like garbage.

I grabbed a plate and placed the food – which looked an awful lot like pasta – in it, heading for the microwave; once there I threw it in and programmed it for four minutes, hoping it would be enough.

And if there was something worse than being yelled at, it was being given the silent treatment. I had been standing there, my gaze firmly on the microwave, and all I could hear were the occasional sounds of silverware meeting the places and the chewing noise they were making. The last one was probably Emmett; that pig had never learned how to eat discreetly. Breathing heavily, I told myself I didn't care that at that same moment my entire family was exchanging looks, waiting for me to leave so they could pick up the conversation where they left off. But even I wasn't that convincing.

"If you have something to say, you can say it to my face," I grunted, looking at Jasper. I chose him mostly because I blamed him a little bit for figuring everything out a few days ago, and also because I had already talked to Emmett, so the other man seemed like the best choice.

But it was Rosalie who spoke up. "You had no right. What the hell got into you?"

I didn't know if I should be upset about the accusation or thankful that Emmett hadn't completely sold me out in front of everyone else. I sent him a thankful look and grabbed my food from the microwave.

"I did what I did because I thought it was the best choice for Bella. Stop judging me on things you know nothing about. I despised her for years and I never did anything like this. Did it ever occur to you that maybe I did this for her?"

They all got impossibly more silent, and saw Rosalie sit down again in her place before I turned around and marched up to my room again.

Slamming the door shut, I sat in the couch to eat and I forced two bites down my throat. Remembering that I was expecting an answer from Bella, I jumped to my e-mail and felt the anger boil inside me when there were no new messages. In pure and deep denial, I hit refresh a few times, convinced I had to have already received at least the fucking alert telling me she opened it.

When nothing came up, I cursed again and turned to the sofa again, where the plate was getting colder. I lifted the fork to my mouth a couple of times before my fingers started twitching around the edge of the plate. Without a second thought, I lifted the plate filled with food and threw it against the window, feeling a sick pleasure in seeing it crashing into a million pieces on the floor of my bedroom.

The pain in my chest came again, but this time it was expected and I was able to shut it down immediately.

I heard a soft knock on the door and I rolled my eyes when Alice's spiky head peeked inside. She invited herself in and looked around the room, giving the crashed plate a dirty look before her not-quite-angry eyes settled on me.

"Okay. Spill," she ordered me, crouching down in front of me.

I turned my head slowly to hers, giving her a small cynical smirk. "Not in the fucking mood, Alice."

"Neither am I," she mumbled, shocking me with her determination. "Talk."

Her eyes didn't budge while I rolled mine. "I already talked to Emmett. Ask him."

"I'd rather hear it from you," she said with a raised eyebrow.

I shook my head, prepared to repeat the whole thing again, even though I was sure Emmett had already been forced to tell them most of it. Still, I was more than willing to tell her, very briefly, about what was going on and why it was better for her to leave than to risk staying with me. With haggard breaths, I sighed and opened my mouth to repeat the same things I'd told earlier.

But no words came out. Not because I didn't want to tell her; because there was nothing to tell. I could give Alice and everyone else every excuse in the world why it was the best option and why I wasn't as much of an ass as it made me seem. But Bella was gone because of me and, at the end of the day, wasn't that all that mattered?

So I looked at Alice's worried expression in her face and shrugged. "She's gone."

"Oh, Edward...why?"

"She thinks she's in love with me. I wanted to put an end to this before it got out of control." But Alice's eyes had glazed over before I stopped talking, perceptibly shocked with Bella's confession. _Hell_, I thought to myself, _join the freaking club._ With a chuckle, I continued. "I guess she didn't tell you we kissed." Her eyes bulged out of her eye sockets and I figured I better stop before more permanent damage was caused.

"Ah…No," she said after clearing her throat, giving soft slaps on her chest to pretend she was coughing. "She, ah, told us it was Jacob," she smiled, obviously referring to the conversation the girls had at the party we'd been in a couple of days ago.

That was certainly to be expected. But it didn't ease the sick feeling in my stomach. "Did she?"

"She said they kissed a couple of weeks ago," she continued.

I didn't know why she kept talking about that asshole, and it really bugged me that everyone kept bringing up his name in my fucking presence when all I really wanted to do was to forget he existed and pretend Bella had never kissed anyone before me. It wasn't hard to do either – it was almost too easy to classify her kiss with Jacob as a stupid mistake that she wouldn't let happen again.

The problem was if she thought of _me_ as a stupid mistake she wouldn't let happen again.

"That's true," I told Alice, hoping the bitterness in my mouth didn't reach my words. "They did kiss a few weeks ago."

Alice kept looking at me, a thoughtful expression in her face. "I'm sensing there is a "but" somewhere in there?"

"_But_ things changed once she got here. We got closer."

"Obviously," she smirked with her little perfectly shaped eyebrow raised mockingly. With a scowl, she continued. "And it doesn't bother you that she's with Jacob now?"

I lifted my head, surprised. "She didn't go home?"

"Emmett told her to go to La Push."

I already knew that, but it still hit me like a brick. Damn it. What if she paid attention to him and went to live with Jacob? Even a day would be too long. This could be the perfect way to drive me crazy. Even if it fucking killed me I still couldn't let anyone know that bothered me. So I shrugged, picking up a piece of paper and starting to scribble down anything that came to my mind. "She's free to do whatever she wants."

"I'm really looking forward to reading your story."

I rolled my eyes; she wasn't even a good liar. "Thanks Alice."

"No, I mean it; I can't wait to read it."

Studying her for a second, I stood up and arranged the copies I had printed out for Bella and some of which she had read in my own room only a week ago. Cringing at the memories that it brought of Bella lying back in my bed crying out when Clark and Harriet supposedly kissed, I sighed. There was no point in thinking about this now.

Alice thanked me silently when I handled it to her. Then, hesitating briefly, Alice threw her arms around me and held me tightly, probably having to stand on her toes. "Are you okay?" She whispered in my ear while my hands gave her small pats on the back, willing her to let me go.

"I'm fine," I said, subtly pushing her away. "Just tell the others I'm not in the mood for a third repeat of this conversation, alright? I want to be alone."

"You want me to get that for you?" She asked, pointing to the mess of food and glass all over the white wall and the floor of my bedroom.

I shook my head, saying "I'll get it," and Alice waited in the corner of my room while I took care of it, probably making sure I wasn't going to do anything stupid with the pieces of glass. After I had disposed of the remnants of food, Alice nodded at me, giving me a small kiss on the cheek, and before her tiny body was out the door I was already flying to my desk to check my e-mail again.

Nothing. _**Nothing!**_

No alert and no response. Where the hell was she? She had more than enough time to get her ass home and read her e-mail.

I looked at my cell phone, which was using this opportunity to torment me until I gave in like a sucker and called Bella. Maybe it wouldn't make me seem as much of a stalker as I thought it did – a call between friends to make sure she got home fine wasn't too freaky. And it wasn't nearly as strange as what I wanted to do the most: driving by her house to see if her car was there or not.

I considered that. Considered it for enough time that I was getting uncomfortable in my chair and I needed to get up and do something. Of course, I thought, slapping my forehead in the process. That was exactly it. I was obsessing about Bella's absence because I was sitting around and doing nothing but wonder where she was.

I was damn sure that was exactly it. How did the saying go? A watched pot never boils? So, in theory, all I had to do was get busy and in no time I would hear from Bella and I would finally end this stupid obsession.

I opened my closet doors, bending to pick up my running shoes, not bothering to change any other item of clothing. Picking up my keys from the desk, I sprinted for the door, not bothering with which way I was running. I just needed to get away from my life.

****

Many hours later, I returned home feeling hot, sweaty and totally drained out. There really was nothing that compared to running like the devil's chasing you to forget everything that isn't good as well as it should. The only problem is that when you get home all your problems are still there.

I unlocked the door to my house eagerly, desperately needing water to hydrate me – one of the hitches when you left in a hurry: it makes you forget the basic things. Heading straight for the kitchen and ignoring the voices coming from the living room, I opened the fridge to get a bottle of water and drank it down while I dashed up the stairs and locked myself in my room again, going straight for the shower.

There were plenty of reasons to be proud of myself. The first one was that I had not jogged in the direction of Bella's house. The second was that I was being strong enough not to have checked my e-mail as soon as I got in the door. I gave myself a mental pat on the back and got out of the shower, drying myself off.

Once I was back in my room, I spotted my computer looking at me and bit my lip in hesitation. It worried me a whole lot that more than anything I wanted to see if Bella had replied to my e-mail yet. Or at least that she'd opened it.

So I didn't.

I still felt excruciatingly tired from the time I spent outside running, so I decided to relax in my bed, reading a book, before I checked my e-mail. I knew, obviously, that I was testing myself, seeing how long I could last without checking for that dreaded indication of life from Bella. I checked my phone for any messages, my heart nearly skipping a beat when I saw two missed calls; but none were from her.

I kicked myself mentally for even considering that, after what I did to her, Bella would ever take the first step in reconnecting. Of course she wouldn't, and I was a fool if I expected anything else.

I grabbed my copy of The Shining from the nightstand, which I had yet to finish reading, and let my eyes scroll lazily through the lines.

I lasted about fifteen minutes before I sprang up to my desk, and checked my e-mail. I wasn't going to even make excuses for myself – although I was entitled to check my damn e-mail. What if someone else had something important to tell me?

I deleted all the spam I caught and checked the few messages from people I knew, ignoring the sinking knowledge that there was no sign of life from Bella anywhere. Even though it was already dark and it was time for dinner, the thought of food made me want to throw up.

Bella was in La Push…with Jacob… right now. That's why she didn't check her e-mail; she was having so much fun with him that she didn't even have the chance to check for messages. For _my_ messages.

The thought of Bella, with Jacob, using the nightie I gave her came to my mind, and I quickly pushed it away. But it was replaced with the memories of the time we went out together; how he put his arm around her; how he hugged her like he didn't want to let her go. I grunted to myself, entering the bathroom so I could splash cold water on my face. Then, facing my reflection in the mirror, I wondered, again, why she suddenly mattered so much to me.

I had been trying to blame it all on guilt, but it didn't feel like it. It felt more desperate than guilt. And if it was all guilt, why did I care that someone else wanted to be with her? Why did it sting so much to think that Bella might realize Jacob was the one she should have been with all along?

Disgusted by my own reflection, I threw water at it and stared at my deformed image in the mirror. At least it was more fitting to how I felt.

I had to see Bella. Right now.

Without giving myself time for a second thought, I stormed out of the room, cursing at myself for forgetting to get a jacket once I got outside, but not caring enough to waste time going back inside.

I got in the driver's seat, giving myself a second to consider the possibilities. What if she didn't want to see me? What if she wasn't there? What if she really was with Jacob? By seeing her driveway empty I would have confirmation that she wasn't spending the night alone, and I would have to deal with that. As much as I cared for Bella, I wasn't going to follow her to La Push.

But on the other hand, what if she was alone? What if she was afraid to be alone? What if there was someone there? Someone who wanted to hurt her? What if someone did hurt her because I was too chicken to know if she was spending the night at La Push?

Confidently in my decision, I started the car and headed for Bella's house.


	25. Chapter 25

**Chapter 25**

**BPO**

I'm not going to lie. Staying with Jacob at LaPush was my first thought. My gut reaction.

But it was quickly shoved out of my mind - it was a little out of the way for me and it meant a long drive back and forth for only a couple of days alone.

Of course, by now, I mostly wanted company and enough comfort for me to feel minutely better about my life and myself. Even so, in the end, I knew Jacob would only be a temporary distraction from my real problems and possibly would bring brand new ones I was in no way searching for. Even while my own scared side screamed at me for pretending to be brave, I thanked Jacob and told him I wasn't going to need his help.

And now, while I was alone in my bedroom getting ready for bed it suddenly didn't seem so clear cut. It was windy and cold and I was pretty sure it was going to rain tonight. But that didn't matter. Because I was in a strongBella mood, and that included being tough and behaving maturely – meaning I was going to spend this night alone and I wasn't going to be a baby about it.

My thoughts were suddenly interrupted by the windows rustling. _Damn it. _

Shuddering, I wrapped my jacket tightly around my body, unsure of whether I was looking for warmth or comfort. It was just the freaking _wind_. That's it. When had I become such a baby?

With quick steps I was by the window, pushing and pulling at the locks to assess its sturdiness. I shuddered again at my lack of self control, trying not to get too angry at myself.

With a sigh I remembered it didn't matter if I was a baby about it or not because there was no one there to see it. So if I wanted to hide my head beneath the covers or secretly keep a knife close to me by the bed, then so what? I would put it back in the morning and no one would ever know.

Having the vision of all the reports of women kidnapped in their own homes and killed in their sleep I hopped off the bed and in a quick move I hurried to the kitchen, choosing the biggest knife I could find and hesitantly taking it with me upstairs.

Standing by the entrance of my room, I paused. It was difficult to decide where to put it. On one hand, the closer the better. But then again, being Bella Swan meant living in constant danger of accidentally bumping your head on your nightstand while you sleep. And if you have a big ass knife resting there, it makes the situation just a little bit more terrifying.

I looked at the knife, shuddering as the blade shone with the movement of my hand. If I had to guess I'd say a knife of its size could do significant damage to my small, clumsy head.

Then again, considering the alternative was being mugged and hurt by someone else, it wasn't like I had much of a choice. With quick steps I placed the knife on the nightstand and pulled the furniture a little away from the bed. Still in reach, but not nearly as likely that I'd accidentally kill myself.

Slightly more relieved I went back to preparing myself for bed, frowning while I searched my bags for my iPod. I thrust my hand inside and felt around for it, getting more frustrated every second. Was it possible that I'd left it there?

When my hands found something cold, I pulled the object out, groaning in frustration when I realized it was my cell phone.

Noticing two unread messages, my heart picked up pace. Had Edward tried to contact me? Told me to come back to his place?

As my eyes screened the messages, I sat down on my bed, disappointed. Of course not. Both of them were from Jacob, and both asked the same questions – where was I and did I want him to come over.

My fingers paused on the call button. Did I want him here? Jacob's presence would surely be helpful in being able to sleep without fear of being raped and killed in my sleep.

Pressing the button to call Jacob, I held the phone to my ear. I didn't have to wait long – in two seconds Jacob's voice filled my ears. "Bells, where are you?"

"Home. I came home."

"Are you okay?"

I could hear some noise in the background and I suddenly hoped he wasn't on the way to my house.

"I'm fine. I'm just calling you to say everything's okay. You don't need to come here."

Static filled my ear. "Bells? I can't hear you!"

I cursed my life and my luck, but tried to speak as loud and clear as I could manage. "I said, don't come here Jacob! I'm fine!"

The line went down, leaving me staring at my phone. I was pretty sure Jacob had heard me, so that wasn't a problem. But a text message reinforcing that I was fine couldn't hurt. Before I could send it, a thundering noise from behind me made me turn around.

Someone was opening my window!

Without thinking, I ran for my nightstand, holding the knife in one hand and hastily reaching for the phone to dial 911.

With my heart nearly beating out of my chest, I nearly collapsed when I saw who it was.

"Edward!"

Suddenly more worried about my garments than anything else, I tried to cover myself up as much as I could, while carefully holding the knife in my hand.

He looked at the knife. "I didn't mean to scare you. I don't think you're that mad."

"Do you think I have people coming through the window of my bedroom every night? Why didn't you just use the door?"

He simply shrugged. "This is nice," he said, looking around.

"You've been in my room before," I replied, not realizing until the words were out of my mouth that he obviously hadn't – there would have never been a reason for him to be there before.

After he shook his head, I continued, crossing my arms defensively in front of me. "What are you doing here?"

"I wanted to make sure you were safe. It's like the whole town knows you're here by yourself and I don't want anything to happen to you…"

"How? I mean…Why?"

His eyes wandered the room. "The locks on the windows are pretty easy to pick."

"No, I mean why? Why are you here?" I tried desperately to cover myself while he analyzed every detail around us, and I was getting more anxious by the second for his eyes to settle on me.

"I already told you that."

I rolled my eyes internally at myself. Stupid, stupid Bella. "You didn't need to come. I can take care of myself, you know."

My head turned at the sound of his voice, interrupting my thoughts. "I'm tired of being away from you."

Chuckling, I shrugged. "You were away from me by choice."

"I changed my mind."

His lips were covering mine hungrily before my brain processed his words, and I could feel my arms wrap around his neck against my will, desperately trying to pull him in and push him away at the same time. There were a million valid reasons to throw him off me and get him out of the house. The most important of all was that neither of us had any clue what the hell was going on. It didn't matter anymore, nothing did.

Grasping his t-shirt in my hands I bravely thrust my tongue into our kiss, hearing a throaty grunt come out of his lips before he mimicked my actions. In a second he flipped us so that he was the one on top and instinctively I opened my legs so I could feel him closer to me while we kissed. Immediately I felt Edward's hands expertly exploring my inexperienced body.

I felt one of his hands, which had been firmly placed on the side of my head, holding me in place while we kissed, travel downward to my ankles, his fingers lightly grazing my skin there; and I couldn't help but shiver when his right hand made contact with my skin, tickling me. He kept his other hand levering him on top of my, using his elbow to support himself while his hand played with my hair and occasionally moved to caress my face.

Continuing his work in my lips, his hand started rising at a torturous speed, lingering in all the right places, making me nearly lose my mind when he tickled the back of my knees while his mouth moved to my neck, sucking and licking and kissing all at once. I let a moan escape my mouth when I felt a light suction on my neck and I tilted my head to urge him on.

His touch still on my leg, kneading the same spot incessantly, his lips shifted so his mouth was next to my ear and as soon as I felt the warmth of his mouth around my earlobe I moaned his name, feeling the shredded bits of sanity I was clinging to dissipating around me.

A second later I could feel his body tensing above me, and Edward was hoarsely whispering in shallow breaths into the same ear he had been ravishing. "Fuck, Bella."

I could sense the strain in his voice and in the way his body was beginning to lightly thrust against me.

My heart was beating so fast I was afraid it might come out through my mouth. Just because I was a virgin didn't mean I was stupid; I knew exactly where this was going, and the fact that surprised me the most was that I wasn't even scared about what was happening. I desperately needed him to keep going and the thought that he might realize what he was doing and stop was too horrifying to even consider.

Suddenly the realization that under the nightie he'd given me I was wearing plain white cotton panties and a matching bra annoyed me. I was sure Edward's previous partners, whoever they may have been, had been much more inventive in that area, in addition to probably being more experienced. But while his tongue did those wonderful things to my ear it was so hard to care. I could feel my whole body vibrating in anticipation for what was to come, and as every second passed it became easier and easier to let my insecurities go and just enjoy the moment. I would have plenty of time to think about this choice later, whether I would want to or not.

After an eternity I finally felt Edward's fingers trailing up my thigh, stopping when his touch met the hem of my nightie and, with a frustrated groan, his hand groped my skin a little too roughly. It hurt, but I was surprised that in spite of the pain it felt so damn good; so damn desperate. When I winced in reaction, he backed away from me just enough so he could look in my eyes and through my half-closed lids I gave him the most reassuring nod I could muster.

Nodding back at me, Edward's eyes travelled to my lips and once again he began kissing me and pulling me in until I was literally going crazy. I was desperate for his hand to go on, to do something, anything. I wiggled my body underneath him, pushing my heaving chest into his, and brought my hand to his head so I could deepen the kiss impossibly more.

And the thing I loved about Edward was that he was very perceptive; in a second our kiss became hungry, frantic, and so exciting every time his lips sucked on my tongue I heard myself moaning his name, urgently trying to make our kiss and this moment last forever.

But forever got old after just a few minutes. Because the thrusting was gone and his touch had stopped to the point where all he was doing was holding me while we made out. And although I was already trembling from fear of rejection, I knew if I didn't act soon the moment would be lost there forever. So, in a moment of stupid bravery, I reached for his t-shirt and pushed it up, trying my best to ignore the expression in Edward's face while I did it.

His quizzical look and raised eyebrow asked me the question he wouldn't, but I didn't care. I wouldn't care. Before he started talking shit again and freaked out and left, I covered his lips with mine, hoping it would swallow whatever doubts he still had about what I was doing. This was my moment, and he wasn't about to ruin it.

While my lips worked on his, I waited for Edward to stop me for a few seconds. Nothing. If he was going to do anything about this, he was lagging behind. Feeling damned victorious that my actions had at least managed to shut him up, I sluggishly caressed the muscled skin in his back, occasionally letting my hands travel to his toned stomach muscles. As soon as my hand moved to his chest, I lingered feeling his heartbeat in my hand, marveled at its speed. There was something awfully empowering in making a man like Edward so excited.

His eyes fluttered and then shut tightly. There was such a painful expression in his face I was sure I'd done something wrong. Stopping my movements, I waited for Edward to open his eyes and look at me.

"Did I do something wrong?"

He shook his head. "No. Nothing wrong."

But something had happened and it had clearly gone way over my head. I went over my actions in my head and figured maybe I wasn't supposed to caress him through his jeans. Who knew, right?

My hands shifted to his jeans button and opened it, quickly, before I lost the nerve to do it. And it was just about to happen, too.

When I reached for his zipper, I felt his fingers clasping my wrist sternly. Opening my mouth to complain, I was silenced by his lips. Damn him. Using my own technique against myself. But I would show him; if he thought he could make me forget what he'd done he had another thing coming. As soon as we broke our kiss I would ask him why the hell he didn't want me to touch him.

That was the plan anyway. But as soon as the cold from the departure of his lips hit me, his hands were busy removing my nightie, pulling it over my head and immediately kissing my lips slowly again.

Feeling way too naked for my taste, even though I'd somehow managed to remove Edward's shirt as well, I managed to make space between us so I could use my arms to cover myself until I felt more at ease.

Without warning, Edward shifted and grabbed my hands, holding them harshly by the side of my head, pushing them into the mattress. "Don't," he ordered me, making me a little more confused and just a little scared. "Don't ever cover yourself in front of me."

As if to demonstrate, Edward knelt on top of me, moving his mouth down my body, slowly kissing my chin, then my neck and then starting to create a trail to my breasts.

I was so nervous I felt like I could throw up at any moment. It was incredibly daunting to know of his past and that now he was looking at me and probably comparing every little feature of my body that I hated.

"You're so beautiful."

Had I been thinking out loud? I dropped my gaze to my chest, feeling his tongue playing with the skin above my breasts, trying to look for any hint of dishonesty in his face. But once I saw him, I had no clue what to think, not even what he was thinking. We locked eyes and I gave him a quick nod to move him along.

He didn't need to be told twice. In a second his tongue was caressing the sensitive skin of my breasts, using his hand to arouse every soft spot of my body that needed attention. Unsure of what to do with my own hands, I ran a hand through his hair, tugging gently to urge him on, adoring the feel of his hair in my fingers.

With newfound courage, I unzipped his pants carefully and moaned into his lips when I felt the warmth of his dick in my hand.

Edward groaned and grabbed my hand. "Wait, Bella."

"No, please don't-"

"Shh," he placed a finger in front of my lips. "We need a condom," he explained with a crooked smile.

Surprised, I opened my mouth and closed it again. Damn it. Where the hell were we going to find a condom at this hour? I knew I didn't have the face to go to a pharmacy and ask for one.

My chest still heaving from our kiss, I noticed Edward had reached for his pocket, removing his wallet. Scowling to myself, I tried not to let my face show my revulsion in the thought that he carried condoms everywhere he went.

All my thoughts disappeared when he triumphantly held the condom in his hand and, looking at my disheveled state, lying half naked in the middle of the bed, gave me the sexiest smirk I'd ever seen.

In a swift move, his body was covering mine again, and all my thoughts about previous lovers vanished.

A loud bang interrupted my thoughts, causing us both to pause momentarily. Edward gave me a questioning look, clearly waiting for my explanation, but I had none to give him. Instead, I waited for a few moments to see if the noise repeated itself. After a moment of silence, Edward gave up on the queries and went back to sucking and kissing the spot at my neck that made my legs involuntarily tremble with excitement.

My hands traveled down his body again, this time a lot faster and more confident in myself, and I secretly smiled when I felt his body shudder when I wrapped my fingers around his length, surprised again at how warm and hard and soft he felt. Tentatively, slowly, I started pumping my hand up and down his length, delighted when Edward's attentions to my breasts pause to gasp.

Confidently, I let my hand pick up speed, listening to Edward's heaving breaths for clues of when to do it harder, or faster.

A second bang interrupted me, causing my hand to stop. The suspicion was back in his eyes. Before I could protest, Edward was up, putting his pants back on.

"Maybe you should get that."

I narrowed my eyes. Get _what_?

A third bang filled the room, and a voice filled the house. "Bella, are you there?"

Jacob. Of course, it had to be Jacob.

Edward chuckled bitterly. "Yeah. You definitely should get that."

"It's not like that," I whispered, feeling my cheeks fill with redness.

He nodded and smiled, but he didn't fool me. I knew we were on the verge of starting the biggest damn fight either one of us had ever seen. "Did you invite him here?"

"I was scared," I said defensively. "I only called him because you kicked me out."

"I only kicked you out because you told me you were in love with me," he said coldly, not even bothering to look at me.

Too hurt to react, I saw Edward grabbing the remnants of his clothes scattered on the floor. "Don't keep him waiting."

In a second, Edward was gone.


	26. Chapter 26

**Chapter 26**

**BPO**

Well, that was that.

That was all Edward and I would ever be to each other. A could-have-been. An untold story. A friggin' dropped plot point.

Jake was at the door that night, and he made sure I was safe and as cheerful as possible, under the circumstances. In all truthfulness, there wasn't an inch of my body that felt safe, content, or the slightest little bit of happiness. But his effort was heart-warming, and I didn't want to hurt Jake. It was bad enough that I had lost Edward.

I always thought that, deep down, Jake knew something was up. I had tried as hard as I could to disguise any sadness from my face, but something inside me was broken, and somehow pretending it wasn't only made it harder to put up with the pain.

So soon I told Jake to leave, promising he could come back for me in the morning.

And there I was, alone, in my bed. And Edward haunted me. His words wounded me, over and over again. "_I only kicked you out because you told me you were in love with me._"

_Ugh._

I grabbed my pillow, held it over my head and screamed. Loudly. That was that.

After that night, I moved to LaPush with Jacob.

It wasn't a hard choice. It wasn't a choice at all, as far as I was concerned. Charlie didn't want me staying alone and, in all honesty, I didn't much like the thought either. So when Jake insisted that I go to LaPush, I didn't have to think twice. We agreed that he'd pick me up the next day after I had time to pack. I didn't bother to tell him that I was still packed – I could use the time alone.

Early the next morning, Jake and Billy were at my door. I was thankful that they didn't bother to ask me any questions about my stay at the Cullen's. They were very clearly avoiding the subject, and I could have kissed them both because of that.

When we got to their home, they pointed in the direction of the kitchen, the bathroom and my room, talking as if I had never been there before.

I didn't mind and played along with it, nodding as Billy showed me around. The last room we saw was mine, and I was left alone to unpack.

They gave me my own room over there, which I found out, had been specially decorated for me. The room itself wasn't very big, although it was probably bigger than my bedroom back home. Of course it didn't compare to my room at the Cullen's, but I felt bad for even comparing the two. This one was decorated in blues and browns, but Billy had made an effort for it to remain girly.

The bed was bigger than I was used to, but I didn't think I'd have trouble adjusting to the extra space. The bedspread was blue and white, and I sighed as I ran my hand over it, feeling its soft texture under my fingertips. Maybe I was more tired than I'd realized.

Turning my attention to the large armoire on the opposite side of the bed, I opened its door and was surprised to discover they were hiding a television, framed by probably over 50 books. I skimmed my eyes through the spines of the books, drinking the names in front of me with my eyes. _Orwell_, _Joyce_, _Steinbeck_. I was _thrilled _for probably the first time since my arrival. In spite of feeling under the weather, I had some of the best books in history at my disposal for the next few days, and I wasn't going to waste them.

Turning around, I noticed the bedside table had a vase with blue wildflowers, which I knew must have been picked for me. I wondered who had bothered with that, but I never asked, and Jake didn't tell me. On second thought, that was probably for the best. I wasn't very good at showing gratitude.

"Everything okay?"

Started, I turned around; for whatever reason my gut reaction had been to feel like someone had caught me going through stuff that didn't belong to me. Then again, that wasn't very far from the truth.

Jake stood by the door, with that unbelievably friendly wide grin. "Everything's perfect," I nodded. "Thank you for all the trouble, Jake."

The corners of his mouth turned up amicably. "It's no trouble. We're glad you're here." He took a couple of steps in my direction and gestured towards the books I had just been studying. "I know you're a sucker for books. Never quite understood why, to be honest."

"I love books simply for the pleasure of being able to slip into a different world. Reading allows me to take a break from my life, experience new things, learn about things I never thought I would," I spoke softly, only realizing how serious I sounded after it was too late. My mind raced to Clark and Harriet, and wondered if I would ever find out how Edward's story would end now. "You should try it sometime," I added playfully, hoping to lighten the mood.

With a chuckle, Jacob closed the doors of the armoire, hiding the books from our sight. "I'm more of a hands-on kind of guy."

As if in demonstration, Jacob showed me his oil-stained hands, which he started cleaning with his own t-shirt.

"So…" Jacob grabbed my wrist gently and pulled me until I was sitting next to him on the bed. "My dad sent me here to entertain you."

I felt like telling Jake I was an expert at entertaining myself, but I couldn't let him down like that. "Entertain me, huh?" I retorted. "And how do you plan to do that?"

Jake's grin turned into a smirk. "You got your bathing suit?"

Uncomfortable. Oh so awkward.

I could probably come up with a dozen things I would rather do than going to LaPush beach with Jake. I would rather stay and read one of the masterpieces that were begging me to emerge into their fascinating storyline. I could listen to my iPod. I could check my e-mails. Hell, I could cook dinner, if it came to that.

But my manners kept me from saying just what I felt and now I stood in front of the mirror, trying to find an angle which didn't make me look as ill at ease as I felt. It was useless. I would forever be like this.

I did have a bathing suit, or rather, a bikini, which had been bought by Charlie on one of our bonding trips. He had picked out a black bikini with a low cut and I didn't have the heart to tell him I didn't have the body for this type of beach clothes. I always looked my best in jeans and baggy t-shirts.

I remembered Alice's words about how my figure was petite, ye curvy in a lame attempt to feel better about myself.

Grunting, I threw my hands up and gave up. I shoved a baggy beach dress over my body and prayed we never actually went into the water so I didn't have to show my awfully un-toned body behind to anyone.

Without giving it a second thought, I ran downstairs and found Jake, ready for our day at the beach. Whatever that meant.

Finding him outside, near his bike, I tried as desperately as I could to pretend I was happy about this. "Where is everyone?"

Wiping his hands on a ragged dirty cloth, Jake walked up to me. I had to admit he was getting better looking by the day. He wore his trunks, and that was it. His chest was hard and his pecs well defined. "Well…I'm here. And you're here. I think that makes everyone."

He paused, then smiled. "Come on, let's go."

A few hours later, I felt like the luckiest girl in the world. Not because I was with the man I loved, or because I was having such a good time. But because we never actually went into the water and my flabby self has remained hidden underneath a baggy beach dress. I was always a glass half empty gal, but now I was definitely focusing on the positive.

Not that I wasn't having fun at all. Jake and I were great together – always had been. Sometimes our fathers joked that we would get married because we were so similar and we got along so well. We had both always ignored their words, mostly because we were so great together as friends. We spent our day talking and laughing, lying on the beach and being silly with each other. It was so different from anything I had shared with Edward. It was easy.

Suddenly, I felt Jake grab my hand. I ignored the fact that my fingers immediately started to twitch, desperately wanting freedom.

"So, will you ever tell me?"

I straightened my back, suddenly feeling incredibly uncomfortable. "Tell you what?"

"What happened between you and Edward."

Clearing my throat, I shook my head. "Nothing happened. We were friends. We aren't anymore. I guess we got it right the first time."

"I never wanted you to stay with him, alone. Never felt right. You know he's a manwhore, right? Tanya was with him, while you were at his place." My eyes widened before I could hide my reaction. "I figured you didn't know."

Swallowing my feelings, my pride and my anger, I shook my head. "It's none of my business what Edward does." I lifted my eyes to Jake's face and saw he still had a small bruise, probably because of their fight on the night of the party. "I'm sorry he hurt you."

"He didn't. You did." I furrowed my brows, confused. "You hurt me when you stayed with him. When you didn't stay with me. I've always loved you, Bella."

"Why are you telling me this, Jake?"

He smiled sadly. "Because sometimes you just have to take a leap of faith."

Unwillingly, I felt my head bend down to his lips. Before I knew it, we kissed.


	27. Chapter 27

**Chapter 27**

**EPOV**

_Fucking shit. _

I ran out of Bella's house, feeling my body pulse with tension. Why the hell did she have to call Jacob, of all people? _Fuck me._

I thrust my body into my car, in desperate need for air, which I knew I would get only when I left and was far, far away from this place. I tried to start the engine, groaning loudly when I heard the low roar of the car signaling my failure. I was ready to start cursing at my Volvo when I stopped, looking at my own hands. They were fucking twitching frenziedly, and I had no doubt in my mind just whose face my hands wanted to hit. That disgusting dog.

I lied back on the seat, trying my best to calm down and rationalize the situation. Any minute now Bella would come to her senses and tell Jacob to get the hell out of her bedroom, out of her house, and she would come find me. And I would be right there, waiting for her, and every little problem we had would be resolved. That was exactly what was going to happen. Any minute now.

I didn't quite know how long I'd been sitting in my car, waiting for Bella to come out and make an effort to explain just why she thought it was a good idea to call him. Looking at the light in her bedroom and wondering just what the hell he was doing in there with her. Had he picked up where I left off? Was he touching Bella's skin? Hearing her soft moans?

I punched the wheel violently, repeatedly. As far as I was concerned, that was his face I was punching, and even when I was short of breaking half the bones in my hands and wrists, I was nowhere near done. The thought of Bella and Jacob made me sick to my stomach.

Panting, I stole a final glance at the wooden window, willing her to, somehow, feel my presence and send him away. I counted to five. Then twenty. Then I stopped counting. As time passed, my mind moved in all directions, racking every single corner of my brain. How had we gotten to this point? Why was it that we simply could not make this, whatever we were, work?

And most importantly, why was it that every time I fucked up, Bella went running straight to Jacob's side?

My throat went immediately dry at the thought of them together. The realization that he would probably spend the night with her hit me suddenly, like a brick wall. My breath ragged again, and I considered banging on her door until she let me in and kicked him out. I knew she cared about me – hell, hadn't she claimed she loved me? Certainly my being at her door would be enough to stop whatever they were doing in there.

I reached for the car handle, and my body came to a halt when I heard his laugh. His hideous, arrogant, infuriating laugh.

The thought that they were possibly laughing about me hit me before I could prevent it, and my hand left the car handle.

I'd been the one to come to Bella this time. It was her turn now.

Without a second thought, I willed myself to start the car and headed back home.

Somehow Bella would come to me. I just knew she would.

* * *

**{ 2 months later }**

Bella never came to me, and I never went to her.

Well, that's not exactly true. I, being the stupid motherfucker I always am, had a change of heart a few days later. I really went all out, too. I was proud of myself, although my masculinity was seriously injured. That's right, I bought her roses. Big, red, goofy ones, because the old lady at the flower shop had somehow managed to convince me that _there wasn't a girl alive who wouldn't love big, red, stupid roses_.

So I paid way too much for a dozen roses, printed my manuscript, leaving a little note on the last page Bella had read in my room, and prepared a perfect thirty minute speech. Its contents are a bit hazy now. But essentially it went on about how much of a prick I am and how much I know I don't deserve someone like Bella, who is sweet and kind and way more beautiful than she gives herself credit for. And how, in spite of all that, I'd really like to give us a go. Because I cared about her too fucking much to simple give up on her. Little did I know that Bella agreed with me. Agreed with the fact that I'm a prick and undeserving of her, that is.

I left the roses at her doorstep with my manuscript by its side and a note, which I'd improvised once I got to her house and it was empty. I hastily wrote "_I miss you. I'm sorry. – E_" and went about my life, positive that in a couple of hours Bella would see my car, get on her old, noisy truck and come to find me. And then we would live happily ever-fucking-after.

That's not exactly how it went.

As soon I as I got home I overheard Emmet on the phone. I'm not one to pry – I too value my privacy dearly, but a name unwillingly caught my attention.

_Charlie._

Emmett was talking to Charlie. Who was, it seemed, kindly thanking us for looking after Bella. I rolled my eyes as Emmett explained that there had been a few complications, but that Bella was free to return for as long as she wanted.

Cocky, I walked up to Emmett, figuring it was best that I be the one to tell Charlie that, although there had been a few misunderstandings – for which I took full responsibility for – everything was back to normal and Charlie was free to stay away for as long as I needed. I would personally be the one to care for Bella and make sure she was perfect.

Just as I was signaling for Emmett to hand me the phone, something stopped me dead in my tracks.

"Yes, of course, I know Bella will be comfortable with Billy too," Emmet said into the receiver. "I didn't mean to imply otherwise."

My jaw dropped to the floor. Billy? Billy Black? As in Jacob's father, Billy Black?

Emmett paced nervously around the room as he spoke. "Yes, of course. You're welcome. Just make sure to tell Bella that she will always be welcome to stay with us whenever she chooses." He paused, listening, and then nodded. " Yes, I will. Thank you. Take care."

I was frozen with anger. I could not get my fucking card out of my mind._ Miss you? I'm sorry?_

"Charlie asked me to thank you," Emmett started, after he hung up. His gaze lifted, until his angry eyes were boring poisonous darts into mine. "For taking care of Bella. Kind of ironic, isn't it?"

"It sure fucking is," I retorted, but, as much as I needed that battle to relieve the tension, I wasn't going to have the time to fight this fight with Emmett. Because as soon as the words came out of my mouth I flew out of the door and back into my car. I knew exactly where I needed to go, and I was in a hurry to get there.

I wanted to hate Bella for this, and probably part of me did. She'd backed me into a fucking corner and ran away in the dog's direction, as usual. I wanted to be angry and yell at her for finally making him realize that all he thought they could be was all in his head.

If anything, this sealed the deal about my feelings for her.

On my way back home, I made sure to pick the dirtiest, most disgusting dumpster to throw the card, the flowers and the manuscript away.

A few days later I heard that Bella and Jacob were dating. Some of my friends, my old friends, called me and said they had seen them, at La Push beach, making out. I didn't believe it, of course. It was ridiculous to think Bella would do something like that. Bella told me she _loved_ me. Still, even though I didn't quite believe Bella would do something like that, that night I went out and got pissed drunk, just in case there was some truth to it. _Any kind of truth to it_, really.

A few days later, I tried to call Bella. Trying to be the bigger man, and all that shit. Not that I really thought Bella was the "love the one you're with type", but I wanted to, at least, make sure she knew she could come to me if the dog did something inappropriate. Or if he did anything she didn't like.

Bella rejected my call. A few hours later I got a text message from her, which simply said. "_Leave me alone, Edward_."

Two weeks later, by the time Bella herself confirmed the _happy_ news about her and Jacob's status to Alice, I was back to my old routine of partying, sex and light drugs, and, if by then I still cared, I did a hell of a job of hiding it.

* * *

**A/N: **I figured there was no point in telling you more updates were coming – I figured it was better to show you by updating today ;) Just to put your mind at ease, Chapter 28 is done and Chapter 29 is halfway done, so yes, more updates are coming very soon.

I won't post them right away to give you a chance to read and review, but they're coming soon. Thank you all so much for the reviews, for hanging in there and for still loving the story.


	28. Chapter 28

**Chapter 28**

**BPOV**

"Bella?"

The voice was barely above a whisper, but I winced as the sound pierced my brain. Somehow, deep down, I knew exactly what that voice meant.

"It's past 8, you're going to be late, honey."

I heard the door close with a sound click and sighed. I lifted my head and grabbed my watch to confirm that I was, indeed, late. I yawned, stretched my arms and let my body fall back on the bed. _Damn it._

My first day of school after summer vacations. Yep, my life officially sucked.

Flipping my body so I was lying on my back, I looked up at the ceiling and sighed. It would be fine. Hell, I probably wouldn't even see him.

With another deep breath, I thrust my body off the bed and started getting ready for school, dreading every minute that brought me closer to the moment I had to go out that door and head back to Forks High School.

Not that I didn't like school – I was and had always been a fine student. But the possibility of running into Edward, and confirming with my own eyes the rumors I had heard all through the summer was simply too much for me to handle. It was one thing to hear Edward was spending time with the sluttiest, bichiest girls I'd ever seen. It was entirely different to see it with my own eyes.

I got into the shower and flinched. I had turned up the water into a painfully hot temperature, partially punishing myself for not being smart enough to come up with an excuse to not have to go today. I could have been sick – if only I'd stayed a few minutes outside the night before, I would surely have enough of a cold to fool Charlie into letting stay home for a couple of days. And by then I could ask Angela what classes Edward was taking and make sure we wouldn't easily cross paths in school.

Then, I'd be safe. It's not like we hung around the same crowd anyway, not since we had our falling out this summer.

Not that I cared about Edward. At all.

It was almost funny how Edward and I had gone from hating each other, to maybe caring a little bit, to having this – dare I say it – torrid relationship, and to have it fall apart all in a matter of a couple of weeks. It was his fault that it fell apart. He was the one who sent me away, who denied any feelings for me, who almost laughed in my face when I told him I loved him.

I stepped out of the shower, wrapped a light blue fluffy towel around my body and stood in front of the small mirror of the medicine cabinet.

Wiping the steam of the mirror in circular motions, I rested my hands on the sink and studied my reflection. Had Edward been right back then? Had I never loved him?

My feelings evolved so quickly and it was over so fast it was hard to say right now with a straight face that I had undoubtedly loved him. I scowled at my reflection. That bastard made me question myself, my feelings, and I was letting him.

Shaking my head, I entered my room and finished getting dressed.

Once I was ready, I grabbed my backpack, which I'd left by the door the night before so I wouldn't forget anything, I went down the stairs, the aroma of bacon and eggs filling my nose before I saw Charlie with a small apron, which was mine to use most of the time.

"Mornin' Bells," he exclaimed happily, gesturing for me to sit down in front of him, "I thought you might be hungry."

Surprised, I stopped walking. I completely forgot Charlie loved to prepare me breakfast on big days – which included birthdays, first and last days of school, and other random days he deemed as special. I scolded myself internally for having a gut reaction of saying no, and tried my best to smile sincerely at the gesture.

"I'm starving."

I dropped my backpack on the floor and pulled the chair to sit down and dug into the food. I moaned in delight before I could stop myself. It was frigging delicious.

I looked up at Charlie and noticed he was basking in my reaction.

"So…big day, huh?"

"Yeah, I guess."

"Now remember, you don't need to come straight home after school. You should have fun, hang out with your new friends. Or your old ones."

I raised an eyebrow at the comment, wondering who he was talking about, but not really wanting to delve enough into the conversation to ask. "Okay, dad," I nodded.

Just when I was about to finish, I heard a couple of honks outside. And I knew that honk – it was my trunk. Who the hell was touching my car?

"I wonder who that is," Charlie said, although he smile hinted he knew exactly who that was and that he would be cocky about it.

Realization hit me, and I smiled to myself. "Yeah, dad. I wonder who that could be."

With a quick kiss on the cheek, I ran past my father and opened the door, confirming my suspiction.

"Good morning, beautiful."

There he was. Leaning on his bike, in jeans and a fitted black t-shirt, which looked so good on him it was a crime. I thought I should tell him that it was at the very least ironic that he was calling me beautiful. I was plain, at best. He, on the other hand, was a beautiful, hot man. Too hot for me, I knew, and I made sure to tell him that every time it occurred to me when we were together.

"Hey Jake."

I looked back at my dad, who had gone after me to the door. He was standing there with a grin from ear to ear, and gave him a little wave goodbye before I walked in Jake's direction.

When I was close enough that my dad wouldn't hear, I gave Jacob a little hug, which he returned.

"What are you doing here?"

With a smirk, Jake handed me a second helmet – the one we had nicknamed my helmet, because it was light blue and Jake thought it wasn't manly enough for him to wear – "What does it look like?"

I stared at the helmet and him before putting it on. "You're going to be very late for school."

Jake smiled, giving me a quick peck on the lips. "You're worth it."

I smiled at him and put the helmet on, not wanting to hurt his feelings or make him feel I didn't want him there.

"Besides," Jake continued, "I wanted to be with you." He got on the bike, and I sat behind him, wrapping my hands around his torso. "This way I get to take you to school and take you home. Double the pleasure, double the fun."

I laughed and hug him to me closely. I was being so stupid. I had a great, perfect life. And Jake was a huge part of it.

Our relationship had developed very quickly. Not like me and Edward, obviously. That was more an all-consuming, mind-altering, crazy, wild feeling I couldn't stop if my life depended on it. Still, after that day on the beach, Jake and I had started some sort of relationship. I didn't call it dating, and he knew me well enough never to call me his girlfriend, but we were together and enjoying each other.

I didn't know what made me kiss him in that moment on the beach. Probably because what he said, that sometimes we have to take a leap of faith, made me realize I was right. And even though our relationship before that day had been rocky at best when it came to romance, there was something so good about being with Jacob. There was no drama, no uncertainty, no risk. And after Edward, I need that.

During the summer I visited my aunt in Florida and when I came back I overheard her telling Charlie that she saw love in my eyes. I don't know why she would say that. I didn't think my feelings for Jake were love, and I didn't even tell my aunt about him, but that comment had been enough for Charlie and I to play a pull and release game where he tries to get me to spend just enough time with him without risking us having sex.

The first weeks I got a kick out of it – now it annoyed me to no end.

Before I knew it we were at Forks High School, and Jake was helping me get the light blue helmet of my head.

"Don't worry. You don't have helmet hair."

"Thanks, I was going to wonder all day," I replied sarcastically, handing him the helmet.

"Where's your head?"

I smirked, and raised my hands to my face. "Is it gone again?"

He laughed, but it didn't reach his eyes. "You're being weird. Is it the first day of school syndrome?"

I shook my head. "I'm just sleepy. My hours are off. I'll feel a lot better in a few hours."

He nodded and sat back in his spot on the bike. "Don't forget to wait for me this afternoon. I'll be here as soon as I can. Kiss me."

Caught by surprise, and not wanting to cause a scene even before the school year officially started, I gave him a quick kiss on the cheek and waved goodbye before he had the time to tell me he wanted a _real_ kiss.

So, cowardly, I ran inside, letting the craziness of the first day of school surround me and carry me inside.

* * *

The morning went by fast. I had a pre-calculus class, followed by English Literature and History. By lunch time, I was ready to go home.

And no, I had not seen Edward around, but I was definitely looking. My body was tense, awkward (more so than usual) and prepared to fight or flight. Although in a confrontation I would definitely go for the latter.

Mike, Angela and I walked to the cafeteria together, got our food, and sat in our usual group, as everyone shared their summer adventures and everyone else pretended to care.

"What about you, Bella? What did you do this summer?" Mike asked.

Without warning, my mind flashed to my first kiss with Edward, at his place, after our "date". In a moment I remembered how his lips felt, how his hands touched me, the way he smelled, every single thing about him I'd tried so hard to forget for so long.

"Well?"

Mike's eyes were curious on mine, and I regained my head for long enough to come up with an answer. "I went to see my aunt."

A couple of people smiled, aww-ed and asked a few follow up questions, but it was Jessica's comment the one which caught my attention the most.

"I heard that wasn't the best part of your summer," she stated mockingly, raising an eyebrow in what she probably thought was my direction.

My heart raced. What if she was talking about Edward? What if she knew Edward and I had sort of been together? I would never hear the end of it, and neither would the rest of the school.

Before I had the chance to deny anything she'd heard, she spoke again. "I heard you and that Jacob guy from La Push got quite cozy this summer."

Before I knew I was doing it, I sighed in relief. "That's complicated. We're good friends," I answered, not really looking forward to explaining that yes, Jake and I were together and definitely not wanting to talk more about the rest of my summer.

"I don't think that's all there is to it," Jessica continued, under everyone's disapproving eyes.

I didn't answer her, and they didn't care. I noticed everyone went suddenly silent, and I felt the hairs on the back of my neck stand up.

Before I could confirm my suspicion, I heard Edward's voice right behind me.

"Hey, Jess."

* * *

**A/N:** Trust me! ;)


	29. Chapter 29

**A/N: I own nothing.**

* * *

**Chapter 29**

**BPOV**

"Edward!" Jessica beamed at him. "Hey."

Before I had the time to realize just how awkward this situation was I saw Jessica – or "Jess", as Edward had oh-so-sweetly put it, jumping out of her chair and wrapping her arms around Edward's neck.

I kept my head down, catching a glimpse of their hug from the corner of my eye, and groaned to myself when I noticed no one was even staring at me for my reaction. I probably should have been happy they had no clue about what had happened between Edward and I. But at the same time it made me realize I was nothing more than a blimp on Edward's radar. And he deserved to be punched for making me watch one of his numerous conquests gushing over him.

Not that I cared, obviously. I had Jake, and he was everything Edward wasn't. Considerate of my feelings, safe, calm. Sweet.

"Are we still on for tonight?"

"Sure baby."

At Edward's answer, I'd had enough. Disgusted, I got up, made up an excuse about having a sore stomach and left. I wouldn't give him the satisfaction of seeing how much it irked me to see him making a pass at Jessica right in front of my nose.

With quick steps, I walked through Fork's High school, hugging my books and my backpack to my body, feeling my body literally shaking in anger. I checked my notes to see where my next class would be and, as I found it, I placed my books on a random desk to save myself a seat and decided to do what any girl without an ounce of self respect would do when she doesn't want to see a guy: hiding in the girl's bathroom.

As I opened the bathroom stall, I checked for signs of any disgusting substance which would possibly make me reconsider this decision, and was glad when I noticed it was decently clean. I sat on the toilet, and, desperately, thrust my head in my hands.

Damn it. Damn it.

Was it possible that Edward had run out of girls to screw, so now he was coming after my friends? Did this mean that I would spend the rest of the school year spending recess hiding out in the bathroom?

I felt my breath hitch at the thought and wondered if I was hyperventilating because I had seen Edward after all this time or if it was because I now knew just who and what he was doing. And Jessica, of all people. I just knew she would spend every aching minute of my time with her telling me everything about their time together – in fact, I found it odd she didn't mention it as soon as she saw me.

I forced myself to take a deep breath and calm the hell down. It would be fine. Just fine. I didn't need friends. I had Jake and the guys at La Push, and I could totally have lunch by myself. I could make something at home and bring it to school every day. I would eat in the library and I could read and study. My grades would go through the roof.

This was _good_.

With another deep, slow breath, I checked my watch, noticing I was a little late for Biology. I could skip it, I wanted to, but my things were already inside, and it wasn't the smartest thing to do at this point.

So I got out of the bathroom stall, checked my reflection in the mirror, and headed to class.

As I reached the class, I found the door ajar, so I could hear quite a bit of noise. Not wanting to burst in without warning I gave the door a quick knock and peeked inside, my eyes immediately focusing on the far right corner of the room.

Edward was there. Sitting all by himself, writing something down on his notebook.

Oh no.

I wasn't one to curse much, but a resounding fuck echoed through my head when his eyes met mine and, instead of mirroring my shocked face, he had the nerve to look amused. Of course of was pleased, this situation was perfect for him. It was another perfect opportunity to humiliate me, unnerve me, irritate me, and so on.

I noticed with quite a bit of relief that the desk where I had left my things was on the opposite side of the room and I rushed to my place which would give me no visibility whatsoever of Edward.

Just as I was sitting down, Mr. Hutt, my Biology teacher, stopped me.

"No, no, no. That seat is taken, Isabella. You're sitting in the back with Cullen."

Mr. Hutt was gorgeous – fair skinned with light eyes and long, wavy hair – but at times he could be a huge pain in my butt. And this was one of those times.

"But my things are already here," I said, hoping I didn't sound too pitiful, praying inside that Mr. Hutt would give me a freaking break and let me in peace for this class.

The teacher gave me a funny look, but grabbed my books, and in two quick steps he was by Edward's desk and placed my things right next to him. "Well, now they're in right place."

Edward was watching this scene with a smug grin on his stupid face. Gritting my teeth, I imagined the painful ways I could muster to kick that smile off his mouth.

With a couple of deep breaths I muttered a thank you to Mr. Hutt and quietly walked through the class to Edward's desk, his eyes never leaving my face.

"Hey Isabella," he said with a nod, pretending to acknowledge my presence. If he thought he was fooling me, he was wrong. I knew him and his torturous ways.

Determined to be the bigger person and not let this situation get too out of control, I gave him a little smile and sat down, pretty darn satisfied at my coolness.

"Hey yourself, Edward," I replied calmly.

Never in my life had a class gone by so slowly and never in my life had I been so uncomfortable. I could feel his stare on the back of my neck and I knew each precise moment his body tensed up. My own was doing the same thing, against my will.

"Could you lend me your notes?"

"What?"

"English Lit," he whispered back, his eyes never wavering from the blackboard. "I heard we're on the same class. I couldn't make it today." My heart skipped a beat. It was one thing to have to endure one class with him – it was entirely different to have two or more classes with Edward. "I was wondering if I could borrow your notes," Edward continued.

I swallowed. "Sure."

"Thanks, Isabella."

I rolled my eyes, hoping a meteor would come crashing on his stupid head. He _knew_ I hated that name.

I could have sworn I heard him open his mouth again, but he wouldn't say another thing for the entire class. And I was determined not to give him the time of day. I took my notes, paid attention, and focused solely on the subject of the class.

And when the bell rang, I dashed outside and never looked back.

* * *

**EPOV**

Well, wasn't this fun.

Bella and I would spend the rest of the school year sharing pretty much every class together, and, for some reason, she was incredibly bothered by my presence.

Well, boo-fucking-whoo.

The sheer panic in her face when she saw me in Biology was just delicious – and it was too good an opportunity to pass telling her we would also have English Lit together. She probably thought she hid her horror pretty well, but, if you knew her, you knew the truth. She hated it.

Hell, she probably hated me.

It wasn't the first time I'd seen Bella today. Early this morning when I was pulling in the school parking lot I had caught a glimpse of Bella arriving with Jacob and kissing him.

We're they just the most adorable couple ever? If he weren't a dick, that is.

The sight had been so disgusting to my eyes, I immediately skipped my first couple of classes and drove around with a couple of friends who cared as little about school as I did this year.

I smoked some pot, caught some sun and just relaxed the entire morning, until I received a call from Emmett wanting to know where the fuck I was.

I told him to fuck off, of course, but I knew he would run to tell Esme and she didn't deserve that.

So, in spite of the state I was in I drove back to Forks High School and went to the cafeteria, hoping a little food would help me clear my brain. And there was Bella again, with her group of little loser friends and Jessica – an investment I had been working on for a while just for the purpose of irking Bella. And it probably did upset her, because she went running the other way immediately – until Biology, of course.

I didn't mean to torture her. Somewhere deep down I still cared about this girl. Somewhere deep, deep, so deep I could hardly see it, down. But it was there.

Sitting next to her in class I felt like asking her how she was. What she did. But every time I wanted to speak my mind went back to Jacob and her kissing him that morning and every little bit of tenderness I still felt for Bella was gone again.

I wanted to ask her why him. She could have any guy she wanted and she continuously went back to the wrong one. I nearly chuckled to myself at the thought – Bella didn't have the best taste in men. I was living proof of that. But still.

I had wondered if she would stick around to talk to me at the end of class, but she disappeared as soon as the bell rang.

I walked outside and felt my phone vibrate, and scowled when I saw Alice's name. I knew she was calling about the party – Alice was throwing a party tonight to celebrate the new school year – as if there was something to celebrate, and she probably wanted to work out some last minute details. Not feeling like dealing with Alice's drama, I hung up and texted her while I walked to my car, which I had parked almost at the entrance of the school.

Before I could send the message to Alice, I noticed a little brown head stuck in a book, and I didn't need to get any closer to know instinctively who that was. Again. All alone.

I saw Jessica wave at me from the other side of the parking lot, but I pretended I didn't see her. Instead, something inside me wanted to talk to Bella, and I wasn't about to question why that was.

"Hey you," I said as I sat down next to her, basking in the mix of surprise, shock and pure horror in her face.

The girl didn't like me that much right now.

"Hey yourself," she replied, playing nervously with her hair.

"Waiting for your ride?"

"Yep," she replied, keeping her eyes on the floor. She cleared her throat and continued. "Here you go," she said, passing me a couple of pages I didn't recognize. When I raised an eyebrow she continued. "My English Lit notes."

"So I guess we're going to be spending quite a bit of time together this year."

She stuttered, but shook her head. "Jessica and I aren't together that much."

"I meant because of Biology and English Lit."

"Oh," she blushed. "Yeah, I guess."

Silence surrounded us, and I felt the need to do the right thing.

"Are you going to the party tonight?"

She looked at me, clueless. "The party?"

"Yeah, Alice is throwing a party at our place. She told me she invited you." Actually, she had told me not to behave like a dick when Bella showed up; but the result was pretty much the same.

"I didn't know about it."

I was surprised; she looked sincere. "You do now. If you want to come, you know where it is."

"I don't think I'm gonna be able to make it."

I felt my heart sink. "Big plans tonight?"

"Kind of." _That fucker._

"Are you two attached at the hip or something?" I said with a laugh, pretending their intimacy didn't bother me in the least. Which it didn't. At all.

Bella's face turned very serious. "Don't talk about Jake."

"Right."

I saw her get up and with one look back, she pointed at the loose pages in my hand. "I'll need those tomorrow. We're having the first test next week."

* * *

**BPOV**

I heard Jake's bike before I saw him, and I had never felt such relief in my life.

Talking with Edward had suddenly become very uncomfortable, especially when he insisted that I join him, at his place, to see him getting drunk and making out with Jessica, of all people. I bit my lip nervously, regretting my decision to give him my notes. Now I would have to talk to him again when he gave them back - or worse, I'd have to go and ask him for them.

I waved goodbye to Edward, who looked on at me with those somber, unreadable eyes.

Giving my head a little shake, I forced myself not to care about Edward. That chapter was over, and now I had Jake.

As Jake approached me, I ran to him and threw my arms around him, silently asking him to erase the awful day I had been through. And one thing I loved about Jake was that he was wise enough not to ask questions when he shouldn't.

"Thanks for picking me up," I whispered, not letting go of him yet.

"Anytime, Bella."

I let go of him, wondering in the back of my mind if Edward was still looking at us. Ignoring my stupid brain I followed Jake to his bike and sat behind him, noticing for the first time he was holding a bag in his hand. With a raised eyebrow, I pointed to the package. "What's that?"

"For you," he answered with a smile. "A dress. We have a party tonight."


	30. Chapter 30

**Chapter 30**

_BPOV_

I was quiet the whole way back to my place. My heart began racing rapidly, the way it always did when I realized something undesired was about to happen. Unbeknownst to me, a mixture of relief and anxiety flooded through me, and I had to pause before I could for the question that was on the tip of my tongue.

"We're going to a party, huh?" I questioned Jake, trying as hard as I could to sound as cool as possible with the situation. "But it's a school day."

"So?" His brow lifted wickedly, but my expression didn't leave any room for playing. Sensing this, Jacob continued. "We probably won't stay long."

With a quick nod, I swung my leg and hopped off his bike, terribly aware of the bag I was holding in my hands. What kind of outfit had Jake gotten for me? How would he know my size, my taste? I was dreading the moment I had to open it and deal with the contents it held.

I stole Jacob a look, sensing a change in his demeanor. He was looking too cocky for his own good, and I had a feeling I knew the reason why. "We wouldn't be going to a party at the Cullen's tonight, would we?"

The glint in his eyes fell as soon as the word Cullen escaped my lips, but I couldn't help but smile triumphantly.

"How did you know?" Jake asked, raising an eyebrow dubiously in my direction.

I rolled my eyes. "News gets around fast around here, Jake. The question here is why you would want to go there. With me."

"Why wouldn't I want to go?"

"Because you don't like the Cullens," I stated, matter-of-factly. If it were any other day, maybe I would have been in the mood to play along with it, but today wasn't one of those days. And especially not when Jake thought he was taking me to the Cullen's.

I instantly felt Jake's armor go down when he dropped the act. "That's true," he whispered, walking up to me and slowly running a hand over my cheek. My eyes remained calm, cool, and demanding an explanation. "I guess I thought this was the perfect opportunity to show us off. Show you off."

With a gasp, I took a step back, watching his hand fall on the side of his body. "What do you mean, show me off? I'm not a doll for you to show off, Jake."

Feeling more than a little betrayed, I turned around to go inside, but I felt Jake's hand on my arm, making my body spun around back to him with an efficiency I didn't think was possible.

"Bella, I just want everyone to know we're together. That you're mine."

"Everyone knows that already, Jake."

"Not everyone," Jake's eyes filled with darkness, and I had to stop myself from hugging him and comforting his every insecurity.

I didn't need to ask who he was talking about, and he didn't need to tell me. It was a silent understanding between us ever since we starting dating – if that was what we were doing – that we wouldn't mention my time with Edward. I wasn't sure what he knew, but whatever it was it was obviously bothering him, and I didn't want to be the cause of his suffering. "You don't need to do this, Jake. There is nothing going on. He means nothing to me."

I gulped, feeling suddenly my throat go sore. I wasn't sure I meant that, and I was afraid Jacob would see right through me and accuse me of something I hadn't done – something I was pretty sure I wouldn't do, even if I had the chance.

"Then you won't have a problem going with me to the party."

* * *

I considered myself to be one of the most even-tempered people I knew. I never got overly excited at the thought of going shopping or the latest Hollywood heartthrob. I didn't panic that often, except when the situation truly called for it.

This was one of those situations.

I paced around the room, grimacing every time I had the sad misfortune of catching a glimpse of my figure in the mirror. Jacob had probably meant well, but his choice of outfit was a disaster. Inside his bag was a little raspberry strapless dress, with a corseted bodice and a sweetheart neckline. The dress fell right above my knees and, although I was sure it would look awesome in someone who had a better build and a better body, it was way too revealing and it made me look way too overdressed for the occasion.

And then there was Edward. What if he thought the reason I dressed up was because I was seeing him? And what would he think when he saw me walk in with Jacob?

"Bella, Jacob's here!" Charlie's voice echoed through the walls, and I took a couple of deep breaths before I slipped on my five-inch nude pumps, which Jake had so kindly purchased to go with my barely-there dress. I took one last look in the mirror and thanked God my hair had dried in a somewhat messy and stylish way, because I had no clue what to do with it. My mind wished Alice was here to back me up and tell me I looked too much like a hooker to leave my room, but then I remembered the skimpy little outfits Alice kept trying to get me in, and gave up. She probably would have tried to lift the hem of the dress a couple of inches to make it flow better.

Running down the stairs, I avoided Charlie's stare of mild panic as he watched me trying not to fall as I walked down the stairs, and, as I saw Jake standing there in comfortable dirty jeans and white cotton t-shirt, I felt like giving him a feel of how much a kick with a five-inch heeled-sandal could hurt.

The bastard.

I did my best to give him my most convincing "you're going to regret this look", but I knew it was no use. He was feeling arrogantly happy, and I knew I'd been a fool to let him convince me to let him "show me off" at the Cullen's.

Of course I knew Jake wanted to cause trouble, but I'd called Alice and she told me she had invited Jake and the rest of the boys from La Push to try to put the past behind them – and in spite of my efforts, she wouldn't take her invitation back.

"You look beautiful, Bella," Jake said, smugly.

"Thanks. Let's get this over with."

* * *

It didn't take us long to arrive at the Cullen's.

We heard the loud music, and the shrieks, screams and howls of its participants, long before I saw Edward's house, and I tried to sooth my nerves before I got out of Jake's bike.

It was a little too late for the realization, but I truly didn't want to be here. My head was infected with images of Edward, and the visions of him with girls, him high, him drunk, or maybe something even worse never left my mind, and after seeing him at school, and basically deciding he was still a decent human being, I didn't want to lose all the respect I had for him.

Before I could speak, I felt Jake's arm around my shoulders, which I quickly shrugged off, giving him a sideways scowl. There was no need for public displays of possession, not when I'd already agreed to do this.

My reaction didn't faze him. His smile was wicked, and him and the rest of the boys from La Push walked inside, with me trying desperately to catch up behind them, and they were instantly the life of the party.

I saw Jake move directly to the kitchen, probably to get drinks, and I cursed to myself for not bringing flats. My feet were starting to hurt like hell, and, even though Jake had promised me we wouldn't stay long, I had a feeling that was an empty promise.

"Bella!" I turned around just in time to catch Alice's tiny figure in my arms as she hugged me. "You came! And you look beautiful! Oh, I'm so happy you made it, this party wouldn't be the same without you."

I glanced around. "You seemed to be doing fine without me."

"Don't be silly. You want something to drink? Soda? Something stronger?"

"Soda is fine."

I stifled a laugh when Alice jogged to the kitchen to get me my drink, and I stood there, silently watching everyone in the party, trying – and failing miserably – to not wonder where Edward was.

Was he outside? With someone? Was he locked somewhere doing things that the simply thought of them would make me blush? I tried to get him off my mind and mouthed a thank you to Alice as she brought me my apple juice.

"Jasper is upstairs, I'm sure he'd love to see you. So is Rosalie," she said excitedly over the loud music. Someone came over and whispered something in her ear, and Alice quickly excused herself and off she went.

And then I was alone, again.

It was ironic, to say the least, that Jake had brought me here to show me off and now I had no idea where he was.

I tried to ignore the thought that everyone was staring at me for as long as possible, but as the minutes passed, I gave up.

I put my drink down and walked through the drunk, crazy crowd, nodding politely and sparing a few 'hey's' every time someone I knew acknowledged my presence, but I quickly made my way up the stairs, looking for a place I could be by myself.

Looking around, I caught a couple of people passed out drunk in the corridor and wondered what time they must have arrived to be this drunk so early in the evening. It was a normal party occurrence, of course, but it wasn't the lifestyle I was used to.

I kept walking, careful not to trip over anything or anyone, unsure of where exactly I was going. Before I knew it I was in front of 'my' bedroom, and I had an unbelievable urge to barge inside and see what was made of it now. Maybe even take a little nap and wait while my date for the evening got pissed drunk, or whatever it was he came here to do.

Not wanting to be the cause of a _coitus interruptus_, and certainly not in the mood for such a visual, I pressed my ear to the door and listened for any odd sounds coming from inside. I waited a few seconds until I was sure the worst sight I could have in front of me after opening the door was someone making out, and opened the door slowly, quietly peeking inside.

Sighing, I smiled.

It was empty. And not only was it empty, it was just as I left it. I walked inside, closing the door behind me, and I let myself relax for the first time in hours. I sat on the bed, kicked off my pumps, and let my head fall on the soft pillow I'd come to miss in all these months apart.

I felt my eyelids close, and I was in no mood to fight them.

Maybe it was cowardly, and I was sure to get an earful from Jacob later on, but damn if it wasn't tempting to hide out here and wait until it had been long enough to go out and tell Jake I wanted to go home.

I stayed still in what had been my bed for a few minutes and then felt my eyes flutter open.

It was too early to sleep.

I sat up, looking around for anything I could do to pass the time. I noticed the desk, which was completely empty except for a couple of blank papers, and narrowed my eyes. One of the drawers, the last one, had a key in it. Had it been there this summer?

Feeling much to curious to ignore it, I sat on the chair and opened every drawer, finding nothing but a couple of old, dry pens and a few office supplies which I remembered seeing when I was there. As I got to the last one, I hesitantly turned the key, elated when I felt the lock click.

A wave of guilt washed over me. This wasn't mine. I shouldn't be doing this. For all I knew these were Carlisle and Esme's things, and I was shamelessly going through their private things.

Then again, what harm could it do just to _look_?

Biting my lip, I looked around to make sure there was no one around to see me, and I pushed it open.

My jaw hit the floor.

I knew that cover page – I'd had it in my hand a few times before. It was Edward's novel. Only now it was significantly thicker than I'd ever seen it, and it made me wonder if he'd finished it.

I picked up the pages, placing them on the flat surface of the desk, and stared at them for a minute, feeling my hands shake a little bit.

For some reason I had an unbelievable urge to cry. To grab these pages and put them back in the bottom drawer and never think about them again. There was too much history in those pages, and I'd been working hard at putting the past behind me. And I'd been successful, too. Mostly.~

But I couldn't get away. It had been eating at me, wondering if Edward had kept writing, how he had finished his story – and mostly if Clark and Harriet had ever become an item and found happiness together. I doubted it. If reality imitates art, Clark would be screwing around the town, more worried about where to get his next girlfriend than working to find who'd done his family wrong.

I insulted my lack of free will, but I simply had to find out.

Flipping the pages, I looked for the last chapter I remembered reading.

Suddenly, I heard a stiff voice right behind me.

"Bella, this is very inappropriate."


	31. Chapter 31

**Chapter 31**

_BPOV_

"Bella, this is very inappropriate."

I recognized the voice instantly. Still, in spite of that little fact, my brain immediately construed a possible scenario where some element around me – be it the agonizing pain in my feet or the apple juice Alice had handed me being in fact pure vodka – had made me, mistakenly assume I knew who the voice was.

So, hopeful, slowly, I put the pages I still held in my hand down and turned around at a languid pace, taking my time in discovering Edward's eyes set on mine.

Obviously, I wasn't surprised to find out it was Edward who had caught me. It wasn't just his voice that had given it away. Everything about his presence was familiar to me by now. His mannerism, his scent, the rhythm of his breaths. Yet, the minute our eyes crossed, and although I'd partly prepared myself mentally for the possibility of seeing him, a strangled, desperate sound escaped my mouth, which I assumed had been caused by my breath hitching.

Under normal circumstances I'd expect to feel a rush of blood to my face, but I felt myself pale under his intent glare. Probably because, as much as I knew Edward by now, I couldn't quite put my finger on what was the expression on his face.

Was he mad? Did he feel revolted? Betrayed? Disgusted? _Amused?_

As mortified as I felt – and there were no words to describe exactly how much – I could almost see the corner of his left lip curving wickedly, as if to say 'ah, caught ya!', as one might do to a naughty child. _Almost._

"This isn't what it looks like." I smacked myself mentally for allowing my mouth to open and to let such a barbarity come out. It was exactly what it looked like, and there was no hiding it. Before Edward had the chance to tell me this, I continued. "I mean, I didn't really see anything. I wasn't eavesdropping; I just stumbled upon the draft."

Without so much as batting an eyelash, Edward spoke. "Is that so?"

I nodded quickly, picking up the manuscript, swiftly arranging the pages in my hand and putting it back in the same drawer I had found it as if to prove I'd done no harm to it. "I'm sorry."

Edward took one step in my direction, then another. His face was as stiff as his voice had been, giving me no chance to unveil his feelings about this. I had an inkling I knew how he felt about it – I just wanted to know exactly how much damage I'd done to our nearly-nonexistent relationship.

Another step closed the final distance between us, leaving us separated by mere inches. I looked up at his face from my position sitting down on the chair, feeling my heart beating faster and unsure why exactly things like this always happened to me.

"I'm sorry too, Bella," he said, somberly. Then, a quick grin flashed in his mouth. "That you didn't get to read it, that is. I could use the advice."

Aghast, my jaw dropped to the floor before I could stop it.

Stuttering, I got up, feeling the need to be on the same level as him. "Are you serious? You're not mad?"

"Well, I feel a little," he paused, visibly searching for the word, "used. But since you didn't even get to read it I can't even pat myself on the back for having made you feel curious about the story when you started reading it this summer."

Before I could correct him, Edward took a step back towards the bed and sprawled himself on it, placing a couple of pillows behind his head to make himself comfortable. "What are you even doing here anyway?"

My first thought was to ask him if he meant 'here' at the party or in this particular room; I decided instantly to assume it was the second option and spare us the fight.

I signaled to my five-inch sandals which I'd kicked off as soon as I entered the room. "They hurt like a bitch."

Edward's eyes widened at my use of profanity and then narrowed again suspiciously when he processed what I'd told him. "That's it?"

"I could use the rest too, I guess," I added, eyeing the bed and remembering how close I'd been to falling asleep just a handful of minutes prior to this conversation. Before he continued, I flipped the question on him. "And what are you doing here? From what I heard you probably have a whole lot of better activities to be doing on a night like this that don't include babysitting your guests."

His smirk fell in an instant and I knew my comment hit its target. "I'm not babysitting. I heard a noise and I came to see who was in here. I'm not too keen on having kids fornicating on my guest room."

_No kids, just you, I guess._

"And where is _your_ babysitter?" Edward smiled cockily, and I didn't need to ask who he was talking about. But I wasn't going to give him that satisfaction. Not after I'd just told him not to talk about Jake earlier in school.

"What do you mean?" I asked bitterly.

"Are you alone?"

"No. Are you?"

"No," he replied immediately.

Of course not, I mused. Jessica would be somewhere around here, waiting to give Edward the highlight of his evening.

"So why am I the one with the babysitter? I'm not the one that needs looking after," I said, raising my voice in spite of every attempt to stay cool.

Suddenly I realized what I'd just said and why. He did look like he needed someone to take care of him. He didn't look sick per se; it was more subtle than that. There were shadows under his eyes and he looked like he'd been losing weight recently. He didn't look drunk or high to me, but somehow I had a feeling he would be soon. And it pained me to think there was nothing I could do about that.

Sitting up from the bed, Edward was next to me in two beats. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"It means you look like you need a friend."

"It's not friendship I need, Bella."

"Then what is?"

He opened his mouth, then, heaving a deep, pained breath, he closed it. "Forget it, Bella."

Edward turned around, walking towards the door in three fast steps.

"I want to read it."

He stopped walking, but he didn't turn around to face me.

When he didn't call me crazy, I spoke again. "You said you could use the advice and I want to read it. Please?"

Edward finally turned to see my face and the naked emotions on his face undid me.

"Of course, Bella."

I mouthed more than whispered a thank you, and I waited for Edward to get his book back from the drawer and hand it to me, as if this signaled he was finally giving me permission to look at it again.

I wanted to tell him how happy I was that he would let me in enough to read his work again, but somehow I was sure he knew that, just by looking at my face. I was positively giddy when he placed the pages back in my hand. Instantly feeling more at ease, I sat comfortably on the bed, placing the draft in front of me.

Idly, I started flipping the pages again, searching once more for the last passage I remembered, I waited to hear Edward's steps outside, but I only heard the annoying screech of the bed as Edward reclined on it again, sitting at the foot of the bed behind me.

I threw him my most quizzical look. "Are you going to stay here?" He simply nodded in response.

"Don't you have better things to do than stare at me while I read?" I asked with a small giggle.

He flashed his million dollar grin. "Nope."

"Alright. You've been given a fair warning, though; this could get pretty boring."

* * *

_EPOV_

I wondered if Bella knew exactly how tired she was.

She didn't look tired; in fact, she looked pretty fucking great. But as soon as she started turning over the pages of the book she had fallen asleep right away, much to my surprise. My first instinct had been to check if she was feeling good, maybe wake her up. But her smooth, even breaths told all she truly needed was rest, and I wasn't going to be the one to interrupt it. Luckily her little body was already slouched on the bed, and all I had to do to make her comfortable was place one of the pillows I was using underneath her head.

I was torn on whether I should stay with her, watching her. There was a part of me – the part I usually wanted to shut the fuck up in moments like this - that felt like I was invading her privacy. Still, I had to admit it was tempting just to stay and watch her and the way her chest would rise and fall and the way her little luscious lips would sometimes spread a little while she exhaled. It was sweet. And damn fucking arousing.

Ignoring that last thought, I reached around her to pick up the pages I'd handed her just a handful of minutes before, not wanting her to wake up with an ink-tattoo of my story on her face.

Sitting down on the bed again, I caught myself stifling a yawn. Was it possible that I, too, was more tired than I thought I was? I decided it didn't matter. Without giving it a second thought I rearranged my position on the bed and, trying my best not to move Bella, I let my body lie down on the bed next to her.

I wasn't going to fall asleep – I very much did not want Bella to wake up and see me sleeping next to her like a pervert, or wonder how exactly we had both ended up there. I was fairly certain she wouldn't remember falling asleep. Still, wasn't it better for her to have me there when she woke up, rather than finding herself alone, thinking I'd left her there defenseless in a house filled with hormone-driven teenage boys?

Hell, there was no harm in just looking at her. So I flipped my body so I was facing Bella, resting my head on my shoulder, and, elated, watched the movement of her lips as she breathed. I wondered, knowing exactly how corny I was being, if there was anything more beautiful than Bella's lips as she slept.

I really wanted to caress her face. I missed the way her skin felt, and the warmth of her. Without giving it a second thought, I lifted my hand, slowly, taking my time not to disturb her, and let my fingers softly run through her tiny face.

Something in the back of my mind told me I was behaving like a fucking pervert, but I knew there was nothing perverted about what I was doing. I cared about Bella – somewhere deep inside I knew I always cared and probably always will. And it wasn't like I was groping her boob while she slept.

But before I repeated the motion, I waited a couple of beats, looking for any sign Bella was waking up. When I was confident she was asleep, I let my hand stroke her face once again, basking in the way her skin felt below my fingertips.

Suddenly I felt Bella stirring in her sleep.

_Fuck. _

Cowardly, I fucking froze. My hand was at a standstill in the middle of her cheek, and there was no way I was going to move again until Bella was sound asleep.

I waited a couple of seconds for her breath to even out, unsuccessfully. I could literally feel my heart thrusting out of my chest. If I could, I'd have punched myself in my fucking unworthy, stupid face.

Bella stirred again and I removed my hand from her face in one swift move, hoping I was too fast for her to even notice it was there.

Panicking, I pushed back, knowing I should get up immediately, wake her up and accuse her of having fallen asleep on the bed just a few seconds before. She wouldn't know and she would believe every word I said. On the bright side, I would spare myself the humiliation of having her see me lying next to her.

Before I could make my decision, Bella moved on the bed. I kept my eyes fixed on hers, waiting for the inevitable moment when she woke up.

Out of nowhere, I felt an arm wrapping around my waist and pulling me in.

And it was official: Bella and I we were positively _cuddling._

_Shit._

Moving her was definitely not an option. And getting up without waking her up was now completely impossible. I would not panic. There was a way – an easy, simple way – to get myself out of this situation. I simply did not know what it was.

Because not only were we wrapped in each other's body, our faces were so close our noses would rub on each other when I wasn't too careful. And her neck was so close I could smell her perfume as if it was my own. And all these things were incredibly arousing and giving me one of the biggest hard-ons I'd ever had. Which she would probably feel, too, if she was awake. _Fucking hell._

Desperately using every weapon at my disposal, I resorted to thinking about random, unattractive things: bald dogs, old people, people throwing up.

I felt Bella stir again and prepared myself for the worst.

"Edward."

It was almost a moan – hell, to my dick it was definitely a moan. But as this little sound escaped her sleeping mouth, I couldn't help but feel somewhat relieved that, somewhere deep down she knew I was the one in bed with her, and the one she was clinging to as if her life depended on it.

All my guilt dissipated with her words. Deciding this moment wouldn't last as long as I wanted it to and that life was too short to make up excuses, I wrapped my own arm around her, pulling her even closer, and let her rest her head on my shoulder. When Bella intertwined our legs, I helped her, moving my legs around until I was sure we were both comfortable.

A few minutes later Bella's breath steadied, and I followed her into sleep.


	32. Chapter 32

**Chapter 32**

BPOV

I don't quite remember waking up.

It was almost like one of those days when you open your eyes and you simply know, without even looking at the clock, that you slept late and there is no way you won't be late for school. So you jump out of bed as fast as you can and in five, six minutes tops, you'll be downstairs, fully dressed, showered, and grabbing anything you can get your hands on to eat on your way to school, when any other day you would swear it was impossible to do it in less than 45 minutes. And then, in the blink of an eye, you're out the door, barely remembering the minute you actually woke up and lifted your butt off the bed.

This was almost exactly the same. The only difference is that when you wake up late, you're usually in bed alone, and you can remember precisely how you got in bed. Looking back at the bed where I had just been comfortably sleeping on, I could definitely say I wasn't alone and that I had absolutely no freaking clue how I had gotten in there.

And there was another small difference, which was incredibly relevant in this case. Because when you wake up late you don't usually have two pairs of eyes staring at you like you have just committed the crime of the century and you're about to be executed.

Or maybe that was just my take of Alice's flabbergasted look.

Before she could say a word, I stood up in front of her, begging her with my eyes not to judge me. "I can explain."

"Bella, oh my God. What the hell are you doing?"

Alice was yelling and whispering at the same time, which I thought was impossible until this moment. I looked back at the bed and saw Edward stir. The bastard was still asleep! How could the bastard sleep while Alice looked at me like I had just fornicated her brother in their guest room while our significant others were downstairs? How could he not have the courtesy to help me deny any accusations that came my way?

I tried to remember how this had happened, but nothing was coming back to me. I knew I started reading Edward's book, and I knew he had sat down next to me, presumably to watch me read his story, but we had never fallen asleep – I smacked myself mentally, wishing my brain didn't take quite so long to warm up after a nap. _Obviously_ we had, since we were cuddling in bed when I woke up. _Cuddling!_ I think my legs were actually stuck between his before I jumped out of bed when the door opened. This thought was enough to humiliate me for all of eternity. Had Alice seen my legs wrapped around Edward's?

Why oh why did things like this keep happening to me?

"Nothing! We weren't doing anything!" Then, not wanting to sound like I was in denial or, worse, hiding something, I spoke again. "We were just talking. We must have fallen asleep or something."

Her eyes didn't lose the suspicion, but I wasn't in the mood for a brawl. "I mean it; I have no idea, Alice."

I don't know if it was the sincerity in my voice or the sheer panic in my face, but Alice's angry face grew softer and, in a millisecond I could see the friend who had greeted me as I arrived with open arms again. "You need to go. Jacob has been looking for you for the past half hour."

_Jacob? Jake? SHIT._

Grabbing the shoes, a.k.a. the death traps that had gotten me into this God-forsaken situation in the first place, I sat on the edge of the bed, praying Edward wouldn't wake up while I was in the room to avoid the sheer mortification it would cause me, and shoved the damn shoes on my feet as quickly as possible.

I grabbed the right one, desperately trying to stop my hands from trembling, and looked at Alice, who had knelt down and was now helping me. "Where is he, Alice?"

"I don't know!" She said, shrugging her shoulders. "I found him outside a minute ago, and he asked me to help him find you because you disappeared right after you got here and he had no idea where you had gone. He looked pretty worried, if a little intoxicated." Her face contorted in disgust at the memory, but I felt too ashamed of having Jacob look for me while I was napping with Edward.

"I was worried because earlier Jessica had asked me if I had seen Edward. At the time I didn't think much of it, but when Jacob told me you were missing I remembered all those scary movies where people keep disappearing from parties and then you find their bodies hanging from the garage.

"Anyways, Jessica asked me where Edward was, too. She told me she looked for him everywhere and she couldn't find him." She glanced over my shoulder at Edward, who was still lying on the bed like this was his most peaceful night of sleep in a long time, and then looked at my face again. "Now I know why."

I shook my head, desperately needing her to believe me. "I told you, this isn't what it looks like. We fell asleep, that's it."

"Yeah, well. I bet you're still pretty damn thankful it was me walking through that door and not Jessica or Jacob."

She had me there. Looking back at the bed, I had an almost irresistible urge to shove the bastard and have him deal with his sister's accusations as well. It wasn't fair that I was the only one facing Alice's fury when he was just as responsible as me for what was going on.

Just as I finished putting on my left shoe, trying to steady myself on the five-inched sandals which had instantly made my feet cry in pain again, I heard a very familiar voice from the hall.

"_Bella? Are your upstairs?"_

My heart instantly felt like it was going to pump out of my throat. I looked at Alice for some comfort, but before I could ask – no, beg – for her help, she had run out the door, muttering the angriest "Just stay in here and don't you freaking speak a word" I had ever heard in my entire life.

Shakily, I nodded at her order, even though by the time I reacted the door was already closed. My whole body shook, although I didn't know if it was because I was cold or if the whole situation was getting to me. All I knew was that I wasn't strong enough not to hear what was going on outside this door – especially because, if I was going to get caught in a bedroom with Edward by Jacob of all people, I should be prepared for it.

I glanced again at Edward. I seriously doubted anyone could sleep through such a situation. He looked tired earlier, sure, but not tired enough to sleep through the possible beginning of World War 3.

So, even though eavesdropping wasn't quite my thing, and it was technically the second time I was doing it that night, I pressed my ear to the door and prayed Alice's plan was to lie through her teeth like her life depended on it. Because, truthfully, _my _life depended on it.

"Yeah, I'm sorry, she's a little sick. I'm sorry, Jacob, but she's really not feeling well enough to come out right away."

I heard Jacob's voice, but I couldn't quite make out what he was saying. It sounded like he was slurring his words a little too much for someone who was sober. At any other time it would have made me want to yell at him for being such a childish baby. Right now, I only wanted him to go.

"No, no, she's going to be fine, she probably just had a little too much fun, heh? Probably has a lot to commemorate, I hear you two are doing very well." Jacob's voice again, still undecipherable. Then, Alice's sweet, persuasive tone, which nearly made me want to go downstairs and wait for myself. "I insist, I'll take care of her and she'll be downstairs next to you in a few minutes."

For a few seconds I couldn't hear anything, so when the door swung open, my heart nearly stopped beating. I had never been happier to see Alice's tiny figure in front of me again.

"He's drunk as a skunk, so don't make him wait too long. Go in the bathroom, brush your hair, wash your face and get your ass downstairs before he sobers up and realizes _you _don't drink and all I told him was a lie."

I nodded at every word out of her mouth and in two seconds I was out the door, and all I heard behind me was Alice waking up Edward. Hearing his sleepy voice only made me move faster. If there was something I didn't want it was to have to face him after this whole nightmare.

It was enough mortification for one day.


	33. Chapter 33

BPoV

I didn't sleep one minute that night. Everytime I closed my eyes my mind drifted back to the feel of Edward's hand resting just beneath my chest, holding my sleeping body tightly to his.

Placing both my hand on my stomach, on the same exact spot his had been just a few hours earlier, my eyes suddenly welled up. I tried to fight the helpless feeling in my gut, buy I couldn't Shake it. That little part of my body Still seemed to retain some of his heat.

Of course Alice managed to get me to Jacob and back home without his slightest suspition. I had no doubt she would. But I had barely had the courage to look into his eyes after I woke up next to Edward, cuddling, for god's sake. Even if jacob's behavior last night had left much to be desired, he didn't deserve such a betrayal. Nobody did.

I needed desperately to talk to Edward. Make him realize, once and for all, that we couldn't keep playing this game of pushing each other away and then pulling back. That I couldn't not know what to expect from him. That we could, heck, we should be friends. But most of all, that I was with Jacob, and he with Jessica. They deserved respect.

Unable to wait, I reached for my phone and started typing.

_Are you awake?_

I laid my head on the pillow, staring at the phone, waiting. There was no doubt in my mind that he would be up, too.

One minute later, my phone buzzed.

_It's_ _4.30, Bella. What are you doing up?_

_Can't sleep. _

I paused, knowing there was so much much I wanted to say. But since there seemed to be no right want to put those feelings into words, I pressed send and waited.

_Me neither. Had a good nap. Earlier tonight. :)_

_That's not funny. _

_It wasn't a joke. _

_What happened tonight, it can't happen again._

It took him longer to answer this time.

_Why not?_

_Because I have Jacob. You have Jessica. It's not right._

_It's not like we had a wild night of sex, Bella. We dozed off. _

I swallowed at his brazenness, but didn't let it get in the way.

_It's disrespectful and you know it. You wouldn't like it if it were the other way around._

_Right. Sure. I'm sorry I fell asleep then. Shame on me._

_You know it wasn't just that._

_What was it then?_

_Your arm. It was around me when I woke up._

_Yeah, you were pretty fucking cuddly yourself._

_Don't do that._

_What? _

_Act aloof._

_What do you want me to say? I told you I'm sorry. _

_I don't want your apology. It just can't happen again. I have someone now. _

_Why?_

_Why what?_

_Why are you with him? He doesn't deserve you._

_And you do?_

_No, I don't. You deserve better than him, and definitely better than me. _

_He likes me._

_I'm sure he does. Do you love him?_

_You can't ask me that._

_Hell if I can't. Do you?_

I typed yes, then erased it. My fingers twitched, wanting to tell him that no, i didn't. That the only person I'd loved was him, that I would probably always love him. But I would t give him the pleasure or the power to break me again.

_It's none of your business Edward. Just know that I'd love to be your friend. Honestly. And that we should definitely be more careful not to have things get complicated again._

_Don't worry, they won't. I get it._

_Thank you. _

_I miss you. Miss talking to you.___

I realized I desperately missed him too, but didn't really want to tell him that. I would have to wait for the right moment.

EPoV

Bella had barely spoken to me in the last month. Every once in a while our eyes met at school and she would give me a small nod or a quick 'hello'. But when I tried to sit next to her in class and start up a conversation she shot me down every time. It was like she was afraid of talking to me, afraid of me.

After a few failed attempts, I gave up. Don't get me wrong, I spoke to her kindly, although discreetly. Especially when that dick she called boyfriend came around. But I made a point never to ignore her and never to bother her too much.

The few times I asked Bella for help - which, admittedly, I didn't necessarily need - she always made it a point to brush me off. Her reasons were always reasonable: one day she had promised to help Charlie clean up; the next day she had a movie date. If it weren't for the pink color of her cheeks when she told me why she couldn't spend time with me I probably would have believed she was truly busy. But as it was, I was starting to feel pretty fucking tired of being rejected.

I was pretty sure I knew the true reason why she couldn't spend time with me. Jacob. I was dead certain he had somehow talked her into avoiding me at all costs, and if he wasn't such an excuse of a human being, I could almost agree with him. Bella shouldn't hang out with the likes of me.

Then again, she shouldn't hang around the likes of him, either. And nothing could eat me up like the thought that she was probably falling in love with that prick.


	34. Chapter 34

"_They always say time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself._" - Andy Warhol

**_TEN MONTHS LATER_**

**EPOV**

"_Edward? Edward, you need to start packing._"

Alice's voice startled me, interrupting my dazed state. I turned around to face her body and looked up and nearly had to smile. There she was, standing by my bed with my old vintage brown suitcase opened before her. I wasn't sure if I was going to tell her that the metal locks on the suitcase probably hadn't worked since 1950 and that I was keeping it mostly for collection's sake.

"I know," I replied, returning to my nearly cathartic state of idly turning steadily from left to right on the chair I had been sitting on for nearly an hour, in front of my laptop. I couldn't get myself off this chair, not before I figured out exactly what the hell I was going to do with this story.

"Leave it alone." I didn't need to ask to know she was talking about the blank page on the laptop screen. "You've been at it for months now. It's not going to start making sense all of sudden. So," she said, using her arm to gyrate my chair until I was looking at her bubbly, sweet self.

"Of course it will."

"I mean it," she said, this time with a firmer voice. "Get packing, Edward. We leave in two days, no excuses."

"Sure, sure. Don't worry." I looked at her, tenderly trying to make the metal locks work in any way and decided it was time to take a different approach to the God-fosaken story with no end. "I could use your female perspective on this, Alice."

"Oh, Ed, I wish I could. Truly. I just have so much to do before we get there, can it wait a few hours? I'll try to help tonight."

Nodding, I signaled for her to leave. "Go on, go take care of yourself."

"Don't forget to pack!"

I sighed as she left the room with a hop, adoringly blowing me a kiss as she left. You had to give it to Alice, she sure as hell knew how to be convincing, even when it came to me.

I looked back at the bed where the old suitcase taunted me with its emptiness. My biggest problem, although I wouldn't tell Alice fearing she would lynch me, was that I was pretty sure I had no washed or ironed clothes to fill that suitcase. I scowled to myself, wondering how in hell I was going to get out of having to wash, dry, and iron a bunch of clothes to go on some weird family vacation I didn't even want to go to.

I tried to remember why I didn't get out of going with Alice, Jasper, Emmett and Rose on vacation, but I remembered quickly. It was hard to say no a week in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil, with no parents around to bug you and nothing to do but lay lazily on the beach reading a good book seeing hot girls walking by. Didn't sound too shabby, am I right?

But what made me want to go the most was that I desperately needed inspiration. I had been working on this same story for so long, and things didn't develop as they should. I needed someone to read everything again and help me get back on track, tell me where I went wrong.

Involuntarily, my mind drifted to Bella, and the way she had once sat right there, on that same bed, reading this same story as if it was the most interesting thing she had ever read in her entire life.

I shook my head, cursing my lack of control. _No thoughts of Bella. No good thoughts, no bad thoughts, no thoughts at all._

It was the way she wanted it, and it was the way she was going to have it.

To get my mind off her, I started picking up the random items of clothing I found on the floor of my room, before I heard a knock on the door.

Before I could tell whoever it was to come in, I saw Alice and Rose staring at me with gloomy eyes.

"We need to talk, Edward."

I signaled to the dirty pants and underwear in my hands. "I'm nearly done packing, don't tell me we're not going anymore," I winked playfully. When Alice didn't smile, I started to worry. "Please tell me we're still going."

"Oh, we're going. We're just not going to be alone."

"Oh?" I asked, not wanting to interrupt her. But no one spoke; instead we stood there, quiet but for the annoying sound of Rose clearing her throat a couple of times, urging Alice to keep going.

Rose finally spoke instead. "Well, Esme and I saw Charlie the other day while at the supermarket. And they started talking, asking how things were, you know the deal, and Esme at some point mentioned that we were going to be away from home for the next two weeks because we were going to Rio."

Alice didn't meet my eyes, and she didn't need to. As she spoke it became more and more clear where this conversation was going and I was having a hard time processing all this information.

When I didn't say anything, Rose continued. "So anyway, Charlie started saying how he had been thinking about calling us because he was about to take his trip again and he wasn't really sure if he was going to be able to this year and so things were getting really complicated and he really needed to talk to us," Rose rambled on and on endlessly, probably not wanting to mention the one name she wasn't sure I was able to listen to.

Not wanting to drag it out any longer, I nodded. "You're talking about Bella".

Her eyes brightened, relieved. "Yes! That's it. He didn't want to leave Bella alone here. Because she's older now and he knows she can take care of herself. Heck, she mostly takes care of both of them," she chuckled, elbowing Rose, who looked not at all amused. I sympathized with her.

"Anyway, Charlie didn't feel like leaving her all alone in their house. Probably because it's not like she would be there alone, she has Jacob now. And of course a father wouldn't want her to be all alone with her boyfriend of nearly a year for a week."

I couldn't say I disagreed with Charlie, but my face remained expressionless – or so I hoped.

Alice bit her lip, and there was silence again. I only nodded, mentally begging her to just come out and say it for once.

This time it was Alice who spoke. "So Esme – you know Esme – she felt terribly guilty that she hadn't remembered to call and ask if they needed for Bella to come over this year and one thing led to another and the next thing we know we're booking an extra flight for Bella and checking for a room in the villa we're staying at and so…"

My eyes felt so heavy, I had to close them as I spoke. "So Bella is coming with us."

I didn't need to open my eyes to know Rose and Alice were nodding.

My heart sank. Bella. _Bella_. The same Bella I had nearly lost my head for just a year before. The Bella I had secretly wanted to get away from that dickless prick - well, who I hoped was dickless anyway - Jacob for so long, before he finally won the battle.

After the stupid party where Bella and I had somehow ended up sleeping cuddled in our guest room we started texting each other back and forth for a few days. We agreed we should put our friendship first and forget all the other bullshit that we let get in the way. We talked on the phone every night. At one point I thought our relationship – or lack thereof - was starting to make some progress.

And then she was gone. And not just the texts or the late night calls. At school Bella started avoiding me. She didn't ignore me; she made it a point to say 'hello' and 'how are you' and 'bye, Edward' as we passed by each other, but she never looked at me the same again.

Eventually I confronted her about it, but she shrugged it off as being worried about school. Later she admitted Jacob had seen the texts and forbid her to talk to me. _Forbid her._ I asked her why she didn't tell him to go fuck himself, but my remarks weren't as well received as I'd hoped, and soon even the 'hellos' and the 'goodbyes' became rare occurrences.

At this point, we weren't on speaking terms. On my birthday I had expected a call or a text message from her, but it never came. I didn't know whether to blame her or the dickless bastard, but part of me couldn't believe she couldn't get away from him for a minute to wish me a happy birthday.

Alice interrupted my thoughts again. "Ed, are you okay?"

It took a long time for me to answer. Was I? Was I okay with being close to Bella again? Was I ready to face her and ask her why she had shut me off right as we started working things out? I didn't know the answer to these questions. I wouldn't know until I saw her.

"If Esme invites Bella's dickless boyfriend, I'm out."

"Sure, of course."

"And," I started, with a smirk, "I'm going to need your help packing."


End file.
